1. Give up “only wearing dark clothes” is the beginning of self-acceptance of body shape.
will always only buy dark clothes to cover yourself with a "big shoulders, round waists and round waists". But it is more important to live a healthy, comfortable and happy life than to create a slim figure and cater to others' standards. T-shirts and pants of various colors are tried. I only realized this truth in my thirties. Fortunately, it’s not too late [laughing]
2. Reduce the confrontation with emotions and be a person who “watches the train”!
In the past, whenever negative emotions or thoughts appeared, the more they were anxious to get rid of them, the more they struggled, the more they were, the more painful they were. Later, when I read "Metacognitive Therapy", I learned a very good way to get started. Imagine you standing on the train platform. Each train represents an emotion: anger, guilt, sadness... You will find that no matter how violent the train (emotion) comes, it will only stay for a while, then leave whistling, and then replace it with other trains (emotions). So what we have to do is stand quietly on the platform and observe the trains (emotions) coming and going without having to jump on the train (fighting emotions) and be taken away by it. The method of
has made me let go of my habit of fighting emotions and made my mentality more calm. I recommend it to everyone~
3. Abandoning "perfectionism" is a kind reminder from depression .
In the past, I followed the principle of "either do not do it, do it the best". I can't make some simple mistakes, I can't make others uncomfortable, I can't be a "bad boy". Until later, I found that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the appreciation and rewards I deserved at work, and I was even betrayed by my closest colleagues. I was exhausted, collapsed, and depressed. During more than a year of depression treatment, I learned to let myself go, learn to admit that I had something to do, and learn to express my sadness to my family. I think depression, maybe it was God’s beating and reminding me that gave me the opportunity to re-recognize myself and love myself. Let me start to adjust my unreasonable goals and be an "imperfect but happy" person...
4. Give up "must find your partner" and no longer make things difficult for yourself.
Once upon a time, I felt that I would follow the steps, fall in love, get married, have children, and live the life that most people would live. But to this day, everyone around me has gotten married, and even a third child, but I am still alone. Over the years, I have been anxious to meet countless times, registered many dating apps, and met many people. Even if some people make me uncomfortable, I will still try to chat, because there is always a voice in my heart reminding me: Find my partner quickly, and I will die alone and die alone [she burst into tears]! But reality has been helpless to show again and again, "The person who likes never appears, and the person who appears never likes it" . Slowly, I tried to let go of my persistence. If I couldn’t meet the right person, I wouldn’t force myself. First, stay with the things you like with peace of mind, a warm little nest, a cute Shiba Inu , a trip that you can go as soon as you want... Of course, I also know that this process of giving up will encounter many obstacles, such as the expectations of parents, and the incomprehension of others. It doesn’t matter, take it slowly~
5. It’s great to let go of your obsession with returning home in glory and be an ordinary person.
When I was a child, my academic performance was not bad, and my family also had high expectations for me, so my expectations for the future have always been: wearing a straight suit and suit, and then parked the luxury car in the village, so that the people in my hometown can look at me with admiration. . After going to college and working, I realized that my knowledge and ability with others are not a little bit inferior. I am repeatedly frustrated and I am very worried that I can only be a mediocre person. Until the business failed, I was anxious for a long time. I finally admitted: I am just an ordinary person, and I cannot achieve success and it is difficult for me to bring glory to my family by myself. After accepting my ordinary life, I can focus on the fireworks in life. When I am immersed in food, clothing, housing, transportation, shopping, cooking, and enjoying flowers, I live a more and more happy and down-to-earth life. Just like Mao Buyi wrote in "Ordinary Day", I am busy and lucky.
6. Give up the self-blame for "can't give up".
When you see this topic, have you thought of many things that “want to give up but can’t give up”? For example, I want to quit sweets and heavy tastes, but I can’t control my mouth; every time I can’t do it, I always have a voice of criticism in my mind. It was already very painful, and with a lot of self-blame, it was simply doubled. So later I said to myself: Don’t blame yourself. If you can’t give up, just let yourself go first.
In the process of removing self-blame little by little, I felt relieved and thought of some "eclectic" adjustments: I set a time period for "indulgent eating", and within the range, eat and drink at will; outside the range, let my friends consciously persuade me. This practice has improved my eating habits a lot, and it also gives me an understanding: should be more tolerant and accept myself!
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