How to judge a friend is a "true" friend, borrowing money is the touchstone.
There is a long Weibo about "borrowing money from a friend" on the Internet, telling a story: Mr. Wei encountered difficulties in doing business and needed to borrow money. He called the author, and the author lent him. Mr. Wei said with emotion that he had already made phone calls with 9 friends with whom he had a better relationship before, but no one borrowed it. "If not for this loan Money, I thought I had a lot of friends, but now I understand that I was so lonely.”
So the author also conducted an experiment, borrowed money from his friends, contacted 10 friends, only 2 He personally lent it to him. After the experiment, he also agreed with Mr. Wei's conclusion that he is the true friend who can borrow money. In modern society, , the threshold of friends has also been lowered. If you meet, have a meal and add a WeChat, you are a friend. But when I really encounter difficulties and need to borrow money, many friends are really just as if their lives are just as they were for the first time.
From this perspective, borrowing money is a very common major event in modern society that determines the direction of the relationship. Although feelings cannot be measured by money, real life is not the inhumane fireworks like mountains and rivers, and money is always needed to solve problems. The problem that can be solved with money is not a problem. The problem is that you have no money, so the purpose of the borrower is to borrow money to solve the urgent need.
and for the borrowed party,The biggest concern is that 's fear of uncertainty. On the one hand, this kind of uncertainty is the uncertainty of human nature. Although they are friends, they may have known each other for many years, and may have been drinking together yesterday, but the human heart is separated from the belly. Human beings are selfish, people die for money, and birds For the sake of death, how much can the weight of friendship in the face of interests? And even if he was very trustworthy before, people are fickle, and no one can guarantee the future.
On the other hand, borrowing money means transferring the ownership of the money from one party to the other. It is still uncertain whether the money will be returned to one's own hands in the future. It may be due to subjective reasons or objective reasons. But in any case, it is indeed a risk for people to transfer an existing certain property to something that may not be recovered in a certain period of time in the future.
In other words, taking risks, but no gains. Once the money is lent out, the person who borrowed the money will be psychologically tortured, and will doubt whether his actions are right or wrong, and walk tremblingly on the single-plank bridge that tests human nature. After the people who borrowed the money relieved their urgent need, whether they should pay back the money in time, or if they owe the money, or even continue to borrow, it’s all up to you. The roughness is not rough.
If a friend borrows money from you,If you don't borrow, you will inevitably be regarded as not a "true" friend. You borrowed yourself to take the risk and get entangled. What should you do?
1. Don’t ask how much you want to borrow, first ask the reason for borrowing money
This is also human nature. If you borrow less, you will have less psychological burden. As everyone knows, when this sentence comes out, there are often three results.
The first result, this sentence sounds to the other party, is " I have the ability to lend you, to see if you can borrow enough " meaning, so The other party also has the psychological expectation of " you will definitely lend him ". In this case, after you ask how much money, it is impossible not to borrow the last cent.
The second result, once asked this way, you are actually measuring "the least amount of borrowing, without affecting friendship". However, you put this bargaining process on the bright side. The other party reported the number, and you can’t borrow that much. You can get a discount. You think you’ve tried your best, but the other party thinks " , I’m already borrowing money.You obviously have money, but you gave me a change. It’s not interesting enough.” .
The third result is usually not a small amount of money. In order to increase the probability of borrowing money, people often borrow money in several groups and in several batches. If you ask "how much", how much do you really want to borrow, the borrower is likely to borrow again later, thinking you If you have money, you are willing to borrow.
So it is thankless to ask the amount of money directly. If you hear about borrowing money, you must first preset an upper limit based on the person you borrowed—within your own psychological capacity. , Based on the previous performance of the other party and the amount of the relationship between the two parties. Then, do not ask how much to borrow, but ask why the other party borrowed money .
"why" and "how much" The difference is that it can temporarily shift the focus of the conversation. "How much to borrow" is to dig a hole for yourself, and "Why" is to let the other party start the topic and focus on the other party. And generally borrowing money is quite sudden, use this phrase It’s better to buy time for yourself and clear your mind. It’s better than just refusing or agreeing directly.The principle is clear
When asking the other party to state the reason for borrowing money, be careful not to just listen, do not focus on the other party’s complaints and emotional venting, and focus on the truth of the borrowing reason In terms of sex and severity. After all, it is to borrow money, not to make charitable donations, and the goal is to recover the money.
For this purpose, you can first ask the other party to say more. Xiao Li and his colleague Lao Jiao often eat together and get along well. Suddenly, one day Lao Jiao asked Xiao Li to borrow money. He said that he had lost money by trading in stocks with his wife on his back. , Wait until the year-end bonus is issued.
Xiao Li asked in detail what stocks he was trading in, how much he lost, and the year-end bonus was just a little bit of money, and he would still be discovered by the time he broke the east wall and made up the west wall. After asking a lot, he found that Lao Jiao had put it upside down, and he didn't lend it to him after paying attention. Later, I heard from other colleagues that Lao Jiao lost a lot of money in online gambling and his wife was divorcing him. Later, Lao Jiao was fired and left, blocking the phone calls and WeChat of all his colleagues.
So, let the other party say the reason, you can have a basic judgment on the truth of the matter. Generally speaking, there are three reasons for borrowing money. First, help. For example, a loved one is seriously ill and hospitalized, or other urgent matters need money, and the second is to do errands. For example, buying a house, buying a car, children going abroad, etc. need money, and are unwilling or unable to get a loan from a bank, so they can only rely on borrowing; For example, the loan cannot be repaid, the capital turnover cannot be opened, or the money is lost by stabbing a basket.
In the other party’s statement,Analyze his sincerity and plan to pay back the money. If you are paying back the money in good faith, you will generally clarify the repayment period, have a reliable source of repayment, and will actively compensate for a certain amount of interest, write an IOU, and find someone to testify and other compensation methods. If you just say something like "repay if you earn money," you might as well be careful.
Generally speaking, the principle of borrowing money is still the old saying, "Emergency does not save the poor, and the near does not save the far." If it is for emergency treatment, life-saving, etc., it is necessary to provide assistance within the scope of ability. If the purpose of borrowing money is for investment or consumption, don’t borrow. Investing is risky and the purpose of borrowing money is for consumption. No matter how high-sounding it is, you still want to treat you as an interest-free loan.
To save the near but not far also refers to borrowing money to know the bottom line. If you have frequent contact with your family and friends at any time, the probability of repaying the money is greater. And if it’s a friend or relative who hasn’t contacted for a long time and doesn’t know what’s going on, borrowing money as soon as he opens his mouth, it’s rushing for the money, and it’s likely that he won’t even return the principal.
The so-called “inch-and-foot effect” refers to stepping up the steps step by step and setting a small goal first to achieve the goal.In the application of borrowing money, once a person accepts the insignificant requirements of others, in order to avoid cognitive dissonance, or to give others a consistent impression, he will accept greater requirements.
For example, some articles that teach people how to borrow money will say that to borrow money using the threshold effect, you need to borrow 10,000, and you should first borrow 20,000 yuan. After the other party refuses, they will borrow 5,000. I am embarrassed to refuse, and there will be a sense of guilt in my heart, so I borrowed it.
And conversely, as the borrowed party, how should the threshold effect be used in reverse?
On the one hand, grasp the key points in the previous listening process and have full empathy. You must first emotionally convince the other party that you care about him, and you also have your difficulties. Then, in combination with the emotional quota mentioned above, first find a lower one within the quota, say that there is so much left, and then propose a solution to the other party, indicating that they can borrow more and make the other party feel guilty. Also find yourself a step down.
For example, the friend mentioned above has to borrow 20,000 yuan. If the money is not enough to buy a house, you can say that your mother-in-law bought a house for your brother-in-law at the beginning of the year and borrowed the money yourself. It's very tight. Now I have only saved 3,000 yuan in private money, which is a bit far behind. I used to know a bank to do loans and can provide a contact number. If you definitely want to borrow, you can also embezzle the money for the summer camp for your child and lend a total of 5,000 to the other party to make the other party grateful and guilty. By the middle of the year, there are reasons to urge you to pay back the money.
But no matter what kind of loan,You must write IOUs and pay the money on time. If you can't pay back on time, stop the loss in time, and protect your rights in a reasonable way.
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