We should pay a little attention and actually find that conflicts can be seen everywhere: conflicts between colleagues or superiors and subordinates in the workplace, conflicts between husband and wife in marriage, conflicts between parent-child relationships in family, conflicts

We should pay a little attention and actually find that conflicts can be seen everywhere: conflicts between colleagues or superiors and subordinates in the workplace, conflicts between husband and wife in marriage, conflicts between parent-child relationships in family, conflicts between partners in enterprises, etc.

The conflict brought by each relationship is a kind of harm to us. Long-term or fierce conflicts can lead to physical diseases such as liver, cardiovascular, cancer, etc.; it can also cause psychological diseases such as alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and suicide.

Since conflicts occur so frequently and are extremely harmful, how can we effectively solve it?

Canadian author Danny Bolier provides us with 4 stages of resolving conflicts, as well as practical small methods that we can use in each stage.

01 Block further damage: Armistice

To avoid the escalation of the problem and the expansion of the damage, first we must figure out where our reactions come from when we encounter conflicts, and then consider how to deal with it.

First of all, the uncontrollable impulses of humans when encountering conflicts all come from our first and second layers of brains, so we call them primates and wooden human brains.

The evolution of these two layers of brains satisfies the intuitive and rapid response capabilities needed by humans in ancient times to face harsh living environments.

But in modern civilized society, what individuals need to survive better is the third layer of brain - the diplomat brain. The diplomat's brain is quiet and balanced, knows how to control his emotions, and is calm in the face of things, which is more conducive to us protecting ourselves in conflict.

understands that all your impulses come from the original brain, so how do you deal with it? Everyone's original response is different and the handling method is different.

Some people are roaring lions, and they are fearful and hateful when conflict occurs. The armistice measures that this type of people should take are to remain silent.

Some people are manipulated snakes. When conflicts occur, they are good at disguising themselves and attacking their prey whenever they have the chance. What this type of people should do is to reflect deeply on why everyone stays away from themselves.

Some people are escaping antelope and are used to escaping when conflict occurs. This type of person should learn from the lion, and the ceasefire means it is time to refuse to be dominated by fear and to show strength and courage to deal with the attacker.

Of course, there are many typical primitive reactions left. By figuring out which category you belong to, you can find the corresponding method.

02 Start to ease the relationship: assume responsibility

As the saying goes, "One slap can't sound." Since there is a conflict, the two sides must have their own reasons and their own mistakes. At this time, if one of the parties first finds the reasons and assumes responsibility from themselves, the tense atmosphere will be significantly eased.

For this reason, the author also provides us with 9 practical methods in the article, namely: playing card analysis method, truth circle method, level table method, finding different methods, fuse method, "Pepsi Cola" method, and dart effect Method, token method and traffic light method.

can use different small methods according to personal preferences and conflicts. I think the playing card analysis method is good at handling parent-child relationships, and the truth circle method is good at dealing with conflicts of personal needs. Of course, you can also choose the "dish" that suits you.

03 Start repairing relationships: Listening, expressing, and repairing

Listening to others in peace is a virtue, but even so, not many people can do it, let alone in the event of conflict, it is really necessary to do this It's quite difficult.

But no matter what, we have overcome the original brain and successfully walked through the first two stages and entered the third stage, and we are about to enter the most difficult third stage. In order to prevent cognitive bias from occurring in new communication between the two parties of the conflict, the author carefully prepared a rich "mediation toolbox", 11 communication skills, self-management methods, interpersonal management methods and promoting conflict resolution Methods to protect conflicts.

04 Complete rehabilitation of relationships: Maintaining and consolidating relationships

If a relationship wants to recover after experiencing conflicts and injuries, it must be more nourishing than before. The core of maintaining and consolidating relationships is that we need to take the initiative and invest more in time and emotion.

First invest in yourself, put yourself in the best state, and then bring the best you into the relationship, respect the other party’s interests and needs, and you will surely create magic for a relationship.

people are social animals and social animals. The harm caused by conflict to our relationship cannot be underestimated. I hope everyone can master the method of conflict resolution, have good interpersonal relationships, a healthy body and psychology, and live happily.