Many parents have this experience. When you correct the child, the child will not immediately admit the mistake, but love to quibble, even rudely answer back, so you don't know how to respond.
I remember my son's homework when I read the second grade math in primary school. If you point out the mistake to him, he will be a little bit ashamed and become annoyed. "Only one question is wrong." "It's not an exam, why are you so fierce?"
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Wait until I accuse him of his improper learning attitude, he will only say "every time Scold me and call me!"
All of a sudden, I started to doubt myself, is it too nagging and overreacting?
There are too many examples to mention, the score test failed and asked him the reason, he even choked me may be hereditary; when he was angry, he persuaded him, and he directly said, "Why do you speak loudly when you are angry, why me? No?"
As if the adults said something,Children will rebut subconsciously, sometimes it sounds reasonable, and sometimes they feel that the child is deliberately playing the opposite tune.
What went wrong?
The process of rebellion is to find oneself _strong19span _strong19span _strong19pstrong 0 If the parents think that this is just the child making trouble, they are wrong.
In her opinion, when parents correct their children’s mistakes, the reason why their children have disrespectful behaviors such as rolling their eyes and answering their mouths is because they are "corrected". I feel particularly sensitive, and the younger I am, the more sensitive I am , the form of expression is resistance and sophistry.
For children, family members are the people they care about, and being identified by family members as "bad guys" or "people who make mistakes" will initiate dissatisfaction, excuses, etc. derived from helplessness. behavior.
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By challenging the bottom line,To find the edge of the bottom line -this is the nature of children, but their brains are not mature enough to develop the right "tools" to control these emotions.
asks them to reflect and control their behavior according to the adult’s will. For them, whose prefrontal lobe of is still developing, it is a matter that requires a lot of brainpower. Not to mention how difficult it is to learn a lesson from it when the emotions are violent.
For parents, since their children are young, they have become accustomed to the one-way communication mode of children receiving messages.
When children grow up to develop self-awareness, they will express different ideas about the opinions of their parents or question some instructions. These reactions fall in the eyes of the parents. It is easy to feel uncomfortable and feel that children are not as obedient and obedient as they were when they were young.
However, Emily Edlin also reminded parents that if the child has these irritated behaviors, it can be viewed with an optimistic perspective, because it means that the child is growing up and developing Your own views on people and things may also realize that you have done something wrong, but the way you admit your mistakes is different from what the adults expected.
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strong 14strong face the child's mouthWhat can parents do?
1. Keep calm
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br1br Affect the direction in which the relationship between parent and child changes.
To be too tolerant can make the child more unscrupulous and even lead to worse behavior; being too strong will make the child feel that there is no opportunity to express ideas and hinder the parent-child’s previous communication.
If you are about to go crazy by your child, it is best not to speak at this time, take a deep breath, and count from 1 to 10 or 20 in your mind. Then ask yourself if what you are about to say will make the situation worse.
If you still feel that you or your child is about to lose control, you can say to your child, "Wait until everyone is not so angry, can we talk about it again?", and then leave to other places. If it's in public, don't quarrel loudly in the street, tell your child to stop the conversation and wait until you get back to the car or home to communicate.
2. Analyze the root cause
is not true when the child speaks out The reason that made him angry may not have anything to do with his parents. Maybe it was conflicts with school and friends, or irritability caused by academic pressure, so that he returned home and sent his anger to his parents and shouted at you, "You get out of my room." ".
Because he thinks you are a "safe" target and can accept his most true emotional response.
If this happens, please stay calm and ask questions to find out the behavioral incentives behind your child, such as asking him "What unpleasant things happened at school today?" "Would you like to follow Let me tell you, wait a minute." Excavating the root of the problem will enable you to help your child solve the problem more efficiently.
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3. Definitely acceptable behaviors
_strong 19 "Don't bother me." It is very likely that he was just repeating the response he heard, but didn't realize that his expression was rude.
Hannah Chow-Johnson, assistant professor of pediatrics at Loyola University School of Medicine, Chicago, explained that children will imitate other people's way of speaking back, including their tone and words.
Therefore, parents need to clearly explain to their children what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. For example, you can respond with "temporarily not want to speak" when you are angry, but if you shout loudly It is wrong to call, scold or scold the other person. This is a kind of disrespect for others, and it also hurts those who care about yourself.
4. Inform the consequences in advance
and let him know what kind of behavior is inappropriate if he crosses over the line. For example, if you make a mistake again, you will lose time playing games and watching TV, or you will have to do housework or go to bed early to show punishment.
Let children know these principles early so that when they make a mistake and accept punishment, they will not be unacceptable. The most important thing is that parents must resolutely implement these principles, and don't lower their demands for a while.
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5. Lead by example _3span0 _ppan0 Especially from the parents, they will absorb all the good and bad things.
If you often say harsh words to your partner or family, then your 5-year-old son will treat other people in the same way, including you.
American psychologist Dr. Erik A. Fisher suggested that parents, when communicating unfriendly with their children, can use their mobile phones to record, and listen to whether there is any excess in their words afterwards, and how to use them. Another perspective is to listen to what the child did not say.
6. Affirmative positive behavior
can use positive behavior to express your own thoughts instead of . The views are very good", but it does not mean that he must accept his ideas.
What parents must affirm is the behavior of the child who is brave to express. When the child thinks that his thoughts are heard and affirmed, the goal has been achieved.
After discussing the matter with the child, maybe the child’s idea was not adopted in the end, but in the process his thinking and efforts were respected, there would be no resistance or back-talking phenomenon. .
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