Comfort Author: Zheng Benzhen
Shop Manager greetings: I just collapsed once a while ago, and then I found out that it was because of a blind spot of my own that I was accidentally triggered, so I still believe that there was no tears and collapse for no reason, both of which were in ours The brain helps us process it and then releases a signal outward. This signal tells us: Your system needs to be restarted and maintained.
I wonder if you have ever had such a moment— Because of a trivial matter, the emotions suddenly collapsed . I can only strongly feel the complex emotions in my heart, for the original collapse Because I don't know what I want.
Not long ago, I witnessed such a moment when my good friend was. On the phone, she broke down and cried, no longer like the "Superman" girl who handled things well. But when I asked, "What's wrong? What happened?" she couldn't say it, and she just felt that she was inexplicably collapsed, as if for no reason.
But the sudden collapse will not be true after all, under the calm life on the surface, is our surging inner world - What have we not realized? What is hidden behind the collapse? If you have been confused by such a problem, today's content may give you some inspiration.
After my constant questioning, my good friend began to describe her recent situation to me.
can't sleep, the flag that has been set up cannot be completed, there are many more projects to do at work, the pet at home is sick, and it is difficult to communicate with his boyfriend... The pain in every sentence is real, and the feeling of powerlessness overflows from the words .
But she didn't seem to be willing to admit her pain. Every time she said a point, she tried to recycle it and repeatedly stuffed it into self-persuasion.
"I know it's no big deal, it's all small problems." "Actually, I shouldn't complain, I shouldn't be fragile."
It's not difficult to imagine that in daily life, she uses various standards of her mind to dominate everything she has.
For us, the sudden collapse, may be because we use reason to firmly suppress emotions, use escape and concealment to barely maintain the operation of our lives, and ignore the emotional state of our inner self-bearing.
1 But what is the underlying emotion we suppress? What exactly are we escaping and hiding?
When my friend was still immersed in the repetition of "Why am I so useless", I suddenly asked her: "It's just so useless, what's wrong?"
The other end of the phone was empty for a few seconds, as if it was because of this sentence. It was a prudent and honest sentence. He asked back and forth with a daze.
She broke her self-blame for the first time and asked herself: "Yes, it's just so useless, so what's wrong?"
digged from the surface of collapse to the depth of emotions. Its core is actually a sense of shame, and it is our self-conception. Fragile-oriented resistance.
What we are actually escaping is the self that is not the same as the perfect and powerful self in our imagination; what we hide is the fragility of "powerlessness".
2 What kind of thinking process is the so-called "reason"?
What we call "reason" is the idea of "I shouldn't have emotions" when emotions appear, pointing the sharp knife of negative words at yourself, and denying yourself with self-criticism; or the rise of "I am not allowed to have emotions" The thought of "deliberately keeping a distance from the heart, hiding the pain and numbing oneself.
The reason why we have this psychological inertia:
- may be due to the accusation of derogatory nature in the words of parents and teachers,
- may be due to the suppression of intimate relationships,
- may also come from the social culture of performanceism "first The usual logic of dealing with things and then dealing with emotions.
No matter which of the above, after we agree with the negative voice, we internalize it into a part of ourselves, as the ruler of "reason", one-sided attributing .
But the self under self-criticism is not what we are real selves. For those with high sensitivity, "handling emotions first and then handling things" is more efficient. Deconstructing the so-called "reason", we will find the unreasonableness of logic - Do we not allow emotions to exist, and it will disappear? The preset that
requires itself to "no emotions" is impossible to achieve. The treatment of "self-criticism" and "self-paralyzing" cannot play the positive role we expect, but instead consumes our energy, and the happiness after overdrawing will move towards the opposite of reason.
But if we have fallen into the cliff of emotional out-of-control, what should we do?
Don't worry, You can try the following four steps to find a parachute that protects yourself in the crash.
The first step is to actively withdraw
at the moment of collapse and try to objectively sort out matters that may lead to emotional collapse from a third-person perspective-
- What happened to recently?
- Which parts of it have a heavy weight in my heart?
Maybe it is from the perspectives of work, study, and feelings. Maybe it is the mountain-like pressure that falls on us. Try to concretize and literalize the reasons for your complex emotions. If possible, sort the points listed by yourself in importance.
For good friends, the source of collapse may be:
- Unhealthy life state (insomnia)
- Unfulfilled self-expectations (set flag) html l14
- Working heavy pressure
- Emergency (pet sick)
- Intimate relationship Communication problems...
is more in-depth and specific, probably "I am worried that if I suffer from insomnia, my body will have problems. After flag falls, I will be ridiculed by others. If the work fails, it will affect the progress of the project; I am afraid that the pet will get sicker, and communication problems Let me and the people I like gradually get farther and farther away..."
When we haven't sorted out, we will feel like a mess, heavy and vague inside. Describing the status quo is a "seeing" process. You may find that "although the difficulties are complicated, it is just that!" Our physical and mental energy will be gathered, breaking through difficulties and challenges one by one.
The second step is to consciously perceive emotions
First we need to adjust our cognition and accept "It's just that we can't do anything for the time being, and it's nothing." Then, find a safe space and use "I feel" begins with actively perceiving the inner emotional level.
What levels may be in the emotions of good friends? She can say,—
- "I feel powerless because I always make higher demands on myself, as if only doing 'better' my existence is valuable."
- "I feel tired, and A little angry. It seems that I have always been guiding communication and actively solving problems in my intimate relationship. His passiveness made me question how much he valued this relationship. "
- " I feel very scared, I am not ready to face anything A possible loss of a relationship."
If it is difficult to recognize the level of emotions and can only be described in general, We can also use the emotional vocabulary to help us identify our feelings at this moment.
In the process of refining emotions, we will find that emotions are so complex, so structured and layered.
Listen to your own feelings of fatigue, fragility, and powerlessness, and be aware of the emotions such as anger, jealousy, and regret that may be mixed in it. In the signal of collapse, we will find our inner demands.
The third step is to constantly ask yourself
with gentle curiosity. "You have such a feeling, why?" and try to give answers from different angles such as subjective and objective. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
For example, a good friend feels that the work pressure is too great and can't breathe, and wants to escape. She can actually try to ask herself -
- Why do I feel this way?
- is it really because I am not capable and I can achieve nothing?
- Or is it too heavy to exceed the load of ordinary people?
- or is the design and division of labor of the work itself unreasonable?
As the emotional ABC therapy mentioned in " Burns Emotional Therapy " is mentioned in , A refers to what happened, B refers to the cognitive processing process, C refers to our feelings - our curiosity about ourselves It's cognition The process of processing helps us to break the automated reaction of self-reproach. In the attempt to reattribute, we may form a more comprehensive multi-angle perception of the reasons for collapse or the boundaries of self-capacity. The fourth step of
is to "give yourself some time to cry"
hung up the phone, and a friend sent a message: "I never want to cry so much." I replied with a joke: "That's how shallow it usually be. Cry a little! "
is actually like this. usually actively guides the release of emotions so that the emotions will not burst suddenly under the depression. Maybe it’s a tear-jerking movie, maybe it’s a hot bath, or maybe it’s a drink at night… We can set up our own emotional regulation valves, and abandon the usual paralysis mechanism in relaxed and weakened scenes of self-control. . In a private space and time without being disturbed, actively mobilize the tension, sadness, anxiety and uneasiness in your heart.
is like dismembering a big boss into a little monster. We can take the initiative to dissolve the "big collapse" of into "small collapse" that we can face and endure -and then close the emotional gate, clean up our mood, and resurrect with full blood. Go back to the life we have to face.
For the emotional state of collapse, which makes us feel out of control in life, we can easily regard it as a great enemy to confront it.
But do we actually have another choice? Maybe, we can also try to shake hands with it and talk to , and at the moment of collapse, feel and even enjoy the extremely high emotional concentration of our moment, and regard it as a window.
Through this window, we can re-examine the status quo, care for life, and understand our hearts. From the collapse and uneasy of "Ah, why am I like this?" to the Xinyue acceptance of "Oh? I am like this!" .
"What's the temporary powerlessness? The sun rises tomorrow is the time for me to set off again." May you meet your inner self gently in the self-exploration with pain.
Sugar pills, have you had any collapse recently for no reason? How did you solve it? Welcome to share in the "Comment section".
[Consolation Psychological Shop , a psychological convenience store with many practical methods and tools, welcome to sit. 】
The same name official account: Comfort the psychological shop
back Rabbit hole Experience free psychological tree hole
back Parallel world Participate in psychological ability training
back Toolkit Get free Fee psychological self-help toolkit
But the self under self-criticism is not what we are real selves. For those with high sensitivity, "handling emotions first and then handling things" is more efficient. Deconstructing the so-called "reason", we will find the unreasonableness of logic - Do we not allow emotions to exist, and it will disappear? The preset that
requires itself to "no emotions" is impossible to achieve. The treatment of "self-criticism" and "self-paralyzing" cannot play the positive role we expect, but instead consumes our energy, and the happiness after overdrawing will move towards the opposite of reason.
But if we have fallen into the cliff of emotional out-of-control, what should we do?
Don't worry, You can try the following four steps to find a parachute that protects yourself in the crash.
The first step is to actively withdraw
at the moment of collapse and try to objectively sort out matters that may lead to emotional collapse from a third-person perspective-
- What happened to recently?
- Which parts of it have a heavy weight in my heart?
Maybe it is from the perspectives of work, study, and feelings. Maybe it is the mountain-like pressure that falls on us. Try to concretize and literalize the reasons for your complex emotions. If possible, sort the points listed by yourself in importance.
For good friends, the source of collapse may be:
- Unhealthy life state (insomnia)
- Unfulfilled self-expectations (set flag) html l14
- Working heavy pressure
- Emergency (pet sick)
- Intimate relationship Communication problems...
is more in-depth and specific, probably "I am worried that if I suffer from insomnia, my body will have problems. After flag falls, I will be ridiculed by others. If the work fails, it will affect the progress of the project; I am afraid that the pet will get sicker, and communication problems Let me and the people I like gradually get farther and farther away..."
When we haven't sorted out, we will feel like a mess, heavy and vague inside. Describing the status quo is a "seeing" process. You may find that "although the difficulties are complicated, it is just that!" Our physical and mental energy will be gathered, breaking through difficulties and challenges one by one.
The second step is to consciously perceive emotions
First we need to adjust our cognition and accept "It's just that we can't do anything for the time being, and it's nothing." Then, find a safe space and use "I feel" begins with actively perceiving the inner emotional level.
What levels may be in the emotions of good friends? She can say,—
- "I feel powerless because I always make higher demands on myself, as if only doing 'better' my existence is valuable."
- "I feel tired, and A little angry. It seems that I have always been guiding communication and actively solving problems in my intimate relationship. His passiveness made me question how much he valued this relationship. "
- " I feel very scared, I am not ready to face anything A possible loss of a relationship."
If it is difficult to recognize the level of emotions and can only be described in general, We can also use the emotional vocabulary to help us identify our feelings at this moment.
In the process of refining emotions, we will find that emotions are so complex, so structured and layered.
Listen to your own feelings of fatigue, fragility, and powerlessness, and be aware of the emotions such as anger, jealousy, and regret that may be mixed in it. In the signal of collapse, we will find our inner demands.
The third step is to constantly ask yourself
with gentle curiosity. "You have such a feeling, why?" and try to give answers from different angles such as subjective and objective. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
For example, a good friend feels that the work pressure is too great and can't breathe, and wants to escape. She can actually try to ask herself -
- Why do I feel this way?
- is it really because I am not capable and I can achieve nothing?
- Or is it too heavy to exceed the load of ordinary people?
- or is the design and division of labor of the work itself unreasonable?
As the emotional ABC therapy mentioned in " Burns Emotional Therapy " is mentioned in , A refers to what happened, B refers to the cognitive processing process, C refers to our feelings - our curiosity about ourselves It's cognition The process of processing helps us to break the automated reaction of self-reproach. In the attempt to reattribute, we may form a more comprehensive multi-angle perception of the reasons for collapse or the boundaries of self-capacity. The fourth step of
is to "give yourself some time to cry"
hung up the phone, and a friend sent a message: "I never want to cry so much." I replied with a joke: "That's how shallow it usually be. Cry a little! "
is actually like this. usually actively guides the release of emotions so that the emotions will not burst suddenly under the depression. Maybe it’s a tear-jerking movie, maybe it’s a hot bath, or maybe it’s a drink at night… We can set up our own emotional regulation valves, and abandon the usual paralysis mechanism in relaxed and weakened scenes of self-control. . In a private space and time without being disturbed, actively mobilize the tension, sadness, anxiety and uneasiness in your heart.
is like dismembering a big boss into a little monster. We can take the initiative to dissolve the "big collapse" of into "small collapse" that we can face and endure -and then close the emotional gate, clean up our mood, and resurrect with full blood. Go back to the life we have to face.
For the emotional state of collapse, which makes us feel out of control in life, we can easily regard it as a great enemy to confront it.
But do we actually have another choice? Maybe, we can also try to shake hands with it and talk to , and at the moment of collapse, feel and even enjoy the extremely high emotional concentration of our moment, and regard it as a window.
Through this window, we can re-examine the status quo, care for life, and understand our hearts. From the collapse and uneasy of "Ah, why am I like this?" to the Xinyue acceptance of "Oh? I am like this!" .
"What's the temporary powerlessness? The sun rises tomorrow is the time for me to set off again." May you meet your inner self gently in the self-exploration with pain.
Sugar pills, have you had any collapse recently for no reason? How did you solve it? Welcome to share in the "Comment section".
[Consolation Psychological Shop , a psychological convenience store with many practical methods and tools, welcome to sit. 】
The same name official account: Comfort the psychological shop
back Rabbit hole Experience free psychological tree hole
back Parallel world Participate in psychological ability training
back Toolkit Get free Fee psychological self-help toolkit
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-