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Good mom always believes that the personal energy of boys in action is always higher than that of girls.
In today's society, the gender advantages and disadvantages between men and women seem to have gradually leveled out. Girls have a tendency to surpass boys, and the era of patriarchy has turned over.
However, in the 2019 U30 elite list released by Forbes China, the proportion of men is still as high as 70%. Data like
does not seem to be enough to appease parents with boys. Most of them are busy doing one thing: solving the problem of their son's rebellion.
01.
Boys are more rebellious than girls?
When I realized this problem, I had received no less than 10 visitors who had sons.
also have children in the family, but they only ask the same thing: "How to correct the behavior of boys in the rebellious period?" What about
, is it that only boys are rebellious? The
good mother inquired about parent-child consultation data on a quarterly basis and found that most of the consultation topics for daughters were "puppy love" and , while the keyword "rebellious" and was indeed concentrated on boys.
In fact, regardless of men and women, every child will go through three rebellious periods in the growth process:
first is the "baby rebellious period", which is about 2-3 years old;
second is the "child rebellious period", probably At 7-9 years old;
The third is the most troublesome "youth rebellious period", appearing at 12-18 years old.
Rebellion is essentially the process of a person’s self-awakening. Regardless of gender, everyone will have a so-called "rebellious" stage.
The reason why people are more afraid of boys' rebellion is mainly because boys and girls behave differently in the rebellious period. They just "look more rebellious."
02.
Why do boys look more rebellious?
distinguishes whether a child is in the rebellious period, not because he is "disobedient", but because he has several behavioral characteristics:
1. Self-awareness becomes strong, unwilling to obey parents' arrangements and stick to his own ideas.
2. Sings the opposite, likes to fight against parents.
3. Learn badly and develop some bad habits that deviate from family culture.
4. Reject interference and treat parents' concerns as interference.
5. Pursue new things blindly, follow the trend, and behave differently.
When the rebellious period comes, boys' performance is often more obvious than girls, more destructive, and can detonate parents' bottom line.
Steve Bidalf, a well-known Australian family issues expert, mentioned in the book Raising a Boy that boys and girls have had differences in brain structure since their fetus.
Compared with girls, boys’ left and right brains establish connections later, which leads to boys’ behaviors being more dominated by right-brain thinking, showing that they are active, good at math, and have higher hands-on skills than language.
So when encountering the problem of the rebellious period, girls tend to use words to vent, while boys tend to use behavior to disrupt. Z2z
language treason can be solved through effective communication.
and behavioral rebellion is hard to reason, and using violence to control violence will make the situation worse.
So boy's rebellious behavior is more likely to cause parent anxiety, because the method of dealing with boy's rebellion is more difficult.
02.
Four simple steps, bear kid warming male
To solve the boy's rebellious problem, it is useless to get angry in a hurry. The following four suggestions are for reference.
1. Learn to show weakness.
From the perspective of male thinking, overcoming rigidity with softness is the eternal truth.
why? Because men are born with an instinct to fight and become strong, and no normal man will always attack the weak.
If you choose to compete with boys, either someone will lose or you will lose.
The correct way to show weakness is not to pretend to be pitiful, but to soften one's attitude first and tell the child sincerely: "You make me feel a little uncomfortable, I really hope we can sit down and talk. "Z2z
When a boy shows rebellious behavior, parents (especially mothers) can reduce their aggressiveness and communicate normally.
2. Fault tolerance.
Will you allow your children to make mistakes? Many people cannot. Z2z
they feel committed. Wrong children have problems, but looking back at our own childhood, the reasons that have brought us changes and improvements, do many of them originate from making mistakes? Z2z
When I was young, I often heard the saying "Knowing a mistake, changing it is a good kid "In fact, the premise of change is often to make certain mistakes. Boys make mistakes almost every day because they have strong hands-on ability and often make wrong actions without careful thinking of the brain. At this time, parents It is easy to get angry and feel "Why do you add trouble to me every day".
When parents yell at their children, it is very easy to arouse the boy’s rebellious psychology. In fact, from another perspective, making mistakes is really important in the growth of a boy. Only when you are wrong do you know that you need improvement. What parents need to do is not to rant and rant after the boys make mistakes, but to patiently correct them: tell them what to do is better.
3. Practice, hands-on.
in male thinking In a world where you can do it, don’t nag, because reasoning takes too much time and energy. It’s better to do more with this effort.
Most boys tend to use actions to solve problems, so nagging parents are likely to cause boy rebellion .Z2z
is the best opportunity to communicate with the boy during the hands-on practice. It is easier for them to accept the big reason you want to say into action.
4. Put your mentality.
always remember the mentality of "conquering" the boy: is either weaker than him, or stronger than him, and is never positive.
The weak can stimulate a boy’s compassion and desire for protection, making him emotionally willing to compromise with you, but showing weakness is not a long-term solution, nor can it be true Solve problems. The purpose of
's weakness is to help you ease the conflicting communication atmosphere with the boy, so that he is willing to sit down and communicate with you face to face. Z2z
, a good leader, is a parent who will always convince the boy in terms of ability .Z2z
When a boy finds that your suggestions are always so useful, you can always solve his problems easily. You are a wise man and a mentor in his mind. It is difficult to make him rebellious.
Finally, the most important point, Don’t go head-to-head with a boy.
The mode of communication between you and your child is also his subconsciously default social mode. A boy needs to deal with all kinds of people in the future. If he only learns toughness and confrontation from you, his Rebellious behavior will extend from the family to the society.
son Our rebellious period is not as terrible as imagined.
Good parenting is to nurture yourself first.
I am a good mother, a consultant, a second-born mother who is constantly learning with love. I hope my sharing will be helpful to you. If you like, please follow me!
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