The reader wrote to me and said: I don’t know if my husband and his ex-girlfriend are still in close contact. At least, in the three years since my marriage, my husband has never revealed any flaws in front of me. But there is one thing that makes me particularly uncomfortable: i

The reader wrote to me and said:

I don’t know very well whether my husband and his ex-girlfriend are still in close contact. At least, in the three years since my marriage, my husband has never revealed any flaws in front of me. But there is one thing that makes me particularly uncomfortable: in the address book of my husband's mobile phone, he still has the contact information of his ex-girlfriend and is noted as "ex-father".

There have been several times, and I reminded my husband that you are married to me now, why are you still keeping your ex-girlfriend’s contact information?

Husband: Just think that the other party is a dead fan, it doesn’t matter.

A few days ago, when I was playing with my husband's mobile phone, I suddenly had a whim and blocked the contact information of my husband's ex-girlfriend from my husband's address book and deleted it, and took the initiative to inform my husband about this. Unexpectedly, my husband was a little hysterical about this matter: Why should you delete her? What qualifications do you have to delete her?

Me: Just because I am your wife, can you divorce me because of this? Husband: You are simply unreasonable. Then, the husband slammed the door and came out.

At that moment, I gave me an intuitive feeling: his ex-girlfriend is his true love, and it was just an accident that I married him.

In about ten minutes, my husband went home. After arriving at home, my husband apologized to me and made me happy: I didn’t yell at you because you deleted my ex-girlfriend, but I just couldn’t accept the fact that you deleted my contacts in my address book at once. Because I didn't have the idea of ​​divorce, I gave him a way out.

However, the trauma caused to me by this incident requires me to spend time to heal slowly.

My confusion: 1) After getting married, is it still necessary to keep the contact information of your ex? 2) Keep the contact information of your ex and be minded by your current partner. Shouldn’t you give priority to taking care of your current partner’s emotions? 3) Is it necessary for my husband to turn against me because I deleted his ex-girlfriend's contact information?

Muzili Emotional analysis:

I mean, what if your husband still can't forget his ex-girlfriend? Perhaps, the reason for breaking up was his ex-girlfriend who first proposed the breakup, and the reason for breaking up when they broke up was because they could not get married. Things we all know about love: the product of two-way choice, unrequited love has no meaning. Over the years, your husband and his ex-girlfriend may not have contacted each other, but the existence of contact information will make your husband feel a little confused. Your husband's anger when you told him that you deleted and blocked his ex-girlfriend's contact information on his phone was real, and after he calmly thought about it, his apology to you was also sincere. Because after some things happen, he will calmly think: which one is more important.

Forgot someone sometimes requires a sense of ritual, which includes blocking and deleting the other party’s contact information. Only when you have no thoughts about someone can you truly devote yourself to your new emotional life. It means that from then on, you will be the most important woman in your husband's mind, and his ex-girlfriend has long been history. I hope you don't continue to worry about this. Since you choose not to divorce, then maximize the happiness of your marriage. What do you think? Although your husband was a little hysterical when you blocked and deleted his ex-girlfriend's contact information, he did not apologize to you in the end. This is enough to prove that: 1) He and his ex-girlfriend will never return to the past; 2) You and the children are the objects he should protect.

Let me talk about another thing: some people have the habit of writing diaries when they are young. In fact, there is no shameful secret in the content of the diary, but it is just disgust that everyone except him will peek at the content of his diary. Once someone peeks into his diary, he will feel more annoyed. At this time, his inner truth: his privacy was violated; he felt that he had not received the minimum respect from the person who peeped at his diary; he felt that the act of peeking at other people's diaries was an uneducated act. From this perspective, you look at the matter of deleting your ex-girlfriend's contact information without discussing your husband's discussion, and you will find that your husband's anger may not be his nostalgia for his ex-girlfriend, but rather anger that you should not make decisions about some of his behaviors privately.

Perhaps in many marriage relationships, couples can look at each other's mobile phones and have no secrets to each other, but not everyone can agree with this way of dealing with the world. So some people will pay special attention to so-called privacy. At this time, you cannot use the other party to be guilty and generalize the other party’s sensitivity in the face of privacy protection. Because some people will feel that trust, self-consciousness and privacy between husband and wife are more important than transparency. In fact, I also have this habit in my life: call records and chat records will be cleaned immediately (most people only clean them once after a period of time). For this reason, we should not examine everyone around us in the way we are doing things and do things, nor do we need to make our lover transparent in front of you.

In everyone's address book or social software, there will be many contact information from people. To be honest, 80% of them are the ones that they don't contact once a year or a half, and some people can't even remember who the other party is. However, when the storage amount of your contact information has not reached the upper limit, you will not easily clean up the other party's contact information. At this time, you will hint that you should just think that the other party is one of your zombie fans, and it won’t be a problem anyway when lying there. It’s just that many people are more sensitive to their lover’s ex, so they mind that their ex’s contact information is also included in their lover’s address book. One detail: Your husband’s notes on his ex-girlfriend are also more conspicuous. I think the more open the box, the less suspicious it is. If your husband makes such a high-profile note to his ex-girlfriend and keeps in frequent contact with his ex-girlfriend on weekdays, it can only be said that your husband's psychological quality is too strong.

What we need to understand here: no matter whether your lover is petty or more sensitive to your ex. Once your lover minds that your ex will continue to exist in your life in any form, you need to prioritize your current feelings. Especially when the current person is more sensitive to some subtle links between you and your ex, don’t take the current person’s mind seriously, otherwise your so-called carelessness will cause a disturbance to the current person. Especially when you are relatively innocent from your ex, you need to draw a clear line with your ex when your current partner is concerned. If you have not yet fallen in love with your ex, you need to tell yourself rationally: your ex and you will never be able to return to the past, and your current one is the person you should care about.

Postscript:

Many people have had love experience before getting married. Usually, people will remain in a state of old age and death with their ex after getting married, but some people will feel that there is no deep hatred with their ex, and there is no need to make their relationship too stiff. When it is difficult to reach a consensus on your attitude towards your ex and your lover’s attitude towards your ex, please choose how you feel to take care of your lover.

Maybe there is no longer any love-related feelings between yourself and your ex, but your current employee may not think so. So much so that when some people mention their ex in front of their current position, they will instinctively show discomfort and jealousy. In fact, the presentation of this emotion is the embodiment of love's uniqueness and possessiveness. If there is no interest involvement with your ex, it does not fall into the category of looking up and not seeing each other. Drawing a clear line may be the easiest way to deal with it.

(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)