After many couples have their own children, as a mother, how should you balance family and career?
On this issue, I believe everyone will have their own choice. Some mothers will choose to give priority to accompanying their children as they grow up. After all, it is only the first few years. Mother and child can stay by each other's side. After the baby enters school, there will rarely be such a time of wholehearted companionship.
Some mothers also believe that they should give priority to developing their own careers no matter what. If they cannot give their children absolute support in material terms, how can they make their lives happier?
Some people simply do not want to give up their careers. For them, children do not represent the whole of their lives. In addition, they still have their own dreams and lives to pursue.
A friend of the editor made such a choice, but at the same time, a new question appeared in front of her, that is, who should take care of the child when she goes to work?
Finally, this friend found his mother-in-law, hoping that she could help take care of the baby. She also promised to pay part of the living expenses to the elderly every month, but unexpectedly, her mother-in-law, who had retired for many years, simply refused.
She said, although I don’t have to go to work now and have nothing to do, I also want to have some leisure time. It would be great to dance in the square with others, go for a walk in the park, or play chess, but raising children is so tiring, I won’t do it.
Because of this incident, a big quarrel broke out between this friend and her mother-in-law. No one could convince anyone, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law took a turn for the worse, reaching a freezing point.
My friend said angrily: "I understand that his mother doesn't want to give up her own life, her life, but I have really been unable to escape in recent years, can't she think about me?"
This friend's mother-in-law has This kind of thinking is actually understandable. Although you have entered old age, your life still has a happy meaning. Even if it is for your family, you should not give up everything about yourself.
But from the perspective of my daughter-in-law and son, in these few years when they are most inseparable, it is only natural for them to lend a hand to help. After all, they are a family. If they behave so coldly and selfishly all the time, it is really a little bit. It makes no sense.
1. "You are working so hard alone, mom is here to help you"
In the third year of marriage, Poria and her husband gave birth to a girl. After confinement, she, a new mother, officially started working.
The baby is very dependent on the mother and often cries. According to what Fu Ling learned online, her daughter is a very high-needs baby. She must be held and moved around while sleeping, and she will fall asleep while humming nursery rhymes. She wakes up every three or four hours, and usually only lets her mother hold her. Even if her father comes home from get off work and wants to hug his daughter, he will be met with crying resistance.
With her daughter clinging to her like this, Poria's motherly love was overwhelming, but what followed was deep exhaustion. She was already relatively weak. Her husband was at work, and during the day she was the only one at home to take care of the baby and do housework and cooking. In just two months, Poria lost six or seven pounds.
initially considered inviting her mother-in-law to help, but Fuling was still afraid that it would tire the old man. After all, her mother-in-law was old and her health was not as good as her own.
Unexpectedly, the old man finally took the initiative to talk to his daughter-in-law about this matter. She said that I have also been around your age. I know that it is really not easy for one person to take care of the children and take care of the family. How about this, I'll pack up and move here in two days, live with you, and I can help you.
Hearing her mother-in-law say this, Fuling was deeply moved and grateful. She sincerely thanked her mother-in-law and said: "Thank you, Mom, thank you for thinking about me so much."
2. "My mother-in-law was eating melon seeds and watching me busy at work"
At the same time, Poria did not want to wrong the old man, and also promised to pay her mother-in-law 3,000 yuan in living expenses every month, which was considered as a reward for her. .
It was okay at first. My mother-in-law would always help mop the floor and wash dishes. Although it was a small job, it could relieve Poria's hardship to a certain extent.
But slowly, the old man became more and more tired. The lazier she gets, the less she likes to do anything. She often mops the floor alone with her child in her arms, while her mother-in-law sits leisurely on the sofa, eating melon seeds and watching TV.
Fuling has a gentle personality and is embarrassed to ask her mother-in-law to do it. What, I had to quietly take over all the housework. Perhaps because she saw that Poria was an honest person, her mother-in-law became more bold. From then on, she often disappeared after getting up early, either going to the mall or going to the park to hang out with people. Chess and dancing.
Of course, these activities are all carried out when the husband is not at home. Every weekend when the husband is at home, the mother-in-law will immediately transform into a wonderful mother-in-law, holding the baby, washing clothes and cooking.
As soon as my husband goes out on Monday, my mother-in-law will immediately become so lazy that she can lie in the room for a whole day, let alone hug the child. She even has a stomachache.. No one helped her when she went to the bathroom, so she had no choice but to go to the bathroom while holding her baby.
In the end, Fuling couldn't bear it anymore, and she finally exposed her mother-in-law to her husband. She said, "Your mother said well, come and help me." She takes care of the children to do housework, but in fact she is just pretending and has not done anything these days. Not only do I have to take care of my child and cook, but now I also have to take care of her as an elderly person and give her money every month. What’s the point of this? "
I didn't expect that my husband would actually side with my mother, and even said plausibly, Taking care of the child has nothing to do with my mother. The child is yours, not hers. Helping you is a sign of affection, not helping you is a sign of affection." Duty, why do you ask my mother like this?
I didn’t expect my husband to say this. She was so angry that she trembled all over and said after a while: Okay, remember what you said, your mother turned a blind eye to my hard work today. , the day when she grows old and needs my care, I will pretend I didn’t see it.
This incident really made Fuling feel angry and aggrieved. Originally, it was her mother-in-law who took the initiative to come over and help her daughter-in-law. At first, she was grateful for this, feeling that she had wronged her mother-in-law, and offered to give the elderly living expenses.
However, she did not expect that her mother-in-law's so-called help was just for show. She soon revealed her true nature, being lazy and greedy, and did not do housework or help with the baby. . However, when Fuling confided in her husband, he actually stood on her mother's side and accused Fuling of asking for too much.
At this point, she was completely disappointed with the family.
3. Encounter. Only in times of difficulty did she realize the meaning of family.
The good-tempered Poria did not think about troubling her mother-in-law at first. In the end, she accepted it only after the old man took the initiative to mention it. In order to fear that her mother-in-law would be hard-working, she even took the initiative to give her mother-in-law 3,000 yuan a month. Regarding living expenses, it can be said that Fuling is really a kind daughter-in-law who knows how to consider others.
But Fuling's mother-in-law is not like this. She only knows how to do it on the surface. On the surface, she is very close to her daughter-in-law and helps her share the burden. In fact, she is just pretending. , it didn’t take long for her true nature to show up. Except when her husband was resting at home, she would pretend to be a hard-working mother-in-law, and then she would immediately change back to her original appearance when her son was not at home. It was also because of Fuling’s good temper. Dare to say anything, so be so bold.
Only when we encounter difficulties can we reflect the meaning of family. There will always be some people around you who will never truly abandon you, but will. Be by your side, encourage you, comfort you, and move forward with you.
As for those people who only know how to show off but don’t actually have much sincerity, we must see clearly as soon as possible and stay away from them as much as possible. Just like Poria, she can be more bold and make things clear. If her mother-in-law still doesn't realize her mistake, ask her to go back and forth wherever she came from. It's better than staying here and causing trouble for herself. powerful.
END.
Today’s topic: Do you think the mother-in-law has the obligation to help her daughter-in-law take care of the baby in the first few years? Feel free to share your views in the comment area.
