1 Salary is like an aunt, it comes once a month and is over in about a week.
2 They say that chatting ends with "hehe", but I don't believe this. Last night I was chatting with my goddess, and I said "you are so beautiful", and she replied "hehe"! In order to continue the conversation, I decisively replied "Haha, what the hell"! So we cursed all night.
3 After turning off the lights, he wanted to scare the classmates in the neighboring dormitory, so he pretended to be a mummy! I asked my classmates to wrap toilet paper around their bodies, which cost me two rolls of toilet paper! After wrapping it up, all you can do is jump. Just after I jumped out of the dormitory door, I heard a scream like a slaughtered pig! I wanted to jump back, but a flying kick knocked me down. Then I peeled off the toilet paper on my face. I saw the shocked face of the class teacher... The whole school was informed the next day! Then I became famous in the whole school
4 Two girls were talking in the last row, laughing loudly as they talked. The teacher's face sank and he knocked on the blackboard angrily: "It's class! Be quiet!" The two of them were shocked and shut up immediately, but it seemed that the topic just now was too interesting, so they could only hold back their laughter, and their shoulders were shaking... The teacher sneered: "Oh, there is a vibration mode."
5 After the cousin quarreled, she got angry and went back to her parents' house, but her cousin was too angry and refused to pick her up. So the cousin stayed at her parents' house for more than a month, missed the baby, and ran back by herself!
came in and hugged my niece and kissed her. After kissing for a long time, she stroked her head and said: I was not at home, but your dad actually learned to tie your hair in pigtails!
little niece: Mom, this is a wig I’m wearing. My hair was shaved off by my father! As he spoke, he took off his wig, revealing his shiny bald head!
6 A little girl stood next to the blacksmith shop, watching the blacksmith forging iron! The blacksmith was a little disgusted with her, so he took out the red-hot iron and put it in front of the child to scare her!
The child blinked and said, "If you give me a dollar, I dare to lick it!"
After hearing this, the blacksmith immediately took out a dollar and gave it to the little girl!
The little girl took the money, licked it with her tongue, put it in her pocket and left....
7 Before I graduated from college, my life had reached a new height. Once I stood in a villa of 61,000 square meters, holding on to the railing, looking out the window, thinking about life, what is the purpose of living? A noble lady slowly walked towards me behind me. I smelled a perfume I had never smelled before and heard her say, "This is 300 yuan for cleaning the room. I will give you another 100 yuan to help me take the garbage out when I leave."
8 Grandpa came home and saw his father beating me crazily. He stopped him quickly and asked why, "You bastard saw someone dead and his family throwing paper money. He thought it was colorful, so he ran to pick it up." "That doesn't mean he would beat the child?" "But, dad, when I asked him why he picked it up, he said that after grandpa dies, he won't buy it and just throw it away. "Dad, dad, please don't be impulsive and put down the knife first...
9 Lao Li saw Lao Zhang holding a duckling and asked puzzledly: "My child will take the college entrance examination tomorrow. Is there still time to raise ducks?"
Lao Zhang said: "I just bought it for her to play with, firstly to relieve stress, and secondly, isn't she a dog? The dog chases the duck - croaking, to get some luck. "
When Lao Li heard this, he hurried to the vegetable market, but he couldn't find a duck seller, so he had to buy half a roast duck.
In the evening, when his son took a bite of duck meat, he frowned and said, "Dad, it's not roasted properly. "
10 A bus full of passengers was moving quickly along the downhill road, and a person was chasing the car closely from behind. A passenger stuck his head out of the window and said to the person chasing the car: "Dude! Forget it, you can’t catch up! "I have to catch up with it," the man gasped, "I'm the driver of this car!" "
11 Customer: "How come the wine you sell doesn't taste like alcohol?
The waiter took it and smelled it: "Ah, I'm so sorry, I forgot to mix it with wine for you." "
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