has seen such a story.
A good gambler will always win when he bets with tiles.
When you bet with a hook, you win and lose half.
When you bet gold, you always lose.
It's not because gambling skills have changed, but because gold is so expensive that people have to care. So I place my bets with trepidation and lose my money anxiously.
This is the "law of caring" in psychology: the more you care about something and desire something, the easier it is to lose something.
A person's time and energy are limited. If you care about too many people, or care about someone too deeply, you will feel "this is not good, that is not good", which is extremely painful.
01
The "Law of Care" is ruining your relationship.
Chekov wrote a novel called "Death of a Petty Official".
In the theater, a junior official accidentally sneezed and his saliva hit the senior official in front of him.
The senior officials didn't care, but the junior officials cared a lot and came to apologize again and again. In offices and corridors, petty officials looked apologetic.
When the senior official saw the "entangled" junior official, he became angry, stamped his feet and shouted: "Get out."
Surprisingly, the junior official died in depression.
If you put too much effort into your relationship, you will either suffer losses on both sides, or you will be doubly hurt.
The feelings that one party cares about are like holding a handful of gravel in your hand. When you exert force, the gravel will hurt your hand. Only by letting go and throwing away the gravel can we have more things.
The relationship that both parties care about needs to keep a distance in order to leave a good impression, otherwise it will be a disaster.
As Zhang Ailing said: "Not loving is a lifetime regret, and loving is a lifetime of suffering."
Let's look at a real example.
In 2020, a young man named Chen Luyang studied hard and has been excellent from college to master's degree student. Because his family is poor, he also received help from caring people.
On his way to happiness, he met his girlfriend Lanlan. The two parties talked for a while, but the girlfriend felt it was inappropriate and declined politely.
Originally, in love, separation and reunion are common. However, Chen Luyang was unwilling to accept the reality and tried every means to retain his girlfriend. He even sent a text message saying that he would go to extremes: If could not see Lanlan, he would lose everything in his life and go to the sea.
Finally, Chen Luyang made a lifelong leap into the bottomless Pearl River .
Rather than saying that his girlfriend abandoned Chen Luyang, it was better to say that he was "tied in a cocoon". There was an invisible rope in his mind that trapped him.
Whether it is a relationship between colleagues, husband and wife, lovers, or relationships between brothers and sisters, friends and relatives, fellow villagers, classmates, parents and children, you need to find a balance point. Once you care too much, it will be a "bundled relationship."
Businessman Pan Shiyi once said: "If you care about everything, you can't accomplish anything."
Care blindly, care regardless of the cost, care without direction, care too broadly, will suffocate others. , will also lead to oneself being alienated by others.
02
Instead of caring about others, it is better to care about yourself.
The ancients said: "You make your own destiny, and seek blessings from yourself."
If your "care" is worthless, you might as well put away your "enthusiasm", be yourself, and be kind to yourself.
Emotional frustration is just because you are not good enough, or your "excellence" is not favored by others. All you really have to do is "start over."
First, adjust your mentality and don’t worry too much.
"Murphy's Law" tells us that the more we are afraid of losing something, the more we will lose. The same goes for feelings. If you apply the "law" in reverse, the situation will be reversed.
Let's say you and your siblings are having a big fight over your parents' property. When you have a hard time, give up possessions. You must know that your generosity will cause you to lose benefits and eliminate worries.
After a long time, when the brothers and sisters are all old, they will realize that "money cannot be brought with them during life, nor can they be taken away after death", so they feel guilty for their past greed.
Many people often comfort themselves like this: "Look further." That is to say, relax and let feelings develop freely.
Second, keep your distance and let each other be free.
If caring makes people suffocate, distance will make people breathe freely. As Zhuangzi said: "It is better to forget each other than to forget each other."
In life, people do not interact with each other, or even block or block them. Deep down, I slowly became calm.
Third, live well and be a better version of yourself.
There is a saying that goes well: "Your excellence is the best revenge on the person who doesn't love you."
The freer you live, the more people will favor you, so you can find new relationships. , to replace past feelings.
There is no destined loneliness in life. Only those who "do not live up to expectations" will be abandoned all the time.
Whether a relationship is good or bad, there is no way to pretend, just like there is no way to hide a cough.
As long as you keep fit and never cough again, you will be fine.
03
In this world, the person who stays with you the longest is not others, but "you".
Yishu once said: "If others misunderstand, let them misunderstand. Why care? If someone cannot see the facts clearly, it is purely that person's loss that has nothing to do with me. It doesn't matter if others look down on me. A person only needs to Just value yourself.”
No matter how powerful you are, the only person you can really change is yourself. If you use the power of changing others to change yourself, you will find that the emotional interaction is actually "matched".
No matter what level you reach, you will meet people at the same level; if you surpass yourself, you will reach a higher level. Those people you used to miss so much, you feel are no longer up to par.
The only people worthy of your care are those who love you selflessly and are willing to grow with you.
People who care about you will reply to messages as soon as possible, cherish your enthusiasm, share your pain, and accompany you through the years.
If the person you care about doesn't respond, then don't bother.
Always remember that caring requires "going in both directions."
Author: Commoner.
Pay attention to my words and enter your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.
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