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01
Schopenhauer's "Wisdom of Life": " people are either lonely or vulgar. If he is a person with great wisdom, he will even choose to live alone. "
Vulgarity is not a bad thing, because most people are vulgar people, living a vulgar life, without any advanced pursuit, no great wisdom, and no rich soul. Because there are many similar types, they will not delay their enjoyment.
Loneliness is not a bad thing, it is an accessory to wisdom. When a person unconsciously thinks things too deeply, he will become lonely. He may even look a little withdrawn when outsiders are looking, but it may seem abnormal to ordinary people.
The two types of people above will never meet, and people cannot be both lonely and vulgar. A person who thinks things too deeply will not allow himself to be vulgar; a person who is used to vulgarity and does not want to think too deeply about problems, so it doesn’t matter if he is lonely.
From an individual perspective, these two types of people can be free from hindering each other and be well. However, there are many things in life that intertwin these two kinds of people, thus creating contradictions, making vulgar people more vulgar and making lonely people more lonely, such as marriage .
02
I am almost 30 years old and obviously feel that I am not young anymore and it is easy to feel tired. In addition, my work rhythm is quite special. I work in the hospital all year round and I have night shifts, which makes me feel more tired than others. As many netizens said, my body is in my thirties and my heart is in my fifties and sixties.
I don’t want to live such a life, but I have come to this day without realizing it. I want to change and start to enter another field again. I don’t have that much courage and have not had so many experiences. In addition, I am afraid that I will lose a lot. I like
, and I need someone to accompany me, understand and support the most, which makes me feel that my persistence is meaningful.
When my husband and I were in love, he played the best person I needed. However, after we got married, he changed. Although he was still playing the role of my husband, he also had another identity and another personality. He was a foolish and filial phoenix man.
His concept of filial piety has nothing to do with others. He is because he is too small and has too old ideas. He does not want to change. He always thinks about the problem too shallow and simple, thinking that what he asks me to do is very simple, but he never considers the feasibility of the problem from my standpoint.
Take the matter of asking me to be filial to my mother-in-law. He knew that my work rhythm was quite special, but he skipped this key link and asked me to serve my mother-in-law with a big mouth.
That's right. He used the word "serving". He wanted me to play a full-time nanny and be filial to him. He thought that this would make him look down on his face, and that it would make people look down on him, and that it would make people envious of her ability to control his wife. Such an arrangement of
is obviously not feasible. First, I dare not lose my job, second, my mother-in-law does not need to serve her for full-time work, third, he does not make much money. If I don’t work, our quality of life will plummet.
However, he didn't have the patience to listen to me finishing my words. I said he could say three words, and soon he became angry and made new demands: " As a daughter-in-law, you must resign and serve your mother-in-law! "
His order made me feel like a knife, and my patience was exhausted. He cursed that I would never obey him. As a result, he began to lose his temper and smashed many things in the house in front of me. When I was trying to hit me, I saw that the momentum was wrong, so I hid in the room, locked the door, and called my mother-in-law.
This was the only way to ask for help that I could think of at that time, but it turned out to be useless.There was a conflict between the couple and brought out the parents of both parties, but there was only one: they locked in the party who made the mistake, taught a lesson together, and forced apologize, and then they felt that the couple had really reconciled.
The problem is not that simple! It is impossible for both parents to stay and stay away. After they leave, all the problems will recur, and it will be even more excessive than before.
This is why I moved out and separated from my husband. I must first ensure my personal safety before I can think about the future.
He initially asked me to go home by order, and he vowed not to divorce. Later, somehow, I never looked for me again. I don’t know if he has a new love or is planning something, but I have to be careful.
I wish he had a new love, so I could divorce him with justification .
03
Tell me what I mean, whenever I feel insomnia late at night, I will think of a lot of things. I have made up my mind to divorce, I have regretted it, I have been afraid, and I have been helpless, but in the end I found that I was just thinking about it and nothing could be solved. The established problem is always an ironclad fact. All I can do is to make myself brave and not compromise.
Whether from a career perspective or from a relationship perspective, I have almost tried my best to make myself live a slightly more ideal life. If I don’t do anything to protect my life, who else can I expect to protect me?
Who doesn’t want to rely on others? Who doesn’t want to be spoiled? Who doesn’t want to live a happy life easily? Who doesn’t want to be a vulgar but happy person? But, just think about what is the use of !
A woman like me is in middle age. It’s good to be a shrew, at least she won’t let myself be wronged. I only have this path to go, and I will have no way to live if I change it.
Whether I compromise with life or with my husband, it will go against my will and make me miss my ideal life. I have struggled for so long and worked hard for so long. It is a pity that I have chosen to give up because I am too cowardly, and it is not worth the loss.
04
I don’t expect others to understand me, because so far, I haven’t met a few people who understand me, and I won’t expect it in the future. Otherwise, I would have too many unrealistic hopes, and in the end I will only receive disappointment.
Marriage I don’t want to consider for the time being. It’s useless to tell anyone about my inner grievances because others have never experienced it, so I can’t empathize with .
For example, some people say from the perspective of the bystander that I have a bad temper, say that I am introverted, say that I am still alone when I am middle-aged, and I am so pitiful and sad that I am so lonely, what can I say?
I admit that I always feel lonely, but the loneliness I feel is different from the loneliness that others see in me.
I feel lonely because I have no confidant and no fellow practitioners. After seeing through life, I feel that the colors are not so bright and the meaning is halved. I have been using a state of lingering in my life to find a new meaning of life . People who cannot understand this level talk about loneliness with me. I can only say that they are too vulgar and like to label loneliness on others, but don’t know what loneliness is.
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