Oral narration: Wang Yingzi
Compilation: Zhou Yujiang
The pictures have nothing to do with the content of the article
I was admitted to the university in my hometown, Shandong Weifang College, in 2016. Although it was only a second-tier school, it still caused waves of agitation in the village.
This comes from the fact that my mother is a fool and is called "Chaoba" in the local area. They generally think that it is incredible that a "mocking" daughter can go to college.
As a result, I have become a template for local people to educate their children.
Some parents of students who failed the college entrance examination rudely ridiculed and insulted their children: "You are worse than a stupid girl, you are really useless."
Some people were filled with emotion after I passed by them. and commented jealously: "How could such a scoffer give birth to such a powerful child?" There is a beautiful and handsome girl. "
At this time, I felt mixed and angry: "Don't the offspring of fools have to be fools, and the children they give birth to must be ugly!"
The original and natural blood connection. , which makes me feel as deeply emotional and flesh-and-blood as an ordinary mother-child relationship. It's just that because of my mother's mental retardation, I have more pity and sympathy for her.
One summer day in 1992, when my grandmother and my second grandmother went to work in the fields, they discovered a half-clothed and dying mad woman in the open space next to a motor shaft.
They brought this woman to my house without hesitation. They first let her eat some food, then got some hot water for her to take a hot bath, and found some clean clothes for her to change into.
Grandma found that except for the dull eyes and unclear speech of this woman, she turned out to be a handsome-looking person with a new look.
Based on the perception and observation of a woman, she thought that this silly woman still had a girl's body. The two sisters couldn't help but look at each other, and they reached a consensus in their hearts - let this woman and my father become husband and wife.
The second grandma also had a prescient prediction: "Although she is a silly woman with an upright appearance, it will definitely not be wrong to have a child."
At this time, my father was already thirty-six years old. He was short and ugly, and had a split eye. When making firewood, the wood chips were accidentally thrown away, and the stick was left bare, which was a big worry for grandma.
After his father understood what his mother meant and how much he weighed, he was afraid that it would be difficult to get a woman in his life, so he agreed to the matter.
A year later, the mother gave birth to a baby boy, and the family was of course extremely happy.
However, although a mentally retarded mother is full of affection for her first child, it is also conceivable that it is difficult for her to raise a baby. I had to have grandma take care of everything.
But unfortunate things still happened.
After the mother gave birth to the child, the father went to sleep in grandma's room. Grandma moved to the mother's kang and watched over the baby day and night. She slept next to their mother and son.
In addition to guiding breastfeeding and closely observing the child, the main reason is that he is afraid that the mother will temporarily forget the baby next to her and crush the child when she turns over at will.
is afraid of whatever comes. Late one night, the elderly grandma suffered from constipation again. After holding it in for four or five days, she suddenly felt the urge to defecate. However, she could not pass stool when it was convenient, and she even spent a long time squatting in the latrine in the courtyard before she could relieve the problem.
When she came back, something so terrible happened that she regretted it until her death. She found her precious grandson suffocated under her mother's body.
In addition to the grief of the family, what is even more worrying is that my silly mother has always stubbornly believed that her child is not dead, but is just sleeping. She holds the baby tightly in her arms and no one is allowed to take it away.
Seeing that the baby’s body had an odor, my father forcibly took it from my mother’s arms and buried it.
After the mother never saw her child again, she didn't drink any water for three or four days. She wailed in the yard, walked and jumped irritably, and tore her clothes into strands of cloth and threw them into the air. (The father locked the courtyard door tightly to prevent the mother from running out of the courtyard and getting lost.) The deep love between mother and son is evident.
Although my mother was stupid, she was healthy. Two years later, she became pregnant again. On February 6, 1995, I came to this world.
The mother never became pregnant again.
My grandma’s original intention was to let this idiot daughter-in-law give birth to a son for the Wang family, so that the family lineage would not be cut off. But after the mother only gave birth to a daughter, grandma was not willing to be pregnant anymore.
She took her mother everywhere to seek medical advice. She also took the trouble to prepare Chinese herbal medicine and supervised her mother's taking, but her mother's belly just wouldn't bulge.
Grandma, who believed deeply in Buddhism and destiny, looked up to the sky and sighed with emotion: "The fate of our children is destined by God. We should eat one bucket in our destiny, and eat ten liters when we travel around the world."
After having me, they learned their lesson, and the family of four Everyone slept on a bed. Grandma and father took turns taking care of me and prepared a bamboo crib. After the silly lady fed me with breast milk, they put me on the crib to separate mother and baby.
Later, my mother also took the initiative to do this, which greatly moved her charitable grandmother. She was pleased to see the slight progress of her stupid daughter-in-law, and even hoped that my mother's intelligence would return to normal.
Although my father looks ugly, he is an extremely hard-working and capable man. He cultivates several acres of grain fields in his spare time, mainly working in a stone factory not far from my home. Although it is a bit hard and tiring, the income is still good. Therefore, my family’s daily expenses can still be maintained.
My father got up early and stayed up late to grow seasonal vegetables that his family would never be able to eat. He distributed them to his neighbors, who all praised them.
When I was five or six years old, I still couldn’t feel the difference between my mother and other people’s mothers. I just felt that my mother had a hard time speaking and I could never understand what she was saying. Sometimes, being naive, I would make noises with other children to tease my mother.
I have grown up, and my father sometimes takes my mother to the fields to do some simple farm work. Children who are about the same age as me often follow their mother and shout: "Mocking Baba, mocking Baba, raising a child to beat the gong! Mocking Baniang, mocking Baniang, raising a child to feed the wolves."
Grandma meets I was among this group of children, so he took me home angrily and told me with tears in his eyes: "Yingzi (my name), you can't tease your mother like this, you are the flesh that fell off her body." The mother is not too ugly, the dog is not too poor." I nodded in understanding. To this day, I have never forgotten what my grandma said.
Actually, it’s just that I was too young to remember or didn’t care. As soon as my mother couldn’t see me, she would sit uneasily, go in and out irritably, and murmur in her mouth.
When I was eight years old and going to school, she found that I only went home for lunch and came back in the evening. She was worried and confused, so she followed me to school and peeped outside the classroom.
Of course, the teacher would not allow a fool to do this, so he would shout loudly and chase me away. At this time, the classmates in the same room would often laugh and look at me. Drill into the cracks in the ground.
When my mother followed me on the way to school again, I angrily scolded her and even scolded her angrily not to follow me to school like this. But it didn't help, she still insisted on following me, just because she was afraid that the teacher would kick her out again, so she could only stand outside the school gate and wait for me to finish school.
During an extracurricular activity, I accidentally stepped on the foot of a male classmate. This boy, who was much stronger than me, immediately pushed me to the ground, beat me and cursed: "I'll beat you to death, you little fool!" "
This scene was seen by my mother who was standing outside the school gate. She screamed and rushed over, squeezing the boy's neck with both hands, causing the classmate's face to turn red and stamping her feet. Out of breath. The two male teachers who came after hearing the news took a lot of effort to separate her hands.
This caused big trouble. The father of that classmate came to my house and scolded us for blackmail.
My father slapped my mother twice in anger. My mother was uncharacteristically different this time. She did not hold her head in her hands and try to dodge like she did before when she was beaten by her father for doing something wrong. She probably thought that it was worth the punishment for her daughter.
After my second grandma tried her best to reconcile the matter, my father paid 200 yuan to settle the matter.
My mother did not recognize money, so my father would not give her a penny. She also believed that those few-cent coins were very precious and could buy more things than those paper large-denomination banknotes.
She took the coins she picked up and threw them on the table with her father, and went to the canteen to buy me pineapple beans, sugar pills and other snacks that children like. After buying them, she would never bear to eat them one by one. They were all stuffed into my pocket.
At one stage, she really couldn’t find such coins, so she took out the aluminum kettle that was still usable at home and sold it to a man outside the door who was shouting at the waste collector to buy me snacks.
Of course, this was insulted and beaten by my father, but my mother accepted it without any complaints.
Later, when I went to junior high school and high school (both in the town), when I came home on Saturdays, my mother would always be waiting for me at the intersection at the west end of the village, rain or shine, and she would never miss her.
I still don’t understand how my mother grasped the date so accurately. This is the heart-to-heart connection between mother and child, this is blood thicker than water. This is something that normal thinking can never explain.
The mother knows that her daughter has liked a kind of wild plant called "Tiger Claw" since she was a child, as well as the wild wild jujube .
Most of these two types of things grow on cliffs. My mother would go to the ditch and climb the cliff to pick them up and store them for me to enjoy when I get home on the weekends.
I kept collecting them from time to time until I came back during the summer vacation after I was in college, but by this time the "sloppy claws" had long since dried up.
The jujube tree has thorns all over its body, and the needles are sharp and sharp. My mother often makes her hands bloody when picking them. Once when she was digging "ma tiger claws" on a cliff, she accidentally fell into a ditch, causing unbearable pain in the wrist socket of her right arm. After grandma told me, I threw myself into my mother's arms and burst into tears.
My mother always carried my grandmother on her back and hid some of the eggs laid by the chickens at home. When I went to school after the weekend, she put them all in my schoolbag and sent me to the entrance of the village. In fact, grandma knew, but she knew that the stupid daughter-in-law left the eggs to her granddaughter, so she let her go.
As I grow older and mature mentally, I have gone from feeling ashamed and inferior for having such a silly girl to feeling grateful, compassionate and respectful.
I have been cutting my mother’s hair, bathing and washing her clothes since I was a teenager. In midsummer, my mother's body smelled very strong, and her grandmother and father often forced her to wash her body and clothes, but she refused most of the time.
Only I - her daughter, she obeys my words, obediently obeys me to give her a bath and change her clothes, and she can also keep her clothes as tidy as possible.
No one knows where my mother is from, and no one knows her age. I only estimate from the fact that she still has her period, that my mother should be around fifty years old now.
For a woman like my mother, having her period is a very scary thing. She didn't know how to deal with it herself. There were blood stains on her stained pants, and sometimes the menstrual blood flowed down her legs to her ankles, which was terrible.
It took me almost a summer vacation and countless demonstrations to teach her how to use sanitary napkins. Freeing my mother forever from the primary difficulty of being a mentally retarded woman.
My grandma shed tears of emotion when she saw what I had done. She said to my mother: "Mother Ying (my name), you are a blessed person. Where can you find such a sensible girl?" ." My mother nodded in understanding. Suddenly he hugged me tightly in his arms, as if he was afraid that someone would snatch me away.
My kind-hearted grandma is also an ordinary but great woman. I have never seen my grandma abuse my mother. She has never even said the insulting word "idiot" from her mouth.
My father, who has a bad temper, sometimes beats and scolds my mother, and my grandma always yells to stop her. She always says: "Who doesn't want to be born smart and well-behaved? Mother Ying is a miserable poor person. If we don't treat her well, At one point, she would have no way to survive. "
A virtuous person will be blessed. My grandma died at the age of eighty-five without any illness.
The mentally retarded mother rolled on the floor in grief, cried so hard that she clung to her mother-in-law's body and refused to be cremated. All the men, women and children in the clan burst into tears.
As far as the gene is concerned, I am not a smart child, but growing up in this unbearable family gave me the drive to change my destiny quickly.
Diligence can also make up for clumsiness. I studied hard without any distractions, and finally my hard work paid off. Even though I got into a second-level university, as the daughter of a fool, it is undoubtedly very valuable.
After four years of college, the school learned about my situation and basically waived all my fees. Due to excellent academic performance, there is also a considerable stipend every semester. Therefore, I didn’t have to worry about money when I went to college.
The village also provided subsistence allowance for my family, which is about more than 10,000 yuan per year. My father can still earn some money, and the overall life is still decent.
I graduated from college in 2020 and was employed by a chemical company in Weifang City . With the first few months of salary I earned, I first bought some clothes and supplements for my parents, and then replaced them with a large color TV at home to make it easier for them to wash clothes. He also bought a washing machine, installed solar energy and taught his father how to use it.
During the May Day holiday in the factory, I took my parents to visit the city’s parks, zoos, and botanical gardens. I held the hands of my two elders and wandered around these scenic spots. I felt very relieved. I felt that I could finally repay my parents for their upbringing through my own abilities.
I saw my mother grinning innocently and jumping up and down like a child, and I felt an indescribable feeling in my heart. From a distance, my mother looks neatly dressed and clean, and it is hard to think that she is a mentally retarded person.
But unknowingly, a disaster has quietly approached us. It happens in only a few seconds, but in these short seconds, it is enough to destroy our hard-won happiness, and even cause me to I will never see my dear and pitiful mother.
In the winter month of 2020, my mother was obsessed with a TV series. The reason was that she thought the heroine in the series was me. She felt that being able to see her daughter every day on this small box was incredible and extremely happy. things.
According to her mother’s intelligence, she can only watch some cartoons, but she cannot figure out the plots of TV series. What interested her was that it was pleasant for her daughter to go in and out of this square box.
But this is a tragic film. At the end, the heroine cuts her wrists and commits suicide because she cannot withstand the pressure of life. There are also a few seconds of close-ups. As a result, the mother believed that her daughter was dead.
Her fragile nerves could not withstand this bloody scene, and her spirit quickly collapsed and split.
She howled in despair, ran out of the house, and was immediately submerged in the endless night.
The father of one eye, the other eye is inflamed and his vision is a little blurry. Upon seeing this, he groped out of the room, shouted and looked for her, but no matter what, he couldn't hear his mother's response or see her figure.
After receiving a call from my father, I rushed home early in the morning (the city is 50 kilometers away from home).
After asking my father about the situation, I went to Uncle Wu, the leader of the clan. Uncle Wu said: "Yingzi, don't be too anxious. There are surveillance cameras in the village now. Look in which direction your mother went. She will be found soon." Besides, your mother won’t be able to run very far this night.”
html. 0The surveillance in the village found that my mother was heading west along the central street of the village. Uncle Wu asked two young people from the clan to ride a motorcycle. One of them carried me westward from village to village, looking for her every time. As soon as the village was over, they went to the village committee's surveillance camera to look for clues and found the tenth intersection of the town station, which is twenty miles away from home. The surveillance camera also discovered that the mother had lost her shoes.
His mother was also seen in the surveillance cameras in Xigong Village, about one kilometer away from the town. However, as a result, there was no image of his mother in the surveillance cameras in the villages in all directions.
We locked this area within the search scope and searched village by village and alley after search. After two days of searching, we found no results.
I knew that the two eldest brothers in the clan had too many things to do at home, so I asked them to ride a motorcycle back, while I rode another one. I focused on searching for open machine wells, abandoned ginger wells, and storage areas in this area. Pools and other dangerous places, but nothing was found.
I knew the problem was serious, so I immediately called the police. Then I printed and posted several missing person notices with my mother’s photos, and offered rewards within a radius of nearly a hundred miles to find her.
During this period, some information was also fed back. One was that there was a stupid person in Junbukou Town, Weifang, sixty miles away from us. He drowned while crawling into a spring to drink water. I identified that she was not my mother.
One was thirty miles away in Linghe Town, Anqiu City. A mentally retarded woman was run over and killed by a car on the highway. I went to identify her and she was not my mother.
In order to expand the scope of the search, I plan to broadcast the missing person notice on the surrounding city, county and even provincial TV stations. After my inquiry, I found out that the cost of searching for the missing person on the county and county-level city TV stations is 2,000 yuan for one week of broadcasting. It costs 3,000 yuan at the municipal level, and even more expensive at the provincial level.
But because I worked too few hours and didn’t have much savings, I was penniless at this time, so I had to turn to my tribe and fellow villagers for help. I borrowed 19,000 yuan from fellow villagers in the village. My work unit leaders and sisters who sympathized with me also helped me with 12,000 yuan.
I have applied for missing persons notices at the TV stations in three prefecture-level cities: Zibo, Linyi, and Dongying, as well as in six surrounding counties. Last month, I registered on several person-finding websites.
But until now, except for some inconsistent information, there is still no news.
My current state is that I cry all day long and can’t sleep at night without thinking about food or food. When I dozed off, the scene in my dream was either my unkempt mother starving to death on the street; my mother being hit by a speeding vehicle; or her body being soaked and swollen floating in the river.
I often hear some people with bad conscience say this: If a fool's mother is lost, she is lost. As for this, isn't having such a mother a burden in the future?
A dog raised by a dog will love it, but a cat raised by a cat will be in pain. Although my mother is a fool in your eyes, I am the flesh that fell off her body after all. Our mother-child relationship has a special part, but in essence it is no different from the mother-child relationship of a normal person.
My mother, where are you now?
