usually hears other people scold his children and say, "Why are you so stupid, you can't do this thing well?" "You can't do such a simple question, do you have a problem with your brain?" Seeing that people are younger than you are so powerful, I really don’t know what your brain is doing.” Do you often hear the above words from parents to your children, or you often say this to your children intentionally or unintentionally, which seems to be an irrelevant lesson In fact, this is humiliating education.
In addition to parents humiliating their children, in daily life and work, we will inevitably encounter some people who often take pleasure in humiliating others. The reason why they have such "interest" is probably because their parents are like this People who have been humiliated and grown up since childhood, let them become such people unconsciously, or use this method to educate the next generation.
Why do some parents like to educate their children in this way? Are their children really stupid? No, it's just that they like to use humiliating ways to express their dissatisfaction and disapproval of this behavior and words.
In fact, this method of education does not achieve a good communication effect. On the contrary, it will cause you or the other party to be harmed to different degrees. Please do not use this extreme method under the banner of "I am good for you". Treating children, this way of communication is absurd and ineffective.
Let’s take a look at the harm of humiliating education.
1. Humiliation and education harm
1. Make children feel helpless.
When children do not do their homework well, run not fast enough for others, or learn musical instruments, they always play the wrong sound. I believe that many parents have a anger in their hearts, always thinking about what What other children’s children can do is so difficult for their own children. Under the influence of various mental states such as vanity and comparison, parents will instinctively say something to humiliate their children. I just wanted to use this to motivate my children to make progress. I didn't expect that after saying this, the children would feel that they were worthless, and that their parents would not trust themselves and their self-esteem would be severely affected.
Faced with the suppression of the parent’s language, the child may try to catch up, but after he has made progress, the parent is still not satisfied, or if he finds this trick useful, he will continue to suppress the child. Over time, he will doubt his own ability, is it right? He is inferior to others, and while feeling very helpless, he also loses his self-confidence and even collapses.
2, obliterate personality differences
In fact, every child is an independent individual. It does not have to be excellent in various subjects and good physical fitness. To be a good child, there may be children who prefer mathematics, physics and chemistry, and naturally not so good in liberal arts. But it does not mean that he is not a good boy.
In addition, if the child’s differentiated characteristics will be taught by teachers and parents in this way, the child will feel that his personality is a shameful thing, he will become inferior, he will try to use various The method will gradually smooth out his own personality, become a "good boy" in everyone's mind, and gradually lose himself.
3. Children will become excessively obedient.
If parents are dissatisfied with their children for a long time, no matter what they do or how they are doing, parents will only humiliate, sarcasm, and fault with him with strange and weird words. They feel that they are useless and dare not make decisions according to their own ideas. They will only follow the parents’ thinking to behave. Because they don’t want to be humiliated, they don’t want to be aliens. Over time, they will over-obey and lose their parents or authoritative classmates and colleagues. self.
4. It is easy to become a person with extreme personality
, especially the immature children who have been rejected, discriminated against, and insulted by their parents for a long time. They will feel disagreement with themselves, even hate themselves, or become vulnerable. Since then, the community has been obedient to others, flattering, and feel that they should be inferior to others.
will form a rebellious psychology, want to dominate elsewhere, be a arrogant person, vent the insults you have received, vent and pressure others, in order to retaliate for your unhappiness.
After reading the above hazards, parents should no longer think that their ridiculous satire and humiliation are innocuous. If it hurts the child, it will affect his character and his life.
2. On the category of humiliating education zThe most common type of 1z
1 and repellent
is to classify children based on their appearance, appearance, grades, etc., and exclude those behind. Children who are humiliated will not only damage their dignity, but may also distort their character.
2, derogatory
This kind of education is also common in life. Parents or teachers will deliberately or unintentionally devalue their children to promote others, which can easily lead to the loss of self-confidence and the formation of inferiority complex.
3, label
Many people have seen or experienced aliases when they were in school. These nicknames may be joking, or they may have the meaning of ridicule or irony. Once the label is on a child If he sticks firmly, it will give him a psychological hint, and make him think that he is such a person, that he is not good enough, or stupid than others.
No matter what type of humiliation it is, I hope that children will not experience it, because no one can guarantee that children can grow up healthy in such an environment.
3. How can parents avoid humiliating children?
1. Calm down for 3 seconds.
When a parent wants to say something that is humiliating, stop the words for 3 seconds, think about whether this sentence is the above-mentioned type of humiliation, and think about whether the child is It's really as unbearable as you say. If
is the case, just put these words in the stomach and educate the children in another way.
2. Establish an equal relationship and learn to respect
. Learning to respect is a mutual process. If you respect your child in the process of education, your child will naturally learn and know how to respect others in social relationships. If he lives in an aggressive family for a long time, It is impossible for you to want him to be a considerate and respectful person.
What kind of person you want your child to be, first of all you must set an example.
3. Respect and personalization
Not every child has to live according to the parents’ ideas. They will have their own ideas and their own preferences. You can’t reject, humiliate, and humiliate your child just because they don’t get together with your preferences. Respect his personality, his preferences, and his habits, because he is unique in this way.
4. Exploring the advantages of children
Many parents feel that their children are inferior to others, even if they want to praise or praise, they don't know where to start. In fact, it is not so difficult to discover that children are brilliant. We try to change our focus from result to process.
If a child fails the exam, parents will definitely think that the child is stupid, but we can pay attention to their learning process. If he fails in the exam, we need to see if he has tried his best and made progress. If he scored 50 points last time, This time it was 59 points, and what we want to focus on is not the result of his failure, but his improvement of 9 points. If we can see his progress, help him correct, help him find a way to learn, one day he Able to cross that qualifying line and move closer to higher scores.
Finding the bright spot of the child can give parents the opportunity to encourage and praise the child. Of course, it is not to encourage the parent to encourage blindly, but just appropriate encouragement, which can indeed make the child better cheer up and learn more actively.
Summary:
Summary:
Studies have shown that people develop the ability to feel shame when they are 3 years old. If when the child is just learning to walk and learn to talk, what he hears is not encouragement, but a "really stupid" sentence, which may seem innocuous, but it will make the child fall into the pit of self-perception. It is the parents who get along the most. If they are humiliated by their close people for a long time, then it will be harmful to his psychological development. The
research shows that if the parent or the main caregiver, such as our attached person, humiliates the child, the harm will be particularly great. It is very important to let the people you admire and cherish to be proud of.
hopes that every parent can find the bright spots in their children, so that they can grow up in an environment where they are encouraged and respected, and become a physically and mentally healthy person.
