Connotation joke: Don’t think I have gone to school, but I have been reading the newspaper every day for decades, what to watch

01

A new colleague used to show off the jade bracelet her boyfriend bought for her every day, saying that the bracelet cost more than 10,000 yuan. After a year, she gained 20 or 30 pounds, and her boyfriend broke up with her. I wanted to return the bracelet, but it turned out to be a tragedy. The bracelet could not be taken off. To return the bracelet, she started to lose weight. After a few months, she lost weight. She went to return the bracelet. Her boyfriend said, no need to return it, I just want to let it You just lose weight, not really want to break up with you.

Find the shadow area in the heart

02

When the blind date chats with me, I always make a voice, and I type it back every time. One day she sent me a lot of voices, and I curiously asked her: You send me so many voices, and I reply in text. Are you afraid that I am a dumb? As a result, she replied to me: I never thought about being dumb, I'm afraid you are stuttering!

I thought it was a master and turned out to be a rookie

03

Brothers recently made a fortune, and the whole person has become much more cheerful than before. The two of us ate together that day. The brothers were a little drunk and said: Luck is an accessory to hard work. Without the primitive accumulation of strength, you can't catch you with luck. Don't envy those who always get lucky, you have to work hard to get good luck! I looked at my brother, nodded silently, and asked: Is this the reason why you bought lottery tickets in the first place?

Skateboarding ceiling

04

When I heard the news of the demolition of my hometown, I immediately quit my job and returned to my hometown, and then bought a Jaguar XJ with compensation money, and I was hit after driving it less than a week. The car was repaired in a 4S shop, so I had to take the bus to go to work. There were so many people in the car, I had to stand and brake hard on the way. I didn't stand still and sat on a buddy's lap. I immediately struggled to stand up, and forced my embarrassment to apologize to this buddy. Embarrassed, I really wanted to smash the car window with an escape hammer and jump down. What struck me was that this guy dusted his clothes and asked with particular concern: "Dude, didn’t you hurt you?" Got on the manager,In the evening, I invited me to a bar for a drink, and finally went home drunk. When I slept in the middle of the night, I seemed to feel a sudden sharp pain in my head, and then I woke up. After opening my eyes, I saw my wife wiping my head with her hand beside me, taking care of me carefully. My wife asked me with concern: "My dear, do you remember me? Do you know who I am?" Me: "Idiot, how could I not remember you as my wife!" My wife suddenly sighed in relief: "That's good, just now I kicked you to the ground, and your head broke."

A new way to distribute flyers

06

The young wife is very strong, and he is only allowed to smoke one cigarette a day, and the allowance is also Especially few. I thought that Faxiao was particularly uncomfortable, so I secretly gave him a piece of Chinese, but he was caught and punished on his knees the next day. I asked him how he was discovered, and he said: Just remember to hide the cigarettes. I didn't expect my wife to count 22 cigarette butts in the house, and it would be revealed! I wanted to kill but I didn’t recruit, but I didn’t expect that I was impatient, so I recruited...

The bridge has been loaded

07

The leader put a particularly beautiful fish tank in the office and kept it inside. I had a few precious fishes, no one except him was allowed to touch. Today he was out on business, his mother brought snacks to the company to eat for us, and sat down to chat with us. Later, the leader came back. It was estimated that things were not going well. He walked into the office with a dark face. Then he came out and said aggressively, "Who touched my fish tank!" His mother poked out her head and said, "I wiped it. What's the matter?" He lowered his head and said like a child: "It's nothing, I'll just ask."

This way of playing mahjong to lose weight

08

There is a high school classmate in high school. The teacher gave him a score before the college entrance examination. Around 670 to 680, this score is almost enough for domestic universities. Then he wanted to find someone, so he asked which university had more girls and he applied for which university. Later, he heard that Shanghai Jiaotong University had many girls and he went to Shanghai Jiaotong University. Yes, he was single in college for four years. Do you think this is a climax? Then I graduated three years ago and chose a company that was not well paid but with a lot of women.Yes, he is still single now...

The air conditioner in the car is a decoration

09

The two old people have known each other for many years. One day, the old man plucked up the courage to ask the old lady: "Will you marry me?" The old lady thought for a while and replied, "I do."

The next morning, the old man couldn't remember how the old lady responded. I can only call her and ask her.

The old lady thought for a while and wanted to say: "I said ‘I’m willing.’"

The old man was very happy to hear that. Unexpectedly, the old lady continued: "Fortunately you called me, otherwise I can't remember who proposed to me."

I just stayed still

10

Grandma: "You must have perseverance and perseverance to be a human being. Don't think I haven't gone to school, but I have been reading newspapers every day for decades."

Grandson: "Grandma is really amazing. I want to learn from you with an open mind. What do you read every day? Huh?"

Grandma: "Weather forecast."

Soul dance steps can’t be learned by ordinary people