After the popularity of "Sister Lang 3" Cyndi Wang , there is a name that is very popular for "Sister Lang 4":
That is: Xu Huaiyu.
Netizens spontaneously made music videos, mashing up Xu Huaiyu’s songs.
Listening to familiar melodies such as "I am a girl, a beautiful girl", many people exclaimed:
It turns out that this singer who once dominated the music scene has "disappeared" for a long time.
She was abused as a child and transformed into a "popular diva". At her peak, she could support the entire Rolling Stones alone, but she was slandered, tortured by depression and was banned.
Now, looking at her peaceful years on social platforms, one can’t help but wonder: How did she come out after disappeared for more than ten years?
Her father passed away and her grandfather abused her.
She grew up in ups and downs.
Xu Huaiyu’s life was in a difficult pattern from birth.
The family values boys over girls, and women are not allowed to serve at the table.
Grandpa was very arrogant. When he saw the young Xu Huaiyu eating meat, he would slap him and ask, "Are you worthy of eating meat?" In order to avoid being beaten, she could only hide in the basement with her job.
His father died when Xu Huaiyu was 7 years old. His mother was forced by his grandfather to work as a hostess to make money. She had no choice but to remarry, but she suffered domestic violence. After giving birth to twins, the mother chose to flee the home.
Growing up in such an environment, Xu Huaiyu lived in trepidation.
Fortunately, her mother had very upright views and often taught her: As long as a girl has hands and feet, she can support herself.
Therefore, Xu Huaiyu started washing dishes to make money at the age of 13 to help his mother share the pressure of life. She longed to make a lot of money so her mother wouldn't have to work multiple jobs at the same time.
And this somewhat distant fantasy soon became a reality.
One day, she was humming a song and hanging clothes on the balcony. Musician Weng Xiaoliang happened to pass by, and all the radars in her body went off: This little girl will definitely be famous!
He brought Xu Huaiyu to "Rolling Stone Records" and spent a lot of effort to train her. In 1998, he released a new album "Fly Up", which received a good response. He struck while the iron was hot and released the album "Xu Huaiyu".
’s two albums sold more than one million copies, earning 200 million in a short period of time. Xu Huaiyu became popular, and his singing resounded throughout Asia.
In 2000, she served as the heroine in "The Legend of Heaven and Earth: Mermaid" and became an instant hit as an actress.
She went from a poor dishwasher to a hot "civilian queen". worked 20 hours a day, and three years later, Stephen Chow wanted to invite her to film, but she was not available three times.
But who would have thought that overnight, success or failure would be reversed.
Xu Huaiyu’s grandfather had severed ties with his daughter-in-law long ago, but because he was jealous of his granddaughter, he complained in front of the media: “Xu Huaiyu didn’t even raise his own grandfather!”
The media hyped it up Calling her "unfilial", Xu Huaiyu quickly clarified: "Grandpa often threatened my mother that if we didn't give him money, he would beat us to death."
But being honest in the face of public opinion was of no avail, and Xu Huaiyu's image plummeted.
The bullying from her grandfather and the criticism from passers-by in the media made her suffer from depression due to the pressure. In order to cure her illness, she "disappeared" for six full years to adjust herself.
html Sixteen years later, things have changed. She releases a new album and wants to make a comeback, but where is her place in the music world?
joined a new company, but because he refused to "accompany him with drinks", he was sued by the company for 2 million yuan.In 2009, not only was she banned from Xue Zang, but she also lost her house and car, and her savings were completely wiped out.
During the Chinese New Year that year, Xu Huaiyu only had 3,000 yuan and a chicken donated by fans;
At his lowest point that year, Xu Huaiyu was plagued by lawsuits, relapsed into depression, and lost weight to 33 kilograms.
If it were anyone else, they would probably find ways to turn over, counterattack, return to the top, and take back everything that belongs to them.
may be depressed and depressed.
But Xu Huaiyu took a different path.
The girl who faced the difficulties and worked hard to heal the pain
Faced with many difficulties, Xu Huaiyu chose not to bear it for the time being, but to live out his life and heal the pain at the same time.
She worked as an assistant in a law firm for two years, and the media reported that she was "down and out." However, Xu Huaiyu revealed that she did not get paid as an assistant, but she just wanted to learn more legal knowledge and prepare for litigation.
With a mountain of compensation weighing on her head, she was not forced to go astray. Instead, she patiently wore it away bit by bit like Foolish Old Man moving a mountain.
In 2015, some sharp-eyed fans discovered that the singer performing in front of the store looked like Xu Huaiyu!
But how could the former queen of the music industry be so depressed that she wears cheap costumes and goes around doing acupuncture?
It turns out that she has announced her comeback with high profile three times.
For the first time, she played the sexy card and interacted closely with a macho man in the MV. For her who has always been conservative, this was a breakthrough that challenged her limits.
With this breakthrough, she simply "let herself go", wearing black stockings, leopard prints, and tights, constantly challenging herself, no longer limited by external judgment;
For the second time, she participated in Zhu Geliang's show. Wearing a performance costume worth 100 yuan, he sang and danced with all his strength despite losing weight.
Her status cannot be compared with her peak period, but after this attempt, she is closer to returning to the music scene and one step closer to solving her financial problems;
For the third time, she participated in "Tian Tian Shang Shang" and sang the masterpiece "I am a girl". The long-lost sounds of nature made many viewers sing along emotionally.
After that, she began to frequently perform business performances. Even if she fell down trying to catch up with her schedule, she would get up and continue with a smile on her face without losing a moment.
From the moment he was born, Xu Huaiyu had the worst script. She is so accustomed to living with pressure. Years of hard work have allowed her to face adversity with a down-to-earth attitude:
Solve the problems within your ability first, and then deal with bigger problems when you become stronger. Forcing yourself may be counterproductive.
disappeared. In the past few years, she has gone all out to live her life and seize the opportunity to make money. Unknowingly, the pressure that was once a mountain has been resolved invisibly:
The compensation has been paid off in full, and the lawsuit has come to an end. Even if she never returns to her peak, she is still full of confidence in herself.
At the concert in June 2015, she changed the lyrics of "I am a girl" to: "I am a goddess, a beautiful goddess."
Nirvana from the ashes of suffering, Xu Huaiyu was finally reborn as his own goddess.
Live yourself, and all problems will disappear.
Xu Huaiyu tells us with personal experience: There will inevitably be hurdles in life that cannot be overcome for a while. It does not mean that every hurdle must be overcome and solved before life can continue.
Just like Kohut said: A person's life is a life of continuous growth, and the people and things we encounter will become strength.
Live your life first, and then look back when you are strong, and you will find that everything is not that difficult.
So, how to put aside the pain temporarily and live your life?
First, change your thinking model and cultivate a belief in growth.
The book "Lifelong Growth" writes:
"If you want to lose weight or control your emotions, then you need to give up the idea of "either good or bad", "either strong or weak" that comes from fixed thinking patterns, and better learn effective strategies.
After considering how to maintain motivation for a long time and achieve certain results, you must develop What habits will lead to continued success. For example, limit yourself to eating and drinking only once a week, or consider increasing physical activity.
When you feel that you cannot control your emotions, you can first leave the place where the emotion occurs, and then return to the matter itself when you are calm enough. ”
is like Xu Huaiyu. Everyone said that she was “passed”, but she did not worry about whether she would be popular or not. Instead, she left the music scene first and came back after going through the trough.
Even though he is no longer famous, his whole person's status has taken on a new look. So she said: "You have to face many things bravely. There are gains and losses in life, and many strange things will happen. Don't be afraid to take that step."
Then, connect the inner child and learn to self-soothe.
Along the way, Xu Huaiyu changed from a poor person to a singer, and then from a diva back to a commoner. In just 10 years, she experienced ups and downs, but she did not lose her original self.
Even when the storm hit, she did not forget to hold an umbrella for her inner child. She posted about fitness, food and travel from time to time. These are things that her inner child loves.
She said in the show: "I will always do a good job, the 19-year-old Xu Huaiyu you saw back then."
Even if the current situation is unsatisfactory, she still affirms the child inside. She deserves to be seen and deserves to be loved.
Finally, a well-run social support system.
Xu Huaiyu’s biggest support comes from her mother. After Xu Huaiyu became popular, he sympathized with his mother's difficulty in raising a family and refused to let her work hard anymore. When she was in the most difficult time, her mother was always by her side and did not hesitate to borrow money from everywhere to help her.
There is always abundant love flowing between mother and daughter.
In moments when we lack strength in life, support from others can lift us up. These are called "social support systems, which allow us to create bonds of energy flow between us and others.
The stronger the bond, the more determined the pace of growth. Learning to operate a social support system is learning how to manage a good life.
In 2018, Xu Huaiyu held a small concert. At the age of 40, she stood on the stage, still full of grace, with the baptism of time in her eyes. Calm afterward.
The girl who sang "You don't understand girls" has now become a more powerful woman.
I hope those girls who have played this song can live a complete life in their own lives.
planning | Edited by Qiuqiu
| Six Notes
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