"In the Name of Family" seems to be a story of a mother's car rollover.
Ling Xiao and Ziqiu's mother gave birth and abandoned the child. Qi Mingyue and Tang Can's mother have a strong desire for control and a strong vanity, and they feel distressed for these children across the screen.
However, having a mom is not necessarily better.
Qi Mingyue had excellent grades in school, but her mother always disliked her as "the second child in ten thousand years". Not only control children's studies, but also control children's friends, and even buy clothes.
Once she took Qi Mingyue to buy clothes, Qi Mingyue began to look at a white dress, her mother said that she didn't like to be clean, so what white clothes should she wear; then Qi Mingyue took a black one, her mother said she was young Lightly wear black, and then Qi Mingyue's mother took a pink one and asked how Qi Mingyue was. Qi Mingyue said it was fine, but her mother said she had no opinion.
"In the Name of Family" Qi Mingyue: It was a good card, but her mother broke it. For example, he always called to check the post, and even went to Qi Mingyue's residence to clean up the room.
Once, when she saw Qi Mingyue's pink dress, she asked in disgust: How old are you and still wear pink?
"In the Name of Family" Qi Mingyue: It was a good card, but was smashed by her mother ┃ Shanbo Education
Qi Mingyue argued: Didn't you like to buy me pink?
Her mother retorted: When did I buy you pink? Every time I take you out to buy clothes, you choose it yourself! You have to buy it yourself!
Qi Mingyue said helplessly: Mom, can you keep denying me?
"In the Name of Family" Qi Mingyue: It was obviously a good card, but she was smashed by her mother ┃ Shanbo Education
Her mother said unconvincingly: I care about you, you don't appreciate it anymore.
Qi Mingyue's mother is a portrayal of many parents. They want you to be excellent, but they suppress you at the same time. you. Parents like
will never realize that they are so wrong.
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has a parent called " helicopter parent ". Such parents hover over their children like helicopters, constantly monitoring their children's every move. They seem to care, but they are actually "catching up" on their children in the name of their families. In the first season of
" mother is superman ", Ma Yashu's parenting style caused a lot of controversy.
In order to prevent her children from being hurt, she emptied all the furniture in the house, and every time eats the whole family sits on the ground. When taking her children out to buy groceries, she always reminds them not to touch them.
Ma Yashu said: I always remind myself that I have to look back at the two children at any time, where they are and what they are doing.
"In the Name of Family" Qi Mingyue: It was a good card, but she was smashed by her mother ┃ Shanbo Education
The biggest consequence of taking care of children like this is that they will never take care of themselves.
is like Ma Yashu's daughter Mia, who has gone to kindergarten, but can't eat by herself, can't go to the toilet, and can't integrate into the circle of children. The most common thing she does is cry to find her mother.
"In the Name of Family" Qi Mingyue: It was a good card, but was smashed by her mother ┃Shanbo Education
For parents, there is a kind of love called letting go. Only when you are willing to let go can the child have a sense of independence.
Otherwise once the child is used to the parent's giving, he will take it for granted.
A male friend of mine is over 30 years old and is in his thirties, but his underwear and socks are still washed by his mother.
One summer, he went from Beijing to Qingdao on a business trip. After arriving in Qingdao, he found out that his mother had installed a pair of spare pants for him, and the rest were long johns. Because his mother thinks the seaside is cold.
Although he complained about this, everything was business as usual after returning home, and it was still his mother who arranged his life.
A teacher who pays attention to parenting said: I am so sad for the parents of China , as if they do not have their own independent life, they do not have their own independent personality, they also want to learn independence.
Sydney, AustraliaMacquarie University A study of 200 school-aged children was initiated. The researchers observed the children's performance on jigsaw puzzles and speech tasks with parental assistance.
The results found that for those children who were anxious and unwilling to actively explore new things, their mothers tended to "intervene" more. Children who have been overprotected and controlled since childhood are prone to develop anxiety, depression and other psychological problems as adults.
British psychologist Winnicott put forward a theory: Parent's love is a process from 100 points to 60 points gradually. 60 points is just right and within your means.
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So how should parent take off the hat of "helicopter parent"? It's as simple as taking care of yourself!
. Control yourself, don't be too anxious
Liang Qichao is a famous thinker, educator , and politician in modern my country, and his way of educating children is also worthy of our reference.
He also wants his children to be talented, but never limits them.
For example, he once suggested that his second daughter Liang Sizhuang study biology, which he thought was promising in China, but he found that his daughter was more interested in literature, so he agreed with her to switch to literature, and later the child became fascinated with library science, these It's all her daughter's decision.
When the children encountered problems in their studies, he said: What we are looking for is knowledge, not a diploma, so don’t worry, just work hard and don’t use too much force.
This is the wisdom of parents. Many parents hope that their children will become dragons and put endless pressure on their children. In the end, not only the children do not have a happy childhood, but also the parent-child relationship is hurt.
We all know an old saying: children and grandchildren have their own blessings, but the second half of the sentence is the essence: don't be a bully for children and grandchildren.
The path of the child, the parents can't go down for him, so if you want them to fly high, don't break their wings.
2. Control yourself, don't be too diligent.
There was once a prodigy Wei Yongkang. When he was 4 years old, he basically completed the courses at the junior high school level.
htmlAt the age of 113, Wei Yongkang was admitted to the Department of Physics of Xiangtan University with a score of 602. At the age of 17, he was admitted to the Institute of High Energy Physics, Chinese Academy of Sciences for a postgraduate study.
However, this child prodigy was finally persuaded by the Chinese Academy of Sciences to return home because he could not take care of himself for a long time and could not adapt to the knowledge structure of the Chinese Academy of Sciences. He had been in graduate school for 3 years by then.
Later, his mother reflected on her own education method: Wei Yongkang has been reading in since she was a child. She did not let Wei Yongkang do any housework. During the accompanying reading, in order not to delay his learning, she even fed him For dinner, he just reads books.
There are still many parents who, in order to make their children study with peace of mind, take care of all the major and small things in life, so that it is easy to cultivate their children into elites in learning and waste in life.
is really excellent, not only in academic performance, but also in other aspects.
3. Control yourself, don't be too self-righteous
There is a high school boy in "Youth Talk" who went to the rooftop to ask that he no longer wants to eat eggs and apples. It turned out that his mother asked him to eat eggs and apples every day for his health.
He could clearly figure out that he had eaten 2190 apples, and then standing on the rooftop , he shouted loudly: I don't want to eat eggs and apples again!
The floor burst into laughter when he said this, but only this boy knew how hard it was for him to convince his mother.
"In the Name of Family" Qi Mingyue: It was obviously a good card, but was smashed by her mother ┃ Shanbo Education
In fact, most foods are substitutable. If you don't like eggs, eat tofu brains. If you don't like apples, you can replace them with kiwi.
A little understanding of nutrition will not let children compete with apples every day. So many parents think they are right, but they may actually be wrong. If you run into parents who don't like to study again, you may make mistakes again and again.
When we educate children, we always talk about being humble, and the same goes for parents in turn.
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There was once a 23-year-old boy with healthy limbs and a normal spirit, who finally starved to death.
Because he feels too tired to work, it is better to beg for a living. As for the meat brought to him by the villagers, he would rather let the meat stink than cook with his own hands, and he was often too lazy to eat, and would never go out unless he was extremely hungry.
It is reported that his parents have spoiled him since he was a child, and when he was 8 years old, his parents were still reluctant to let him walk, so they often carried him with a burden.
As for housework, he was never allowed to do it, which formed his lazy habit.
While many parents do not exaggerate like his parents, there are many similarities in managing children.
Education of children is an evolutionary improvement of thinking for parents.You can participate in the first half of your child's life, but cannot participate in the second half of your child's life. So letting go when it's time to let go is the beginning of a child's formation of an independent personality.
The famous educator Makarenko once said: Giving everything to the child, sacrificing everything for him, even sacrificing his own happiness, this is the most terrible gift a parent can give a child!
shared encouragement.
Author ┃Zhang Zhang
Editor ┃School number
Source ┃Shanbo Education official account
