Recently, I saw a private message from the student in the background: "Why does he not want to speak when he gets home? When asked, he may get angry. How should he live such a life? It's really tiring."
I believe this situation is definitely is not an isolated case.
Some people may choose meaningless quarrels when encountering this situation, while others may pass by because they are afraid of quarrels and will not go into it in depth.
No matter which type you are, you cannot bring your married life on the right track.
quarrels are normal. Everyone is ordinary people. quarrels can vent the negative energy accumulated between you ; but if you understand what kind of mentality he is, can take the initiative when quarrels, avoid some ineffective quarrels. If there is a problem, face it and solve it, and enhance each other's feelings in the solution.
Today, the talented teacher will take you to to understand the three different mentalities of men, so that you can effectively solve problems.
1. Ostrich effect refuses communication
When I consulted me, a student said: "My husband stays in the car for a long time after get off work almost every day and doesn't go home. When he prepares the meal at home, he asks him back. He is still very unhappy. When he goes home, he asks him why, but he doesn't say much, just say he wants to sit in the car for a while."
For women, home is a harbor of love. No matter what happens in life, I hope someone can communicate with her.
. When a man encounters a problem, he is more willing to choose to face or escape and refuse to communicate with you. This is what I often say to you. causes different thinking between men and women. They are afraid of losing face in you and your disappointment in him.
This is like the ostrich effect in marriage. A man is unwilling to communicate with you and just wants to solve the problem by himself. It may also be that he does not want to solve the problem at all, because in this way he can temporarily not consider the consequences and pretend that nothing has happened.
One party is eager for communication; while the other party refuses to communicate and chooses to escape, the problem will never be solved .
When you find this situation and want to change it, you need to find the source of the problem in and fundamentally solve the problem .
2. Ostrich upgrade thorn Hedgehog
When a man experiences this or similar "ostrich behavior", must not rush and ask directly, as this will easily cause greater pressure to refuse communication.
men usually but not hard . If you ask him directly, it is easy to turn him from an ostrich with his head buried in the sand into a hedgehog with his thorns all over his body.
is the same example just now: you cooked the food and waited for him to come home for dinner, but when he stayed in the car for a long time, the food was already cold, you couldn't help asking him why, but he didn't say anything about it after a long time.
The grievance in your heart erupted at this moment. Asking him and asking him to give you an answer. He chose to ignore him and not explain, and even became angry and embarrassed. In the end, you still parted in this matter.
communication methods are different, simple and crude inquiries, gentle and caring inquiries, but when you encounter this situation, you need to firmly grasp the initiative of .
The simple and crude way of handling it is somewhat effective in solving problems, but it will directly hurt each other's feelings. Gentle and caring inquiries, just like boiling a frog in in warm water, can not only effectively solve problems, but also promote the harmonious development of husband and wife's relationship.
3. Boiling a frog in warm water
Before we talked about this man was an ostrich with his head buried in the sand. Only when the ostrich could not feel the pressure and threat from the outside world would he slowly pull his head out of the sand.
, like , you also need to create a safe atmosphere for him, so that he can slowly remove his guard against , tell you what he has encountered recently, and you can face up to the problem and solve the problem together. This process is to let him voluntarily hand over the initiative to you.
For example, when a man is still sitting alone in the car after get off work, you tell him: "Dear, I bought you the coffee I often drink and come to you." Then he got into the passenger seat and said jokingly: "It turns out that sitting in the car really feels much more relaxed."
Then talk to him about what interesting things have happened in his nearest neighbor's home, and whether his favorite team has won a row of victories recently. When all your chat topics revolve around him, he will unconsciously relax, and all your actions and words are telling him to guide him.
I have always cared about you the most, and I will be your strongest support. He will slowly open his heart, no longer the ostrich with his head buried in the soil, nor will he be the hedgehog who blows his thorns as soon as he asks. He will tell you which project may be unsuccessful recently or the promotion is unclear, etc.
When a man is willing to tell you these things, it is he who feels your concern for him. He will feel moved and feel guilty in his heart. You just need to tell him: "No matter how things develop, I will stand by you and accompany you."
I believe that he will not choose to escape when encountering similar problems in the future. He will actively communicate with you and face them together.
Boil a frog in warm water so that the frog will not escape, For men, they will definitely not reject a woman who is as tender as water, rather than a woman who can't understand him every day and instead quarrel.
So not only when you encounter the ostrich effect, you can communicate in this way, but also take the initiative in daily life. Whether you are the one who takes the initiative or the one who is soothed by you, your life will get better and better for marriage.
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