"Goodbye Love 2" is on the air. Among these three couples who have rifts in their relationship, it is surprising that is probably still a couple who are suffering from "thirty-one years, life and death dependence", TVB golden supporting roles Ai Wei and Chen Meiling.
And the reason why they want to divorce is actually "playing mahjong".
While surprised, looking back at our own lives, there are indeed many couples who will quarrel and even divorce due to "addiction" such as mahjong or alcoholism, indulge in dancing, etc. How to deal with similar problems in
so that the other party can quit this behavior and live a normal life?
Perhaps their stories can give us some ideas.
01
I am willing to lose everything for you, but I will never accept you playing mahjong
"Deep affection is not as good as a companion, love is not necessary." Ai Wei and Chen Meiling have been together for 31 years. They have experienced too many hardships along the way. is a veritable "couple and couple in distress".
When Chen Meiling found out that the giant uterine fibroid of was Ai Wei spent all his savings and never left him, and always accompanied his wife to actively receive treatment.
When Chen Meiling found liver and lung problems again, Ai Wei kept encouraging her and said: "Don't worry, I will give you a liver then."
couples like this have survived so many ups and downs, but why are they going to divorce now?
It is difficult for everyone to understand.
and the reason given by Ai Wei is: Chen Meiling is addicted to playing mahjong. How often is
? Not frequent enough, one to twice a week. How addicted are
? Very addicted. often goes from five in the afternoon to two or three in the morning. Once, I called for 24 hours. stayed asleep, didn't answer the phone, and forgot everything.
This may be nothing for an ordinary person.
But for a patient who has struggled from the brink of death many times, Chen Meiling, who has polycystic liver and has two brothers at home who die prematurely due to liver disease problems, it is very dangerous.
Ai Wei was also afraid. He felt that Chen Meiling's behavior was like playing with fire. He would worry that he would not be able to sleep all night.
For this reason, Ai Wei had quarreled with Chen Meiling many times, and even threatened his wife with divorce, hoping that her wife would stop this behavior. As a result, she turned around and Chen Meiling would say to him lightly, "I want to play mahjong."
In the show, Ai Wei recalled this incident and was still angry: " I really want to know what kind of mood you were at that time? Am I kidding you? What can I do? Oh my God, I really don't know, what can I do?"
At this moment, we can feel the deep despair of this man through the screen.
It has always been as if he was shouting at an iron door, hoping that the people in the iron door could come out and understand his words, but no matter how he screamed and tried his best, the iron door was still closed, making him worried, afraid, angry, and even despair.
Finally, Aiwei came to a conclusion: perhaps, divorce is the only way to solve the problem.
In order to use such huge pain as divorce, to alert the other party, so that the other party will no longer harm his body, and to avoid going crazy because he is too worried in the end.
In short, Ai Wei unilaterally decided to end this relationship.
02
It’s not that you can’t let go of mahjong, it’s that you can’t escape the fear in your heart
Chen Meiling couldn’t figure out why two people can give their lives for each other, but the other party is separated from themselves because of this?
After separation, every day is like a year.
Chen Meiling recalled the situation at that time, and tears fell uncontrollably: "I stayed at home alone. I thought about living here with him for so many days, but I actually felt uncomfortable at all."
However, it was obvious that Ai Wei still cared deeply and cared about Chen Meiling.
Even after the divorce, neither of them did not go through the divorce procedures, Because they both hope that when the other party has something to do, they can take care of the other party in a legal name, and even accompany the other party to complete the last journey and handle the funeral after death...
Seeing this, netizens may have to ask: "Then why can't you put down mahjong? Is it really worth it to separate from your favorite?"
Yes, why? As audiences, we don’t understand, and all of this slowly reveals the answers with the show.
When Ai Wei angrily accused Chen Meiling of not caring about her body and playing mahjong.
Chen Meiling's eyes were red and she sobbed and said, "But do you think about why I didn't play mahjong often before? You are still scolding me and blaming me. Actually, I hope you understand that I am worried about my physical condition. Because when I play mahjong, I don't think about anything. I just want to think about this mahjong, how do I play this mahjong? . Others I don't Think about it again. "
From these clips, we can see that Chen Meiling is really not addicted to gambling. Why did she play mahjong? It is because there are too many fears in her heart and there is no place to put them. This fear is not ordinary fear. is the fear of death. This pressure is coming, everywhere, and it is almost suffocating her. That's why she wants to hide in mahjong for a short time and breathe in.
But whenever she wants to share these feelings with Ai Wei, Ai Wei will interrupt her, feeling that she is making excuses.
Ai Wei felt "Don't tell me this. I know you want to anesthetize yourself, but doing so will only accelerate the deterioration of the situation! You are an adult, why are you still so stubborn? Why can't you put down mahjong?"
Before they were separated, Chen Meiling woke up at night. She thought of her brother who died prematurely due to liver disease. She couldn't help crying and said to Ai Wei: "Honey, I don't want to die."
, and Ai Wei hugged her and said, " You won't die, I'm here."
Because I care too much and care too much, I want to try my best to stop the God of Death. Faced with the fact that his wife is addicted to mahjong, Ai Wei wants to control it more.
But his way of solving the problem, made Chen Meiling's inner fear even more unable to find an outlet, and she was more obsessed with forgetting this pain in mahjong.
This aggravated Ai Wei's sense of loss of control, making him feel anxious. While he was about to go crazy, Ai Wei would also feel very sad. He would interpret the other party's behavior of not listening to him as: " The other party would rather choose mahjong than choose himself. The other party did not care so much about him. He would rather divorce than be with mahjong. "
In order to avoid going crazy and to make Chen Meiling pay attention to his words, Ai Wei chose to separate.
03
builds a bridge of communication to soothe inner fear
So this couple is really heartbreaking.
A heart full of fear, and you can't tell your husband. As soon as you say that your husband feels like you are making excuses.
A man loves his wife from the bottom of his bones, desperately wants his wife not to play mahjong, cherishes his body, but ignores his wife's fear, treats the symptoms but not the root cause, causing him to lose his words, and he is about to go crazy in disappointment again and again.
What should I do?
We can see from the second part that mahjong is just a superficial behavior, and the reason behind this behavior is that her fear has nowhere to be spoken of.
If "fear" cannot be expressed or accepted, fear will control Chen Meiling, rushing around and rushing around in her body, makes her unable to control herself in mahjong, forgetting time, partner, herself, and everything.
If you want to break the "addicted to mahjong", the first step is to find a space to place the fear in Chen Meiling's heart.
In fact, Ai Wei, as his closest lover, can provide Chen Meiling with this space.
For example, Ai Wei can try to accept his fear, put down his judgment, listen to Chen Meiling's speech, and even guide her to express her feelings: "Why did you choose to play mahjong instead of me? Is there a feeling that strongly attracts you when you play mahjong, is it the Isn't it that I didn't give you?"
Chen Meiling might tell him: "When playing mahjong, I will forget that I am a patient, I am immersed in the card game in front of me, and don't think about many things."
Ai Wei may continue to ask, "What are you not thinking about? Can you tell me?"
Chen Meiling may say, "Don't think about it, my health is very bad. My brother passed away too early because of liver disease. Sometimes I am really scared. is so afraid that I am like my brother, so afraid that I will leave you too early. "
After saying these words, Chen Meiling will be very sad and painful, but her emotions will definitely relax a little faster.
And all Ai Wei needs to do is give her a hug and admit this: "Yes, I also have a lot of fear in my heart. I am too afraid of losing you, so I want to control everything and think that this will turn my destiny around. I want to tell you, I really don't want you to leave me, I really don't want to."
When couples can communicate like this, the facts will not change, but their inner fears have a container to put.
If they were blindfolded before, they were unwilling to see fear, and let themselves stumble, hurt their relationships, and hurt themselves. Now, they began to take off the blindfolded cloth and take a closer look at the terrifying fears.
can they also withdraw and choose to face these fears, such as: "If we really face the issue of death, what do we want to do in our lifetime? What else is there to have no unfinished wish? What do we have to say to each other and what do we do? ?"
At this time, "fear" can be discussed, and it will not become the master, manipulate us, let us be afraid, escape, and perform all kinds of destructive behaviors, and we will become the master of emotions, do what we can do, and accept things we cannot change.
Maybe this is the greatness of human beings.
At that time, Chen Meiling didn't have to escape into mahjong. Maybe she could still play mahjong, but she would gradually learn to control her time and try her best to take care of her body. Ai Wei could also plan more activities with Chen Meiling, such as climbing, cooking, visiting friends, etc., and spend the rest of her old age.
Just as Chen Meiling expected in the "A Love Letter" session (excerpt) :
I need you to give your shoulders and give me more support when I am in a bad mood.
I hope you really come into my heart and understand the misunderstandings about me.
I hope Ai Wei can gradually face her fear. As Chen Meiling said, when she is in a bad mood, give her shoulders and support, enter the other person's heart, and the two of them are in love with each other and spend the rest of their time together.
click [Like] , I hope they can eliminate misunderstandings as soon as possible and walk the long road of life together.
end
stay! Like it!
