Four years ago, my husband discovered my cheating, and a year later he went to another place. My husband Mingzhe and I were junior high school classmates. He liked me very much at that time, but at that time I liked another boy, which was my first love.

Four years ago, my husband discovered my cheating, and a year later he went to another place. For three years, his attitude towards me has been cold, and gradually, my attitude towards him has also begun to become cold. Because of two children, neither of them has the courage to divorce. Actually, he and I love each other very much, but I don’t know why I am what I am today.

■Narrator: Mengyao

(all the characters in the story are pseudonyms)

■Age: 32 years old

■Occupation: Staff

(I)

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My husband Ming Zhe and I were junior high school classmates. He liked me very much at that time, but at that time I liked another boy, which was my first love.

I have always been a very inferior person, which has something to do with my growth experience. Our family has three children, and I have an older sister and an older brother. Because my brother suffered from polio, my parents wanted to have another healthy son, so I was born. After my birth, my parents saw that it was a girl, so they took me to a relative's house.

It was not until I was in elementary school that my parents took me back from my relatives’ house. Because I didn't live with my parents before I was 6 years old, I have never been close to them.

My parents have a serious mindset over girls. My mother doesn’t like me, and my father always says I’m stupid. This growth environment has always made me feel inferior. When I was a child, I often liked to sit alone in the same place and stare blankly. However, in their eyes, I am a very obedient child. My family doesn’t talk back on anything, but I know that I always feel wronged.

After I arrived in junior high school, my academic performance gradually improved, and I became interested in Mingzhe. Mingzhe has had very good academic performance since childhood and has always been the first place. When I was in the third year of junior high school, I was under a lot of pressure from study. He always cared about me and did a lot of things that touched me.

After the high school entrance examination, he often called me and sang for me. We were not in the same class in high school, but we could study together often. After graduating from high school, I failed to get into my ideal university and repeated my studies for another year. Mingzhe passed the exam, and he saved money to subsidize me. Later I heard that his life in college was very hard, and sometimes he even ate leftover meals from other classmates in the restaurant.

A year later, I was admitted to university. Because my first love didn't get into college, there was a gap between me and him. Between these two relationships, I was swaying from side to side. Later, I had sex with Mingzhe, when I was 22 years old. Actually, now thinking about it, I still liked Mingzhe more at the beginning. Because I chose Mingzhe, I broke off contact with my first love.

I studied in a three-year junior college, and Mingzhe studied in a four-year undergraduate, and we graduated in the same year. Shortly after graduation, I found out that I was pregnant.

His family and my family knew about this. Mingzhe asked me to abort the child, because everyone had just graduated and the people around him were not married yet. We even have children now, so it is too embarrassing to tell them out.

Although I hated him because of his decision, I finally aborted the child. Because I gave Chuye to him and married someone else, others would despise me, so I finally chose to forgive him.

(II)

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At that time, my family asked me to break up with Mingzhe because they felt that the financial conditions of Mingzhe's family were too poor. His father was paralyzed, and both he and his younger brother were facing starting a family and starting a career. Moreover, Mingzhe did not have a formal job for a while after graduation.

I listened to my family’s opinions on the surface, but in fact I have always been with Mingzhe. Although we were making noise at that time, I knew he loved me, and I never thought of changing my mind. I felt that we would be together forever.

Later, my brother got married and I wanted to take the junior college to undergraduate , but my mother didn't support it. She said, what is the use of girls going to school? But I was very persistent, and finally I finished my undergraduate degree.

Mom felt that the money should be left to my brother and said I spent my brother’s money. My mother also wanted to let Mingzhe take charge of my undergraduate tuition. I think my parents were too much and did not agree with their suggestions.The school can take out loans, and I took out a loan at the school for one year and paid it back by myself after work. I am very saving and hardworking, but my mom can't see it at all.

A year after graduating from university, Mingzhe and I were preparing to get married. Just before we got married, a friend I met came to see us. Mingzhe dated this friend because of me. There were problems during my date with Mingzhe, and this person always helped to reconcile.

The boy said: "It's my credit for you to be together. Please treat me to dinner." He also said, "Don't look at you all going to college, I may not be as profitable as me."

Ming Zhe was unhappy after hearing this, and he didn't want to invite him to dinner. We started arguing about this and he deliberately threw his socks into my mouth.

I hit him, but he fought back and hit me hard. Later, Mingzhe cut off contact with that man, and he explained that he felt that he coveted me and was afraid that he would snatch me away. Maybe this is just an excuse, because Mingzhe is not good at socializing and thinks that dating with others is a very troublesome thing.

When I got married, my mother didn’t give me the bride price given by Mingzhe’s family, which made me feel very unhappy. My mother clearly knows that Mingzhe's family is in poor condition, and she still asks for money from his family.

My mother always belittles Mingzhe, and naturally I feel a little sorry for being in a bad mood. In the past two years, Mingzhe has made money, and my parents' attitude towards him has also changed, and they also look down on him. I hate the snobbery of my family, but I feel like I'm influenced by them, too. My parents hurt me since I was a child, and I resisted in my heart, but I was influenced by their thoughts.

After getting married, I had almost no money, and my husband didn’t have it. Mingzhe’s family has two houses, the big new house was given to his younger brother and the small dilapidated one was given to us. I felt very wronged. Mingzhe never comforted me, but instead always advised me to endure it. Mingzhe is actually very outstanding and capable, but he has always been unsuccessful, so he earns less money.

(III)

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Later, we gave birth to our first child. With the birth of a child, the conflicts between us are increasing. After Mingzhe came home, he never did housework and always held the computer to play games. When I talked about him, he would quarrel with me. And once things involved in his family, he would just let me bear it.

He didn't talk to his neighbors. The child was sick. I asked him to borrow a car to take the child to the hospital, and he got angry with me. I am the matter of foreign relations at home. I hope he can take on the responsibility of his family, instead of relying on me in everything, so I was dissatisfied and called him cowardly. There were other unpleasant words, which eventually attracted his violence against me.

He always tries hard and pinchs me, but he still doesn't want to strangle me to death. I think my cheating in such a marriage is just something that will happen sooner or later.

I am a simple person by nature and always feel that I have never been truly cared for by others. I feel that my heart is cold and needs warmth. Four years ago, I got in touch with my first love. I admit that I took the initiative, and the main purpose was to revenge Mingzhe for not cherishing me. Shortly after

cheating, I found out that I was pregnant. At this time, Mingzhe also began to doubt me, so I told him the matter. Mingzhe was in pain and kept saying that the child was not his. He didn't say he wanted to divorce me, but he wanted to calm down when he asked me to go back to his parents' home. My parents also knew about this and didn't let me go back no matter what.

Actually, I couldn't bear to leave Mingzhe, but he always beat me at that time, and I thought that as long as I could escape his violence, it would be fine. Later, Mingzhe accompanied me to the hospital for an abortion. I calculated based on what the doctor said that the child belonged to him, but he refused to admit anything he said.

I thought that after revenge on him, I would get the pleasure of liberation and revenge. But in fact, what I feel is deeper pain and self-blame. But I don’t regret it. I think there is part of the reason why Ming Zhe cheated on me. After

cheated, the relationship between us became very delicate. I am different from before. I tolerated him a lot, but he couldn't. He occasionally filed for divorce, and sometimes I also filed for it, and he immediately agreed, but no one took specific actions.

(IV)

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After Mingzhe confirmed that I had cheated, he quickly dated a very young girl. Later, he felt sorry for the girl and it ended soon. As for how far they have developed, I don't know.

Soon after, I became pregnant again. We decided to give birth to this child because we all wanted to get better. Our lives seem to have become a little calmer, but that thing is a minefield between us, we cannot mention or think about it.

I became very sensitive and always suspected that he would cheat. In theory, after this incident, he should have suspected me and was worried about me. But strangely, I began to doubt him.

Shortly after the birth of the child, Mingzhe decided to work hard in other places. In order to create a better life for the two children, I agreed. I know he is very talented, but he just didn't play it out. After he went to another place, he worked very hard and earned more and more money. We bought a car and a house.

Nowadays, we have lived in another place for three years. During this period, he hit me once. Because I said he had a woman outside, I actually motivated him on purpose. Because I saw some ambiguous information on his mobile phone, there were many photos of women in his mobile phone album, but there was not a single photo of our family.

I actually know that he is fine, he is just having an ambiguous relationship. It just so happened that day we were in a bad mood because of the child’s affairs. The child has some problems with his physical development, so the hospital asked him to get an injection. I said to beat him, but he said he would not beat him if he had side effects. We started arguing over this issue and finally broke out on whether there were any women.

We quarreled because I think he was too lazy. He went home once a month and went to bed at 2 a.m. every night, he didn't get up in the morning, or he got up and continued to sleep after eating. He thinks that men make money outside, and that they sleep and rest at home. I was angry to inspire him. He said, let’s talk about it! I said a few more words, and he slapped me a few times in the face, and I also hit him.

(V)

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Since that incident happened, Mingzhe has never given me money. I go to work alone and have to take care of two more children. I also know that he still has feelings for this family, but it seems that I have to listen to him when encountering anything, but what bad things happen are all my fault. I actually have many similarities with him. I am not good at speaking and are very stubborn.

There are many unpleasant things in my work, and sometimes I complain a few times. He said, if you don’t like it, just quit and take care of the children at home. But I think that with such a relationship, I may die without a burial place if I don’t have a job.

However, he is very nice to both children, but he just doesn't give me living expenses. Unless I ask him for it, I won't ask him for it. Although my salary is meager, I have been working hard and will work part-time on weekends. He would also advise me not to do it, but I kept gritting my teeth and persevering.

This may be what he wants. He thinks I started to spend money randomly after cheating. In fact, I spend very little money on myself. After becoming a mother, I spend most of my money on my children. My youngest son earns more than 1,000 yuan of milk powder every month.

Sometimes he would say, marrying him will make me suffer. Because my unit is far away from home and it is very hard to get to and from get off work, he bought me a car.

I know he still loves me, but some of his behaviors always make me feel cold. For example, if I go to my mother's house with him, he will ask me to go first and then he will go by himself.

He goes home once a month, and I sleep in the bedroom, and he sleeps outside. When he woke up, he would take me out to play with his children. In the past, we used to go together wherever we went. Recently, I stopped going with him to vent my dissatisfaction. When he was sleeping at home, I handed over the child to my mother-in-law and went shopping by myself.

When we were young, we never thought that life would be like this. We hope to be loyal to each other and hope to be together for a lifetime. I no longer ask for anything, just take good care of my children. If he wants to divorce one day, I can accept it. He felt that I had cheated, so it was all my fault, and he couldn't get through this hurdle.I was indeed wrong, but I didn't want to do anything humbly anymore. I was tired, but I would still stand there.

Marriage and Love Navigation

Psychology believes that family raising before the age of six plays a very important factor in the formation of human personality. However, Mengyao was fostered at her relative's home from birth and did not return to her parents until elementary school.

Such an experience will inevitably lead to what she said, "I have never been close to them." Coupled with her father's verbal blow, Mengyao always has an extremely insecure state and lives in "home", but she has never felt the love and warmth that "home" brings to her. The obedient child in the eyes of the family was more of her helplessness and helplessness than her compromise.

In life, who doesn’t desire warmth or who doesn’t desire to be loved? Mengyao, who was in adolescence in the third year of junior high school and never felt love, would be deeply moved by anyone who gave her some help and warmth. At this time, Ming Zhe's appearance and active love filled the gap in her mind. In addition, Ming Zhe saved money to subsidize Meng Yao, which made Meng Yao even more touched.

Mingzhe is the first person to give her a sense of warmth and security similar to "home". Her dissatisfaction with Mingzhe, the quarrels between them, and the violent opposition from Mingzhe to her, she did not choose to divorce. Perhaps it was the reason why she was unwilling to lose her so-called "home". But she always felt that she had never been truly cared for by others, so she cheated on her. Mengyao said that this was not because of love, but for revenge, and this revenge should also be derived from the desire for love and warmth.

Unfortunately, in the face of Mengyao's deep pain, self-blame and tolerance after cheating, Ming Zhe not only did not forgive him, but also cheated on him "for tooth". They did not choose to divorce, and they also gave birth to a child, which proved that they still had feelings for each other and they all hoped to develop in a better direction.

family, a marriage that is not bound by a certificate is called "home". It needs to be constructed with love, tolerance and a sense of responsibility. Meng Yao and Mingzhe can seek help from professionals to explore potential problems in marriage and get out of the current dilemma.

If you also have emotional experiences and want to talk and consult, please leave a private message in the background

■Text/Hebei Youth Daily reporter Pi Xueyan

■Editor/Pi Xueyan

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