text/Zhang Xiaonuan
The mother-in-law complained to her son about her daughter-in-law: I cut a total of 28 pieces for that bowl of meat, you ate 7 pieces, your dad ate 8 pieces, and she made 13 pieces alone. You said, put that bowl of meat at home. If I order some food, your dad and I can eat it for a week. Today, if she eats like this, how much food money will be wasted. Even if the family takes advantage of the golden mountain, they can't stand her doing this.
In the eyes of the mother-in-law, if the daughter-in-law eats more pieces of meat, she is wasting money.
In the eyes of my daughter-in-law, eating meat is just a normal meal. In the past, neither her parents nor her husband had ever disliked her eating an extra piece of meat.
But when the parents-in-law came, everything changed.
However, all the trivial matters today are caused by Hu Lijuan's life-or-death choice.
has a good saying: This is not the life I want, but I asked for it.
False pregnancy "marriage fraud"
In order to marry Yaping, Hu Lijuan did not hesitate to lie to her parents that she was pregnant with Yaping's child.
When Hu Lijuan’s mother learned that she had a boyfriend from the countryside, had no car, no house, and no Shanghai registered permanent residence, she was so angry that she almost jumped off the building. She scolded Hu Lijuan: I held you in the palm of my hand and raised you so big that I couldn’t bear to let you wash a handkerchief. You’d better go out and find some country people for me.
At that time, Hu Lijuan said: When I am looking for a boyfriend, as long as I like him, it will be fine. Whoever likes him can find it by himself.
Seeing that her daughter was so determined, the mother decided to find out more about it first and proposed to let Yaping come to the house as a guest.
After meeting Yaping, her mother enlisted her father to stand on a united front with her, determined not to let Lijuan marry Yaping, who had no family background and no background.
’s mother said to Lijuan: What’s so good about this man? Isn't it just that he looks better and is taller?
In the eyes of parents, getting married is about finding a practical man. Life is too long. You can't survive by being sweet-mouthed or good-looking. That's just a pink bubble, just superficial.
In " Wang Gui and Anna ", Anna's mother once said to Anna: People of your age, what you see in life now are just soap bubbles and bubble gum. It's okay to take a bite, it's quite sweet, but you know what? ? What looks radiant at first glance may not necessarily be attractive. Mom is a person who has been here before. Just do as she says. Don’t ask me why?
However, when we are young, we all want to find a loved one with whom we can chat and have fun. It is absolutely impossible for us to move closer and compromise with "firewood, rice, oil and salt" at an age beginning with the word "2".
The reason why we can’t agree with our parents’ views on mate selection is largely due to the different dimensions of life. Our parents see marriage, but we only see love.
However, once you get the certificate and live your life, love will slowly fade away, and the only thing left is marriage. If love fails, you can start over again, but if marriage fails, it is difficult to start over again. Sometimes you have to admit failure. Once recognized, it lasts forever.
In order to completely convince her mother, Hu Lijuan lied that she was pregnant with Yaping's child. If her parents agreed, they would agree, and they would agree if they disagreed.
's parents were completely panicked when they heard this, and it was no longer possible to disagree.
I would say that the only people in the world who can cure their parents are their children. Because in this world, only children are the weak spots that hurt when their parents poke them.
In order to allow their daughter to settle down in Shanghai, Lijuan’s parents spent 130,000 yuan that they had saved through frugality, and Yaping’s parents scraped together 20,000 yuan. Lijuan and Yaping dug out With all my savings of 50,000 yuan, I bought a small duplex in a remote area of Shanghai, which is considered to be my own home.
The happy life of the young couple began.
But this happiness that did not last long was completely overturned with the arrival of my parents-in-law.
Differences in Concepts
On the first day when her parents-in-law arrived, Hu Lijuan’s home was rearranged. The sofa was covered with towels, the pillows were wrapped in green cloth, and the tablecloths in the living room were replaced with disposable ones. The artistic photo was covered by the calendar....
Lijuan felt very uncomfortable, but after listening to her mother-in-law's explanation, she didn't say anything more and could only swallow her unhappiness.
When she woke up the next day, Hu Lijuan was surprised to find that the pajamas and underwear that she and her husband had taken off were neatly placed on the sofa in the bedroom. Obviously, her mother-in-law took advantage of her and her husband's deep sleep. At that time, I entered the bedroom.
Lijuan woke up Yaping in surprise, but Yaping said: Mom will help you clean up, but you are not happy anymore.
I have always felt that it is understandable for parents-in-law to stay at their son and daughter-in-law's house, but after all, it is not our own home. No matter what we do, we must first seek the opinions of our son and daughter-in-law. This is the most basic respect between people.
But the first day Yaping’s parents moved into the young couple’s house, they said: Their son’s home is their own home.
Between parents-in-law and daughter-in-law, once that boundary is crossed, the "peace" will be broken. Some parents-in-law never think that their son’s home is their son’s home. They will deeply believe that their son’s home is their own home, and they can do whatever they want. If, on the other hand, the girl's parents are like this and feel that their daughter's home is their own home, then I would like to ask, how can the young couple survive?
I especially like Grandma Tsuneko’s view on the parent-child relationship in "The World Is Worth". She said:
You must know that since it is a parent-child relationship, the bond between you will not be broken.
In my opinion, such bonds are like bridges. Although the wheels of life of parents and children are heading in different directions, you can travel back and forth at any time due to the existence of the bridge.
No matter what, since the child has started his own life, parents should not rush in.
Since the child's life trajectory has been separated from our own, we can communicate through the bridge of parent-child relationship, and try not to board this bridge frequently.
If some parents can clearly understand this, whether it is a parent-child relationship or a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, there will basically not be too much trouble.
What really surprised Hu Lijuan was that one day, Yaping didn’t come home after working overtime. Her mother-in-law didn’t cook. She just heated up the leftovers from the previous day and said in front of Lijuan: Yaping called and didn’t eat at home. , I thought there was no need to do it, we can deal with the leftovers.
Lijuan was very unhappy, and it was obvious that she was treated differently. Lijuan gave ideological guidance to her mother-in-law's habit of eating leftovers, and explained a series of dangers of eating leftovers, but her mother-in-law not only refused to listen, but also He scolded Lijuan for living a life that was too "extravagant."
Lijuan was unable to refute and gave up persuasion.
As a result, my mother-in-law said: With the way you are doing it, with the mortgage and daily expenses, how can I afford to have a child in the future? People always have to plan for the future.
However, Lijuan felt that just because she wanted to have children, she could not lower her living standards and live in a miserable state every day. It would be better to wait until the economic level was better before having children.
As a result, the father-in-law on the side was not happy. He immediately slammed the table and yelled at Lijuan for being selfish, saying that no one gets married for the sake of continuing the family line. If all people were like Lijuan, the people on the earth would be extinct long ago like the dinosaurs.
Faced with her father-in-law's unreasonable rebuke, Lijuan's tears fell into the bowl. She felt extremely aggrieved, but she did not refute.
I think it was not that Lijuan did not want to refute at that moment, but she refuted it. It was like a chicken talking to a duck, not on the same channel. The so-called summer bug cannot be talked about in the ice.
Poverty alleviation marriage, the word "poverty" sometimes really not only refers to poverty in terms of money, but I think it also refers to poverty in concept. However, the latter is the real reason that makes a marriage a mess.
Having no money is just a symptom, and a poor concept is the internal injury. If you have no money, you can earn it if you work hard, but if you have a procrastinating attitude, how can you “support” it? You can't change something that's deeply ingrained overnight.
For Yaping’s parents, in their hometown in the countryside, isn’t marrying a wife just to carry on the family line? Isn’t the first priority of marriage to have children? Isn’t the purpose of giving birth to a son just to support his parents in their old age? Isn’t my son’s home my own home?
As for Lijuan's parents, as long as their daughter lives a happy life, we can help as much as we can and not disturb the young couple's life if we can.
Therefore, there is no right or wrong in this world, nor is there right or wrong. Different concepts will inevitably fall apart if they are forcibly integrated.
But at the beginning, Lijuan opposed her parents' views and insisted on going her own way. She felt that Yaping had similar ideas to hers, and they were very happy to get along with her.
That's because parents didn't intervene. Think about it, if a person has grown up in a family for more than 20 years, how could he not be imprinted with the concepts of his original family?
is not seen now because the person who can stir up the concept of the original family in his genes has not yet appeared. Once this person appears, the old concepts sleeping in his genes will be awakened immediately. For Yaping , this person is the parent.
Conflict escalates
Lijuan ran around the mall and bought a bunch of fashionable clothes that were on sale in large and small bags. As a result, her mother-in-law couldn't stand it anymore and started to accuse Lijuan of not being able to live a good life.
But Lijuan feels that I earn my own money and spend it myself, and I am not a freeloader, so why should I listen to you.
I have always believed that when you are responsible for a certain behavior of a person, the premise is that you have paid. Speeches without paying will generally not be adopted. If the mother-in-law gives Lijuan living expenses regularly and Lijuan is so lavish, the mother-in-law certainly has the right to take charge of Lijuan's lifestyle; but the mother-in-law does not give Lijuan living expenses. Lijuan spends her own money. The mother-in-law cannot stand it and can turn a blind eye. , but the duty of chattering is just crossing the line.
Yaping was in a dilemma. She secretly said to Lijuan: Next time you give your mother a quotation, erase a zero.
As for Lijuan, is this a matter of erasing a zero? As for my mother-in-law's consumption concept of wearing a piece of clothing for ten years, even if you erase a zero, she will still think it is expensive.
The problem is not whether to erase a zero or not. The problem is that the difference in consumption concepts seems to be separated by a galaxy that cannot be crossed.
Regarding the consumption issue, Lijuan laughed at Yaping’s mother for being old-fashioned. Yaping counterattacked, saying that Lijuan’s mother was buying vegetables at the vegetable market and she blackmailed the boss for two green onions. The two started teasing each other's mom.
Lijuan was furious: What happened to my mother? The money saved was not used to buy a house for us. My mother paid 130,000, what about your mother? Paid some money. Seeing how you usually behave in front of my mother, why did you immediately fall out when your own mother came?
Yaping didn't like to hear it, and even opened up old scores and said: I'm always nice to your mother and respect your mother, it's all for your sake. She didn't agree to your marrying me at first, so I won't mention it. If you are willing to marry me, it's because of my good character.
Lijuan’s mother did not agree with Lijuan’s marriage to Yaping, but Yaping always kept it in mind.
To be honest, I particularly dislike one kind of man, that is Yaping. If he is truly a generous man and loves Lijuan more than himself, he should understand the painstaking efforts of being a parent. Who doesn't want their daughter to marry a man with better conditions? This idea is understandable. Yaping, on the other hand, kept Lijuan's mother's "maternal love" in mind and secretly hated that this kind of man was a petty person.
In fact, from their quarrel this time and what Yaping said, it is enough to conclude that Lijuan will not live with this man for a long time.
Because Lijuan said at the beginning that she looked down on the small-mindedness of Shanghai men and sought out Yaping because Yaping had the air of a northern man.
However, I made a mistake.
After the two people quarreled, they settled their differences in the joy of fish and water, and the conflict disappeared in an instant.
There is no contradiction in newlyweds. You cannot see the contradiction. Even if there are irreconcilable conflicts, they will be covered up by hormones. There is nothing that cannot be solved by a "couple life".
However, marriage is not temporary, it is for a lifetime. The passion subsides, conflicts slowly surface, hormones disappear without a trace, leaving only complaints and quarrels, endless and endless.
Author: Zhang Xiaonuan, I hope you and I can meet each other in the warm and comfortable words before it is too late and grow together!
It is not easy to be original, and plagiarism will be investigated!
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