The reader wrote:
My hometown is a county in Henan, and my husband's hometown is a county in Hubei. We went to college in Hangzhou and we established a romantic relationship in the second half of the semester of the freshman year. After graduating from university, we went to Ningbo to develop our career: we opened a small shop that belongs to us, mainly doing tourism business. The year after my marriage, our children were born, and since then, I became a full-time housewife.
Because we bought a house and a car in Ningbo, our monthly mortgage, car loan, and renting a house in business is a considerable expense. In addition, the "mask incident" in recent years has made my husband and I have a difficult life. Sometimes, both parents need to subsidize us. Under this circumstance, my husband and I naturally felt less happy. During this period, I also wanted to go out and find a job to subsidize my family, but what should I do if my children do? It’s not that I have thought of leaving my children to my parents-in-law to take care of them, but when it comes to participating in the growth of children, my husband and I hope that my children can stay with us. Under this circumstance, my husband and I showed a sad story between us.
In the past year, the tourism industry has been recovering intermittently, making my husband’s emotions no longer so depressed. But I think there is something wrong with my husband’s private life because he sometimes hides in the bathroom to take calls and avoids me while chatting with his mobile phone. You should know that before this, my husband's mobile phone was "read casually" here. After discovering that something was wrong with my husband, I peeked at my husband's phone several times, but I didn't find any clues in the chat history and call history (perhaps those things he didn't want me to see had been deleted by him). In this case, I followed my husband to find out the truth.
One afternoon a few days ago, there was still an hour before my husband got off work. My husband called and said that he would work overtime tonight and would not go home for dinner. I replied to him like usual, "I understand." Then, I begged my neighbor's aunt to help me take care of the child, and then ran to my husband's unit to squat. With more than ten minutes left before her husband got off work, he and a woman walked out of the unit. I followed immediately. About a few hundred meters away from their company, her husband took the woman into his arms, and then they walked into a restaurant on the street. At this time, I called my husband: Where? Husband: Have dinner with colleagues and work overtime. Me: Do colleagues need to be armed and slapped? Husband: Where are you? Me: Let’s talk about it when you get home. After we got home that day, we had a fierce quarrel, and our husband apologized to me and promised that something similar would not happen again. Because I don’t have the capital to divorce now, I can only forgive with tears.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
What men want to understand: In this era, there are not many women who are full-time housewives after marriage, unless there are two situations, or this woman loves you enough and is willing to compromise in order to fulfill your career, or this woman is lazy. You should know that in this era, women live a more pragmatic life, knowing that being a full-time housewife is a thankless career. Most of the time, they would rather hire a nanny when their children need to be taken care of or send their children to their parents, than make self-sacrifice at the career level. To this end, when raising children, if a woman is willing to be a full-time housewife, men should be grateful, rather than treating the other party as a burden to join the child. Because not every family lives in the same city as their parents, when parents do not have the conditions to help you take care of their children, there will always be someone who makes sacrifices.
A relatively unpleasant but realistic sentence: a life without money is like a pile of loose sand. Whether you are single or after getting married, the days of shortage of money will always make you feel difficult. The key is that people around you are likely to look down on you. For this reason, we work hard to make money in our lives, not only to deal with the food, oil and salt, but also to make face, because we are not willing to live a life that is looked down upon by the people around us. The result is: When there is a scene of money gap in life, you will be particularly depressed, and your lover may not give you a good face.In this case, the relationship between husband and wife often drops to freezing point: your lover thinks that you have poor ability to make money, and you think that your lover is not polite enough to you. To put it bluntly, these troubles will be solved after you have money.
Regrettably, some people cannot see the root cause of the conflict between husband and wife, but remember their lover's attitude towards them, so they will have such pessimistic thoughts when they are in a low mood: their lover is not the one who can share the sorrow with them at all. In fact, it is the same for everyone to measure the fact that poor couples are sad from the perspective of real human nature. It’s just that after experiencing the trough of careers to the peak, some people are willing to replace the old person who talks about themselves when they are poor but does not leave them for the sake of the newcomer. At this time, what you remember is the sarcasm given to you by the old people when you are in a downturn, but you ignore the more important point: if you still have a career trough in your future life, the new people you are pursuing now will still be separated from you. To this end, when we examine some things, we should look at the truth of human nature rationally and admit that we have indeed lived a worse life in certain periods of time, which can also be said to be incompetent.
Of course, everyone has their own ideas about marriage, especially when a woman becomes a full-time housewife and the children are still young, she is a little helpless when facing her husband's betrayal of marriage. At this time, women do not have the urge to divorce, but they just feel that their children are still young and they do not have a job yet, which is not the best time for divorce. But women will also have such grudges in their hearts: After I sacrificed so much for my family, I did not get my husband’s gratitude to me, but instead got my husband’s betrayal to me. Do you think the woman at this time is not wronged? During this period, women will suffer until their children go to school and let themselves return to work. During this period, a man’s atonement attitude towards betraying his marriage will determine the final direction of the marriage.
Regarding the management of marriage, I will tell you a few things here:
In today's era, many people choose to stay in the city where they go to school or work in other cities after graduating from college, and during this period they are leaving their hometown. In this case, after having children and both parents still have stable jobs, it would be a decision that must be made to let a woman quit her job and stay at home. At this time, both men and women should adjust their mentality.
1) Men's part: When a woman temporarily becomes a full-time housewife, the burden of making money will definitely be on you alone in the next few years. At this time, the pressure of making money itself will make you feel a little uncomfortable. In this case, don’t think that your wife and children are your burden, but imply that such days will not last too long, and because of the necessity of reality, you also need to accept such cruel reality. During this period, even if your wife occasionally thinks about you, you still need to be patient.
2) Women's part: Your husband remembers the sacrifices you make for your family. Don't feel that you have given birth to a child and become a full-time housewife. You feel that you are particularly wronged, because this is also a stage that you need to go through when you start a family and according to the actual situation. During this period, perhaps when you ask your husband for money, he will be a little confused. It is not because he is stingy, but because he has limited ability to make money. In this case, you must not think it is difficult to ask your husband for money, and don’t think that he has poor ability to make money.
Postscript:
is not easy to form a family. During this period, everyone will have their own needs. When their needs cannot be affirmed, responded or supported by their lover, they will be unhappy. In fact, we should also look at the problem from the perspective of our lover at some point and experience his helplessness and difficulty. Many people often become experts in the process of managing marriage. If this link can be replaced by discovering the advantages of their lover and giving praise and affirmation, the effect may be unexpected.
As an adult, I believe that everyone hopes that they can live a superior life, but what quality of life can eventually live? In addition to ability, it also includes factors such as family background, personality, opportunities, etc. As long as your lover does not fall into the category of lazy food, don’t frequently sarcastic about him just because his current ability to make money cannot satisfy you. Because frequent denial of a person will damage his enthusiasm in life.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
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