The book I am talking about today is called "The Third Choice", and the author is Stephen Covey. He had written "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" before reading, and then this book was released by him before his death. He combined the seven habits into one habit. This

The book I talked about today is called "The Third Choice", and the author is Stephen Covey . He has written "

before, so what is the third choice? The first choice is that I will defeat you. The second choice is that I choose to escape or you defeat me. The third choice is , and we jointly find a solution, and this solution will benefit both of us . The core of the third choice is creativity, which comes from our willingness to create together. For example, there is an Apple here, so how do we separate the two of us? Half per person? Then we were both missing, and I was the same one. There was a little girl who said it very well, that was, we planted apples in the field together, and when the apple tree grew, we were half of the apples on the apple tree.

So how can we achieve this third choice? Foreigners like to standardize a matter and follow certain steps. First of all, he said that the first step is thinking mode - see yourself . What does it mean to see yourself? It can be understood in this way, is you the one who is your own master now? Or is the person who controls you yourself or your emotions?

We often see in life that what controls ourselves is not ourselves, but our emotions. For example, if someone hurts you, you have to take revenge. So at this moment you do not see yourself as an independent and unique individual with unique judgment and behavior. The French great writer Hugo . When the British and French forces invaded the Old Summer Palace and burned it, an officer was Hugo's good friend and wrote a letter to him, saying that you didn't come here this time and you lost a lot. We snatched countless good things, gold everywhere, and many things were thrown away if they couldn't get them back. We found a lot of good goods and gave you two.

The French robbed China and then happily told Hugo that their country was developed this time. But Hugo said, I feel ashamed of you, this is a dark night in French history, and I hope you will return the things and apologize to others. This is a robbery. Hugo is called independent personality. He doesn't think we have made money just because he is a Frenchman. He has his own independent judgment ability. So when we can see ourselves, the most important thing is to remind ourselves that no matter when and where, you will always have the right to choose.

So when you say I have no choice, I was forced and I have no choice. In fact, this is your own escape and negative emotion. This is also a manifestation of unsanitary. Unsanitary means that he does nothing bad and does not admit his mistakes. So why can’t many people achieve their third choice? You think there is nothing you can do. If I don’t win this matter, I will be embarrassed. In fact, it is because you care too much about other people’s opinions. If you can take a step further, you will be able to obtain an independent and complete self-esteem system.

Your self-esteem comes from your heart. You evaluate yourself, you know that you are a good person, you know what you should do, and what if others look down on me, it has no effect on me. This way you won't be easily irritated. So it is difficult to find yourself. You have to keep reminding yourself that this is your choice? Or is it a choice made in your own emotions or a choice made for your own face.

Then the second step is I see you because the first step is that I see myself. And what do I mean by seeing this step? Because many times when we deal with others, we already define and label the other party, such as this person is lazy, that person is a playboy, etc. These labels all contain hatred and prejudice. When you can't feel that the other person is as personal as you, you will never want to explore the third choice with him.

Next third step is I find you. It is you treat the other person as a human being, and does the other person also treat you as a human being? Because what if you want to negotiate with the other party and the other party is in a defensive state? So what I found you mean was that I used a few simple sentences to calm the other person's emotions and could make the other person a normal person rather than a hedgehog.At this time, you need to say something, that is, if you disagree, then I want to listen to your thoughts, invite the other party to start communicating with you and take practical actions. The most important thing at this time is to listen to the other party, rather than refute and argue.

Let’s talk about the fourth step below, which is called me and you. I am in collaboration with you, and invite the other party to participate and come and think of a solution together, instead of getting stuck in the attack cycle. There is a good tool called Brainstorming in this step. In a brainstorming, you can come up with any idea, and then write them down, and in this step we have to believe that we can find a third option.

In creating collaboration, we have four steps. The first step is to ask and ask the other party. The first question you need to learn to ask the other person is whether you are willing to find a better solution? This is a revolutionary problem that can solve the opponent's defense and let the opponent explore solutions with you.

The second step is to define. What is definition? If both sides discuss better, what are the conditions for better things to do, and what are the bottom line you want to reach?

The third step is creation, so what is creation? Brainstorming, both sides work together to explore and create a choice that can achieve defined conditions. The last step is to achieve it. When a true third choice is formed, the coordination between all parties is excited, and then coordination is reached.

Here is a case where a female boss is in the office and a boy rushed in and said, "You have to raise my salary, if I don't raise it, I'll leave." So what should the leader do at this time? If you refuse, then you win and he may quit immediately. If you agree, is it possible that he will come for the second and third time? At this time, the leader did not directly answer, but asked, can you tell me more things? So at this time, the other party's mood is relieved. You should say this. I know you are under great pressure. Are you willing to tell me about your current situation? Finally, the employee told his family, work and customer situation. The leader then helped the employee conduct customer analysis and appointed the employee to take charge of more customers. Employees feel the importance of their leaders and see hope for their work, and they also increase their income. The company also suffers losses, and also improves employees' capabilities and gains more customers.

Finally, a sublimation part is the third choice of life. Stephen Covey said that many people have only two modes of life. The first is the vacation mode. If you don’t care about anything during vacation, don’t pay attention to me. Then on Monday, it’s the work mode, and I’m going to move bricks hard again. Stephen Covey said that you can actually turn on the third choice, called enjoying life. What does it mean to enjoy life? It means that you don’t distinguish whether you are working or resting now. Just enjoy it. For example, when you are resting, lying in bed and watching TV, then you just enjoy it now. Don’t think about what work I have not finished; when you are working, for example, you are writing code, you just enjoy it, don’t be disturbed by others, code your own code quietly, and feel good when you see your elegant code.

A fool is just to blame everything for what he does. If you are happy, you will be happy. There is no saying that you will be happy for a day, and it will be unhappy for a day. Why not be happy every day? If your flight is delayed at this time, you just think, don’t be so rushed, I’ll have a cup of coffee at the airport and watch the news and enjoy the moment. Here Stephen Covey said you have to have a vision, which is to find a permanent mission for your life. For example, if you want to become a big V in your professional field, then you should take action immediately, and go towards this goal whether in work or life, and you will like the things you do more and more every day.

Finally, let’s summarize. In fact, the third choice does not coincide with the content in many books we have read before. This also requires reading too much, and finally all of them are understood. Finally, I hope everyone will read more and think more.