Preface:
Your relationship with yourself is the beginning of all relationships
Your relationship with yourself determines your relationship with the world
You are not worried that no one loves you
What you are worried about is that no one loves you the way you want
In the end you will find that your worry is right:
No one can love you the way you want, except for yourself
What should be true mature relationships?
Almost all the mourning comes from one root, that is, you will never allow yourself to make any mistakes.
Behind that perfect image that you would rather die than defend, there is always a vulnerable and terrifying little glass heart. How can
be considered to have a good relationship with yourself?
A little abstract expression means that you sit there and will not be anxious because you are rushing to catch something, nor will you be worried about gains and losses because you are always upset about missing something. The hostility and impetuousness that is easy to show in
is slowly erased, and I feel that everything comes and goes is calm, doing what I think is right, having confidence in the future, and having patience in the present.
Tracking and traceability:
When we were very young, our parents were always required to meet our needs unconditionally, otherwise we would resist by crying, complaining, acting spoiled, and losing our temper.
Many people use the same method to treat their partners when they grow up, hoping to gain a sense of security and company.
In intimate relationships, true emotional independence is the realization that:
Your partner should not be the only source of love and happiness.
It is not their responsibility to satisfy your expectations and make you happy.
If this is not possible to be established as the basic setting, intimate relationships will be difficult to maintain for a long time.
This shows a fact: our emotions are often not as mature as physically and intellectually.
Until now, we are still using the methods we used when we were young to deal with emotional and demand issues.
It is reasonable to expect happiness and intimacy from your partner.
If the happiness, security, self-esteem or many other things we need, if all need to be achieved through others, this becomes a big problem.
As childhood, the way we understand ourselves and feel life is the reactions of the adults around us.
Most of us know ourselves is just what others say about us.
In addition, we have accepted a lot of rules and regulations about how life should be spent.
If the people around you are depressed, worried, guilty, and irritable all day long, you will have a lot of negative understanding of yourself and the world around you.
When we grow up, we tend to recreate the emotional environment we were in childhood. We also tend to reproduce the relationship we had with our parents when we were young in interpersonal communication.
If we were repeatedly scolded or abused as children, we would strive to be with those who treated us the same way as adults.
If we were always praised, cared for and encouraged as children, we would recreate these interaction patterns as adults.
I'm not asking you to blame your parents.
We are all victims of generations, and parents cannot teach you things that they can’t even understand themselves.
If your parents don’t know how to love themselves, they will not be able to teach you how to love themselves.
They have done their best to educate you with the knowledge they already know.
Think about how they grew up.
If you want to know your parents more, you should ask them how they spent their childhood.
Don’t just listen to what they say, but also observe the "state" they speak.
What is their body language like? Do they have eye contact with you?
gazed at their eyes, can you discover their inner innocence?
Maybe you just glanced over, but this kind of inner innocence often reveals valuable information.
Once a person believes in what kind of person he will be in this emotional quagmire for the rest of his life:
is irresponsible and does not take action, and therefore misses any opportunity to change himself better.
This mentality that seems to make people gain more emotional attention actually implies a complete abandonment of life.
Do you respect those who wander in dilapidated streets?
of course not, why?
Because those scoundrels don’t value themselves at all, they will only let feel inferior corrode their hearts and become self-destructive.
A person’s self-concept is the core of his personality. What kind of person you think you are, you will really become.
Every person, no matter where he lives, no matter where he is unknown or has a prominent background, no matter whether he is civilized or barbaric, or whether he is young or old, has a strong desire to become an important person.
Please think carefully about everyone around you - your neighbor, yourself, your teacher, your classmates, your friends. Does anyone have a strong need to hope that you have a strong weight? There are all
. This demand is the strongest and most urgent goal of human beings.
The existence of each of us is important and a unique existence that exudes our unique advantages. People have no shortcomings, only people who do not use their advantages correctly, rather than full of shortcomings.
What are your advantages? What can your strengths help you?
people are easily brainwashed.
Facing the dilemma, if you do not investigate the root cause, find the cause.
Our disease cannot be cured, and the problem cannot be solved.
Through problems and diseases, through emotions and phenomena, we can see our real senses, beliefs and roots of our true mistakes.
Adjust yourself from the root, generate change and wisdom, and live a happier and happier life.
instead of saying: You are sick, you need to take medicine, you cannot stop.
If you take medicine and ask for help outside, it can really solve the problem, and our disease will not be treated more and more. Are you right?
The three most stupid things we often think
1. Thinking that you are the most tragic person in the world;
2. Thinking that the idol in your heart is all smooth and everything goes well;
3. Thinking that other people's lives are easier than yourself.
is far away, and all you see are stories made up by yourself.
As you get closer, you will know that many tall, rich and handsome guys are not useful;
have unknown difficulties and hardships behind all fame and fortune.
In fact, whether others are good or bad has nothing to do with you, just do your own.
regard yourself as your best friend, understand, care, support, and accompany yourself, bless yourself, and send blessings to all those who are suffering.
Take action to yourself and let your self-care blossom and bear fruit in action.
This result is not to make yourself better, not to repair yourself more satisfactory, and be able to do things, but to make yourself more kind and make good intentions an inner quality of life.
Every setback, every self-judgment, and self-negation are opportunities to cultivate goodwill to oneself.
Let yourself relax, warm, and return to the track of kindness, rather than fighting for wins and losses, right or wrong on the track of self-blame.
What kind of adjective would you use to describe your relationship with yourself?
swinging? Harshly? Certainly? ...
friendly place? Tolerantly? Firmly? ...
If there is no clear answer to this question, you can try to observe how you will treat yourself when you are in a dilemma:
strongly condemns yourself not good enough?
or is it willing to hug yourself and give yourself the greatest kindness?
How you treat your friends who are in trouble, just treat yourself.
You can think about how you treat each other when your friend fails or is frustrated?
And when you fail or are disappointed, how do you treat yourself?
stayed there waiting or expected others to be responsible for themselves, or shirked all of our problems - not only would we be truly happy, but instead, we would become more and more unfortunate.
This road of life is very long. After squatting for a long time, you can try to stand up and walk by yourself. You will find that it feels good too.
Author profile: Teacher Xianhong
Psychological counselor, Tarot card fortune teller , planetary energy chanting bowl healer, free coder, trainer.
Listen to people's warmth and coldness in the humble room, and love is all fate.
The world comes and goes without traces, and cooking words heal people's hearts.
I meet you and then meet myself. Destiny is like a knife. Let me experience it with you.
If you need psychological counseling, tarot card divination, and business cooperation, please send a private message.
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