When I was diagnosed with gastric cancer , my brother officially announced that the person who had been bullying me at school was a girlfriend.
He warned me not to trouble his girlfriend.
I smiled and said, "No."
Because I was about to die, I no longer had the energy to cause trouble for anyone.
But I just don’t understand. Why did my brother, who grew up with me and depended on each other since childhood, suddenly stand by others?
01.
I stood blankly at the corner of the long street behind the school.
And my brother Shen Nian'an, not far from me, was bent down, with a gentle face and the girl in her arms saying something.
Suddenly, the girl glanced at me behind her with sharp eyes.
"Ah, Zhao Anan, why are you here?" She looked surprised and looked excited in her eyes when she looked at me. I have seen such a look of
countless times.
When she stepped on my face with her feet.
When she pulls my hair and strips my clothes.
When she asked me to kneel on the ground and learn to bark.
"An An?"
Shen Nian'an turned around and frowned, "Did you not go to school, what are you doing here?"
"Brother."
My fingers pinched the corner of my clothes and smiled very hard, "I told you that today's sports meeting, I've waited for you for three hours."
Shen Nian'an thought for a moment, It seemed that I remembered, "Oh, I forgot."
"Forgot?"
I could hardly hold back the smile on my face, "Is it because I am with Liu Yuanyuan?"
"Okay, An An, don't make trouble." Shen Nian'an walked over and reached out and touched my head, "I'll introduce you to you, this is your sister-in-law and also your classmate, you must know you." How could you not know
?
She is the little girl who has been bullying me and bullying me.
is the bully who left scars on me countless times.
"Ah, it turns out that Zhao Anan is your sister!" Liu Yuanyuan leaned in Shen Nianan's arms and smiled foolishly, "It's such a coincidence!"
and Shen Nianan gently touched her head.
My nails were stuck in my palms and finally couldn't help but question, "Why do you want to be with her? It's because she has been bullying in school... …”
”An An! ”
Shen Nian'an suddenly interrupted me impatiently and frowned, "I know you have some misunderstandings in school. Now I know what you look like in school. Don't say this again in the future."
" Yuanyuan is my girlfriend. When you meet in the future, you will call her sister-in-law. Do you understand?"
My heart was suddenly clenched by a pair of big hands, and I couldn't breathe. "I don't understand."
" You... …” Shen Nian'an seemed a little angry, but after looking at me, he didn't say it, but asked, "Have your physical examination result been down?"
" is down. ”
I remembered the confirmation notice I put in my schoolbag, "Nothing is wrong, it's normal."
" That's fine."
Shen Nian'an nodded, "You go home first, Yuanyuan and I have something to do."
Liu Yuanyuan looked at me with pride and mocking.
It seems like you say it again, look, even your brother is on my side.
My stomach suddenly felt so painful that I couldn't breathe. I didn't care about anything, so I turned around and quickly left here.
It was not until I walked away that I finally couldn't help it and vomited a mouthful of blood.
02.
Actually, I'm thinking a lot of times.
Why do all disasters come to me?
But no one can give me the answer.
Since I was a child, others called me the broom star, saying that I was the legendary Tiansha Lone Star, and anyone who approached me would be killed by me.
On my seventh birthday, my parents went home for a social event, and I strongly asked them to go out and buy me a cake.
They couldn't persuade me, so they had to go out.
Then both died in a car accident.
At that time, I didn’t quite understand what death was. I only remember that my sister-in-law pointed at my nose and scolded me at her parents’ funeral.
"You broom star, can you die if you don't eat that cake!"
"How can you be so willful and kill your parents? Why isn't you the one who dies!"
Yes, I won't die if I don't eat that cake.
Parents won’t die either.
And now, my brother who protects me is standing by the people who bully me.
I got only one confirmed report of gastric cancer.
03.
I sat on the sofa and waited.
Waiting and then fell asleep.
It was not until after seven o'clock the next morning that Shen Nianan returned home in disguise.
"Why are you sleeping here?" Shen Nian'an frowned, with some concern in his eyes, "It is easy to catch a cold at night, so go back to the house to sleep next time."
I looked at him. The clothes were new and my hair was washed.
It seems that they must have been together last night.
Shen Nian'an saw that I didn't speak and asked first, "Do you have any objections to Yuanyuan?"
"Yes." I admitted directly.
"No one can accept that the person who has been bullying himself has been with the people closest to me, so do I."
Shen Nian'an looked at me, wanting to speak but stopping.
hesitated for a while, and he still spoke, "Yuanyuan told me everything about you at school. If you don't study hard, you will forget about falling in love early, but you will even go to find a boy with a girlfriend."
"It's because I have always spoiled you too much that made you develop such a bad habit."
I looked at Shen Nian'an's face and couldn't believe it, "Do you actually believe in her, don't believe in me, the sister who grew up with you?"
"It's either that I don't believe in you, it's because it's because I trust you so much for so many years! "
Shen Nian'an sat on the sofa, with annoyance between his eyebrows, "What did you tell me before? Yuanyuan has been bullying you at school, but I asked other classmates, but none of them."
" On the contrary, you have been asking Yuanyuan's troubles, which almost made me miss such a good girl."
"In the future, you can restrain your bad habits!"
I was even a little ashamed of what he said.
What kind of mistress he mentioned, what kind of girl he is looking for trouble when he is fine, is it really me?
"Since I was young, have you not understood me for so many years? How could I do such a thing!" I couldn't help but be wronged like this, so I stood up to defend myself.
Perhaps it was because of the violent fluctuations in my mood that my stomach instantly spasmed, and the pain made me have to hold the corner of the table.
Shen Nian'an seemed to be very angry by my rebuttal. He glared at me and blurted out.
"Did I wrong you? Are you still not willful? Didn't your parents make it because of your willfulness... ..."
At this point, he suddenly stopped.
I staggered back and stood there.
"No, An An, I didn't mean that..." Shen Nian'an stood up and wanted to help me, but I waved it away.
At this time, the pain in my heart is far more than stomachache .
"I thought you were different... It turns out that you think so in your heart."
I don't understand why the person I am closest to and loved the most doesn't believe me.
He was in a hurry to comfort me, and watched me step by step back, but finally let go of his hand.
"Forget it, think whatever you want."
After saying that, he looked at me with a warning in his eyes, "Don't go to trouble Yuanyuan in the future, otherwise don't blame me for not thinking about our brother and sister."
I smiled, stood up and walked out of the house.
He saw it, but frowned and did not stop me.
"Don't worry, no," I said.
Now I have no energy to cause trouble for others.
04.
The first time I met Shen Nian'an was not long after my mother's funeral ended.
Everyone regarded me as a disaster star, and no one was willing to adopt me, so the police had to send me to the orphanage.
I was handed over to the orphanage director by the police while wiping my tears.
And Shen Nian'an was sitting under the big locust tree in the orphanage, staring at me blankly.
After the police placed me in the trap, he ran to me, took out a piece of chocolate from his dirty pocket and stuffed it into my hand.
"Don't cry, the dean says you're unhappy and eat some sweets, so that you can be happy."
I believe it.
Carefully tore open the packaging bag and stuffed the chocolate into his mouth.
and then cried even harder.
Because that's a piece of dark chocolate .
The dean found out about this and beat Shen Nian'an up. He cried even more lively than me.
It is also because of this incident that I am becoming more and more familiar with him.
We sneaked out and stole the dean's dried fruits on the balcony, climbed over the wall to catch fireflies on the hill behind the orphanage.
Then the dean found out, and he said he did it himself.
takes all the mistakes on yourself.
I asked him why.
Shen Nian'an patted his chest and told me, "The dean said that men want to protect girls."
When I heard this, I nodded without understanding.
Then I asked, "Then will you always protect me?"
"That's sure!" Shen Nian'an promised me, "Of course I will always protect you, because boys promised it will do it!"
Thinking of this, I was a little stunned. Before I knew it, I seemed to have been walking on the street for almost an hour.
Shen Nian'an must have been very angry just now.
If I choose to explain it to him, after getting along for so many years, I don’t believe he will really misunderstand me like this.
I took a deep breath, tried to calm down the cramps in my stomach, and turned around and went home.
"Brother......"
The moment I opened the door, the key in my hand fell to the ground.
Because I saw that Shen Nian'an was sitting on the sofa, and Liu Yuanyuan was also beside him, leaning affectionately against his shoulder.
"An An, you are back!"
Liu Yuanyuan waved at me with a smile, "Come in quickly, it's so cold outside."
She had a familiar and natural attitude, as if she was the hostess of this family.
Suddenly.
A strong nausea came, and I couldn't control myself and vomited wildly while holding the door.
Fortunately, there is nothing except some bile.
"An An?"
Liu Yuanyuan looked at me in surprise, then the disgust flashed in her eyes, and then said aggrievedly, "Don't you welcome me......"
"Zhao An An!"
Shen Nian'an frowned irritably, with a little disgust in her eyes, "What are you doing when you are back?"
I vomited wildly, and I couldn't speak at all.
But I really want to question him.
This is my home.
My home, why can't I come back? !
05.
At this moment, hatred filled my chest.
is like a pair of big hands, tearing me hard, making me unable to calm down.
I wiped my mouth and walked straight towards Liu Yuanyuan.
She looked at me in surprise: "An An, you... Ah!"
slammed.
When neither Shen Nian'an nor Liu Yuanyuan could react, I went up and slapped her hard in the face.
She screamed, covered her face, and threw herself into Shen Nian'an's arms.
"Zhao Anan, are you sick?!"
Shen Nianan was shocked and angry when he saw Liu Yuanyuan being beaten. He hugged her gently and looked at me angrily, "How did you become like this now? I was a little unbelievable when Yuanyuan said those things, but now I know how thoroughly I was wrong."
"I'm blind, I took care of you for so many years!"
Shen Nianan's words were like a sharp dagger, piercing into my heart.
He scolded me with tears in his eyes.
Before, I had never seen him look like this, nor had I heard him say such things to me.
But since Liu Yuanyuan appeared, everything seems to have changed.
Liu Yuanyuan covered her face and cried so hard that she was filled with rain. She hugged Shen Nian'an's waist tightly, "Nian'an, I know An'an doesn't like me, but I... ...I really don't know what I did wrong!"
"We, why don't we be separated... ...I don't want to see you because of me."
Shen Nian'an immediately hugged her anxiously: "Yuanyuan, you don't have to worry about her, no one can let us separate."
I looked at Liu Yuanyuan's pretending action and couldn't help but sneer.
"You must be very proud now. You targeted me in school and bullied me. Now even my only family member is taking it away."
"I, I don't......"
Liu Yuanyuan's expression was grievance and panic, and tears were still hanging on the corners of her eyes. "If I have caused any misunderstandings to you all the time, then I apologize to you, An An, can you stop being angry with me?"
"Are you worthy!"
It seems that a fire in my heart was burning, making my internal organs hurt, "Do you dare to admit what you did in the past? Do you dare to say that you didn't seduce him on purpose... …”
“Enough!”
Bang!
Shen Nian'an slapped me hard and slapped my head directly.
But he still felt that it was not enough and looked at me angrily, "Zhao Anan, what else do you want to do? Don't think that I don't know your dirty thoughts. Just because you like me, can you treat the person I like like this!"
His words made me completely stunned.
Why?
Why did he know the words I wrote in my diary?
"Did you peek at my diary?" I gritted my teeth tightly.
Shen Nianan comforted Liu Yuanyuan in her arms and looked at me disgustedly, "If I don't look at me, can't I find it? I am your brother. Don't you feel disgusted like this?"
"I tell you, even if I am not with Yuanyuan, I will not be with someone like you!"
His words made me, who was originally full of grievance and anger, look like a complete clown.
I felt my body stiff and my hands were shaking uncontrollably.
It turns out that my little thoughts and the thoughts that belong to girls have long been discovered by him.
I still think I have hidden it very well.
is actually a joke.
I gritted my teeth hard, my stomach rolled, and I felt a rust-like sweetness in my throat.
"This is my home."
I endured my stomachache and pointed at the door, "If you have to be with her, then you guys go out together! "
" Zhao Anan, you really disappointed me. "
Shen Nian'an looked at me disappointed and shook his head, "Since you let us go, then you can stay here alone! "
After saying that, he took Liu Yuanyuan's hand and walked out of the room.
Before leaving, I saw Liu Yuanyuan turn around and smile proudly at me.
06.
The world suddenly became clear.
I couldn't help it anymore, and spit out with a wow, and blood was all over the ground.
Some red blood splashed on the white sofa, just like red plums in the snow.
I went back to the room like a cold sweat and gasped violently.
The drawer was opened, and I took out my diary from it. The words on
The words on it are all my love.
I rubbed the title page of the diary and suddenly remembered the year when we walked out of the orphanage.
In fact, Shen Nian'an was not Shen Nian'an before, but the name the dean named him Shen Xiaowu because he was the fifth child to come to the orphanage.
I used to like to call him Xiaowu brother. The year when he left the orphanage, I was fifteen and he was eighteen.
"I want to apply for an ID card, you see, this is the household registration book that the dean and I got! "
Shen Nian'an looked at me. When facing the sun, he had me in his eyes and the stars and the sea.
He said, "I begged the old dean for a long time before he agreed to give me the household registration book and let me change my name. "
"What name do you want to change? "I asked.
Shen Nian'an said without hesitation, "Nian'an, Shen Nian'an, is this name good? "
My face is a little hot, "Why is Nian'an? "
" Because you are An An, I have to protect you and be by your side for the rest of my life. "Shen Nian'an said in a sarcastic manner, "So my name is Nian'an, this is my promise." "
Then he really changed his name. On the day when his ID card was released, he also bought a cake to celebrate in advance that he could protect his peace for the rest of his life.
What was his expression at that time?
I sat on the chair and thought about it carefully.
l1 is happy?
is excited?
satisfied?
neither seems to be.
He seemed very serious at the time.
Seriously said to me, "Identity card is a symbol of life, and a person can only change his name once in his life, so he can only protect one person. "
" Then what should you do if you marry your wife in the future? "
I asked, "The TV said that boys should protect their wives. "
Shen Nian'an held my hand with red ears, "Then I will marry you as my wife, so that we can end up together, no matter how long our life will last in the future, we will all go together. "
Tears suddenly hit the notebook.
My eyes were blurred.
Shen Nian'an, look.
You said first, you said you wanted to marry me first.
I took it seriously, but why did you change again?
7
Today I am going to take graduation photos.
I listened to the alarm clock and got up from the bed in a daze.
l2
There were some brown blood on the pillow, which probably was spitting out unconsciously when it hurt last night.
Shen Nian'an didn't come back all night.
While I took off the pillowcase, thinking that he shouldn't remember it.
I don't remember the promise I promised me to take graduation photos with me.
Because Shen Nian'an hadn't been to school much, he didn't go to high school again.
He worked while supporting me to go to school, so we agreed to take graduation photos together.
packed up my things, and I came to school with my schoolbag on my back.
When I walked to the school gate, my steps suddenly stopped.
Shen Nian'an stood at the school gate, looking at the watch on his wrist from time to time, as if he was waiting for someone.
is waiting for me?
My heart suddenly beat twice, maybe he still remembered our agreement.
Thinking of this, I walked towards Shen Nian'an.
"Yuanyuan!"
Suddenly, Shen Nian'an's expression lit up and looked behind me in surprise.
Liu Yuanyuan ran past me with brisk steps, and then threw herself into Shen Nian'an's arms, "Nian'an, you are so good. Remember to promise me to take graduation photos with me!"
"How could I forget what I promised you?"
Shen Nian'an's face was full of pampering, lowered her head, and rubbed Liu Yuanyuan's face.
Then the two of them held hands and walked into the school together.
I stood there and suddenly felt the air suddenly cold.
There are no classes in the school today. All the students come here just for the last graduation photo and meet with classmates at the last school meeting.
But for me, I don’t feel anything about this.
After all, I have been living in the shadow of Liu Yuanyuan after all.
graduation photo is taken on the playground behind the school.
The students are all gathered here, chattering about which school they will go to in the future.
I looked at not far from the playground, Shen Nian'an and Liu Yuanyuan sat side by side, saying something whispered.
A few classmates were talking about each other.
"Liu Yuanyuan's boyfriend is so handsome."
"Which school is from? Why haven't I seen it before?"
My nails tightly pinched my palms, and the pain made me feel a little.
I should have been sitting with Shen Nian'an. Why did
become like this?
Most of the students on the playground are in groups of three or five, and I am the only one leaning against the tree-shaded road on the edge of the playground.
Not long after, the staff carrying the camera came over, and the students on the playground quickly gathered together.
It’s time to take graduation photos.
I also stood up and walked towards the crowd.
Shen Nian'an held Liu Yuanyuan's hand and suddenly looked at me.
For a moment, Shen Nian'an was stunned, and then a trace of guilt flashed in his eyes very quickly.
He should have remembered it.
remembered our past agreement.
Liu Yuanyuan pulled Shen Nian'an's clothes and said, "Nian'an, what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
Shen Nian'an glanced at me and finally chose to ignore it.
Between me and Liu Yuanyuan, he chose Liu Yuanyuan without hesitation.
Article from Zhihu "Don't think of An An"
