Author: Shui Muran
This article is selected from Shui Muran's new book "Awakening in the World"
1
Are you such a person:
are you very friendly to people, but you always like to be alone.
You will not conflict with others, including verbal arguments and actions, and you can properly handle your relationship with everyone. But most of the time you like to be alone and enjoy your time alone.
Then, you may have labeled yourself " Social terror ", in fact, you are not social terror, you are " Friendly lonely ".
Friendship to people is cultivation, being alone is personality, and does not conflict.
alone does not mean that you are not good at socializing and expressing. On the contrary, you can easily switch to the talkative mode, but you are no longer interested in becoming the focus in the eyes of a group of irrelevant people.
You are usually kind to others and can understand the behavior of most people, but you don’t agree with them, don’t want to be discussed, and don’t want to watch others’ lively.
Although you are very gentle, you don’t show it to everyone, and of course not everyone can understand your tenderness. So you choose to be gentle and enthusiastic to a very small number of people, and you remain polite and rational.
2
There is a basic need for human nature, which is to require people around you to have a sense of identity with themselves. Therefore, ordinary people need to show themselves through social interaction, which is actually a manifestation of inner weakness.
. For a person with a strong heart, they no longer need to gain a sense of identity from the people around them. What they need more is their identification with themselves.
so they no longer ask outside, they would rather ask inside. Being alone is a manifestation of a person's beginning to seek internal desires.
There is another type of person who belongs to " Extraverted lonely ". They always show a lively and cheerful and sociable state to the outside world, and always brings all kinds of happiness and positive energy to everyone. But every time the song ends and leaves, they will enter a state of loneliness.
In fact, their laughing and laughing outside are all an illusion, precisely to cover up the loneliness in their hearts. Think about the following two situations:
At a meeting:
You know you don't like him
You also know he doesn't like you
You also know that he knows that you don’t like him
He also knows that you know that he doesn’t like you
But this does not prevent you from having fun together.
At a party:
You know that you will not contact
He also knows that you will not contact
He also knows that you will not contact ht after adding you WeChat ml3
You all know that at most, in the future, it is just a like-minded person
But this does not prevent you from adding friends with WeChat
This is modern social networking.
people joined in front of them, turned around and talked about the desolate words.
The more lonely a person is, the more he likes to become busy. Because being busy can allow a person to temporarily escape loneliness.
When I was a child, I felt that I could consciously save the world, but now I found that the whole world cannot save me. ——A certain netizen.
3
In the animal world, weak animals have always been in groups, such as chickens, ducks, geese, cattle, sheep and horses. They need to unite to protect themselves.
And powerful animals are always alone, such as tigers, leopards, jackals, and lions. They are always alone.
When I was in college, freshmen and sophomore students were in groups. That is because they are still adapting to the new environment, so they instinctively need to organize; while the junior and senior students are all alone, because they have become "old children", so they are independent of each other and keep boundaries.
alone does not mean loneliness, but it is easier for a person to let his heart go; by the same token, being lively in the crowd does not mean that you are recognized, it is more like an external noise.
Therefore, there is a saying that goes: Lonely is a carnival for one person, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.
We must also discover a social development law : Previously, due to the constraints of regions and conditions, the circle that everyone was in was often the group of people closest to themselves, such as colleagues, colleagues, classmates, relatives, etc.
. With the development of the Internet, our circle is no longer restricted by the actual conditions. Those who have a common language/like-minded person are becoming more and more likely to gather together. Although you may be completely different industries, you may even be separated from each other, the same " cognitive " and " 3 views " make you attractive to each other.
So when we are having a meeting/eating, we often find that some people keep chatting with their mobile phones, but turn a blind eye to the people they face. This is actually not a "mobile phone disease" at all, but means that they have no interest in you, the "person in front of you". This is the result of the development of the Internet and the manifestation of the progress of human civilization.
Therefore, When you see a person always being alone, it does not mean that he does not have his own social circle. It’s because you didn’t enter his social circle.
Although you are very close, you are people from both worlds. If you don’t plan for each other, this situation will become more and more common.
4
The more backward the society, the more people are gathering together. For example, in the primitive society, people must unite to resist the invasion of beasts, but the more developed the society, the more independent people are.
The more productive the more obvious the sense of boundaries between people.
Once had a question: Why do many people drive home and like to sit alone in the car and then go home?
Someone said: I'm too tired to drive and need a rest.
Someone said: You need to smoke a cigarette to relieve the stress of the day.
Someone said: I don’t like my fatigue being seen by my wife and children.
Only one answer has been praised by countless people: At the moment of entering the house, you are the father, you are the mother, you are the filial son, you have a full responsibility, only when you are alone in the car, you are yourself, that is your own world.
Yes, no matter how busy we are, we need to take a breath, and then muster up the courage and persevere until the next moment of breathing. As long as we have a little rest, we must reorganize the courage and confidence to face life. This is living.
Even if we enter marriage, we still hope to have a sense of boundaries. Even with a family, we still need our own world. Even if we are full of responsibility, we still need to be ourselves.
The basic unit of the future society is no longer an enterprise or a family, but " Individual ".
powerful people have become complete and independent individuals. Only when a person achieves personality independence and economic independence can he be qualified to talk about love/family/friendship.
In the future marriage will disappear, but love will always be there; in the future family will also disappear, but family affection will always be there. Our feelings will no longer have to be bound by these external forms, and society will become more and more pure.
5
people's time can be divided into three parts:
The first part is to accompany the customer/leader.
The second part is to accompany parents/children
The third part is to accompany yourself.
The more successful a person is, the more he will be inclined to the next two portions.
The essence of struggle is to transfer the time of the first portion to the next two portions. For example, we work hard to make money to have more time to spend with our children and family.
The most difficult thing in life is to " accompany yourself ". It sounds simple to accompany yourself, but it is actually very difficult.
Most people have worked hard all their lives, living for others, living for their families, but never for themselves.
Just imagine, we work hard to make money, and after making so much money, how much money is spent on ourselves? How much money can we spend in our lifetime?
You have to accompany yourself. First of all, you have to understand yourself. We spend our whole life studying others and understanding others, but few people can understand ourselves.
Secondly, you can still be yourself. Most of the time, we play various roles. We are bosses, leaders, employees, fathers, and sons, but rarely "self".
That is to say: Only when we have fulfilled all social obligations can we have time to be ourselves and be qualified to be ourselves. Being yourself is the most luxurious thing in the world.
The most romantic thing in the world is meeting the best self.
The highest level of love is to fall in love with yourself.
life fighters, I hope you will take off your armor and be a teenager when you return.
The most rare thing in life is "sober in the world"
The master is profound and relaxed, the mediocre people are superficial and painful!
Please buy Shuimurran's new book "Awakening in the World"
