For more than 20 years of marriage, we have quarreled, quarreled, and separated, but in the end, we did not choose to part ways in order to have a complete home for the children.
each goes to get off work and gets off work. Even if you have dinner together, you are sometimes relatively speechless, like strangers who live together.
The difference is that in order to maintain a beautiful family image in front of others, in public occasions, we are also used to forcing each other to smile and act together.
01
I was born in the mid-1970s, my original family was not in good condition, and I also had a younger brother.
Children without umbrellas just need to learn to run.
I know that I am the child without an umbrella.
I have had good academic performance since I was a child, but in order to reduce the burden on my family and to allow my younger brother to continue to go to high school and college, when I graduated from junior high school, at the request of my parents, I applied to the normal school.
Because, parents think that normal schools don’t need much money and can also allocate work. Although I feel unwilling to accept it, I am unable to resist.
After graduating from the normal school, I was assigned to teach at a remote town in the county.
Although I like this profession very much, gradually, I found that this place was not suitable for me. I longed to be a teacher in the county town or a larger place.
So, in my spare time, I studied hard, evaluated my professional title, and took the college entrance examination.
may have never been to high school and has not passed the exam several times.
Fortunately, the east side is not bright, the west side is bright, and the opportunity still comes!
Because I have outstanding teaching performance in the school, I have been repeatedly rated as an outstanding teacher at the town level and county level. That year, there was a quota that could be transferred to the county primary school, so I was able to transfer to the county town.
I think my dreams come true and my family is very happy.
I was 25 years old at this time and I was at the age to talk about marriage.
At that time, many marriages were still the words of matchmakers, and fewer people had free love.
All the teachers at home show me are shown to me, and I think it is better to find a peer.
But I always had an idea in my heart: I have never been to college, so my he must be a college student! Most of the teachers graduated from secondary school, so they naturally cannot catch my eye.
02
Once, the school and relevant departments held a friendship event, and I and A Kun were in the same group.
thought he was short and fat at the time, but out of politeness, I did not escape. After chatting with
, I found that although he is not good-looking, he is funny and humorous.
The most important thing is that he is an undergraduate!
In an instant, I thought he was so handsome! After all, in my heart, college students are already more than ten thousand.
Soon, we got together.
At that time, he basically kept smoking and drinking. But this did not affect my favor and admiration for him.
After knowing that we were together, my colleague joked, why didn’t we look for so many handsome guys, but he just found a heavyweight?
I said, radish each has its own preferences, and Akun is a college student!
is like this, we get along with each other regardless of the consequences, sweet and happy.
Half a year later, when my parents urged me to go on a blind date again, I took Akun home. Unexpectedly, my parents firmly opposed it.
My parents think that I am graceful and naturally beautiful, so why did I find a boyfriend with an ordinary appearance, smoking and drinking, and average family conditions? What's the picture of him?
I told my parents that Akun can change bad habits.
As for family conditions, the two of them will definitely get better and better life.
My parents were unmoved and felt that I worked in the county and would not have to worry about not getting married. No matter how you want to find a boy with a taller, thinner family, and a more elegant appearance, right?
Because of the object problem, my parents and I had a big fight.
I think they are a good couple, and they think I am unreasonable.
The more my parents opposed me, the more I insisted. In the end, my parents were disappointed and couldn't resist me, so I followed me.
Now it seems that the authorities are really confused and bystanders are clear.
03
After Akun and I got married, the passionate love between the wind and flowers, snow and moon gradually left, the life of food, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea gradually came to fruition, and the pressure to support our family came with it.
But I became more and more courageous as I setbacks. I went out to work part-time during the holidays, so I wanted to increase my income and make our lives more and more prosperous.
At the same time, I found that my energy was not as strong as I imagined: I did not correct any of Akun's habits, smoking, drinking, and playing have become his main tasks in his spare time.
I always pretend to be strong, and I want my parents to feel that my choice is correct, but to be honest, it is really tiring.
My husband always looks like a child who has not grown up. He has many immature ideas and does not understand the worldly ways.
After the child was born, my mother-in-law was in poor health, so I could only take care of it myself.
My husband can hardly help, and he rarely gets involved in housework.
Slowly, my husband and I quarrel more and more frequently. After each quarrel, my husband will restrain himself, but after a while, his nature will be difficult to change.
04
Such a marriage, such a husband, I have long felt like I had seen it at a glance.
But over the years, for the sake of my children, I can only choose to swallow my anger and live a difficult life.
Now, my daughter has graduated from college. While chatting with
, she suddenly asked me: "Mom, why did you like dad back then?"
When I heard this, I was suddenly stunned, and tears almost slid down.
Yes, how did I fall in love with him at the beginning?
I calmed down and said to my daughter, "The reason why mom fell in love with dad is because she loves you! Think about it, if I didn't like your dad, wouldn't there be a good time for us to meet?"
The reason why I answered this is because I didn't want my daughter to be disappointed with her dad.
But, ask yourself how ridiculous and ridiculous my obsessions many years ago were!
05
Now, after forty years, I have been fortunate to with my personal experience to tell girls who are waiting for their words or are preparing to enter marriage:
first, be careful when marriages are not favored by parents.
The person you want to marry can not marry, but the person you don’t want to marry is best not to marry.
As elders, parents "have eaten more salt than rice you have eaten." Parents must hope that their daughter will live a happy and fulfilling life in the future.
They hope that their son-in-law can love their daughter, be capable, responsible and responsible.
At that time, my parents persuaded me with great sincerity, but I was still blinded by love and chose to ignore it.
Second, don’t expect to be the savior, you are descending to save your husband.
I knew about the habits of my husband smoking, drinking, playing games before marriage.
But I simply thought he would "turn back to justice" for me, but he asked me to "love the house and the mistress".
The country is easy to change and the nature is difficult to change. It is indeed difficult to change a person.
And, marriage does not exist for one person to transform another person.
Third, it is most important to find a husband to be in love with each other, don’t set limits on yourself.
I have always felt sorry for not going to college.
For the so-called face, I set the conditions in advance that "must find a college student to get married" and blocked some outstanding boys who are in love with each other outside the door.
Who knows that the big waves wash away the sand, and what is drawn is not gold, but stubborn stone.
fourth, if you are really disappointed with your marriage, it is better to be brave enough to separate than to barely hold on.
Once upon a time, I also thought about divorce because I was extremely disappointed with such a marriage.
But when I think of children and the prejudice of the world towards divorced women, I feel cowardly again.
Time passes day after day, year after year in suffering.
Actually, thinking about it, instead of suffering all day long, it is better to turn around as soon as possible.
Author introduction:
Accelerated Life Diary: I am very happy to know you, a working mother born in the 1980s, she is interested in writing, and focuses on seeing the essence through phenomena, talking about life insights and life insights, and her wish is to spend her life the way she likes.
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