A letter from a reader said: Before I met my husband, I had a disgraceful past. I thought I could clear my name by correcting my evil ways, but I failed in the end, so that my husband took a lover to vent his anger. I grew up in a single-parent family. My parents divorced because

A letter from a reader said:

Before I met my husband, I had a disgraceful past. I thought I could clear my name by correcting my evil ways, but I failed in the end, so that my husband took a lover to vent his anger.

I grew up in a single-parent family. My parents divorced because my father eloped with his lover. I heard from my mother that she had thoughts of strangling my brother and me to death and then committing suicide. In the end, out of reverence for life and reluctance to let go of my brother and me, I chose to live a miserable life. In order to support my brother and I in going to school, my mother worked three jobs a day at most. Later, under the guidance of others, she opened a karaoke bar. It was also from that time that my mother learned to smoke and drink.

Perhaps due to the influence of my mother, I am no longer a simple girl. When I was attending an art school, I was taken care of by an old man in his sixties. This means that when I was in school, not only did I not ask my mother for money, but I also gave her more than 100,000 yuan every year. In fact, my mother also knew that the source of my money was unknown, but considering my brother's future, my mother turned a blind eye to my private life.

Until I met my husband after working, I wanted to live a normal life, so I cut off contact with my lover and maintained my relationship with my husband with a fresh image. Later, we got married. Because my mother was not strict with her words, she unconsciously revealed my past in front of my husband, which made him very unhappy. I can obviously feel that my husband has become a lot colder towards me.

What I didn't expect was that the nanny hired by my mother-in-law's family half a year ago turned out to be my husband's lover. Not long ago, I accidentally discovered it. After the incident, I was devastated. When I was arguing with my husband, my husband angrily mentioned the fact that I had been taken care of by others, which made me feel ashamed. Now, my husband doesn’t mention divorce, and he doesn’t let me interfere with his affairs with his lover. I don’t know if it is necessary to continue such a marriage (I have never done anything stupid again after meeting my husband).

Muzi Li Emotional Analysis:

When a man says to a woman, honey, I don’t care about your past, I only care about our future, women must not foolishly tell all about their past, especially with themselves. Some disgraceful love stories. You must know that the real subtext of the man's words is that the man has a bad past, and I hope you can tolerate him when God knows. Especially when a man doesn't get popular with a woman for the first time, he will be very interested in the woman's love history. At this time, a woman who says she has no emotional experience is obviously lying. She can just talk about a relationship history at will, but she should not tell the details of her previous relationship with her ex, because talking about similar things too much will only make the man feel unhappy. Comfortable.

Although the principle is: don't punish yourself for your lover's past, but many people like to do this. It's as if the fact that you were adopted was an act you did when you were young and ignorant, but your husband still can't let it go after knowing about your experiences. He has a lover now, largely because he wants to find psychological balance. Regarding love and marriage, you can only know whether the two parties are suitable after trying it. In other words, your husband has not mentioned divorce now, which reveals a message: In his heart, you are still the more suitable candidate for his legal lover. The reason why he continues to fool around with his lover is entirely because he wants to inflict mental torture on you, or to be precise, torture on the dark history of the past, in order to achieve the effect of his psychological balance.

There is a saying that says, if you are upright, you will not be afraid of your shadow being crooked. Everyone should not create a stain for themselves, otherwise it will become a basis for others to abuse you. Over the years, you have been accommodating and tolerating your husband. You want to clear yourself by trying to correct your evil ways, but you find that time always has a memory. If you don’t want a divorce, all you need is to wait patiently, waiting for your husband to realize that being with his lover is boring, so he can return. By that time, you need to have the mentality you need. It can be considered even. In this state, you no longer owe your husband, but you can live an easy life. Of course, you can also choose to divorce at this time.

Obviously, there are three reasons for your deterioration in adolescence: 1) After your parents divorced, you lived a relatively poor life with your mother, which gave you the idea of ​​money first; 2) Your mother smoked and drank every day Your life will also have a profound impact on you; 3) After going to college, you will be stimulated by the comparisons between your classmates. At that age when your thoughts are relatively immature, you will feel that as long as you can make yourself live a life of admiration A life of vanity, even if she is a lover for a married man, it doesn't matter. Result: After getting married, you have to pay for the reckless behavior of your youth.

Many children who grow up in divorced families often laugh at themselves like this: their mother does not care for them, and their father does not support them. The lack of family affection must be a thorn in their hearts. So much so that they often long for a warm lover. The key is that because they are influenced by their original family, their behavior, personality, living habits, etc., cannot be opened up. As a result, when they first come into contact with love, they may go to the extreme of money or appearance. A relatively unreliable relationship experience and the unhappiness of their parents' marriage will have a profound negative impact on their future lives.

At this moment, I know that you are aggrieved, but you have also tasted the hurt caused by your parents' divorce, so I am more inclined to ensure the integrity of the marriage for the sake of your children. You might as well take a look at the many children who grew up in divorced families. The divorce rate after they get married is also relatively high, because the behavior of divorce can also be contagious at some point. What we need to understand: What we inherit from our parents is not only appearance and IQ, but also some styles of doing things. Around me, there will be some cowardly, irritable and irritable people. Every time I joke with them, I will tell them that you may be more suitable to be single. Even if you get married, you will get divorced. Maybe, some people are not suitable to enter the besieged city due to their personality, family background and other reasons.

Editor’s note:

Many times, when we encounter certain things, we focus more on the thing itself. In fact, human life is continuous. Whether it is the harm caused to you by your parents, or the harm caused to you by teachers, campus gangsters, campus romances, etc. during school, it will have a profound impact on your life. There is a saying that goes like this: You should do something at any age. Unfortunately, many people only understand the true meaning of this sentence after experiencing it, but there is no regret medicine to take when they regret.

It is not easy to start a family. After your lover does something that makes you depressed, you should analyze your lover's inner reality at the moment. Because we often see phenomena in life: there are always some people who like to vent their dissatisfaction by torturing each other. In fact, this less-advocated approach will only end up with scars on both sides. When there is a problem in a couple's relationship, the attitude they should have is: 1) Either fix the problem; 2) Either ignore the past; 3) Or consider divorce. rather than extreme revenge.

(pictures from the Internet, pictures and texts have nothing to do with it)