When Zheng Yang first met my grandpa, he quietly told me, what did grandpa do before, it looks so fierce.
I stared at him and said, can you talk? pardon!
Zheng Yang giggled and said that he was wrong, he was righteous.
I am satisfied.
Zheng Yang caught the point with his words this time. My grandfather is the kind of old man who is not angry and self-defeating and has his own aura.
is not fierce, not cruel, but because he has a kind of uprightness.
02
Grandpa used to be a soldier.
On the wall of my home, there are two certificates of award hanging in a frame.
It was issued to him by the army when he was a soldier. It shines brightly every day.
Before junior high school, I lived in the country.Because my parents work in other places, they don't have time to take care of me.
That is a small village of in Fuzhou, Jiangxi. People in the village like to call Grandpa the old secretary.
because he worked as a secretary in the village. After he retired, everyone still respected him.
There are conflicts in the neighbourhood, and I always ask my grandfather to judge.
everyone listens to him.
The most impressive thing is that there is a family named Niu in the village.
The man has a handicap in his legs, he has married a wife, and he is not in good spirits. Later, she gave birth to a son named Niu Wei.
Usually women are okay, but when they get sick, they chased the two men across the village with a kitchen knife.
No one in the village can control her, except grandpa.
Grandpa just yelled, Niu's daughter-in-law, what are you doing!
Niuwei will stop and walk back without making a sound.
03
I feel very proud.
bragged with the children in the same village, saying that my grandpa was a high official before and everyone was afraid of him.
was heard by my grandpa and gave me a training on the spot.
He said that when people listen to me, they are not afraid of me, but they think I am fair.
But "fairness" has another meaning.
is "silly".
When I grew up, I heard the people in the village talk about my grandfather, and I understood somehow.
has been a village official for so many years, and he did not provide welfare to his family. Both my dad and aunt are ordinary farmers, and they didn't get any light on them.
However, "silly" can also be "silly", depending on the country.
I was born in 1991. Most of the rural areas are patriarchal, but my grandfather said that boys and girls are the same, so my dad didn't give birth.
Of course, this is another example of stupidity.
93 years,My dad went to work in Jiangsu, and my mom followed him in the second year.
And I have always lived in my hometown.
I have no impression of grandma.
because she passed away in 1995. My aunt married to another village and couldn't come back once in a few months.
is my grandpa taking care of me.
I am very sticky to him. I will follow wherever he goes.
People in the village say that I am Grandpa’s fleshy tail.
04
It seems that when I was 5 years old, I got a severe pneumonia.
After getting better, I often cough.
Grandpa used to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. But he saw that I was always following him, and was afraid that I would smoke secondhand smoke, so he quit smoking for a lifetime.
I can remember at that time. I remember my favorite saying, Grandpa doesn’t smoke,Give me a sugar change.
What a lovely memory.
However, some memories will be sweetened by time, and some will be salted.
I don’t know when, there were artificial rumors in the village, saying that my grandpa bought sweets to make me sleep with him.
is very nasty, very vicious.
vaguely remembered my aunt's return, reminding grandpa to pay attention, after all, I have grown up.
Grandpa was so angry that he fell his big tea pot.
However, Grandpa did not change me.
He just often teaches me that he is not afraid of shadows.
Now thinking, there must be a lot of helplessness behind it.
Actually, when I grow up, I gradually understand that it is the price of justice.
Those people who can't take advantage of my grandpa will only throw dirty water behind their backs.
05
1998,It was an unforgettable summer.
's hometown suffered an unprecedented flood.
The water was so urgent that it flooded before it was too late to run.
Grandpa took me to hide on the roof. I accidentally slipped off.
I can swim, but I can fall into the swift flood, it will be useless, and I will be flooded when I open my mouth.
I thought I was going to die, but suddenly I was caught by a big hand.
is grandpa.
He saw that I was washed away and plunged into the flood without even thinking about it.
We were struggling in the water, but we couldn't get ashore at all. We just met a tree, and Grandpa caught the branch before stopping.
That day, he held the tree with one arm and the other with me, and he was in the flood for nearly two hours.
Until the PLA uncle drove a boat to rescue us.
after landing,When Grandpa relaxed, he couldn't stop shaking all over.
But his hand kept holding on to me, as if afraid that I would fall again.
And I was close to Grandpa and kept crying.
It seems that only by following him in this life is safe and the heart belongs.
06
My parents came back in 2004.
They saved some money and opened a small supermarket in the town.
I just graduated from elementary school and took me to middle school. Grandpa also came to the town to help.
At that time, our family hired a worker to sort the goods at home.
58 years old, I call her Grandma Wang.
Grandma Wang is a very diligent person and has worked in my house for a long time.
Then it was the third year of the junior high school. One day I went home after school and found that someone was arguing in our store.
After listening for a long time, I realized that Grandpa is going to marry Grandma Wang.
Grandma Wang’s son disagreed and came to scold him.
For me, it was quite sudden. Probably because he was young, he didn't notice that his grandfather and grandma Wang had developed a relationship at all.
Actually, Grandma Wang was a widow for many years and raised her son alone.
usually doesn't have a personal profile. Grandma Wang wanted to marry my grandfather, so he came out to oppose it.
The noise is pretty ugly.
There are a lot of people outside the shop. Grandma Wang's son mainly said that he was ashamed of his mother's remarriage and said a lot of bad things.
I see his arrogant look, but I am angry, but I interrupted and said, son scolds his mother, you are not afraid of thunder.
He was angry and gave me a backhand slap.
My dad hadn't reacted yet. Grandpa went up and knocked Grandma Wang's son down.
he said,Scold me casually, dare to move my granddaughter and I will kill you!
07
Grandpa told me later that he liked Grandma Wang.
She is also a poor person. The son got married and did not raise her. He is about to take Grandma Wang back to the village to farm.
And my dad opened a shop on the one hand and didn't want to cause trouble. On the other hand, he really did not want his grandfather to remarry.
Small places, thoughts are very feudal.
Grandpa is a spineless person, I don't want to look at their faces.
He took Grandma Wang back to the village and made a note. My aunt said that the day the house had drinks, but she didn't come.
When I changed my name to grandma, my grandpa's eyes were red.
He said, my granddaughter is not in vain.
I pour him wine and said, I should love you in the future.
At that time,I feel that I will take care of my grandfather for the rest of his life and provide him with old age. But sometimes, growing up means leaving and saying goodbye.
Because once you go to the wider world, it is difficult to come back.
08
I have been doing well in my studies, and I have been a key student in high school.
In 2009, I went to Nanchang to study at university. I only go to see Grandpa every winter and summer vacation.
When I was sophomore, I met Zheng Yang.
He is one term younger than me, a native of Nanchang, and fell in love with me at first sight at the orientation party.
We have a good personality. He was always laughing in front of me, as if he hadn't grown up.
graduated from the senior year and brought Zheng Yang back to his hometown.
I went to see my parents first, and then I went to see my grandpa.
That year, Grandpa was 68 years old, but his body was still strong and he was not angry.
Zheng Yang, who is usually Pippi, is so scared that he doesn't dare to smile.
Grandpa said quietly to me, this kid looks improper, is it reliable?
I said, compared with you, no one can be trusted.
He smiled, and his eyes were full of happiness.
He said, oops, why is it so fast? It feels like you are a follower a few years ago, and you have a boyfriend in a blink of an eye.
09
When I returned to my grandpa's house, I also saw Niuwei.
is the brother who went crazy when he was young.
His life is very bitter, he is almost 30, and he is as thin as a seventeen-eighth boy.
Grandpa said, after all, his mother committed suicide. His father had been sick in the past two years and was gone.
After his parents passed away, he stopped going out and kept himself at home every day.
Grandpa is kind,Often go to see him and bring him food. Slowly, he got better and worked with his grandpa.
People in the village said that grandpa went out and picked up a wife, and he picked up a grandson when he went home. This took a big advantage.
This group of people love to talk cold words.
When people are in trouble, they watch jokes. They are better, but unfortunately they didn't make them a beast.
My grandfather is really used to it and doesn't want to care about them.
I know Niu Wei's life is pitiful, but to be honest, I am afraid of him.
His eyes are straight, and there is no expression on his face.
may have inherited his mother, just listen to my grandpa.
Whatever my grandpa asks him to do, he does what he does.
I asked Grandpa privately, is there no one else in their house?
My grandfather said, it's all like this, so what relatives are willing to take care of? It is not enough to live on the government subsidy. I pulled him, did some work, and had a bite to eat.
I said,You are a bad guy again.
My grandpa said that he is a good person, not a bad person.
10
Sometimes it feels ridiculous.
In the past, people in the village praised my grandpa as an idol and praised him for all his goodness.
Now, I pushed Grandpa down again, stepped on his feet, and splashed all kinds of dirty water.
Actually, grandpa has not changed, he has always been a fair and kind old man.
is the only one who changes.
Of course, the times may have changed.
People prefer the rich to the righteous.
In 2014, Zheng Yang and I had a wedding.
I customized a red Tang suit for my grandpa and grandma. Selfishly, made up a wedding for them.
After my grandpa put it on,Like a big landlord, always giggling.
I gave birth to a son in 15 years.
I never thought that giving birth to a child is so grand. Grandparents, parents-in-law, and Zheng Yang are all waiting in the hospital.
That year, Grandpa was 71 years old.
still looks tough and the back is still straight.
My parents-in-law praised him for being young, and I can't tell that he is already in his old age.
Grandpa and grandma also brought me the little stupid chicken raised at home and the jujube they planted. They asked my mother and mother-in-law to take care of me.
At that time he was so happy, and my mother-in-law rushed to hug his great-grandson.
Who would have thought, that was the last time I saw Grandpa.
The peaks and troughs of life are only one step away.
And I didn’t even have time to take a photo.
11
Grandpa returned on April 16.
The next night, I received a call from my dad, saying that grandpa is gone.
I was completely white in front of my eyes and fainted.
My parents, in-laws, and Zheng Yang all stopped me and refused to let me go back.
After all, I have just given birth to a child and the confinement has not yet arrived.
But I always want to see Grandpa.
He pulled me big with one hand. I can't let him go without seeing him for the last time.
However, when I go back, I will understand why everyone is not letting me see.
Grandpa died terribly.
He was stabbed to death by Niu Wei.
Niu Wei didn't know what was wrong that day, suddenly went crazy, just like his mother back then.
holding a knife, chasing grandma around the courtyard.
Grandpa just walked back from outside,Drink him quickly.
Usually, Niu Wei will be obedient when he sees his grandpa.
But that day, he was very aggressive and lost a bit of reason.
And grandpa is finally old, he is no longer the grandpa who knocked down a large group of people with one punch.
is no longer the one in the flood, holding onto my grandpa tightly.
He scored 12 dollars on his body.
got a knife and stabbed the spleen.
This incident attracted reporters in the county, then in the city, and then became a big melon eaten by the people of Jiangxi and the whole country.
So grandpa became news.
12
When I met my grandpa in the mourning hall, my whole person broke down.
Even after repairing, there are still cuts on the face.
The grandma said,Before Grandpa died, he suddenly opened his eyes and said don't let me know.
said that I am confinement and cannot cry because it will hurt my body.
The last moment he was in this world, he thought about me.
But I can’t even say goodbye.
I knelt in front of my grandfather's spirit and cried several times until I fainted.
At that time, my body was too weak. Just after giving birth to a child, Zheng Yang had to rely on Zheng Yang's support to walk.
But I participated in all the funeral process.
Because I always feel that I haven't been able to fulfill my filial piety, I can't take one step away from Grandpa's last journey.
Looking back now, I am a little sorry for my son.
Because of the great grief, I suddenly lost my milk.
not a single drop.
There are only tears left every day.
as a last resort,My son drank milk powder before his confinement.
But I really can't help it, the whole body seems to stop working.
13
Since my grandpa left, I have never returned to my hometown.
I am afraid to go back.
I shed tears when I think about it.
Zheng Yang said, I used to think I was strong, but I didn't expect that my heart was also a fragile little girl.
I don’t know how to talk about it.
My strength is given by grandpa.
Losing him, I felt that I lost my backing.
I am very grateful to Zheng Yang and my mother-in-law, who took over the important task of taking care of the children when I was in the most difficult time.
During that period, I dreamed every day.
dream of Niu Wei chasing me with a kitchen knifeDreaming of grandpa lying on the ground covered in blood.
Actually, Niu Wei has been sent to a mental hospital. But I was afraid that I couldn't sleep all night and all night, and my hair fell a lot.
Later, my grandmother learned about my situation from my mother and came to see me from my hometown.
She brought a pair of scissors.
I know it, it belongs to grandpa.
She wrapped a red cloth and placed it under my pillow. She said, if you don't believe in others, you have to believe in your grandpa. His things can definitely protect you.
It is strange to say, since then, I have never had nightmares again.
Never dreamed of terrible things again.
Maybe, grandpa is really protecting me.
But, I never dreamed of Grandpa again.
did not dream of his gentle smiling face, did not dream of his strong arms, did not dream of him touching my hair, and said, granddaughter has finally grown up.
14
So it is in 2020.
It was one day in July. When we went to work in the morning, Zheng Yang and I had just come downstairs. A man walked over and knelt in front of me.
I was shocked, Zheng Yang quickly stood in front of me and asked him what he was doing!
I just recognized it. It's Niu Wei.
He is already middle-aged.
He knocked his head three times and said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your family.
finished speaking, he got up, turned and left.
And the line of defense I built over many years collapsed instantly.
I covered my face, howling and crying, I couldn't stop.
It is said that Niu Wei ran out of a mental hospital. I kowtowed to my dad before, and then I went to find my step-grandmother.
Seeing how he speaks, he should be awake.
I guess.
because it cannot be verified.
After seeing his grandmother, he went back to his old house.
When grandma asked the village cadres to check, he had been hanged in that dilapidated house that had not been cleaned for many years.
15
These years, I rarely return to my hometown.
In other words, almost never go back.
My hometown is always a place full of complicated feelings for me.
has a good childhood, but there are also black taboos.
I never believe that Niu Wei will suddenly go crazy.
I always feel that someone said something to stimulate him.
I can’t verify, but I’m sure it must be the case.
because I know the people in my hometown too well.
After so many years,Grandpa is still their talker after dinner.
has now added a rich and colorful stroke, I am afraid it will be able to render for more than ten years.
Life is hot, and human nature is thin and cold.
Sometimes, I really dare not look back.
It hurts too much, I can only rely on a handful of loess to cover the past dark injuries. I can only engrave my thoughts on my grandfather forever.
I remembered a sentence someone said, when my grandfather was still there, the wind and rain in this world bypassed me and leans towards him alone.
But ah, there is no one in this world. He sleeps, I often read.
Grandpa, you must be fine over there.
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