Monroe: Amundsen

I sat on a bench outside the station and waited. The station was open when the train arrived, but it is closed now. There was also a woman sitting on the other end of the bench with a thin strapped bag stuffed with oily paper between her knees. It's meat-raw meat, I can smell it.

Crossing the tracks is the electric train, empty, waiting.

No other passengers appeared. After a while, the station master poked his head out of the station window and shouted: "Sen!" At first I thought he was calling a man's name, "Sam" (the sanatorium "San" is similar to the English name "Sam"). Another man in some kind of uniform also happened to appear at the other end of the house. He crossed the tracks and got onto the train. The woman with the oily paper bag stood up and followed him, so I stood up and followed them. There was a loud noise from across the street. The door of a flat-roofed house with black shingles opened. Several men came in with their hats on their heads and their lunch boxes slapping their thighs. Judging from the movement they made, you would think that the train would run away from them at any time, but when they were seated on the train, nothing happened. The train has been waiting. The men counted the number and when they found someone had fallen, they told the driver that they could not drive yet. Later, someone remembered that the person who had fallen did not show up all day. The train started, although I can’t tell whether the driver noticed or heard anything they said.

The men got out of the car at the sawmill in the forest-this section of the road would not take more than ten minutes to walk-and soon the snow-covered lake came into view, and there was a long white wooden house in front of the lake. The woman got up after finishing her package, and I also got up. The driver yelled "Sen" again, the door of the car opened, and several women were waiting to get in the car. They greeted the woman holding the raw meat. The raw meat woman said it was really a cold day today. I got out of the car behind the raw meat women, and they all tried to avoid looking at me.

The door slammed shut, and the train moved back.

The surroundings fell silent, and the air was as cold as ice. The white branches of birch that look crispy are covered with black spots, and some small and messy evergreen plants are rolled into a ball like a dumb bear.The surface of the frozen lake is not flat, and there are piles of snow on the edge of the lake, as if a wave turned into ice the moment it fell. That house has rows of well-designed windows, with chic glass corridors at both ends. Everything is unpretentious and full of northern style. It looks black and white under the high dome with floating clouds. It looks so peaceful and full of infinite charm.

But birch bark is not white at all. When you get closer, you will find that they are light grayish yellow, grayish blue, or even gray.

"Where are you going?" The raw meat woman said loudly to me, "The visitation time is over at three o'clock."

"I am not a visitor." I said, "I am a new teacher."

"Yeah , No matter what, they won't let you in through the front door." The woman said with a trace of satisfaction.

"You'd better follow me. Don't you have a suitcase?"

"The stationmaster said he would bring me back."

"The way you stand there—it looks like you are lost Road."

I said I stopped just because everything here is so beautiful.

"Some people think so. Such people tend to be in good health and have leisure."

We rarely talk again until we enter the kitchen at the far end of the house. I didn't have time to look around because my boots gained attention.

"You'd better take them off before stepping on the dirty floor."

I rubbed off my boots-there was no chair to sit on-and put the boots on the felt of the woman's shoes.

"Take them all and take them with you. You don't know when you need them. You'd better wear your coat. There is no heating in the cloakroom."

No heating, no lights, only one that I can't reach Small windows. It's like being punished in school and sent to a dark room. Yes, the same smell of winter clothes that never really dried out, the smell of boots soaked in dirty socks and smelly feet.

I climbed onto the bench and still couldn't see outside. Hats and scarves were thrown everywhere on the shelf. I found a bag containing figs and dates ,Someone must have stolen them and hid them here to take them home. Suddenly, I felt hungry. From the morning, I hadn't eaten anything except a piece of dry cheese sandwich in Northern Ontario. But I take into account the ethics of thieves and thieves, and figs will surely get stuck between my teeth and betray me.

When someone walked into the cloakroom, I just got off the bench, and the time was just right.

is not a cook, but a girl wearing a heavy winter coat and a shawl on her head. She rushed into the room-the book fell on the bench and scattered all over the floor. She grabbed the scarf, and the tangled hair jumped up. At the same time, the boots were kicked loose and flew across the floor. Obviously no one can catch her, this will only make her blast them off at the kitchen door.

"Oh, I almost ran into you." The girl said, "It was too dark when I came in from the outside, and I don't know what I was doing. Are you freezing? Are you waiting for someone to leave work?"

" I'm waiting to see Doctor Fox."

"Ah, you don't have to wait too long. I just returned from the town by car with him. You are not sick, are you? If you are sick, you won't come. Here, you will go to town to find him."

"I am a new teacher."

"Really? You are from Toronto?"

"Yes."

There was a short pause, Perhaps out of respect.

But no, she is just studying my coat.

"It looks so good. What fur is the collar?"

"Persian lamb wool, in fact, is wool-like."

"I'm all confused. I don't know what they asked you to wait here. ——Here can freeze your ass. Sorry. You want to see the doctor, I will show you the way. I know everything about this place. I have lived here almost since I was born. My mother manages this kitchen. My name is Mary, you What?"

"Vivi, Vivien."

"Since you are a teacher, you should be called a lady, what lady?"

"Ms. Hyde."

"Whip you." She said."Sorry, I just remembered this. If you were my teacher, I would be very happy, but I have to go to school in town. These are stupid rules because I don't have tuberculosis."

While talking, he led me through the door at the end of the cloakroom, and then walked through a common hospital corridor. Waxed linoleum, dull green paint, and a smell of preservatives.

"Here. Maybe I can ask Reddy to allow me to transfer."

"Who is Reddy?"

"Reddy Fox, from a book, and Annabel and I started doing this from then on Call Doctor Fox."

"Who is Annabel?"

"No one is anymore, she is dead."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. This happened here." I went to high school this year and Annabel never really went to school. When I was in a public middle school, Reddy asked the teacher to allow me to stay at home more so that I could accompany Annabel."

She has a fan. Stopped in front of the half-open door and blew a whistle.

"Hi! I brought the teacher."

A man's voice said: "Well, Mary, you have been out for long enough this day."

Facing a thin, medium-built man alone, his red-gold hair was cut very short, and it looked shiny against the artificial light in the corridor.

"You have met Mary." He said, "She has a lot to say about herself. She won't study in your class, so you don't have to endure it every day. People either like her or don't like her.

He gave me the impression that he was about ten to fifteen years older than me. At first, he talked to me in the way of an older man, looking like a future employer with serious thoughts. He asked about my journey and the placement of my suitcase. He wanted to know what I thought about my going to live in this forest, and whether I would be bored after leaving Toronto.

"Not at all." I said, adding that it is very beautiful here.

"It's like—like being in a Russian novel.

At first he looked at me intently.

"Really? Which Russian novel?

His eyes are bright gray-blue, and one eyebrow is high, like a little pointed hat.

It’s not that I haven’t read Russian novels. I have read some of them in one go, and some of them were halfway through. But because His tall eyebrows and his amused and aggressive expression made me unable to think of any book titles other than "War and Peace." I didn't want to talk about this book, because I would remember it as an individual.

"War and peace.

"Well, we only have peace here, I have to say. If there is the war you dream of, I think you must have joined a women's group and hid in a foreign country.

I am a little angry and feel humiliated, because I am really not showing off, or I am not just showing off. I wanted to explain that the scenery here shocks me.

He is obviously the kind of trap to wait for you Lord who fell.

"I think I really look forward to an elderly female teacher from a remote place. "He said, with a hint of apology. "Teacher is not your major, is it?" What did you plan to do when you got your bachelor's degree?

"Study for a master's degree." "I replied briefly.

"What changed your mind?"

"I think I need to make some money."

"A wise idea." But I'm afraid you won't make much money here. Forgive me for inquiring about this, I just want to make sure that one day you won't run away and make us mess up. No plans to get married, do you?

"No.

"Okay, okay, now you have nothing to do with you." I didn't discourage you, did I?

I turned my head to one side.

"No.

"Down the aisle is the head nurse's office, she will tell you what you need to know. Try to be careful not to catch a cold. I don't want you to have any experience with tuberculosis.

"Okay, I've read--"

"I know,I know, you have read " Magic Mountain ". "Another trap has appeared, and he seems to be back in his old manner. "Compared with that time, the situation here has improved somewhat, I hope so. I have written all about the children here and what I think you can do with them. Sometimes I would rather express it in writing. The head nurse will tell you the truth. "

The ordinary teaching method is not applicable here. Some children will re-enter the society and some will not. It is best not to have too much pressure, which means that there should be no tests, recitations and meaningless grades.

completely ignores the scores. These can be made up when needed in the future, maybe without these. In fact, the skills are very simple and common sense, etc., are necessary to enter the world. What about good children? The so-called excellent Children? This is a disgusting term. If they are smart enough in their studies, they can easily catch up.

Forget the rivers of South America, and the Magna Carta.

I would rather draw more pictures, music, and stories.

The game is also great, but be careful not to be over-excited and set too many competitions. It is a challenge to master the scales of stress and boredom. Boredom can make people linger and sick.

If the head nurse can’t provide what you have Some things that are needed, sometimes the administrator hides them somewhere.

Everything goes well.

I never stayed here for a week before the strange and unreal things happened on the first day. I never stayed here for a week. I have never been to the kitchen, and there is the room where the employees put clothes and stolen goods, and may not go there in the future. The doctor’s office is similar to a forbidden area, and the nurse’s room is completely for inquiries, complaints and daily affairs arrangements. The head nurse himself is short and fat, ruddy, wearing rimless glasses, and breathing heavily. No matter what you ask her, it seems to surprise her and embarrass her, but in the end it seems to be resolved. Sometimes she Eating in the nurse’s restaurant, where she was regarded as the doctor’s special representative, the dining atmosphere was gloomy. Most of the time she stayed in her own dormitory.

In addition to the head nurse, there are three registered nurses, each of whom is better than me Over 30 years old. They bid farewell to their retirement and go to work again,To perform their wartime duties. Of course, there are also assistant nurses, all at my age, even younger than me. Most of them are married, engaged, or busy getting engaged, usually with men who are in service. If the head nurse and nurses are not there, they will keep chatting. They are not interested in me at all. They don't want to know what Toronto is like, although some of them know people who go to Toronto for their honeymoon. And they don't care how my teaching is going, or what I did before. This is not to say that they are vulgar or rude—they handed me butter (called butter, which is actually just orange striped margarine , dyed in the kitchen). They warned me not to eat shepherd's pie. They said that there were groundhogs in that pie-anything that happened in a place they didn't understand was unbelievable. This concept is deeply ingrained. Every time news started on the radio, they tuned to the music channel. "Dancing with the dolls in your arms, the stockings have holes in them, and they look like immortals..."

They are also afraid of Doctor Fox. One was because he had read a lot of books, and they also said that no one would be as merciless as him, if he wanted to.

I don't know if they think there is any connection between reading a lot of books and being unrelenting.

The number of attending students is always changing, sometimes it is fifteen, sometimes it is reduced to half a dozen. There are only classes in the morning, from nine o'clock to noon. When children have a fever or have a physical exam, they don’t have to go to school. When they sit in the classroom, they are always quiet, obedient, and never actively participate. They soon understood that this was just a school in disguise, where they were exempted from the requirement to learn something, just as they exempted from observing work schedules and memorizing homework. This freedom does not make them arrogant or lazy in some distressing way, it just makes them docile and absent-minded. Their singing is soft, and they also play the game of "hug and kiss", but there is always a shadow of frustration over this temporary classroom.

I decided to follow the doctor's warning, or part of the warning, such as boredom is the enemy of health.

In the small storage room of the administrator, I found a globe. I request it to be used. I started teaching from the simplest knowledge of geography, ocean,Continent, climate. Why not talk about wind and air currents? Country and city? Tropic of Capricorn and Tropic of Cancer? why not? Also, the rivers in South America?

Some children have learned this before, but they almost forgot to shine, and the world outside the lake and forest is moving away from them little by little. This class seemed to cheer them up a bit, as if they were retelling their old relationships with their former friends. Of course, I didn't dump all of this on them immediately. I am not too demanding of students who have never learned this knowledge before, because they get sick too often.

But that's enough, maybe this is a game in itself. I divided them into several groups, I used the pointer to point at this point, and they said the answer out loud. I am very careful not to get them too excited. But one day, the doctor walked into the classroom. He came over just after the morning consultation, and I was arrested. I can't stop abruptly, but I try to let the warm atmosphere down. The doctor sat down, looking tired and lonely. He did not disagree. After a while, he joined the game and said aloud the absurd and ridiculous answers. Those names were not all wrong, they were just from his imagination. Then, he slowly lowered his voice, keeping it low, first muttering to himself, then almost whispering, and finally completely inaudible. In this ridiculous way, he completely controlled the audience. All the students began to murmur and imitate him. Their eyes were fixed on his lips.

He suddenly let out a low growl, and the children laughed.

"The hell, why is everyone staring at me? Is this what Ms. Hyde taught everyone? Staring at a guy who didn't provoke anyone?"

laughed louder. But there are still children who can't stare at him for themselves, eager to see more weirdness.

"Go ahead, you guys will continue to behave nonsense."

He apologized to me for interrupting the teaching. I started to explain to him that I did it just to make this place look more like a school.

"Although I agree with your views on stress." I said solemnly, "I agree with what you said in the instructions, I just want to—"

"What instructions? Oh, that's just occasional The fragments that flashed in my mind, I never thought they were unchangeable.

"I mean as long as they are not too sick—"

"You are right, I don't think there is any problem with this."

"Otherwise they are always listless.

"There is no need to explain it so much. "He said, then walked away, then turned around and half-heartedly apologized.

"Let's find time to talk.

This "time", I think, may never come. He completely regarded me as a trouble, a fool.

At lunch, I learned from the assistant nurse that someone unfortunately passed away during the morning operation. . I feel that my previous anger was completely unreasonable, and I feel that I am worse than a fool.

I do nothing every afternoon. My students go downstairs to take a long nap, and sometimes I want to do that, but I My room is cold and the bedding is too thin-it must be that tuberculosis patients need to be warmer and more comfortable.

I, of course, do not have tuberculosis. Maybe they saved some money on people like me.

I am drowsy I slept, but I couldn’t fall asleep. Because of the cold afternoon sun, the rumbling sound of pushing the wheeled bed into the corridor was heard from time to time. The house, tree, and lake were no longer my first day. At that time, I was attracted by their mystery and solemnity. On that day, I still believed that I was not noticeable, and it seems that it is not true now.

The teacher is there, what is she going to do?

she I’m watching the lake.

Why do I watch the lake?

There is nothing else to do.

Some people are really lucky.

Occasionally I escape lunch, even if it is part of my salary. I go to Amundsen Eat at a cafe. Boston coffee, and a sandwich, canned salmon sandwich is the best choice, if they still have it. chicken salad carefully selected. Anyway, I can feel more relaxed there, it seems No one knows who I am.

Maybe I was wrong.

The cafe has no women’s bathrooms,So you have to go through the entrance of the beer house to the restaurant next door. The beer hall is dark and noisy, exuding the smell of beer and whiskey . The bursts of cigarettes and cigar smoke can make you stumble. But the loggers, the men from the sawmill, will never scream at you like the soldiers and pilots in Toronto. They are trapped in the world of men and tell their stories aloud. They are not here to find a woman. In fact, what they desire more is how to get rid of that fetter, temporarily or forever.

The doctor has an office on that main street, which is just a small building on one floor, so he lives in another place. I happened to know from the nurse assistant that there was no Mrs. Fox. On the only side street, I found a house, possibly his, a house with plaster roof, with a skylight above the front door, and books stacked on the windowsill. This place looks a little bleak, but it looks organized, and it reminds people of the most basic kind of elegant comfort, the elegant comfort that a single man, a self-disciplined single man can manage to achieve.

The town middle school is at the end of the residential street. One afternoon, I met Mary in the square there. She is participating in a snowball fight, which looks like a war between a girl and a boy. She saw me and shouted: "Hi! Teacher!" and tossed a snowball randomly between her hands. She strolled across the street, "See you tomorrow!" She turned her head and said, somewhat like a warning that no one should follow her.

"Are you going home?" She said, "I want to go back too. I used to take Reddy's ride, but he always got off work too late. How do you want to go? Take the tram?"

Me Say yes. Mary said, "Oh, I can take you a shortcut, and you can save the fare. It's a path in the forest."

She took me up a narrow path that can only be passed by, this A path stretches above the town, through the forest, and past the sawmill.

"This is the way Reddy often goes." She said.

Behind the sawmill, in the woods below us, there are a few ugly logging fields and a few cabins. Apparently someone lived there because of the firewood, clothes line, and smoky smoke. A dog that barked like a wolf ran out from a cabin.

"Shut up!" Mary shouted. She quickly threw a snowball and smashed it, hitting the dog's eyes. The dog turned hurriedly and ran away. Mary threw a snowball on its ass again, and a woman in an apron ran out and shouted: "You are going to kill it!"

"Kill this garbage. So happy!"

"I will let my wife treat you the same way."

"Wait for that day, your old fellow can't even hit the shit house."

The dog followed a distance Behind us, we barked bluffing from time to time.

"I can level any dog. Don't worry." Mary said, "I bet I can level a bear too, if we meet."

"Aren't the bears hibernating at this time?" I was caught The dog was terrified, but still pretended not to care.

"Yeah, but you never understand. There was a bear who ran out early, and it ran into the garbage dump in the forest. My mother turned around and found it there. Reddy shot it with a gun. Reddy used to shoot it. Take me and Annabel out on a sled, sometimes there are other children. Reddy has a very strange whistle that can scare away bears. It makes a high-pitched sound that human ears can’t stand.

"Really? What does that whistle look like?

"It's not that kind of whistle, I mean he uses his mouth to blow a whistle.

I remembered his performance in class.

"I don't know. Maybe he said that this would make Annabel less scared. She could barely ride on a sleigh, and he had to pull her in a toboggan himself. Sometimes I jump on it too and he will say, ‘what’s the situation? This weighs a ton. Then he would suddenly look back and want to catch me, but he never caught me. So he asked Annabel: ‘what is so heavy? What did you eat for breakfast? ’Annabel never tells her, she will always be the best friend I have ever had.

"How are the girls in school?" Are they friendly?

"I only hang out with them when they are not fun." They are not worth mentioning. Annabel’s birthday is the same month as me, June. Reddy will take us to boating on the lake,He taught us to swim, oh, just taught me. He had to hold Annabel all the time-she couldn't really learn. Once Reddy traveled far by himself, we put all his shoes on sand. Later, on our twelfth birthday, we couldn't go out to play like that, but Annabel and I went to Reddy's house for cake. Annabel couldn't eat anymore, so Reddy drove us out to feed the seagull . We threw cakes out of the car window. The seagulls screamed and scrambled. We all laughed crazy. But Reddy had to stop and hug Annabel in case she bleeds heavily.

"After that," Mary said, "I will never be allowed to see her again." My mother never allows me to stay with children who have tuberculosis. But Reddy persuaded her, he said he would stop if necessary, and later he did. I am going crazy. Annabel was never happy again—she was too sick. I can take you to see her tomb, but there are no signs there. Reddy and I plan to make one and wait for him to be free. If we had just walked straight on that main road without turning, we might have already reached her graveyard.

At this time we have walked down the hillside to the flat ground, very close to Sen. Mary said: "Oh, I almost forgot. "She pulled out a ticket for the trick. "This is for Valentine's Day. Our school is rehearsing this play, "Pinafo" (or "Pinafo"). I have to sell all of these, you are my first customer. I played a role in this play.

I came to the doctor’s residence in Amundsen and he brought me over for dinner. The invitation seemed like his impulse at the time. He ran into me in the aisle that day, maybe he still remembers uncomfortably. I said that we need a time to talk about it.

The night he suggested to have dinner together, it happened to be "Pingnafu" and I had a ticket. I told him and he said, "Yes, I also have a ticket, but that doesn't mean we have to go.

"I think I have promised Mary."

"Oh, then you can feel as if you haven't agreed to her now." It will be bad, trust me.

I did what he said, even though I didn't see Mary and told her that I was not going. I waited for him at the place he appointed, in the corridor at the front door of Sen.I put on my best dress, a dark green crepe dress with small pearl buttons and real lace collar. Tucked his feet into a pair of suede high heels and jacketed snow boots. I waited until his scheduled time was over-at first I was a little anxious, the head nurse might see me when she walked out of the office, and secondly, he might have forgotten about the appointment. Later he showed up and apologized while buttoning his jacket.

"There are always bits and pieces to deal with." He said, leading me around the house to his car.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked. I said yes—except for my suede shoes—he didn't extend his arm to me.

His car is old and broken, like most cars of that era, without heating equipment. When he said we were going to his house, I was relieved. I didn't want us to huddle with everyone in that restaurant, and I didn't want to make do with sandwiches in that cafe.

When I arrived at his house, he told me to wait for the house to warm up before taking off my coat. Then he hurriedly lit a fire in the fireplace.

"I am your housekeeper, chef and waiter." He said, "It will soon become comfortable here. I will make dinner soon. I don't need to help me. I like to cook by myself. You Where would you like to wait? If you want, you can flip through the book in the front hall. It may not be unbearable to wear a coat there. The light switch is behind the door. Do you mind if I listen to the news? I'm used to it."

I walked into the front hall, feeling more or less ordered to leave, and I left the kitchen door open. He came to close the door and said, "Let's open the kitchen when it gets warmer." After he said that, he turned and returned to the gloomy, agitated, almost solemn voice of the CBC radio station that was broadcasting war news.

There are a lot of books in that room, not only on the shelves, but also on the tables, chairs, windowsills, and even on the floor. I flipped through a few of them and came to the conclusion that he likes to buy books in batches, maybe he is a member of several book clubs. Harvard classics, Will Durant 's history books, novels and poems seem to be in short supply, although there are several unexpected classics for children. There are books American Civil War ,There is the South African War, Napoleonic Wars, Peloponnesian Wars, the battle of Julius Caesar, the expedition of the Amazon and the Arctic, the ice-breaking journey of the South Pole in Sackleton, John Franklin The Death Expedition, Dona Rally and the Mystery of the Lost Tribe, Newton and Alchemy, and the secrets of Hindu Kush. These books reveal that someone is eager to know, eager to have a large amount of scattered knowledge. Perhaps no one’s taste for reading is firm and precise. Therefore, when he asked me "which Russian novel", he might not have read Russian novels as much as I thought.

When he said aloud "Okay", I opened the door and asked with this new question: "Who do you recognize Nafta and Setambrini?"

"Can you repeat it?"

"In "Magic Mountain", do you like Nafta the most or Setambrini the most?"

"To be honest, I always thought they were a pair of talkative guys, how about you?"

"Setumbrini is more sympathetic, but Nafta is more fun."

"They taught you this way in school?"

"I never read these in school." I coldly Said.

He glanced at me quickly, and the eyebrow picked up again.

"Please forgive me. If there is anything here that interests you, please feel free to read it here. I think you should not have experience in fireplace production. I have an electric heater here. I will install it. . That’s it? I can get you a key soon."

"Thank you!"

Pork chops, instant mashed potatoes, canned peas. The dessert is apple pie from the bakery. It would be better if he could think of heating it.

He asked about my life in Toronto, my university courses, and my family. He said that he guessed that I should have grown up in a proper environment.

"My grandfather was an enlightened pastor, almost like Paul Tillich.

"Really? An enlightened little Christian granddaughter?

"No.

"Moved." Do you think I'm rude?

"It depends on the situation." If you keep questioning me like a boss, yes.

"Then I will continue. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes.

"In service, I guess.

I said: "Served in the Navy. "This is a good choice for me, considering I don't know where he is, and I have never received an official letter from him.

Doctor got up to get tea.

"What kind of ship does he serve?"

"Cruiser. "Another good choice. After a while, I can let him launch torpedoes, like cruisers often do.

"He is a brave young man. Do you add sugar or salt to your tea?

"Never, thank you!"

"Very good, because I don't add anything. You know, it looks like you are lying-your face is red. "

If I have not blushed before, then I am blushing now. I have blush from head to toe, and sweat is running under my armpits. I hope it will not ruin my skirt.

"I drink tea as soon as I Just sweat all over.

"Oh, I know."

Things can’t get worse, I made up my mind to fight back. I switched the subject to him and asked him how to operate on a person, did he put everything in the patient’s lungs as I heard?

If he answers me with sarcasm and with more superiority-maybe this is what he thinks is flirting-I believe I will put on my jacket and walk outside in the ice and snow. Maybe he knows this too, and he starts talking Thoracoplasty, of course, to remove diseased lung lobes has become more and more popular recently.

"But then you will lose some patients? "I said.

He must think he can make a joke again.

"Of course, but where can they go?" Run to hide in the woods-we don't know where they can go,Throw into the lake, or do they not die as you wish? In some cases, the surgery just didn't work. That's it. "

But troubles followed. He said. Many of the operations he performed are going to be outdated like bloodletting. A new drug is being developed, streptomycin, which is already being used in trials. There are some problems—naturally. There will be problems, such as toxicity to the nervous system, but the solution will definitely be found.

"We should get rid of bone sawsmiths like me (which alludes to poor medical skills).

He washed the dishes and I dried them. In order not to stain my skirt, he wrapped a scrubbing towel around my waist. When he knotted the towel, he put his hand on my upper back. Calm and strong, with ten fingers apart-he may have estimated my body in a very professional way. After I lay on the bed that night, I still felt the force, from the tail to the end. The increasing pressure of the thumb. I really enjoy this feeling. This is more important, really, far more than the kiss he left on my forehead before I got out of the car. A dry lip kiss, short and formal, and hastily. Stay solemnly on my forehead.

When I was out, a key of his house appeared on the floor of my room, and it was inserted under the door. But I couldn’t use it after all. If it’s not I will definitely seize the opportunity when someone makes such a suggestion, especially since there is a heater in this room. But now is such a situation, his past and future are everywhere in that house, which is not only It will increase the daily comfort, but it will only lead to extremely disturbing joy. I doubt if I can still read the word.

I look forward to Mary passing by, so I can blame me for missing "Pinnafu" . I thought about an excuse, I was sick and caught a cold. But then I remembered that catching a cold here is a very serious matter, meaning masks, disinfection and even isolation. I immediately realized that I couldn’t hide it. Let me visit the doctor. It’s not a secret to anyone, even the nurses, they didn’t say anything, maybe they were too noble and cautious, or maybe this kind of thing hasn’t attracted their interest for a long time. .But the assistants teased me.

"Did you have a good dinner that night?

They have a friendly tone and seem to agree. My value has increased. No matter who I am,At least she might become a woman with a man.

Mary did not show up for a whole week.

"Next Saturday" is the time he said, just before he kissed me. So I waited on the front porch again, this time he was not late. We drove to his house, I walked into the front hall, and he gave birth to the fireplace. I saw that dusty heater.

"Do not accept my offer," he said, "Do you think I am insincere? I always agree."

I said I didn't want to come to town just because I was afraid of meeting Mary.

"Because you missed her performance."

"That means you are going to change your life and come to Mary?"

Most of the dishes are the same as last time, pork chops, instant mashed potatoes, corn kernels Replaced peas. This time he allowed me to help in the kitchen and even asked me to set the table.

"You can also understand where everything is placed, I believe it is still quite organized."

This means I can watch him busy in front of the stove. His focused, free expression, concise and neat manners aroused a complex and strong emotion in my heart. When we first started eating, someone knocked on the door. He got up and pulled the latch open, and Mary rushed in.

She carried a cardboard box, she put it on the table, and then took off her coat, revealing a red and yellow costume.

"Happy Valentine's Day." She said, "You didn't go to see my show, so I moved the show to you."

She was independent so she could kick off one boot and then the other. She kicked her boots aside, and then danced and sang alive around the table, her voice young, full and sad.

I am a little golden phoenix

dear little golden phoenix

Although I may never know so

, but I still call little golden phoenix

poor little golden phoenix

cute little golden phoenix Hua

Before Mary sang, the doctor got up and walked away. He was standing in front of the stove, busy scraping the pork chops that were being fried in the frying pan.

I applaud for Mary,Said: "What a beautiful costume!"

Yes, it is really beautiful. Red skirt, bright yellow petticoat, fluttering white bib, and embroidered corset.

"My mom did it."

"Embroidery, too?"

"Of course. She kept doing it until four o'clock in the afternoon the night before." She said, and performed a spin and pause. Foot dance.

The plates on the shelf clink. I clapped again. Mary and I are looking forward to one thing. We hope the doctor can turn around and leave us alone. We hope he can say something, even if it is reluctant, a polite term.

"Look at what else," Mary said, "for Valentine's Day." She tore open the cardboard box. Inside were Valentine's Day cookies, all cut into heart shapes and covered with thick red ice cream.

"Awesome." I said, Mary started her joy again:

I am the captain of Pinnacle

is a top captain

you are very, very good, in any case, you can understand

I led the crew

……

The doctor finally turned around and Mary saluted him.

"Okay," he said, "enough."

She ignored him and continued to sing:

Three cheers again

Only for the brave Captain Pingnafu

"I said enough ."

"For the good captain of Pinnacle--"

"Mary, we are having dinner, and you were not invited, do you understand? You were not invited."

She finally calmed down, but only Quiet for a while.

"Well, I despise you, you are too unkind."

"You don't have to make these biscuits at all. You can let your fatness become more and more like a pig."

Mary's face It was so full that he seemed to be crying. But instead of crying, she said, "Look, who is talking nonsense,You are all cross-eyed.

"Enough."

"Oh, you are enough."

The doctor picked up her boots and put them in front of her.

"Put them on."

She put on her boots and tears. She sucked her nose vigorously.

He picked up her coat and didn't help her put it on, letting her slap her up.

"Okay." Now let’s talk about how did you get here?

She refused to answer.

"It's walking, isn't it? Well, I can drive you home, so that you don't fall into the snow and freeze to death because of self-pity. "

I didn’t say a word. Mary never looked at me again. This moment was full of farewell blows.

When I heard the sound of the car starting, I started to clean the table. We haven’t used dessert yet, it’s still Apple pie. Maybe he doesn’t know there are other kinds, or maybe this is the only dessert in the bakery.

I picked up a heart-shaped biscuit and ate it. The ice cream was amazingly sweet. It was not berry-flavored or cherry-flavored. Yes, just sugar and red food dye. I ate one piece after another.

I know I should at least say goodbye. I should say thank you for the cookies. But it’s nothing, I told myself, it’s nothing. This time The performance was not prepared for me, or only a small part of it was for me.

He was cruel enough. His cruelty shocked me. It was too cruel, but in a way, he did it all It's for me. So that our date will not be ruined. This kind of thinking pleases me, and I am ashamed of it. I don't know what I should say to him when he comes back.

But he doesn't need me at all What he said, he took me straight to bed. Wasn't it a natural thing? Or as a surprise to me, it also meant the same surprise to him? At least, about my virginity, did not appear What an accident-he not only prepared a condom, but also brought me a towel-he did it as long as possible and soothingly. My passion is surprise, both of us.

"I want to marry you."He said.

Before he sent me home, he threw all the biscuits and all the red hearts into the snowdrift to feed the winter birds.

was so set. Our engagement ceremony—although He was a little cautious when he mentioned this word-in fact it was our undisclosed agreement. The wedding will be held at any time, as long as he can have one or two consecutive days of vacation. A very simple wedding, he said. Me and my grandparents I didn’t mention a word. I should be clear that this plan about the wedding ceremony was carried out without caring about others’ opinions, and the sneers that would make us feel pain would go far beyond what he planned to endure.

I don’t approve of buying a diamond ring. I told him I never wanted a diamond ring. It’s true because I never thought about it. He said that’s good. He knows I’m not the kind of idiot girl who sticks to the rules.

Best Stop having dinner together, he said. Not only because of gossip, but also because it is difficult to get enough meat for two people with just one ration card. My ration card cannot be used, and it has been handed over to the operating kitchen. The person-Mary's mother-I will soon be in Mori for dinner.

It is better not to attract too much attention.

Naturally, everyone will have doubts. The older nurses become enthusiastic. When I got up, the head nurse even gave me a sad smile. I dressed myself carefully, in a modest way, with almost no intention. I indulged in wrapping myself up with a swan-like silence, to be precise The eyes are drooping and the heart is not distracted. It’s just that I didn’t expect that the older women are paying attention to the development of this affair, and they are ready to uphold justice when the doctor decides to abandon me.

The assistants wholeheartedly support Me, and teased me that they predicted the bell of my wedding from the tea in my cup.

Inside the closed gates of the nursing home, the whole March was busy and suffocating. This has been the worst month. , The assistants said. For some reason, people died suddenly after suffering a whole winter. If a child does not show up in class, I don’t know if it means a terrible change or just the child I have to stay in bed for a suspected cold.

Anyway, time can always be squeezed out so that the doctor can make some arrangements.He stuffed a note under the door of my room, indicating that I was ready by the first week of April. Unless there is a real crisis, he will surely manage to take a day or two off. We are going to Huntsville.

Go to Huntsville-our marriage code word.

I have washed my crepe dress, folded it carefully and put it in my small travel bag. I guess I will have to change clothes in some ladies' bathroom. I have been searching the roadside to see if there will be early wild flowers to pick, so that I can make a wreath. Will he agree with me holding a wreath? But it is too early even for marigolds in the marshland. There is nothing but dry spruces, small islands with juniper overgrown and swamps. On the side of the roadbed, a mess of stones became familiar to me-blood-stained iron and granite ramps.

The radio in the car has been playing cheerful music because the Allied forces are getting closer and closer to Berlin. The doctor said that they had been delaying the advancement of the Russian army's most advanced city. He said they would regret it.

Now we are far away from Amundsen. I found out that I could call him Ariste. This is the furthest distance we have traveled together. I was aroused by a certain strong emotion, because of his male neglect of me-I believe this situation will be completely reversed soon-and His careless driving skills. He is a surgeon, which is very exciting, although I never admit it. Now, I believe I can lie down for him in any swamp, dirty muddy cave, or crushed bones, so that he can help if he wants a legitimate and reasonable encounter. I also know that I must bury this feeling in my heart.

I started to think about what was in front of me. I hope we can find a pastor as soon as we get to Huntsville, and I hope we can stand shoulder to shoulder in a living room-the warmest and elegant living room I have ever seen in my life.

But, when I got there, I realized that there are other ways to get married. My groom secretly hated my marriage that I didn’t even realize. He didn’t even expect to find a pastor. In Huntsville City Hall, we Filled out some forms, vowed to be one, and then the justice of the peace announced that our marriage contract was established.

It's lunch time, and Arist parked his car in front of a restaurant, which looked like a cousin from the cafe in Amundsen.

"Are we going to eat here?"

He studied my expression and changed his mind.

"No?" He said, "Okay."

Finally, we ran out of lunch in the cold lobby of a restaurant, which advertised chicken set meals, which seemed a bit pretentious. The plates were also cold, there was no other dinner, and no radio music was playing, only the clash of cutlery made when we slashed the sticky chicken. I believe he must be thinking that if we eat at the restaurant he originally suggested, we will eat more happily.

However, I found that it takes courage to find a female bathroom, where the cold air is more frustrating than the front of the restaurant. I shuddered and put on my green dress and reapplied my lipstick. , And tie up the hair.

When I walked out of the bathroom, Arist stood up to greet me. He smiled and clasped my hand, saying that I looked really good-looking. We held hands and walked back to the car with some restraint. He opened the door for me, walked back to the cab and got on the car. After he sat down, he inserted the car key into the ignition, and then turned off the ignition.

The car is parked in front of a hardware warehouse. Snow shovel is on sale at half price, and there are signs on the windows to grind ski skates.

There is a wooden house across the street, painted bright yellow. The steps in front of the house looked extremely unsafe. Two wooden boards were nailed to the steps in an X shape. There is a big truck parked in front of Arist's car, the style before the war, with pedals and fenders with rusty edges. A man in overalls walked out of the hardware store and into the truck. There was a roar of the engine, and then the truck hopped a few hops in place, and then drove away. A truck with the name of the hardware store wanted to park in the newly vacated space, but the space was not big enough. The driver got out of the car and knocked on Arist's window, and Arist was taken aback--if he hadn't spoken there with such eagerness before, he must have noticed the problem. He rolled down the car window and the man in overalls asked if we wanted to go shopping in the hardware store, and if not, could we please leave.

"Just leave." Ariste said. The man who was sitting next to me and was about to marry me no longer wanted to marry me. "We are about to leave."

us.He said "we". For a moment, I was greedy for this word, and then I thought this should be the last time, the last time I was included in his "we".

This has nothing to do with "us", and it has nothing to do with the things that make the truth clear before me. It is just the tone of the man between him and the truck driver, his calm and moderate apology. I almost prayed that he could continue the conversation before he didn't notice that the truck was about to stop. Although what he said was frightening, at least he was clenching his teeth and insisting. His restraint, his absent-mindedness, and his voice all revealed a kind of pain. No matter what he was saying, he said out loud that he and I were there. The things that were said on the bed also reached those deep in my heart. Of course he didn't just say it now, but after he finished talking to others. He rolled the window and focused all his attention on the truck. He backed the car out of the small space and drove away so that he did not have to sign a shopping agreement with the truck. It seemed that there was nothing to say or do. .

"I can't do this." he said.

He can't stand it anymore.

He can't explain.

He just felt that this was a mistake.

I realized that if I wasn't listening to his voice, I couldn't see the curved "S" mark on the signboard of the ice skates, or the rough wooden "X" nailed on the steps of the yellow house. .

"I will take you to the train station now. I will buy you a ticket to Toronto. I'm sure there will be a train to Toronto later in the afternoon. I will make up a reasonable reason and find someone to take you. Please give me your address in Toronto. I don’t think I saved your address. Oh, I’ll give you a certificate that you did a good job. You don’t need to finish this semester anyway. ——I haven’t had time to tell you that the children will be transferred to another nursing home. Many things have changed."

His voice has a brand new tone, almost pleasant, a kind of liberation at last Tone of voice. He was also trying to hide it so that I wouldn't notice it before leaving.

I looked at the street as if I was sent to death. But not yet, not quite, this is not the last time I have listened to his voice. Not yet.

He didn't even ask how to get to the train station.I asked him loudly if he used to send girls to the train station like this before.

"Don't do this." He said.

Every turn is like breaking the rest of my life.

There is a bus to Toronto at five o'clock. I was waiting in the car when he went to inquire. When he came out with a ticket in his hand, he walked at an exceptionally brisk pace in my opinion. He must be aware of this, so he became calm when he approached. "The station is very comfortable and warm, and there is also a waiting room for ladies." He opened the door for me.

"Maybe you want me to wait a while and watch you leave? Maybe we can find a place to have some decent desserts. That restaurant is too bad."

I suddenly became excited. I got out of the car and walked into the station ahead of him. He pointed to the lady waiting room and raised an eyebrow at me, wanting to make a final joke.

"Maybe one day, you will regard this day as the luckiest day of your life."

I sit on a bench in the waiting room where I can see the front door of the station. If he comes back, I Can see him. Maybe he will tell me this is just a joke, or a test, as often performed in those medieval dramas. Or maybe he will change his mind. When he speeds along the highway and sees the pale spring sunshine shining on the rocks we have just passed by, he will realize his stupidity, and he will turn around and run back quickly.

There is at least more than an hour before the train to Toronto arrives, but the train seems to be coming soon. Even though these strange thoughts were tumbling in my mind, I boarded the train as if being led by a rope. The siren leaving the station rang, and I put my face on the car window and scanned the platform. It’s not too late to jump out of the car, jump off the train, cross the station, run across the street, to the place where he parked, to the place where he just stopped and meditated, it’s not too late, please God. It's not too late.

I want to run to meet him. It's not too late.

Suddenly there was chaos and noise in the carriage. Not just one person, but a group of latecomers, squeezed between the seats. It is a group of high school girls in sportswear. The chaos they caused caused a boo, and the conductor expressed dissatisfaction with them vying for seats.And urged them to sit down quickly.

One of them, perhaps the noisiest one, is Mary.

I turned my head and stopped looking at them.

But she ran over and called my name loudly and asked me where I was going.

to see a friend. I told her.

She sat down on the seat next to me and told me that they had a basketball game with Huntsville High School. This is a carnival. They lost.

"We lost, didn't we?" she cried happily. The others giggled silly. She mentioned the score, which was really shocking.

"How neat are you wearing." she said. But she didn't seem to care about my clothes very much either. She didn't seem to be really interested in my explanation.

When I said I was going to Toronto to see my grandparents, she hardly listened. There is not a word about Ariste, even if it is a bad thing about him. She must have not forgotten, she should just put that scene, and her former self on the shelf, and bury it deeply in her heart. Maybe she really is the kind of person who lifts weights lightly. I was happy for her, even though I was really unhappy at the time. The question for me is, what else can I do when the train arrives in Amundsen? Abandoned the car and ran to his house, asking to know what the hell was this? Why? What a shame for life!

In fact, the train didn't stop long in Amundsen, just enough for the girls to gather. The conductor kept warning them, saying that if they didn't hurry, they had to go to Toronto.

For many years, I have dreamed of meeting him by chance. I'm alive, just alive, in Toronto. In my opinion, all people will die in Toronto, and I am no exception. At least for a while. Then, more than ten years later, this event finally happened. As we crossed a street where people were surging and could not walk alone, we approached and stared at each other for a while. Almost at the same time, a trace of unconcealed surprise bloomed on our time-destructive faces.

He cried, "How are you?" I replied, "Very good." Then, out of politeness, we cherished each other again.

At that moment, everything was basically real.Because I have to pay a debt owed by one of my husband's children, I am having endless quarrels with my husband. That afternoon, I went to the art gallery to watch an exhibition to calm my mood.

He turned around and shouted at me again: "Everything goes well!"

It still looks as if we will get out of the crowded crowd, and it seems that we will be together in a moment. But this is only a possibility. We can also go our own way. In fact, we did just that.

didn't cry without crying. When I walked on the sidewalk, he didn't reach out and put his hand around my shoulder. I only caught the gleam of his eyes, at the moment when one of his eyes suddenly opened wider than the other. It's the left eye—always the left eye, as I still remember. And always looked so strange, guarded and confused, it seemed that he was thinking of something crazy and unbelievable, and it almost made him laugh.

That's all. I continued to walk towards the house.

It feels exactly the same as when I left Amundsen. The train dragged me forward, just like a dream.

And regarding love, obviously, nothing can be changed.

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