There is a saying: This couple quarrels, and the bedside quarrels and the bed ends are . In fact, in life, some couples have the better the quarrel, but many couples have a big problem when they quarrel. They may have a cold war for several months, sleeping in separate beds or even divorced in this The protocol is placed on the table.
Then let’s talk about What kind of marriage will never end? Marriages like have a characteristic, that is, when couples quarrel, they actually communicate with .
so you have to reflect on whether you will make the following two mistakes when you quarrel with your partner?
The first error is that the content you quarrel is always to repost
For example, many of our sisters are deeply troubled by the battle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Whenever you encounter this mother-in-law suppressing you, you will argue with your husband: Look at how your mother treats me. She always gets involved in our affairs. At that time, I didn’t even want your bride price, so I married you. Now I live like this.
And often you will add a sentence in the end: I can't live with you anymore, I want to divorce. You see that in such a quarrel, you are actually outputting emotions in unilaterally. After you quarrel, this matter will never be resolved because you did not propose a solution .
The second category is that couples are prone to burst out at one time
that is to say Usually, you two are very depressed in this marriage. Many of your grievances do not say for this need, and always think that you are The one who paid more between these two people, okay, when they encounter conflicts, they will all their grievances at once.
At this time, you can't hear or see how the other person feels. You only care about talking about it yourself, so such a quarrel will definitely lead to escalation of conflicts.
So what does Teacher Hu want to teach you today? When you are arguing, you have to tighten a string for yourself, that is, , I have to communicate with you .
So what does communication look like? is how I can say exactly what I want? Can I understand what you want, too? And you two need to come up with a specific solution.
Take the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problem mentioned just now. Then the next time you quarrel with your husband, you can argue with him like this. When you come up, you can burst out your emotions and vent your vent.
Look at your mother treating me like this again, she keeps getting involved, I really can't stand it anymore! But next, you have to express your inner feelings: If you always don’t speak for me, I feel that I am not that important in your heart .
This sentence must be said, because only the man you say knows what you want? When you finish saying this, what is the feedback from men often?
Oh my, it’s hard for me, you are my wife, she is my mother, it’s hard for me to be a human being . And you must listen to what he said. This is his true feelings. You cannot just care about your own feelings and not understand him .
But after this quarrel, you two need to sit down and think about it carefully. Is there any specific solution to solve it?
For example, can you think of a way to separate the reality level, don’t live together, go out to buy a house or rent a house, try to avoid contact with your mother-in-law, so that your relationship will definitely be There are benefits.
If this problem cannot be solved at the moment at the reality level, we can formulate some codes for . For example, the next time your mother starts talking about me again, I will give you a look, I will send you this WeChat message, and I will take a photo of it.
At this time, you will find a way to say something for me, or you will take me out and let us go shopping, watch movies, and go out for a meal to make my mood better.
This is actually promoting your solution to this problem, rather than always being in the same place, and quarreling about the same thing .
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