The child is 12 years old this year and will start to enter the seventh grade (first grade of junior high school) in the second half of the year. The always obedient and cute child suddenly seemed to have become a rebellious boy in an instant.
Everything you want him to do is what he refuses to do. asked to do homework, he said, wait a while; he asked to go to bed, he said, I have something to do; he asked not to look at his phone, he said, I want to see; he asked him to wash his clothes, he said, I won’t wash... I want to chat with the child for a while, either not say a word or argue in various ways. It seems that various communication channels are blocked between
and the child. What the experts in said, making friends with children, praising them more, not saying too much reason... all seem to have failed.
Looking at the perfunctory homework, looking at the unintentional learning attitude, looking at the test papers with 80% of them wrong questions, looking at the look of doing nothing... I really don't understand, how could we have such a child who wants to give up but is unwilling to give up; if you want to educate, there is nothing except disappointment and anger.
In the days when I was with my children, is not only anxious and helpless, but also anxiety and helpless. looks like he doesn't study, and imagines that he can't get into high school or go to college, and will face all kinds of hardships and difficulties in life, and he is basically disappointed.
is in chaos every day, both physically and mentally exhausted. I began to doubt my life, doubt what I thought was right in the past, and even doubted that I shouldn’t get married or have children. I have been thinking about what to do? What's wrong with the child? The brains were racked and there was still no way out.
recalled every detail of the child in the past, thinking about where the problems might occur. Review the books you have read and the theories you have learned to see if you can find a solution. All theories either do not work or are not easy to use.
Yesterday, with the idea of patient communication, I took the initiative to communicate with my children. When trying to communicate many times, the child did not say a word, and his anger rushed to his forehead again, roared, and hit him a few times. The child finally said it and said a few words. The first sentence was: If you hate me so much, don’t care about me anymore; the second sentence was, if you don’t want to care about me, then let me go.
After the child showed irreconcilability and was fearless, he was afraid and regretful. All kinds of scenes of children making extreme events after being criticized have appeared in their minds.
After meditation, I feel that educating children is a practice. If you succeed in practicing, you will be better educated. If you fail in practicing, you will be less educated.
In educating children, what needs most is to control the temper, and the most difficult thing is to control the temper. : Getting angry has no other effect except to make yourself so angry that your heart hurts. At most, you can beat the child. The conflict intensified, the child held grudges, and he was injured...
Recall that when he was a child. Again, I don't like learning. The first extracurricular book I read in my entire life is already three years after graduating from college. At that time, there were also various reasons to shirk, perfunctory reasons, and truant of school.
Compared with yourself, children can be slightly stronger. At least, I can still hold on to the class. Suddenly, I felt that I was still asking too much for my child; is trying to force my child’s behavior with the thinking of an adult!
After tossing and turning, I felt that I should ask my child if I had any troubles and tell her children about her childhood thoughts and interesting things that happened to her. Also, in front of the child, put down a "saint" face and took the initiative to tell the child that he had all kinds of troubles and discomforts at work, and sometimes he had the idea of not wanting to do work.
Today, I talked about these ideas with the child and found that the child's facial expressions had changed. no longer felt stubborn, but was interested and could accept it a little.
Hopefully, this is a good start and can have a good effect.
At the same time, we must see the difference between people. admits the fact that children may not be excellent and accepts that children are just ordinary children. does not compare with other students, and you cannot feel that other children are working hard, only their own children are wasting themselves.
concept changes with a wider world. Educating children is not only anxiety. More importantly, reflect on oneself, reflect on the past, and reflect on one's shortcomings. The most important thing about is to be realistic. This is not a high-profile sing, but a very necessary one.
Reflecting on the past, my requirements for my children are indeed very unrealistic. Let your children do their homework after dinner, clean up their own things neatly, get up when it’s time, sleep on time, or look at their phones, and have time to study.
, can you do this? If you can’t do it yourself, your child really can’t do it either.
Treat children objectively and pragmatically, not to reduce their requirements for them. instead, puts forward more reasonable requirements for children.
We are mortals, and children are also ordinary children. You can't ask him to be superman, you can't ask him to be better than anyone else, and you can't think that children who don't study are just hopeless.
Children can be obedient and study hard, which is the blessing they have cultivated. If, if not, then practice again. You cannot let your anxiety become a burden for your child.
I feel that it is shallow on paper. On the road to educating children, you also need to think deeply and understand deeply, restrain your temper as much as possible, and cultivate yourself.
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