In 1995, Zhang Ailing After the news that she was discovered a week after her death at home in the United States reached China, Zhang Zijing fell into a long-lasting shock, and her mind went blank for several days.
We all know that birth, old age, illness and death are normal in life, but when death happens to a loved one, the sadness can still be overwhelming. Before Zhang Ailing's death, Zhang Zijing's father, mother, and stepmother all died successively, and Zhang Ailing became his only relative in the world. Although the siblings have been separated for many years, Zhang Zijing feels that she is not alone whenever she thinks of her sister living on the other side of the world.
Suddenly received the bad news, Zhang Zijing realized that she was really alone this time, and the past kept flooding into her mind. Those happy and sad memories are like pieces of a puzzle being pieced together piece by piece.
Zhang Zijing is only one year younger than Zhang Ailing. The two siblings were born in the Zhongmingdingshi family. Their parents are from well-known families. Since they were young, the standard equipment at home is a garden house, a driver, and several servants. Zhang Zijing and Zhang Ailing each have a nanny.
If Zhang Zijing's father Zhang Tingzhong could live peacefully, the life of a pair of children would be very happy. However, how could everything in life go as planned.
Zhang Tingzhong liked to smoke opium and visit brothels to gamble. Most women in the old era would swallow their anger. However, Zhang Tingzhong's wife Huang Yifan was a woman with new ideas. Because she could not tolerate her husband's depravity, she finally decided to run away from home and study abroad with her sister-in-law, leaving her two young children in a broken home. Zhang Ailing was 4 years old and Zhang Zijing was 3 years old.
Without the restraint of his wife, Zhang Tingzhong became even more unscrupulous. He brought women from outside home and smoked at home all day long. He even got a job as an English secretary at the Railway Bureau through a relative, but he was eventually fired because he often did not go to work.
The decadent days had been too long, and Zhang Tingzhong wanted to cheer up. After making a promise not to support his concubine and quit opium, Huang Yifan came back from abroad. However, it was hard to change one's nature. It didn't take long for Zhang Tingzhong to start smoking opium again, and the atmosphere at home became depressed again.
This time, Huang Yifan made up his mind to divorce. Both children were raised by Zhang Tingzhong, but Huang Yifan decided which school Zhang Ailing went to. As for why he didn't care about his son, Huang Yifan thought Zhang Tingzhong would take care of it. After all, Zhang Zijing was the only boy. What Huang Yifan didn't expect was that Zhang Tingsheng had a cold nature and didn't even care about his own flesh and blood.
At Huang Yifan's insistence, Zhang Ailing went to a new-style primary school, while Zhang Zijing listened to her private teacher at home. Zhang Tingzhong thought the school was expensive and did not want to spend more money to send his son to school. He wanted to keep the money to smoke opium.
Zhang Tingzhong’s fatherly love was rare, and most of it was given to Zhang Ailing, just because Zhang Ailing inherited his literary talent. She was a smart girl who wrote good articles at a young age. She also imitated the form of a newspaper, wrote and drew pictures, and made a newspaper. Zhang Tingzhong was very happy when he saw it. Whenever relatives and friends came to the house, he would show them the newspaper made by Zhang Ailing and said with a smile: " This is a newspaper supplement made by Xiao Ying. "Zhang Zijing, on the other hand, has mediocre talent and cannot attract his father's attention.
When Zhang Ailing was in her first year of high school, Zhang Zijing was finally sent to school for fifth grade. Because of her poor health and tiredness of studying, Zhang Zijing often asked for leave. The personalities of the two siblings are one that follows that of their mother, and the other that of their father. Zhang Ailing wants to be strong in everything, while Zhang Zijing can just get by. In Zhang Ailing's view, her younger brother, who looks more and more like her father, is becoming less and less likable.
As they grow older, the once-close siblings gradually develop differences. After stepmother Sun Yongfan came to the Zhang family, some things quietly changed.
After Sun Yongfan saw that Zhang Tingzhong liked Zhang Ailing more, he initially tried to please Zhang Ailing, but received no response. However, Zhang Zijing, who was ignored by her, behaved very well and tried his best to adapt to her new life.
experienced many family changes, and Zhang Zijing learned to live a cautious life. Even if she was beaten by her father or made things difficult for her stepmother, she would not take it to heart and still play as if nothing had happened. However, the sensitive Zhang Ailing burst into tears because her brother was wronged and vowed to take revenge. Years later, she said that she was like living in a movie at that time, with strong love and hate.
Girls of the same age always mature earlier than boys and are more likely to be injured. Zhang Zijing's numbness actually made her less troubled.
In the autumn of 1937, Zhang Ailing had a fierce dispute with her stepmother, and was severely beaten by her eccentric father, who then put her in solitary confinement. Her younger brother who stood by and watched made Zhang Ailing feel chilled, and she further discovered the indifference of family affection.
This is a very special family. Both parents are individualists that are rare in traditional culture. Huang Yifan can leave his children behind for many years and Zhang Tingzhong only cares about his own happiness. As a child, he gradually becomes more and more like his parents.
Who said that each generation is not always reincarnating the fate of the previous generation? If the parents' words and deeds are negative and negative, their children will be victims throughout their lives.
Zhang Ailing finally fled the Zhang family, which she hated, and went to her mother. Zhang Zijing also wanted to leave, but when he came to his mother with his beloved sneakers in his arms, he was turned away.
Huang Yifan is not the kind of woman who is willing to give unconditionally because of her status as a mother, and is willing to raise children even if she sells everything. Her principle is to do what she can. Huang Yifan told Zhang Zijing with a look of embarrassment that her financial ability was limited and she could only raise her sister alone.
Zhang Zijing finally left sadly. He had always known that his mother had neglected him, but when he faced the reality, he still couldn't help crying. It was just that life had to go on after crying. Life was full of difficulties.
Zhang Ailing is a talented female writer who became famous in Shanghai in her twenties. Although Zhang Tingzhong said nothing, he was very happy in his heart. He would quietly collect the magazines that published Zhang Ailing's articles and read them over and over again. In comparison, Zhang Zijing's performance seemed lackluster. He was like most ordinary people in this world. Even if he worked hard, he would not achieve much. He once ran a magazine and wrote articles with his classmates, but it ended quietly.
Gradually, Zhang Zijing accepted the reality that she was an ordinary person, doing everything she could and obeying fate.
He would sometimes chat with his sister, but the two never really had a heart-to-heart relationship. Zhang Zijing never knew what Zhang Ailing was really thinking. After liberation, Zhang Zijing asked Zhang Ailing about her future plans, but Zhang Ailing did not answer.
One day in 1952, Zhang Zijing knocked on his aunt's door again and asked if his sister was there. However, his aunt told him that Zhang Ailing had gone to Hong Kong. After that, he closed the door and did not want to talk to Zhang Zijing anymore.
Zhang Zijing was used to her aunt's indifference, but she couldn't accept her sister's leaving without saying goodbye.
walked downstairs and saw people wearing the same clothes all over the street. He suddenly remembered that Zhang Ailing had said that she would never wear such boring clothes. Only then did Zhang Zijing understand that Zhang Ailing had actually revealed her intention to leave.
With passers-by coming and going around him, Zhang Zijing felt extremely lonely in the vast sea of people. He was so small and didn't know where the hope in life was.
Zhang Tingzhong smoked opium with his wife all day long. They sat on their hands for a long time and successively sold more than 20 real estate properties in Shanghai and Tianjin. The couple moved to a 14-square-meter small house in a Shanghai alley.
He firmly adhered to the idea that children and grandchildren would have their own blessings. He spent all the money on himself and deceived his son into saving money through hard work. As for whether his son can't get a wife, Zhang Tingzhong doesn't care at all. If he can't get one, then he can't get one.
Zhang Zijing was helpless about this. This family had never been normal. Her father was not like her father, and her mother was not like her mother. Everyone was strangely different.
After Zhang Tingzhong passed away, Zhang Zijing’s only relative in China who could speak a few words to was her stepmother. The relationship between the two was already very unfamiliar, but now they have a bond. Sun Yongfan considered replacing the 14-square-meter hut and living with his younger brother in a larger house, with his younger brother as the head of household. However, due to Zhang Zijing's firm opposition, Sun Yongfan gave up the idea.
Zhang Zijing has been teaching in rural Shanghai for a long time. Without this 14-square-meter cabin, he would not be able to return to the city and settle down. Sun Yongfan understood this and included Zhang Zijing in his household registration book, allowing Zhang Zijing to inherit the 14-square-meter cabin.
Huang Yifan, who left all his inheritance to his daughter before his death, completely forgot about his son's existence.
Mother and son are just strangers who are related by blood.
After Sun Yongfan passed away, Zhang Zijing felt that life was increasingly deserted. He had never been married and was alone all year round.
Zhang Zijing asked around for news about her sister, and finally learned Zhang Ailing’s address in the United States in the late 1980s. She wrote a letter to Zhang Ailing with excitement. However, the already estranged relationship between sister and brother will not suddenly become closer just because they have not been in contact for many years.
Zhang Ailing cannot give back the same enthusiasm to Zhang Zijing. After experiencing the ups and downs of human relationships over the years, she has become accustomed to closing herself off and does not want to be disturbed by the outside world.
Zhang Zijing wrote in the article "My Sister Zhang Ailing":
"My sister treats me just like ordinary people, always neglecting to hear from me. I understand her personality and the difficulties in her later life, and I only have the best regards for her. I miss her, but I don’t complain. No matter how things change, she and I are of the same blood, and this foundation can never be changed."
For Zhang Zijing, just knowing that Zhang Ailing is still alive will give her more meaning.
In his later years, Zhang Zijing lived a very poor life. The house was small, and the kitchen and bathroom were shared. It was completely different from the garden house he lived in when he was a child. However, he had experienced both good and bad in his life, and it was not a kind of perfection.
After Zhang Ailing passed away, Zhang Zijing was afraid that she would repeat her sister's tragedy and die at home without anyone noticing, so from then on she opened the door every day and greeted the neighbors who came and went.
As he gets older, he relies on his neighbors to take care of him. The neighbor's fat cat often visits Zhang Zijing's house, bringing a bit of vitality to his lonely old life.
More than a year after Zhang Ailing left, Zhang Zijing passed away peacefully and never woke up after a nap. It is a great blessing not to suffer from illness before death.
Zhang Zijing has lived under the aura of Zhang Ailing all her life, but it is also a kind of wisdom to accept her own mediocrity calmly and be content with everything.
Only by learning to reconcile with yourself can you let go of all the pain in life.
