Zhou Guoping wrote in an article: All interactions have a final limit that cannot be transcended. This kind of transcendence between two people is unclear, but it is certain. All troubles and conflicts originate from unintentional I want to break through this boundary. But once this boundary is clearly discernible and strictly adhered to, all the charm of communication is lost. From then on, emotion withdraws and reason maintains order.
After reading this text, I had a enlightenment. To put it bluntly, no matter who the relationship is with, even if it is mother, daughter and father, there are boundaries, let alone between friends, between colleagues, between sisters, and between husband and wife. Maybe there is no distance between yourself and yourself, but mentally and psychologically, there is still a distance and a boundary between who you were yesterday and who you are today.
Today I read an article by Zeng Qifeng "Emotions with clear self-boundary boundaries are the most valuable" and I deeply agree.
Teacher Zeng said: Self-boundary means that in interpersonal relationships, individuals clearly know the scope of responsibilities and powers of themselves and others, and protect their own personal space from infringement without infringing on others' personal space. But it is not easy to achieve true self-boundary clearness.
From a psychological development point of view, self-boundaries are gradually formed. Before this boundary is formed, we are very concerned about how others understand and care about us, and we are overly dependent on others. We hope that others will make decisions for us in many things. At the same time, we are also curious about understanding the inner world of others and integrating with others. For the feeling of oneness.
In fact, this is all due to a lack of security. Growth has always been at the expense of a loss of security. Therefore, the process of growth is the process of pursuing security. When we feel we no longer have to worry about safety, we develop a sense of boundaries.
A person with clear self-boundary boundaries does not mean that he does not deal with others and is independent in everything. Rather, it means that individuals are close to others, but not so close that they lose themselves; nor do they regard others as part of themselves. Of course, it does not mean that they are so far away from others that they lose the ability and possibility to love others. When you need the love of others, you have the ability to gain a sense of security and goodwill that is not false.
Therefore, whether it is between husband and wife, between mother and son, or between friends, everyone should have clear self-boundaries.
Teacher Zeng Qifeng said it very well: Let us be closer, because we all need each other, but not too close, not so close that we can’t tell which one is me and which one is you; or let’s stay far away, but don’t be too far apart. Too far away, so far away that when we need each other's love, we can't hear each other's voices.
Therefore, being able to distinguish between you and me and feeling each other may be the best boundary relationship.
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