"Just be yourself and don't care about what others think."
This is a comforting word I often heard before.
I am a very glass-hearted person, and I am also socially anxious, so my interpersonal relationships are in a mess.
As I get older and more experienced, my mentality has changed a bit, but it is still difficult for me to let go of other people's "unintentional" comments.
Although I can already distinguish which comments are malicious and which are kind, I will always feel uncomfortable inside for a long time.
In the past two days, I read the section "Other people's evaluations have nothing to do with me, don't try to change it" in "Tsai Kangyong's Way of Speaking ", and I seem to have realized something.
My understanding of this sentence is that you should not try to change the behavior of the other party's evaluation, but you can carefully consider the content of the evaluation.
After carefully understanding this sentence, I added a sentence of my own:
Others’ comments have nothing to do with me. Don’t try to change it, but I can face it. How to face up to
?
Right, just check to see if you have this problem and correct it if you do.
When I first met Niu Niu’s dad, I was only 15 or 16 years old, a child, and I was really ignorant at that time.
was working in the same city with some of his seventh and eighth aunts, so they had to get together frequently.
As time goes by, they have something to say, Xiao Qing is a girl who is okay in other aspects, but is too stingy. Why is she so angry?
Of course I am not angry with them, I just like to be angry with Niu Niu Dad.
At that time, I thought, this is normal. What does the grudge between lovers have to do with each other? !
didn’t understand it very much, so he gradually alienated these relatives.
I did not choose to face their comments, but faced them with an evasive mentality.
In this way, I am the one who suffers, because I have been unable to grow.
I always like to avoid some negative comments, not only from them, but also from all the relatives and friends around me who are kind and caring to me.
Human nature is to like to listen to good things, but this is also one of the most dangerous natures.
In order to grow more, it is necessary for us to train a skill-to feel emotions appropriately.
This is an enlightening point of view mentioned in the book by teacher Cai Kangyong !
Then, when faced with unfriendly comments, there is no need to force yourself to accept them calmly. You can be angry or angry. There is a middle ground.
Teacher Cai Kangyong said: When someone scolds someone, it is impossible to feel no resentment or pain. You will still feel some frustration or anger appropriately, but you will not amplify it infinitely.
What is the limit of "not enlarging it infinitely"? Give yourself 10 minutes to half an hour to feel frustrated or angry.
Accept your unpleasant emotions, then get out of them as soon as possible, and then see if these problems of yours really exist. If
exists, why bother? It’s not too late to change.
While changing, I said thank you to them in my heart. Thank you for being the booster of my growth.
But another question arises. What if other people’s evaluations are unreasonable and purely based on nothing?
Do you have to accept it even if you are lying in the middle?
Yes, accept it, accept your unpleasant emotions, and then jump out and see:
Why is he doing this?
Is it his own emotional problem?
Did I get caught in the muzzle due to bad luck?
Teacher Cai Kangyong said:
This is the result of others being affected by his own emotions. He was in the mood to curse others, so he cursed, and the person being scolded happened to be me.
I have fulfilled my role - being scolded by others gives their emotions a place to go.
As for whether it will affect me? To what extent? I have to decide for myself.
Niu Niu’s dad often bumps into my muzzle like this. When I’m in a bad mood and want to curse, he has no choice but to “contribute”.
Because at this time, if he is not scolded, the one who will be scolded may be Niu Niu.
But the point is, will he (including us) be affected by this unprovoked scolding/evaluation?
I think this also requires a process of cultivation.
Allow yourself to have brief unpleasant emotions, and then jump out of them as soon as possible.
Don't be too affected, after all, this is not directed at us.
The extent of the impact is determined by ourselves. Once we have figured it out, we will be relieved. It doesn't matter if we become "cannon fodder".
has clarified this point, and I feel that I can face some unfriendly comments more calmly. This method is very good, and I also share it with friends who have this problem.
How do you face the kind or malicious comments from others? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to discuss [wit].
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Author introduction:
Lin Xiaoqing, a working mother born in the 1990s, writes about parenting, talks about life, likes reading, and hopes to "use what you feel in life to read, and use what you gain from reading to live."
