The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been a difficult problem since ancient times. Many women who have given birth to sons have suddenly felt that their lives have changed suddenly and they have completely experienced the pain of "marrying a wife and forgetting her mother".
After becoming grandmas, the responsibility makes them not have their own life. They look at their children's fatigue every day, and they have to balance their relationship with their daughter-in-law, which makes them exhausted.
Mother-in-law generally sighs: It is not easy to be a mother-in-law, and it is even more difficult to be a grandmother. Pay money, work hard, and still have to be angry. Women in their fifties are in a tired and pleasing life every day, and even gods cannot stand such a life.
What is the core point of the difficulty of getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Finding the core point will be helpful in resolving the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law's loss mentality is the basis for the conflict
The growth of the son, the mother put in a lot of effort and condensed a lot of feelings. In some families, the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, which makes the mother's emotional focus all on her son. The son’s natural feelings for his mother have made him very attached to his mother.
A sensible boy is very caring for his mother and caring. The relationship between mother and son is mixed with blood, companionship, and full of warmth and happiness.
This kind of relationship has changed a lot when the son falls in love and gets married.
After the son fell in love and got married, he focused on his wife and his feelings for his mother were reduced a lot. At this time, the mother will feel lonely and lonely without any support for her emotions.
The biggest feeling of a mother is that she lost her son's love. Everyone is afraid of losing. Once this mentality is formed, it will penetrate deep into the heart, worry about gains and losses, and cause inner pain.
How good the relationship between mother and son is, how painful the mother will feel after the son falls in love and gets married.
The mother felt resentful in her heart. She thought that it was her daughter-in-law who took away her son's love and was full of jealousy towards her.
There is a reason for the innate opposition between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and it is inevitable that the relationship is bad.
Of course, there is also a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which is the generous and tolerant and cultivation of both parties.
Mother-in-law often uses her own views to measure the behavior of her daughter-in-law, causing the contradiction to deepen
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are people who grew up in different eras and have different ideas and concepts. The mother-in-law often uses her own values to measure her daughter-in-law's behavior, thinking that it does not meet her wishes. This makes people look down on their daughter-in-law's words and deeds, causing the conflict to deepen.
For example, modern women have independent thinking, many of them have career aspirations, and small families are shared by couples. When my mother-in-law was young, her focus was mainly on the family. Her husband and children were everything about him. All life revolved around them and she had no life of her own.
Now my mother-in-law feels very distressed when she sees her son doing housework at home. She felt that her daughter-in-law was too spoiled and not a good wife and mother, so she didn't like her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law's jealousy of her in-laws has caused irreconcilable conflicts
Many mother-in-law complain that they are very good to their daughter-in-law and are very attentive to their wives. They really treated their daughter-in-law like their daughter-in-law, but no matter how good they were, they couldn't buy the sincerity of their daughter-in-law.
Daughter-in-law treats her own mothers obviously much better than herself. Even if her mother treats them very ordinary, they are still good to their mothers. No matter how mother-in-law does it, they are not as good as her mother-in-law, so the mother-in-law feels lost.
The mother-in-law will envy and be jealous of the in-laws, thinking that even if the in-laws do nothing, they can get their daughter's love. But they couldn't do it even if they tried their best, so they gave up on themselves and found reasons to be at ease for themselves and their wives to have a bad relationship with their wives in terms of thinking.
or above are the root cause of the current problem caused by the dissonance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The root of
is found, and the solution is very simple.
only has one way, mothers-in-law adjust their thinking. Because you have the most precious thing in the hands of your daughter-in-law, and you are your own son.As long as your son is happy, you will be happy. Isn’t it easy to think about it like this?
The specific method is:
Decently withdraw from the son's life, acknowledge the importance of his daughter-in-law
tell yourself psychologically that his son has gotten married and started a family, and his focus is on the small family, and his responsibilities as a mother have been completed.
Because it is a mother and son who cannot give up emotionally, but rationally, you should recognize the fact that the son has his own family and respect the existence of a small family. You should also recognize the status of the mistress of a small family, because the happiness of a son is determined by the daughter-in-law, and the quality of life of a grandson is also determined by her. This person is very important and should not be despised. She can decide whether the son's family is happy or not. Is this person very important?
Every mother loves her son, but after becoming a mother-in-law, she often can’t tell her position clearly. She always thinks that only she loves her son the most, and that she is the one who is good to her son, so it is impossible to recognize from the bottom of her heart that others will be sincerely good to her son.
Because of this idea, I dislike my daughter-in-law everywhere and think that nothing is right. Is this actually the case with
? It is certainly nothing wrong for a mother to be good to her son. The key is that your goodness is what your son needs? Do you still need yours now? Even if he needs it, he doesn't need to destroy the love of the mistress of the little family.
Therefore, after the son gets married, the mother should recognize the situation and withdraw from his son's love life in time. The natural mother-son relationship is used within a certain limit after the son gets married.
You can continue to care about your son, but at the same time, you must not check your daughter-in-law's concern for your son, and do not point fingers at your daughter-in-law's behavior or make any remarks.
Your maternal love should be reflected in your care and help for your son and daughter-in-law. Please treat everything else as if you didn’t see it. Remember not to interfere in the emotional disputes between young couples.
Adjust yourself from the perspective of your thoughts, accept new things, and
The mother-in-law's vision is very important. Exercise yourself to broaden your horizons, be willing to accept new things, and be willing to change your thinking patterns.
Respect modern society women also have careers, and both men and women jointly undertake housework. If you can help your son’s house, please help, but remember not to feel sorry for your son doing housework and do not resent your daughter-in-law’s laziness. If you can't stand it, you can't help. If you help, please pretend that you can't see it. It is difficult to do these things by
, but it must be done even if it is difficult, because this is the most correct way to do it.
Only when you do one difficult thing can you prove that your ability has improved. For your son, you can even live without even your life. How difficult is it to do such a thing?
Grasp the attitude towards your daughter-in-law and strive to find a balance
After all, the daughter-in-law is not a daughter. No matter how good you treat her, you cannot force your daughter-in-law to treat you like your mother. After all, you didn’t give birth to her and raised her, and this point can tell everything.
You also need to understand that you treat your daughter-in-law well, but it is mainly for your son. If she is not your daughter-in-law and you don’t know her, why should you be nice to her?
So, your goodness has a purpose, and the starting point is for the good of your son, so don’t complain that your daughter-in-law is not as good as your biological mother to you.
is not your biological daughter. For your son to be nice to her, you get your son's family happiness. If your son is happy, you will also be happy. Isn't this what you want?
If you think about this, will you not ask for anything?
As long as the mother-in-law understands the above three points, she can balance her mind, adjust her emotions, get along with her daughter-in-law with a healthy mind, understand and tolerate each other. Both parties are satisfied, so the son is naturally happier.
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