is a bit of a compliment, but don’t take it seriously
I have seen this sentence:
"When others compliment you, just feel happy secretly, but don't take it seriously, because nine times out of ten they are trying to trick you."
In the TV series "Happiness Comes to Ten Thousands of ", Wang Qinglai suffered the disadvantage of not being able to understand compliments.
Thanks to the relationship between his younger brother and father-in-law, Director Xu, Wang Qinglai started working as a security guard.
Colleagues saw that his name was Uncle Director Xu, so they touted him as "someone in the government who is good at becoming an official" and expressed their intention to hang out with him.
Wang Qinglai was a little confused at first, and coupled with the constant compliments from his colleagues, he really thought he was great.
The more this happened, the more he wanted to show that his relationship with Director Xu was unusual.
Once saw Director Xu's car drive through the gate, he ran up to say hello, but the leader in the same field saw him.
Not only did Director Xu get criticized for arranging work for relatives without permission, but Wang Qinglai also lost his job.
People like Wang Qinglai who do not have a clear understanding of themselves will easily get lost in the compliments of others.
told such a story in " Warring States Policy ".
Zou Ji of Qi State is tall and handsome in appearance.
One day after he finished dressing, he looked at himself in the mirror and couldn't help but ask his wife: "Compared with Xu Gong from the north of the city, who is more beautiful?"
His wife replied: "You are so beautiful, how can Mr. Xu compare with you?"
Thinking that Mr. Xu in the north of the city was a famous handsome man in Qi State, Zou Ji was still not confident after hearing this.
Then he asked the concubine and the visiting guests the same questions, and the answers they got were that they look better on themselves.
As a result, when Xu Gong came to visit the next day, Zou Ji looked carefully and felt that there was a big difference between himself and him.
Only then did Zou Ji understand: The wife said she was good-looking because of preference, the concubine did it out of fear, and the guest did it out of need.
They all said compliments out of selfish motives, which blinded Zou Ji and almost believed them.
Andrew Carnegie said: " Be careful of friends who compliment you, they are more terrifying than enemies who attack you. "
It is human nature to like to hear good words, but some good words are limited to listening.
Similar situations often happen in life. Some people will say complimentary words and deliberately praise others in order to be polite or have certain intentions.
These compliments are like sugar-coated bullets, which can easily give people the false impression that "you are awesome".
Once you take it seriously, you will get lost. When you are slapped in the face by reality, it will be too late.
People need to be self-aware, and those who get lost in compliments are destined to not go far.
Only by correcting your position and calming down can you take every step down-to-earth.
I have some doubts, don’t worry about it.
Do you still remember Wuhan’s “Grandpa Sugar Water” Xie Yongan ?
Xie Yongan is 67 years old. Before August, he sold sugar water at 9:30 every night.
He has a wide variety of sugar drinks with plenty of ingredients. Each type only costs 2 yuan/cup, and you can enjoy unlimited refills.
For the elderly and children, he specially wrote "no money" on the sign.
He has been running the stall for 17 years, and the price only rose from 1 yuan to 2 yuan three years ago.
For the current price level, such charges are quite low.
With his sudden popularity on the Internet, Xie Yongan has been questioned like never before:
Some people accused him of not wearing a mask or gloves, and there was a problem with the hygiene of sugar water;
Some people attacked his child as being unfilial, otherwise why would he still have to sell sugar water at such an old age?
Seeing that his life and that of his family had been affected, the overwhelmed Xie Yongan had to stop his business and return to his hometown in Henan.
In fact, Xie Yongan is very particular about hygiene when making sugar water. The equipment and ingredients are all cleaned cleanly. His two sons have already married and started a business, so there is no filial piety.
No one thought that his originally peaceful life would be interrupted by these doubts, which is really regrettable.
There is a saying that goes well: "Whatever you care about will be hurt by it."
If you particularly care about other people's doubts, it will put you in a desperate situation; if you don't care, then it can't do anything to you.
Just as New Oriental had just transformed into live streaming, Yu Minhong was questioned by all parties.
Everyone is generally not optimistic about such a transformation. After all, New Oriental’s anchors are all people who have stood at the top of the education and training industry pyramid.
According to the conventional point of view, bringing goods will not only bury their knowledge and talents, but also lower the character of the literati.
Faced with these doubts, Yu Minhong did not explain too much, but chose to continue on his way. In the end, the "Oriental Selection" live broadcast room became popular with its unique cultural output.
There is a projection phenomenon in psychology, which means that what everyone sees in others is actually themselves.
People's reactions to the outside world are based on their own cognition and inner projection.
Therefore, everyone's reaction to the same thing is different.
Just like "he is honey but you are arsenic", what you think is good may not be good to others, and what you think you can't do, others may not be able to do.
This also explains why no matter what you do, there will always be people who will agree with you, and there will also be people who will question you.
Because other people’s focus is not really on you, you are just a projection of their inner world.
In this case, why bother paying for others’ unnecessary doubts.
It is better to focus on yourself, and seeing your true inner thoughts is the most important thing.
had some complaints, but ignore them.
I went back to my hometown some time ago and met a distant cousin.
As soon as he sat down, he complained bitterly, saying that his daughter's college entrance examination application had failed.
She was admitted with almost the highest score in the school. If she had known this, she should have enrolled in a better school.
Just when I was about to say a few words of comfort, my cousin changed the topic and began to complain that if I could help with the application process, the result might be different.
After listening to his words, I felt mixed emotions.
In fact, when the college entrance examination results first came out, I asked my family about my niece’s results, and I did have the idea of giving her advice.
But after waiting, my cousin did not contact me, and it seemed a bit nosy to get involved rashly;
Secondly, over the past few years, I have helped several relatives consult on this matter. Although I have worked hard and done a lot of homework, most people did not pay the bill.
So after thinking about it comprehensively, I did not take the initiative to ask for help this time. Unexpectedly, I was complained about it.
There is a theory of " self-serving attribution bias " in psychology, which refers to people tend to regard success as their own credit, but deny that failure is their own fault.
That is to say, people tend to make internal attributions for success, thinking that they have control and autonomy; and make external attributions for failure, thinking that it is mainly caused by external factors and that they are powerless.
’s cousin used external attribution for this matter, thinking that it was my lack of help that led to the failure to fill in the application form.
Although complaining about me will not change the result, it will make him feel better.
There is a saying that goes well: "In the face of unreasonable people, it is better to ignore them than to confront them tit for tat."
Some of the complaints you encounter may be just a way for others to shirk responsibility or vent their emotions.
The problem is not really yours, so there is no need to blame yourself or ignore it.
Everyone has their own responsibilities and responsibilities, just do what you should do.
When you can see this clearly, many things will be relieved.
Goethe said: "Everyone should insist on paving the way for themselves. Don't be intimidated by rumors, and don't be restrained by other people's opinions."
When you are interfered by the outside world, you might as well always remind yourself that what you say is other people's business, and what you do is your own business.
Don't pay attention to what others say, just follow your own path.
Don't take some compliments seriously. Only by correcting your position can you move forward steadily;
Don't pay attention to some doubts. Only by following your own heart can you deal with them calmly;
Don't pay attention to some complaints. Only by recognizing your own responsibilities can you be calm and composed.
For the rest of our lives, I hope we can all walk our own paths and live truly and freely.
About the author : Duotu, the columnist of Fushu , what the heart wants, follow the past, "Good Life" is now selling well , this article: Fushu, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, no reproduction is allowed without authorization, any infringement will be punished
