When you find that the child is not honest, do you start lying? The natural reflex of the condition will definitely be shocked, angry, and cursed, but this will only force him to hide the secret deeper. In fact, you just need to observe and understand first, accept the "truth" behind the lies, and have a powerful parent-child dialogue to resolve the minor problems of all parties in breaking the children's lying.
When this sensitive problem suddenly comes out of the child's mouth, parents will inevitably be frightened and can't react. After all, what they usually say is: child, don't lie.
When the child asks this, he wakes up and doesn't know how to respond. Embarrassment and anxiety kill a lot of brain cells. But the key point is that we have not thought about the problems raised by our children in our daily lives. However, everyone has some hidden secrets. This is true for children, and so is adults. They have some facts in their hearts that they don’t want to tell others.
The child’s questions always come straight into his heart, and it also reminds us to face the “liar” matter. If we adults can’t do it, then how should we ask our children to be honest?
A guide to establishing a secret guide for example and demonstration, and face sensitive questions!
Close to the inner image
We all know each other is lying. But why does lying make it difficult for you to speak in front of your children? Maybe you think to yourself: Of course this is an image! Otherwise, if you can't do it yourself, how can you face your children in the future? Even if you can't do it, at least you can't let the child know.
But will this image be just an illusion? Even when this image is as fragile as a balloon and the needle is broken, then , do you still have to stick to the self-deception line of "How can parents lie?"
makes the image close to your inner self. At this time, your heart will be more at ease.
breaks away from the illusion of binary
actually has many kinds of images. Maintaining your image does not mean that you are pure and flawless. The road of life is dusty. If you want to avoid getting dust, you also know that this is an impossible task.
confesses to children that they once lie, and they can also lie. Such parents are actually more in line with human nature. At the same time, facing yourself and confessing your mistakes is a good image for children to face.
Everyone knows how to lie, but in fact no one is 100% honest.
Clear the situation of lying
When the night is late, we can ask ourselves: "Where we are honest ourselves while asking our children not to lie?" Of course, we should not do what we do if we don't want our children to show.
In life, we often lie unconsciously. And imitating like the same thing is the safest way for children to do, anyway, just follow their parents.
Can the child lie? In fact, this should not be a binary issue of "can" or "can't". Are lying really wrong? Many things need to be based on the situation.
When the child asks you this: Dad, will you lie?
You can answer this way: Of course you will lie, but it depends on what situation.
So, please calmly think about the reasons behind the child’s lying.
or when the child asks: Mom, will you lie?
You can also answer this way: Of course you will lie, but you must be clear about why you lie.
So, please also look at your child's lying behavior in a fair manner.
Do we know what situation we are lying? What is the purpose of lying? More importantly, how to prevent this lie from hurting the other party.
game is the best way to open the connection between children and parents. How can we play a "truth, big adventure" game of parent-child honesty and courage? Take turns or rock-scissors. Whoever loses, choose one from "truth or big adventure?"!
When parents guess and lose, if they choose "Truth", they must answer any questions from their children. You may be looking forward to: child! Please show mercy and don’t ask privacy issues that embarrass your parents! We will be shy, too.
If you choose "big adventure", then parents have to do whatever their children say. Although it is quite embarrassing, it is still more comfortable than being asked about the "truth".
Dear parents, don’t just choose “big adventure”. Think about why you dare not say the truth? Otherwise, it is easy for children to feel that their parents are unwilling to face it honestly. children are very smart nowadays, please don’t underestimate her judgment.
[Say I'm not at home] Can adults just lie?
Family life scene dialogue
"Sorry, I really don't need a bank loan now, please don't call again, okay? I have said it several times, no, need it!!" Mom ended the call angrily and complained: "Strange, where did these banks get my contact information? Don't you have a way to obtain my contact information now? It's so long-winded. I used to be nitpicking when I needed a loan, and I like to borrow or not. I don't need it until now, and I call to ask every few days. It's really annoying."
"Mom, why don't you answer the phone?" The child's suggestion.
"How can I know who called it? What should I do when I encounter an important call? It's not me who is unlucky?" Mom replied to her.
"If you really hate it, just hang up the phone!" The child was a little dissatisfied.
Mom responded: "No matter what, these telephone marketing specialists responsible for bank loans and intermediary services are also working. It is disrespectful and rude to hang up directly like this! What's more, some people even skip their phones and call home directly. According to my experience, this wave of calls will take a few days to find a way to convince you. That's fine, Meng Qiu, next time you'll ask you to answer the phone at home. If you hear it was called by the bank and ask if you want to borrow money or borrow, you will tell the other party that I'm not at home, do you understand?" "But, mom, you're obviously at home! Are you teaching us children to lie when you reply to him like this?" Meng Qiu asked.
"The situation is different! This is not a lie, this is..." Oops, mom's words are exhausted.
"What?" Meng Qiu stared at his mother's answer.
"Well... well... this is called solving the problem!" After saying it, my mother breathed a sigh of relief. "But you are at home!" Meng Qiu said.
"Of course I know I'm at home, but I don't want to answer such calls. I'm so annoying that you know. The more you explain, the more you are, the more sticky it is, the more you feel like maltose." Mom said. Meng Qiu felt a little confused. "But mom, there should be many ways to solve the problem, right?"
"Please, you are as long-winded as a telemarketing specialist! Just say I'm not here." Mom wants to end the topic. "If you lied to him that he was not here, he would say 'Then I'll call you later', so that it would never end. Should I keep telling him that "my mother is not at home", "my mother is not at home", "my mother is not at home"? Or would I just tell him that "my mother has run away from home"!" Meng Qiu said half-jokingly.
"Uh, what's wrong with your child? Wouldn't you be flexible? Is it that serious to tell a lie?" Mom was a little angry.
We all forgot one thing. It turns out that we are teaching children to lie.
Guide to establishing a secret tip for teaching and demonstration
Everyone has a set of words when facing their own lying behavior. Whether it is reasonable or just self-justified, how to make the listener agree with and accept your kind lies, your position needs to be clearly expressed.
Telemarketing specialist responsible for bank loans and intermediary services is also working. My mother's view on this is correct. No matter how disgusting the other person’s actions make you feel, making calls is still part of their job, basic respect still needs to be maintained by each other, everyone has their own boundaries, don’t cross the boundaries . Therefore, my mother regards hanging up the phone directly as a kind of disrespectful and impolite behavior, which is a very worthy idea.
For this reason, use the lie solution to "say I'm not at home", do you agree? What is the reason for lies? Your reason must at least be able to convince yourself and your children.
How to evaluate the gains and losses of lies?
lying is an option. When you decide to do this, you should first evaluate the cost and cost of lies before and after.
For telemarketing specialists, you will not agree to accept credit services whether they tell him "my mom is not here" or answer the phone in person. In this case, the other party loses no losses.
What about
? "Mom, you're obviously at home! Are you teaching us children to lie when you answer this question?" Taking this question as an example, don't judge gains and losses immediately.
Maybe you are worried that your child will question the mother's behavior by asking this, and even think it is a bad demonstration.
At first glance, it seems to be the case.
But if you flip the way you look at things, will the child’s question also bring you an opportunity for parents and children to discuss lies/honestly? Let each other share and listen to the thoughts and feelings of parents and children about lies.
discussing lies is a bonus for parent-child relationship.
Think about other options and show the ability to solve problems
That’s right, just like the child mentioned: "Mom, there should be many ways to solve problems, right?" Just this alone, you should clap your hands for the child!
Perhaps for mothers, the quickest way to solve the problem by directly using the reason for "saying I'm not at home", but if you can choose a more mature way to respond, , such as : "I'm sorry, I don't have the need for a loan at the moment." It is better to directly express your position. And when the other party continues to try and continue to convince, the sentence "I'm sorry, I don't need a loan at the moment" can be played repeatedly, and some experienced telephone service specialists should give up.
If your position has been made clear, you can set a blacklist of rejected calls on the phone if necessary. After all, you have clearly made it clear to the other party that in order not to waste the commissioner's time, you will not answer the call. There are many solutions to
, and lies are just one of them. But this is not necessarily the choice. Taking this opportunity, we must let our children see their parents' ability to solve problems.
lies please limit, do not export
This time you played the lie card and the situation was resolved. So, what if the child will do the same in the future? Think about it, if your child just follows your way, or even adopts SOP's lying steps, will you object?
I think you may also feel strange in your heart right now. Maybe you will learn the words of your child: "There should be many ways to solve problems, right?"
Parents and children are growing up. It may be understandable to occasionally use limited quotas for lies to solve the problem of interpersonal interaction. But we finally hope that each other's growth will be able to go to a higher level. Every move, every solution, and every rescue will be a beautiful classic game.
(Every time you forward it is support for Xiaoxin's mother)
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