Q:
Does your view on choosing a partner provide the "emotional value"? Does marriage have high emotional value?
Chen Man:
Many people have misunderstood one point, that is, in marriage or intimate relationships between the two sides of the sexes, high emotional value is a necessary ability for individuals, but it is not an obligation that the other party must provide to you.
There may be no high emotional value in marriage, but an individual must have the ability to have high emotional value. What does
mean?
means that the other party can not provide you with emotional value, but you cannot do without it.
You can create emotional value for yourself, rather than asking for emotional value from the other party everywhere.
can actually provide emotional value to your partner, and you are a person with high emotional value. People with high emotional value are better at creating emotional value for themselves, and they are more likely to accept each other's shortcomings in marriage and perceive love and happiness.
For example, if you encounter difficulties/frustrations, feel frustrated/sad, , people with high emotional value in will quickly realize their emotions, accurately identify their emotional source , and then do something that can please them, soothe their emotions well, and stabilize their state.
At the same time, is also good at asking for help from your partner and can express your needs clearly and accurately. For example, "I want you to hug me now" "I am in a bad mood now, can you accompany me?"
instead of holding on, swallowing grievances and pain alone, pretending to be strong and independent. Blindly suppressing one's own needs and demanding oneself with almost harsh standards will only cause negative emotions to accumulate more and more until a fuse breaks out completely.
If a person cannot comfort his emotions and only knows how to comfort the other partner’s emotions and provide emotional value to the other partner?
What you don’t have, of course, cannot be provided to others.
So a person who can provide emotional value to his partner in marriage must be a person who can see his own emotions, accept his own emotions, and know how to soothe his own emotions.
And the comforting emotions here also include what I mentioned earlier, asking for help from the people I trust and love.
If the partner fails to meet his needs in time, he can also get along with each other based on his years of relationship and understand the other party’s difficulties and limitations. First comfort and adjust your emotions, such as doing things that make you happy.
When your state becomes stable, then communicate with the other party about your emotional state and needs at that time, understand the other party’s special circumstances at that time and express understanding.
instead of maliciously speculating on the other person in his heart, complaining that the other person does not love him or care about him enough; denying the other person's efforts and denying this relationship, falling into an extreme emotion of self-pity.
It can be said that people who are good at providing emotional value to their partners in marriage have strong empathy ability, can empathize with themselves, and can empathize with the other party; they can not only provide emotional value to the other party, but also be good at providing emotional value to themselves.
After all, who would like to stay with people who complain all day long, worry, dislike everything they see, and live a very twisted life?
First make yourself happy, and then pass this happy emotion to the people around you. This is the highest emotional value.
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