Text | Beisu
(This article has readers oral messages sorted out and rewritten, so they are narrated in the first person!)
A few days ago, I celebrated my 38th birthday. This is the only happy birthday in the five years of divorce. Every year before that, I would deliberately escape from my birthday and would not accept the blessings from my friends.
I always thought I was a failed woman, and I fell in love with my ex-husband very much. When I got married, I was the kind of little woman who only wanted him to be nice to me for the rest of my life. So we were naked. Even if we lived in a rental house, I was happy with him. I remember that the single room we rented was very simple. When I got married, I bought a big red bed sheet. We hugged each other and he said he would always be nice to me.
When we divorced, we were married for 7 years. Maybe the cells of the human body will really change after seven years. He is no longer the one who is gentle to me and occasionally hugged me and said he missed me. He started not going home. He said he was on a business trip and was busy. At that time, we had just moved to our new house. It was not big, with two bedrooms and one living room.
The ex-husband was originally a honest and honest man, but after getting married, others became a little impetuous and misty. They often told me that he was unreasonable and could not stay in the unit. Therefore, he had to go to social events and pretend to be the same as them.
I started and thought he would learn bad things until one day he didn't return all night, and the trust between us completely collapsed. From the beginning, he didn't care about me, his son, his family, and from the beginning that he frantically pleased the leader for promotion, I was afraid that one day he would do something that would be sorry for me and the child, but things still happened.
That night, he treated him to a banquet. After drinking and singing, he left with a woman he had known for less than 5 hours.
He said that it was to prevent him from appearing out of place in such an occasion, but in fact, no one understands it. If he had no idea, how could he not return overnight?
Our 7-year marriage gradually collapsed. While I hated him, I was reluctant to let go of my marriage. However, after quarreling all day, suspicion and his annoyance to me, we quickly headed to the intersection of divorce.
What I couldn't accept even more was that he remarried less than half a year after his divorce. The remarriage wife was unknown. Maybe she was originally moved, maybe she met after the divorce. No matter what, he quickly put my son and I behind and started his new life.
And I, alone with a boy, it will not be easy to remarry, and it is difficult to raise myself. I also went to find a job, live in my parents' home, and my parents usually help take care of the children.
I have become very sensitive. I have never allowed my parents to go ahead with my husband's name, nor have anyone accepted anyone introducing me to a remarriage partner. Many friends say that I am depressed and have to learn to come out by myself. I should not ruin my future happiness for someone who is not worthy of my love.
But I just blame him and hate him. Why do he love me if he says he loves me if he says he doesn't love me if he says he doesn't love me anymore? Divorce is easy, and no matter how easy it is to remarry, then what do he thinks he has done so much for him? His parents were sad when they saw me getting thinner and thinner. Suddenly one day my mother fell ill.
She fainted without any signs on the way to pick up my son from school. I had to be strong and take care of my mother and take good care of her children. The day before my mother was discharged from the hospital, she told me that women should look at the long term, and the past will pass, and life will always go on. Even if I don’t want to do it, she and my son have to rely on me.
There are actually too many things and people who need to care about in a woman's life, but every woman who enters love and marriage will mistakenly regard marriage. Men are everything about themselves. If they leave marriage and encounter betrayal, they will lose all hope in life.
Didn’t think about it when I was in pain and sadness. The parents and children who had been standing behind me were waiting for me to smile and wait for me to live happily with them.
After four years of divorce, I finally walked out of the haze of my life. That day, the haze that seemed to be shrouding over my head suddenly dissipated. I looked at the blue sky and the flying birds, and burst out with an unprecedented desire for life.
I sent my children to school with a smile, and went to work with motivation. I had the leisure to gather with friends to climb mountains, and I also knew how to care more about my parents' health.
Divorce is a kind of pain, but if you just torture yourself in the pain of divorce and refuse to get out, it is your fault. Life has millions of possibilities. Marriage is not the whole of a woman. A man who doesn’t love himself is not worth nostalgic.
More than four years after divorce, I finally understood that there are three things in a woman’s life than marriage and love. I hope all women can understand
1 Live your own life well
2
In those years after losing marriage, my memory was blank, because most of my time was complaining, depression and not accepting reality. During that period, I lost weight, my work performance was average, I did not contact my friends, I closed myself up, but my pain did not decrease because of this. My life is also scattered because of my lack of courage to face and not being attentive enough.
In fact, Compared with marriage, feelings, and even the most important thing for a woman is to live her own life first. If her life is not good, how can others love and pay attention to her?
In the marriage, I took too much care about my ex-husband and still cared about my ex-husband after divorce, so I made my life messy after leaving him.
When I came out and woke up, I treated every day of my life with my heart, I suddenly realized that I can do a lot of things I like, I can pursue my heart, and I can still be very happy.
2 Accompany your child to grow up healthily
I ignored the child for a long time. When I walked out, I found that my child was so sensible and sensible, which made me feel distressed. It was because I didn’t care about him enough, so he was able to bear too much pain of separation from his parents in his weak heart.
If the message I passed to the child is strong, he is strong. If the message I passed to him is painful, he is painful.
Compared with the healthy growth of my children, my unwillingness and resentment towards marriage are not important. Children are the hope in my life and the people I want to care about and pay attention to.
A loveless marriage is broken, the most innocent one is the child, so I thank my awakening and accompany my children to grow up healthily in the future.
3 Let my parents spend a comfortable old age
When my mother was sick, I realized the fear of being in bad health and leaving me. I recalled that in those days after the divorce, they silently supported my life for me and took care of my children, but I still made them feel at ease.
The only people in the world who love me unconditionally is my parents. The best reward I can give them is to do my best to let them live a peaceful and stable life in their old age. For their peace of mind, I must also cheer up and let myself appear in front of them, so that they will not worry about me.
Compared to marriage, walking the path of your life well, protecting the people you want to protect, and taking care of the people you care about, the latter is more important. Whether a woman has a marriage or not, she cannot ignore the things she should care about the most. Marriage is important, but many things outside of marriage are heavier.
Women can live like this, not restrain their thoughts for marriage, not bury themselves because of marriage, and not ignore important people for marriage!
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