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In the original work, after Hualan gave birth to a child, Minglan went to the Earl's Mansion to visit. When the sisters talked about Hai's family, Minglan said, " A while ago, I heard something happened at home. Madam... She wanted to take a concubine to her elder brother, but her elder sister-in-law was sick immediately."
Hualan's lips sarcastic: " My younger brother and sister are so lucky. They are much better than me, and they can't die even if they take a concubine. "
Minglan sighed in her heart, and could understand Hualan's mentality.
If you haven't read the original work, it's hard to imagine that Hualan would say such sour words. However, this is the real human nature.
Since Hualan married into the Yuan family, she has been tortured by Mrs. Yuan for a full ten years. In the end, it was Minglan's "bad idea" to live a stable life.
After Hai married into the Sheng family, although he was also troubled by his mother-in-law Wang, fortunately, Changbai came up with a solution for her to get rid of her mother-in-law's torture early.
Many people say that the marriage gap between Hualan and Hai is only separated by Sheng Changbai . If Hualan's husband was like Changbai, who stood up for himself in everything, he would probably have no room for his mother-in-law to intervene.
If you observe carefully, you will find that whether Hualan and Hai's life are happy after marriage is not the only factor influencing Changbai.
01. Different ways of doing things
Hualan's marriage was chosen by Sheng Hong himself. He felt that Yuan Wenshao was an ambitious child, and Hualan followed him and would have a great future in the future.
At that time, Sheng Hong was an official in Yangzhou , and Hualan married to the Earl's Mansion of Bianjing as a far-reaching marriage. However, in Sheng Hong's opinion, Yuan Wenshao was upright and would definitely treat Hualan well.
Unexpectedly, Hualan was punished by her mother-in-law for standing in a regular manner after just two days after passing the door. Yuan Wenshao knew that his wife was being troubled by her mother, but he just wanted to be a "filial son" and turned a blind eye.
Hualan was wronged and refused to tell her family that she would report good news and not bad news.
So, in Mrs. Yuan's opinion, Hualan has neither her husband nor her parents' help, so she is just a dough that can be kneaded, and she is not afraid of making things difficult for her.
Even though the Sheng family later moved to Bianjing, Mrs. Yuan's attitude towards Hualan remained unchanged.
In fact, the reason is very simple. When Hualan was bullied, she did not show her own attitude. On the contrary, she kept giving in and enduring, which would only result in the other party's continuous invasion.
The relationship between people is a game without gunpowder, and it is an attitude.
If you don’t have a clear attitude at the beginning, you will only have to argue a few times when you are too anxious, and it will not have any practical effect.
So, Hualan lost her position at the beginning, and it took almost ten years to save the situation.
In contrast, Hai's approach is to give her sister-in-law a flower before she even crossed the door. It seems to be pleasing to you, but in fact it is to win people's hearts.
In the original work, Rulan and Molan wanted to make things difficult for their sister-in-law just after they passed the door, but after receiving the generous meeting gift from Hai, they gave up the idea of making things difficult for them.
Not only that, on the second day of the wedding, my mother-in-law Wang asked Hai to serve her. She didn't complain a little. She kept her on time and was on time every day, so that Wang could not find any flaws.
Sometimes Wang picks the bones in her eggs and specifically asks her to say something wrong. Hai doesn't even speak back, and he is humbly grateful for his mother-in-law's advice.
And the series of operations of Hai's dealing with Wang's are all methods provided by Changbo. It can be said that no one knows his mother is better than his son. With the guidance of Changbai, Hai quickly got rid of Wang's difficulties.
Why did Hai get rid of her mother-in-law's difficulties after using it in just half a month, but Hualan used it for a full ten years?
Of course, Changbai's assists are indispensable, but it is not entirely due to Changbai. The most important thing is that Hai's way of doing things is better.
is also the same as the matchmaker's order. He married a man he had never met before, but Hai knew how to grasp her husband Changbai's heart first and let him unite the front with him.
In fact, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts are caused by husband's inaction. If the husband is solved in advance, then the mother-in-law’s problem will be easier to deal with.
In comparison, Hualan's way of doing things is slightly inferior. She always thought that by pleasing her mother-in-law, she could be at peace.
Little do you know that the husband is the strongest teammate. It is basically a waste of effort to not handle the relationship between husband and wife well, but blindly please the mother-in-law.
Some people may say that Hai's family is a low-marriage, and it is normal for the in-laws to dare to make things difficult for arbitrarily, while Hualan is a high-spirited person, and it is inevitable that she will suffer some grievances after marrying.
is not the case.
You see, Minglan is also troubled by her mother-in-law's house, and her sister-in-law is also disgusted with her, and she is not supported by her serious family, but Minglan knows how to win over Gu Tingye , which can be said that husband and wife are united and their profits are cut off.
Therefore, the gap between Hualan and Haishi is not about climbing high or marrying low, but about the difference in how to deal with things.
Learn to analyze the situation, focus on the source of the problem, and deal with it from the root, and the problem will be twice the result with half the effort.
02. The mother-in-law has different upbringings
After Hualan married into the Yuan family, Mrs. Yuan threw the housekeeper's right to her, in the name of being a housekeeper, but in fact she asked her to use her dowry to fill the deficit of the Earl Zhongqin's mansion.
wrote an article before: Why did the Earl Zhongqin's mansion look down on Hualan but insist on marrying her? (Interested friends can go forward)
In fact, the reason is very simple. Although the Yuan family is the Earl's Mansion, they were involved in the case of the rebel king. Even if they were investigated later, they still returned their innocence. However, the Yuan family was deprived of ten years of salary, which greatly damaged the Yuan family's financial vitality.
The reason why the Yuan family married Hualan was because they were attracted by the wealth behind the Sheng family and Hualan's generous dowry.
Mrs. Yuan is a person who is obsessed with profit and is biased. Not only does she love her eldest son and daughter-in-law, she also forgets to use the Yuan family’s money to subsidize her parents’ family, but she actually wants to use Hualan’s dowry to give her daughter as a dowry.
If Minglan hadn't given a "bad idea" for Hualan, he would ask Yuan Wenshao's aunt to help and give Uncle Yuan a beautiful concubine. When the wind blows beside the pillow, Uncle Yuan immediately checks the Yuan family's account and lets the whole family see the true face of Mrs. Yuan. I'm afraid Hualan will continue to be tortured by her mother-in-law.
I have to say that when dealing with such sarcastic and mean people who are profit-willing, they must use the most direct method to let her see that her interests are damaged and she will naturally stop.
In contrast, although Hai's mother-in-law Wang, she was a low-married daughter of the Wang family, had a generous dowry and did not have to worry about food and clothing when she got married to the Sheng family. Moreover, her mother-in-law didn't care about her affairs and lived a free and easy life, even if she was exempted from the morning and evening.
and even when Hai's first started, Wang wanted to show off his mother-in-law's class, but was Old Lady Sheng said: " You are more blessed than me, you are a with a daughter-in-law's life." He was so scared that he broke out in a cold sweat and never dared to make things difficult for his daughter-in-law again.
Although Wang and Mrs. Yuan are not mother-in-laws who are easy to get along with, compared to the latter, Wang has a bottom line in life and work, and is simple and direct, and will not cause any trouble behind their backs. In this regard, it is at least reassuring.
But Mrs. Yuan has no bottom line in life and doing things. She is just looking forward to her son and daughter-in-law's life.
She took advantage of Hualan's pregnancy and took the opportunity to take away grandson Shi Ge and let the child sleep alone in the house. The servants were not in good condition and almost burned by the stove.
Finally, Hualan was forced to point at her neck with a hairpin. If she took the child away, she would break it on the spot, which made Mrs. Yuan calm down for a while.
But a few days later, Mrs. Yuan put seven or eight maids in her house on the grounds that Hualan was pregnant and could not have sex. She seemed to be very happy when she saw her son and daughter-in-law's life was not satisfactory.
Therefore, in addition to the strong husband and tough attitude towards things, the character of mother-in-law is also one of the factors that influencing.
When you meet a mother-in-law without bottom line, you either look for opportunities to stay away from it, or learn to leverage your strength to find someone with ability to help you solve your urgent needs.
A happy marriage must be the result of both parties' careful management. If you only make one-sided efforts, over time, you will feel tired and you will not get the desired results.
Instead of fighting alone, working hard or suffering, it is better to learn to win over your partner and relatives around you to help. The collective power is always greater than that of individuals, and the effect is beyond your imagination.
