has recently seen news of violence against children by parents, which is really infuriating.
Recently, a 7-year-old boy in Dianbai, Maoming City, Guangdong, was cruelly abused by his biological father. He was burned with cigarette butts and was covered with scars. His arms were also severely burned and his hands were infected and necrotic. Currently, the boy is receiving treatment at Guangzhou Nanfang Hospital. According to the attending doctor, the boy may face partial amputation of both forearms. If the amputation is not done, the child will lose part of the upper limbs.
There was also the abuse of a 6-year-old girl from Fushun, Liaoning, by her biological mother and her boyfriend, which affected many netizens some time ago.
The poor little girl has as many as 10 injuries all over the body. Surface burns are grade II serious injuries, and five minor injuries to the head and chest, including 9 rib fractures on the chest. In addition, the left femur and other three parts of the secondary minor injuries, right thigh three 5cm steel needles were minor injuries. The children who were lucky enough to suffer were finally rescued, and those "demons" who turned their parents will also be severely punished by the law. While
is indignant, parents may think that these are extreme cases. It is too late for their children to have pain, and it is even more unlikely that they will be rudely abused.
However, parents may ignore another common "violence" in life- cold violence . Compared with physical abuse, cold violence brings more trauma to children.
01
These all belong to the category of cold violence.
Seeing the three words "cold violence", many parents may still feel that this kind of thing is far away from them, thinking that they are not cold violence to their children. Is this really the case? In fact, in real life, cold violence is hidden in aspects that many parents tend to overlook, but the parents do not care. Are you familiar with the following scenarios?
Scenario One:
Child: "Mom!"
Parent: ...
Yes, when the child repeatedly calls father or mother, the parent ignores the child's voice, this is cold violence.
When a child makes the sound of "baba" and "mother" for the first time, every parent will be moved and delighted. But when the children grow up and have nothing to do, some parents become impatient and feel less happy after hearing too much.
If parents are doing other things, they will be even more impatient when they hear a child yelling from time to time, and even deliberately ignore the child’s voice.
Scenario 2
child (happy/wronged): "Mom, I am at school balabala today..."
Parent: "Oh, so, I know."
is perfunctory to the child, which is not responsible for the child. It is also a kind of cold violence.
The child is out of school, and he happily wants to talk to his father and mother about interesting things that he has encountered in school, or he was a little wronged at school today and tried to talk to his parents, but what about the parents? The parents have been working for a day and are so annoying that they send the child with a perfunctory "I know".
even more parents even don't care what the child wants to say or what they say, simply saying "you go to school every day these things, say it every day, are you annoying!" block all the children's thoughts.
Scenario 3
Child (with his head drooping): "Sorry mom, I was wrong..."
Parent: "Why did you go early?"
The child made a mistake, the parent or afterwards Zhuge Liang yin and yang, or not to the child Ignoring indifference is also cold violence.
Children are ignorant, there will always be mistakes, some mistakes make people dumbfounded, some mistakes will make parents exhausted. For example, when the parents just cleaned up the house, the child made a mess of the house in a blink of an eye.
Some parents may laugh and say that they are really naughty, some parents may simply be unwilling to care about their children because of this, or after the children know that they have made a mistake, they will say "Why did you go early?"
Scenario 4
Child: "Dad, play with me for a while"
Parent: "Play by yourself, dad is here with meTo you. "Z23z
sits next to the child on the surface. It sounds like it’s accompanying the child, but it’s actually playing with a mobile phone. This is the cruelest form of cold violence. When a parent is sitting next to the child playing with a mobile phone,
thinks he’s with the child. When it comes to own responsibility, it does not play the role of companionship. It also allows the child to look at the parent but ignores himself, and may be troubled by the parent, the child is wronged and helpless, and thinks that the parent does not love him. .Z1z
Scenario Five:
Parents quarrel, child: "Mom and dad..."
Parent: "Don't bother me"
Parents quarrel, and the child suffers. This is the cold violence that makes the child feel wronged the most.
Parents quarrel, the child is at a loss Some of them tried to comfort their parents, but were irritated by their parents. Some were scolded for nothing, and some were pushed away by their parents saying "Don’t bother me" and ignored them.
Children’s hearts are simpler and more fragile than adults. When parents quarrel, children It will not only be confused why the two closest people hurt each other, but also forced themselves to mature as soon as possible because their parents quarreled, trying to comfort their parents, and then parents will ignore their children because of anger, how should innocent children deal with themselves?
02
cold Violence is not empty talk
Cold violence is not empty talk, and its impact on children cannot be ignored.
Children lack a sense of security and parent-child relationship estrangement
Children who have been subjected to cold violence for a long time will be insecure because of their parents’ attitudes, and in serious cases, they may even be insecure. It creates a psychological shadow and accompanies the child for life.
At the same time, the child will subconsciously alienate the parent because of the attitude of the parent. If the parent thinks that the child is not close to him anymore, verbally rebukes the child, it will make the parent-child relationship worse.
Lack of love and loss of self-confidence
Children who have been subjected to cold violence for a long time will think that they are not loved, and think that their parents do not love themselves, they will try to get love through flattering methods, and they will also try to get love from other people. The formation of a pleasing personality will also make the child’s friendliness towards strangers irresistible, and add to the danger.
In addition, the child will also lose the support of self-confidence because of the loss of the love of the two closest people. If they do not find themselves The self-confidence support point is likely to produce inferiority thoughts.
Children who are psychologically depressed and self-deprecating
Children who have been cold and violent for a long time will be affected by the parent’s repressed emotions. Repressed emotions are contagious, and once the child is also affected by it. Long-term depression of emotions, ranging from self-depreciation, inferiority thoughts, to mental illness. Once the psychological shadow of
occurs, the child will also be unwilling to communicate with others. Shadow, this kind of psychological shadow will not only affect the growth of children, but also make children unwilling to communicate when facing other people, and face them with an indifferent attitude, which seriously affects children’s communication with others, and also affects children’s future communication. Negative impact.
Children who are cold and violent may still have these manifestations.
uses destructive methods to draw the attention of parents.
Children have been violently violently and ignored by parents. They may use some extreme methods to attract parents’ attention, such as destroying something or even destroying their own body. I think this approach can get the attention and love of parents.
Personality becomes withdrawn, sensitive, and easily depressed.
Children are exposed to cold violence. Under the long-term influence, the child will be reluctant to communicate with others. As a result, the personality will become withdrawn and sensitive. A small matter may make the child feel depressed. .
solves problems like adults, and loses the liveliness of children
Children who are treated coldly and violently, may learn from their parents to treat people, things, and things they encounter. The phrase "parents are the best teachers for children" is not groundless. The person closest to the child is the easiest object for the child to imitate. If the parent treats the child coldly and violently, the child will follow the same pattern.
03
say to cold violence"No"
Parents should be alert when they find that their children have the above behaviors. These coping methods can help parents avoid cold violence from worsening their children.
Parents’ self-reflection √
“My day and my body”, being a parent is a long way to go. I often reflect on where I have been cold and violent to my children, where I am irresponsible to my children, and where I am really wrong should be corrected. Find out the root cause of the child's changes, and then we can better respond.
In addition, reflecting on yourself before encountering things can better avoid cold violence to children.
Actively communicate with children √
Always communicate with children in order to better understand the children’s heart, find a suitable communication method for their children, and achieve a multiplier effect with less effort.
Language is an important way of communication. When a child calls a parent, respond with "Mom and Dad are okay now, can you tell me later?" When you are finished, you must communicate with your child. (Be careful about this, don’t leave it alone. However, unbelief is the biggest killer of parent-child relationship problems) instead of deliberately neglecting, one can avoid cold violence.
When a child makes a mistake, tell the child what he did wrong, and help the child to correct the mistake together instead of cynicism or neglect. It can not only avoid a cold violence, but also make the child understand his mistake.
Please learn to restrain emotions √
The biggest difference between maturity and naivety lies in the restraint of emotions. If an adult can't even control his emotions, it is basically difficult to achieve great achievements.
The desire to be a child and a phoenix is something every parent will have, but if the child is to be successful, the parent is the most basic example. Parents control their emotions and educate their children scientifically. They will not be cold and violent. Be able to learn from parents to control their emotions and cultivate a good self-cultivation.
Repair the child's heart √
Parents who have experienced cold violence, while avoiding continued cold violence against their children in the future, they must also restore the heart of their children who have experienced cold violence.
The harm of cold violence to children has been constituted. It is the first choice to convey the love of parents to children by apologizing to children, playing games with children, teaching children to read and write, etc.
In addition, language expression is also essential. Expressing love for children does not mean that children will be arrogant, but that they will be given the sense of security their parents can give, and then they can better help them build their own safety.
Patience is indispensable √
Patience is essential in the growth of children. Although many people say that patience has a bottom line, but for children, this bottom line really needs to be lower and lower. The nature of the child means that every child must have this or that in the process of growing up. Only by adjusting their tolerance limits time and again can parents avoid cold violence to their children to the greatest extent.
Attentive companionship is very important √
Attentively accompany the child to play games, outdoor activities, reading and literacy, etc., instead of perfunctory people next to the child, but playing mobile phones, watching TV, can not only understand the child through companionship, but also let The parent-child relationship is closer, and the best way is to avoid cold violence.
In fact, these are just a few of the more common cold violence that is not very serious.
Compared with domestic violence, severe cold violence hurts the child’s soul more. The humiliation of being beaten during domestic violence is only temporary, while the shadow of cold violence may accompany the child’s life, severely even affecting the character , Depression in adulthood, suicide and self-harm...
So, dear parents, we must always pay attention to our daily words and deeds, and do not leave an indelible shadow in the young minds of children. Let's reject any form of violence and accompany the children to grow up in the sunshine!
Part of the source of the material: Mum Lian N video Chutian Metropolis Daily
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