" Wife's Romantic Travel 6" has been quietly launched. I have to say that the couples invited this time are very interesting.
Zheng Jun, Liu Yun, who fell in love and killed each other; Lu Yi, Bao Lei, who has been in love for more than 20 years from classmate to husband and wife; Chen Qiaoen, Allen, who has been on the screen from love to marriage; Zheng Kai, and Miaomiao , who have been questioned.
Every couple has a unique way of getting along: sweetness, quarrels, disappointment, dullness...
From the details of their marriages, we can also see:
Whether they are newlyweds, old couples, or even celebrities with no financial burden, conflicts are inevitable in their marriages.
Some people say: The purpose of couples quarreling is never to win or lose, but to seek understanding.
Indeed, home is a place where feelings are stored. When we give our heart to someone, we are also opening ourselves up to that person.
Therefore, the longer you are married, the clearer you will be:
Quarrel itself will not affect the relationship between husband and wife. How to see the true needs of the partner through conflicts and disputes determines the true direction of the relationship between husband and wife.
Zheng Jun and Liu Yun: Use quarrels to express their needs
In "My Wife's Romantic Travel 6", Zheng Jun and Liu Yun are a pair of "happy enemies".
One is a middle-aged Buddhist literary and artistic man, and the other is a sensitive and delicate little girl. The combination of these two people really fulfills the saying:
"The vulgar rule governs the literary youth, and the rough man governs the refined ones."
Picture source/Weibo @ Liu Yun
Zheng Jun is a typical literary youth. During the self-introduction session, he faced the director's throw. When asked a series of questions, he answered with some philosophical words:
"Love that can be said on the lips and spoken anytime and anywhere is not sincere enough. In this case, why bother to say it?"
The director was speechless, Liu Yun smiled and said:
"He is such a person, it will take a long time to understand him."
Zheng Jun is also a rough guy in relationships.
He is 15 years older than Liu Yun, but he is completely devoid of the consideration of an older person. The first episode alone made his wife cry twice. The
program team asked them a question: If a couple travels together, what do you two want to do together in the morning?
Zheng Jun replied: "If I were alone, I would meditate."
Her husband did not consider herself at all. Liu Yun felt extremely wronged and choked up and said, "Do you think we are suitable?"
Zheng Jun had a question mark on his face and had no idea where he had gone wrong.
Compared with Zheng Jun, Liu Yun seems more "down-to-earth".
She is straightforward and will express all her feelings.
Zheng Jun said while eating tomatoes: "This is the happiest moment of my day."
Liu Yun listened and asked him seriously: "Are you happy seeing me, or eating tomatoes?"
She very much needs Zheng Jun to respond to her feelings. In order to get this response, she will often "act" and "shame" Zheng Jun in public.
One time, Zheng Jun made her angry. She even started a cold war and did not contact him for more than 20 days.
Although they "fall in love and kill each other" together and are full of conflicts, Zheng Jun and Liu Yun still work hard to see each other's needs and satisfy each other in their own way.
Picture source/Weibo@wife’s romantic travel
Zheng Jun revealed his true feelings:
“I am actually a very difficult person to understand. Liu Yun has been able to tolerate me for so long. Sometimes I am very touched when I think about it. I hope she is happy."
Liu Yun also admitted that every time Zheng Jun made her angry, she wanted to go out and buy a stick to beat him, but when she saw a piece of clothing that suited him on the way to buy the stick, she would still buy it for him.
Their interaction is full of complex emotions of "love and hate" for each other:
They get angry when they quarrel, but they are like glue when they get better.
It's as if quarreling is a way for them to express themselves.
Through the hearty communication during the quarrel, their emotions were vented, their needs were seen, and their feelings were exchanged.
Picture source/Weibo@wife's romantic travel
Lu Yi Bao Lei: Use care to meet each other's needs
Compared with Zheng Jun and Liu Yun, Lu Yi and Bao Lei appear to be much more "peaceful".
At the beginning, Lu Yi introduced Bao Lei: "This is the woman I will love in my whole life."
Bao Lei introduced Lu Yi: "This 'dead ghost' is the man I will love in the next life."
They have been together for 26 years and they are still sweet. Netizens shouted: "This is an idol drama!"
There seems to be no such thing as a "quarrel" between Lu Yi and Bao Lei.
Just like Bao Lei said: "We have been together since childhood. We have the same living habits and personalities, so we can't quarrel."
They have been in love for more than 20 years, and the couple still understand each other like conjoined twins. However, tacit understanding alone is not enough to make the quarrel disappear.
What really makes Lu Yi and Bao Lei treat each other like guests is that they always meet each other's needs.
Picture source/Weibo@wife's romantic travel
In the program, when Lu Yi painted Bao Lei's portrait, he painted it into a "four different" style, which amused everyone present. Bao Lei But he said seriously: "Your necklace is very well painted and has highlights."
Lu Yi was very happy: "Really! Did you see it?"
At this embarrassing moment, Lu Yi felt really unsure. Bao Lei saw his frustration and tacitly helped him regain his confidence.
Bao Lei knows how to take care of Lu Yi's feelings, and Lu Yi also knows how to output emotional value to Bao Lei.
Bao Lei likes to be called "baby" by her husband. Lu Yi has called her "baby" for more than 20 years and never gets tired of it.
One day the child was jealous and asked her: "Mom, why did dad call you baby?"
Bao Lei said: "Because mom is dad's baby, and old babies are also babies."
They have held hands for 26 years, but they seem to have been in love all the time. The reason why
can maintain such a "sweetness" is because both parties are always thinking about each other.
has a relatively simple personality. When he feels that the other person needs him, he will immediately stand up and meet the other person's needs without any twists and turns or calculations.
It is precisely because of this simple and pure "consideration" that they become the sweetest and happiest couple on the show.
It can be seen that it is very important for couples to know how to see each other's needs and meet each other's needs.
Psychologist Maslow proposed "Needs Pyramid" . The most basic part is material needs, followed by security needs, spiritual needs, and self-actualization needs.
Getting along as a couple is also a process of satisfying each other's needs.
If one party's needs are not met, he or she feels that he or she has been treated materially, or he or she feels insecure, resentment will arise that "it's not worth being with him or her."
Once the resentment is deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, the couple will breed various negative conflicts due to mismatched needs, which will directly affect the relationship between the couple.
People like Bao Lei and Lu Yi always meet each other's needs and give each other a sense of security, spiritual satisfaction and emotional value, which will make the other person feel that "being with them is really worth it."
In this way, the marriage will be strong.
Only when husband and wife know what the other person wants and do not hesitate to satisfy each other can they truly be "heart to heart".
A good marriage is about "each getting what he needs"
There is a question on Zhihu: Why are there endless quarrels after marriage?
An answer with thousands of likes told the truth:
“Let’s not mention the conflicts between couples. Once normal people form a certain relationship, they often quarrel. There is only one reason. Both parties feel that they have lost out in this relationship. "
The husband feels that the person he married is not worthy, and the wife feels that the person she married is not worthy. They spend countless nights thinking about "it would be better if I didn't marry him".
Both husband and wife despise each other for not being perfect. How can such a marriage not quarrel?
Source: Panoramic Vision
Regarding the true love between husband and wife, Teacher Luo Xiang’s words are very pertinent:
“No one can meet all your expectations for her. A lovely person, everyone can You will love her, but when she is no longer as cute as before, if you still love her and are willing to discover her cuteness, then this is true love. "
Time takes away passion and magnifies the shortcomings of our partners. Therefore, we see the missing parts of each other and are surprised to find:
It turns out that in addition to the cute side, our partners also have a willful, selfish and unreasonable side.
These unlovable aspects are also real.
By expressing the true self, the partner is also telling the other half:
"I need you to see me, accept me, and satisfy me. I am an imperfect person, but because of you, I start to become perfect."
In the documentary "The Fruit of Life", Shuichi and Eiko are a couple who have been together until old age. The details of their relationship are full of seeing, acceptance and satisfaction.
Shuichi loves potatoes, but Eiko hates potatoes the most, but for Shuichi, she often cooks potato dishes in different ways;
Eiko is careless and often does not care about the future. When Shuichi sees the "mess" left by Eiko, he will leave a message on the note to remind her:
" I'm turning on gas , don't forget" "I'm doing laundry, don't forget." "
Seeing how they cared about each other, many netizens sighed: "This is my ideal marriage. "
Neither of them is perfect, but because they are always helping each other, satisfying each other, and striving to understand and respect each other, they have made their marriage almost perfect.
This understanding is the most precious treasure of marriage.
It repels the prejudice of husband and wife against each other, bypasses the scheming disputes between husband and wife, and creates harmony and happiness.
Just like what is written in "Intimate Relationships":
"The reason why we fall in love with someone is because the motivation behind us starting to maintain an intimate relationship is to satisfy our own unmet needs."
Source: Panoramic Vision
The prerequisite for starting a marriage is need; the technique for maintaining a marriage should also be to meet each other's needs.
The subtext of "I love you" is "I need you".
When couples see each other's needs and meet this need, they grasp the true meaning of a happy marriage.
Author: Miss Manglai, a senior observer of men and women, a national second-level psychological counselor. The new book "Girl, Living a Big Life is Wonderful" is on sale online.
