The most important thing in life is how to know yourself clearly.
These questions require you to compare yourself and the world as you look at each other, keep asking, and constantly shape it after you ask. However, in a busy life, too many people just understand this truth, but still struggle to immerse themselves in fantasy, deceive themselves and others, if things go on like this, they may even develop into illnesses.
So, how to get rid of fear and liberate yourself? The following, Enjoy:
Wang Yu | Author
01
know themselves
must be a Really understand
understand that you can’t just know,Only intellectual knowledge cannot become a person’s wealth, let him give up pathological pursuits, nor can he change his original life mode and values- knows that it cannot be a driving force and power to change oneself.
Know yourself, not just intellectually.
Although it was like this at the beginning, must eventually become a personal experience.
Just like Dr. Sean in "The Closed Island" did not preach to Letis, but cooperated with his fantasy, so that he himself discovered the existence of fantasy and let him know the fantasy world. Be suspicious.
Only when he realizes that he is living in a dream can he have the power to abandon fantasy.
I always fill myself with chicken soup, which has no effect.
For example, a person always tells himself not to care about others’ opinions,Don't be too demanding of yourself, perfectionism is wrong, you are just an ordinary person.
These are just his means for healing, not real awakening-he did not realize that he was living in fantasy, nor did he let go of his ruthless demands from his heart.
Brain means preaching and requesting, but focusing on discovery and insight. Without inner touch, one cannot refuse the temptation of fantasy and cannot resist the erosion of fear. strong45span strong45span At critical moments, he will start to shrink, escape and perform again.
02
please live
a male patient in treatment for yourself Shi can speak the truth, knowing that he is living in a fantasy, and knowing that "should" cause pain, he also wants to let go of vanity and comparison and face a bad self.
But when it comes to reality,Should he escape or escape, fantasy or fantasy, self-hate or self-hate, and still didn't let go of disguise.
He also knew that this shouldn’t be the case, but in reality there was a heart-piercing pain that forced him to hide in a woven safety shell. The other patient's mentality when being scrutinized was like being undressed, ashamed and embarrassed, and wanted to find a place to sew in immediately.
At this time, the previous knowledge and the language in the treatment are useless at all, and his whole person is controlled and constrained by this intense fear.
Fear is like the weapon of the "enemy". Without firm belief, determination to die, hatred of false self and false life, we cannot hold on at the critical moment, nor will we have Courage to face fear.
Most of the time patients can only experience hatred for symptoms, but they do not realize that their life has long been controlled by fantasy and fear. The true self has long been exiled, which is far more terrifying than symptoms .
He is not living for himself a long time ago. The person he is most sorry for is himself.
The patient must realize that he is involuntarily driven by a certain tendency,Although that was not his original intention or interest, it often even contradicted his real needs.
02
know the ultimate goal of self
is self-liberation
What makes a person unable to take responsibility for his life?
What power makes a person immersed in a fantasy world?
What kind of fear kept him from being himself?
Karen Horney reminds us: "Feel emotions in the right context,It is very important to experience those emotions or drives that are only seen but not felt.
Slowly, he will notice those expectations that even he himself considers unreasonable. Later, he realized that these were not harmless wishes, but harsh requirements. He will eventually discover these ego drives and their fantasies, and then experience that when these ego is frustrated, he will be completely overwhelmed and furious.
Finally, he began to understand the inherent power of these emotions. However, this is still very different from the feeling that he would rather die than give up these emotions. "
"I would rather die than give up these emotional feelings" because this arrogant drive is powerful, just like the person who signed the agreement with the devil sold his soul, and the devil also penetrated In his body, it slowly blends into his blood—— When fantasy becomes a part of his life, fantasy is not just an idea, it has become a power to control his life.
Its existence is valuable and meaningful. It is like a shell that can protect his fragile heart.
treatment is not the granting of methods and the instillation of reason, but to help and guide the patient to notice The truth he never discovered. And he must also understand that the sparkling "honor" he has been pursuing did not make him really strong, but made him weaker.
The real power of change comes from sympathy for oneself,From the desire for freedom, from the attitude of being responsible for one's own life.
When a person realizes that he has never really lived, the motivation to save himself must be not for perfection, nor for others to see, but from wanting to live like a person.
This kind of power will make him change the way of life, correct wrong values, and also make him bravely come out of the "shell".
The ultimate goal of knowing oneself is to liberate oneself, and to liberate oneself is to become oneself.
All the diseases are caused by not living out or not daring to be yourself, so there is a strong conflict between subjective and objective.
But when the spiritual power becomes stronger a little bit, we don’t have to please others in order to be affirmed, there is no need to sacrifice ourselves in exchange for safety, there is no need to force ourselves for success, and there is no need for “love” Attachment to others...
When a person is no longer swayed by fear, he can live as well as others and work hard for life.
In the end, he will become himself.
About the author: Wang Yu, Director of Nanjing Senzhi Psychological Counseling Center,National Level 2 Psychological Counselor.
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strong point of view p045 is not for reference only! ]
"Further Reading"
"social phobia"
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