As mothers, we often experience the following scenes:
- When children play with other friends, they are not very popular and it is difficult to blend in.
- takes care of him every day, always wanting to nag about two or three times, but the child is still "disobedient" and can't do things well.
- I have broken my heart for my child every day, and I am exhausted physically and mentally. Once I see a child making a mistake, I can't help but want to yell a few words.
And when we see children who are very sensible and self-disciplined, we are always reflecting on how such children are cultivated? What can I do to be easy and effective?
Today, I got a great parenting experience from the famous host Wang Fang to solve the above problems!
In fact, to be a good and relaxed mother, we must at least do the following three points: 1. Let the children remember that speaking and doing things should make others comfortable. 2. Master the critical period. 3. Say less, take a step back.
01 Always let the children remember, speak and do things to make others comfortable.
What does it mean to make others comfortable? In fact, there is emotional intelligence. When he has emotional intelligence, he will solve the problem. When he can solve the problem, then, no matter whether he studies well or not in this life, you don't have to worry about him.
And now, many children don't know how to make others comfortable, but to make themselves comfortable. They are always happy and self-centered. So, this way you might make him study very well, but when he comes to the society, he is not a popular person, there will be a lot of frustration, and even be very rebellious.
Because I am an English teacher,I feel very deeply about this. There will be some bear kids in class, who like to sing the opposite. I said, "Are you ready?", he said "No!". I said, "Can you have a cay?", and he said "No!". I said, "Clear?", he said "I don't care!"...Every time, I made a roar of laughter and made me very uncomfortable. The classmates didn't like him after class, they always sue him. In fact, is this child comfortable in his heart? He is also uncomfortable! Why did you do this? I just talked to him and realized that he was just to show his personality. I have been depressed for too long at home. There is a strong mother who likes to say "No!" to him.
We also know that people with high emotional intelligence are most favored. Li Jiaqi , during a live broadcast, I encountered a fan who commented maliciously. After reading for nearly two hours, the assistant kept reminding him to dissuade him, but he did not. Afterwards, he said, I am a public figure, and I want to spread positive energy to everyone, and I can't smash people in the live broadcast room. This is irresponsible to anyone. This approach not only preserves the dignity of the fan, but also demonstrates his high emotional intelligence. Everyone thought he was too good at talking, and received a lot of praise.
How can children do this?
First change yourself and be a high EQ mother
When we speak and do things ourselves, we must first think about how to make others comfortable and awaken all the time.
For example, if a child made a greeting card for Mother's Day, you would say, "It is useless to clean up these things. You can get a full score when you use this idea to study." Or "Thank you baby, mom loves it!"
For another example, When your husband finally remembers to buy you a decent gift, you will say, "Why do you buy this, it's expensive, it costs money!" Or, "I like this gift so much!"
Sometimes, We make excuses for ourselves, saying that we are sincere and outspoken. It's okay to be straightforward,The premise is that the words don’t hurt and make people comfortable.
Don’t complain about what has happened.
Sometimes we face something that doesn’t suit our minds and we always complain first.
For example, if a child fails to do well in the exam and his grades are declining, many mothers will say, "Look at the exam, it must be because you haven't studied hard recently..." There is no benefit to such accusations.
For another example, if children don't eat well, many mothers say, "If you don't come over to eat soon, you will know to play, and if you don't eat, you will be hungry!" Children still won't put down their toys.
So, let yourself not complain about what happened, then communicate with your child and ask why. Go solve it again.
Learn to say, "Baby, it would be better for you to say that!"
For example, in the face of a nagging grandpa or grandma, if a child says "Stop talking, I'm annoying." You can teach your children "Grandpa/Grandma, what you reminded is so right, I remembered!" It is better to make the family feel comfortable, and the child will do it.
There is another great method here, which is the role-playing method.
You can play the child, the child can play the grandparents, you let him feel for himself, whether his language is good or not. Then, you change to a better way of speaking, and then make him feel comfortable. Let him know that there is a better way of speaking.
In short, we mothers must be careful and aware! Not only should we always observe ourselves, but also our children. What to say to children,
Here, let me emphasize that the first thing we must teach children is to make others comfortable, that is, to be a person with high EQ.
02 Master the critical period
I believe many parents have heard of the "critical period",It was proposed by the Austrian zoologist Lorenz, and he won the Nobel Prize for this theory.
Everyone in education knows that the "critical period" is widely used in school education, such as the compilation of our teaching materials and the classroom settings of teachers.
The critical period is to tell us that children at different ages have skills that need to be developed. It is easy for children to master this skill at this stage, but once missed, it is difficult to master it again. Such as the story of the wolf boy.
We parents need to understand the knowledge and skills that children need to learn at each stage, so that the children's abilities can be best developed at the right time.
Actually, in life, we often hear teachers say that in the first grade, we must learn Pinyin well. In the second and third grades, you must practice the handwriting well and develop good homework habits. The third and fourth grades must complete reading habits and have mathematical thinking. . . This is all following the "critical period."
The following is a summary of the more professional key period:
About 2 and a half years old, the counting ability of children begins to sprout.
At about 3 years old, young children begin to learn self-discipline and establish a sense of rules.
At about 3 and a half years old, children's hands-on ability begins to mature, independence and attention begin to build and develop.
3~4 years old, children's primary observation ability begins to form.
3~5 years old, children's musical ability begins to sprout.
Around 4 years old, children start to learn spoken foreign languages.
About 4 and a half years old, children begin to have a direct interest in knowledge learning.
At about 5 years old, children's learning and life concepts begin to grasp and master number concepts, abstract operations and comprehensive mathematical ability begin to form.
About 5 and a half years old, children's abstract logical thinking begins to sprout and master grammar, understanding abstract vocabulary and comprehensive language skills begin to form; comprehension begins to sprout; learning mentality, learning habits, and sense of learning success begin to emerge.
At about 6 years old, children's social organization skills begin to form; creativity begins to mature; observation skills begin to mature; supernormal ability structures begin to construct and begin to develop language rapidly.
At about 6~8 years old, children begin to learn foreign language written language;
At about 7 years old, children start to form multi-way thinking; operational ability begins to form; self-learning ability begins to form; self-control and persistence begin to mature;
8 years old Around the time, children’s reading ability and comprehensive knowledge learning ability began to form; appreciation of art and aesthetics began to sprout;
about 9 years old, children’s elementary philosophical thinking began to emerge;
As a parent, it is necessary for children to learn at a critical moment , Or develop children's specialties.
To sum up, 0 to 6 years old is the critical period of language ability. 6 to 8 years old is the critical period of Pinyin. Under 12 years old is a critical period for writing. The primary school period is a critical period for history, geography and liberal arts. . . The important enlightenment in life is actually completed before the age of 12!
Therefore, when children are in elementary school, they must be managed and shaped well, so that you will become more worry-free and your children will become better and better. If you don't care when it is time to manage, you will become more and more bothered.
As a mother, you can catch the critical period, grasp the big and let go of the small, don't care if he has a good exam one time. It just cares whether he has grasped the critical period well.
For myself, I also attach great importance to the critical period. For example, 5 to 8 years old is a critical period for reading. I take my daughter to the bookstore every week to read. In addition, I will tell her stories about picture books every day to help her develop good reading habits. As long as a child loves reading, he won't be too bad.
Therefore, the critical period is really important, and you must grasp it carefully!
03 Mother should say a little less,Take a step back
Sometimes, we mothers like to nag, we always feel that if we don't say much, our children won't remember. However, it was counterproductive.
So, if you can talk about it or not, let's not talk about it. Just say it once, let's not say it twice. Too much is meaningless, it can only be annoying.
To save the time of nagging, you can sit there and read a book, think about life, or dress up and make yourself more beautiful. Mom must also have her own wonderful life!
Also, let's not do too much for our children. The three-year-old baby asked him to learn to dress himself, take a bath, and brush his teeth. . . My own daughter, she is especially good at organizing things now, and all the toys she has read and played with are put in their original places. Because her mother didn't help her tidy up, she knew that this was what she had to do.
A mother must learn to take a step back. If you think he can do it himself, he must let it go. If you do one more thing, the child will lose an opportunity to exercise.
You really have to believe in your child. The more you give him the opportunity to grow up, the more fulfilled he will be, because when he is with other children, he is more capable and very confident.
As for the baby, if my mother says nothing, I have to understand it. If my mother takes a step back, I have to rush forward. Ability is exercised in this way.
Conversely, a nagging mother will cause the child to lose concentration. Especially strong mothers often train their children, which will lead to their rebelliousness in the future, and their speech is particularly unpleasant. Therefore, I think mothers have to control their temper.
These three points above, if we have to keep them in mind, remind ourselves to do it every time we face our children.
In fact, growth is a moment of awakening, every moment of awareness. With a mouthful, you need to pause for a while, go through what you want to say in your head, and say it again if there is no problem. If you do this, your child's growth and changes will definitely surprise you!
Does the above content give you some inspiration?
Welcome everyone to leave comments in the comment area!
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