text | Brittany Wong, Lena
From This is the United States
WeChat html No. 5: MIGUO-1
Lee Dude is an actor and producer. Because he is a mixed-race child, he has become accustomed to the various racial discrimination of his Chinese descent in the United States, including the difficulties he has when dating. , but he was still impressed by the frustration experience.
That night, his date partner was with him most of the time, and the two got along very well. When they were joking with each other, the girl praised his beautiful smile. "But everything suddenly changed . She asked me if I was Latino , and I told her I was not, half white and half Chinese. "
Dude said, "She suddenly started to alienate me. When we flirted again, she said her feelings changed." Dude asked him directly at the time, was she a little different in her attitude because he was Asian. The other party denied it awkwardly, but Dud believed it was still related. "Although everyone has their own 'dish', , he did change his attitude because he heard that I was Asian.
(Picture source: LESLEY BRYCE)
Dud's experience is common for single Asian American . In many movies and TV shows, Asian men have prejudices and think they are weak.
The host of a well-known American radio station Steve Harvey Morning (who once hosted a morning radio program Steve Harvey Morning Show) criticized Asian men on the show last year, which shows how unfriendly some Americans are to this group.
When talking about the book "How to Date White Women: A Practical Guide to Asian Men" published in 2002, the host laughed wildly. he said, "This book can only have one page, 'Sorry, do you like Asians? ’, ‘No, thank you. ’”
When asked how he himself felt about Asian men, he imitated a black woman—“I don’t even like Chinese food, kids. "
Although Harvey's joke is very detrimental, it reflects a frustrating reality: Although Asian women are extremely popular and obsessed in the United States, Asian men are difficult to be "fairly treated" in dating.
In 2014, dating software OkCupid conducted a survey and found that Asian men are not as attractive as men of other ethnic groups on this app. A study on speed dating conducted by Columbia University also found that it is the most difficult for Asian men to get a second date after the first date. By 2018, some people would even say directly, "I'm sorry, don't Asians." "Nicole Hsiang, a psychological counselor therapist in San Francisco, often deals with second and third generation Asian Americans. In an interview, he told the Huffington Post that her clients often suspect that they are not good enough on dates. "Being rejected on dates can sometimes cause psychological trauma." For many men, it is about their 'masculinity'. Many Asian men who grew up in mostly white environments told me that they don’t think they are attractive compared to their ideal white men. "
What kind of men are "sexy"? Most people in American society think that European faces that meet Western standards are good-looking (narrow nose bridge, big eyes that are not apricot-shaped, white skin). Many people don't know the charm of Asian men.
Many people think that Asian men are frustrated during dates are due to their appearance, but they don't know that even male models cannot be smooth during dates.
Model and fitness coach Kevin Kreider is a Korean-American and adopted by a pair of Irish Germans. His experience on the dating software Tinder made him feel very unhappy.
He said in an interview, "This matter has begun to hurt my self-esteem. I knew I was good-looking, but I didn't get any response on the software, so I lowered my standards repeatedly and later received some people saying hello.I realized how bad the situation of Asian men was when there were a lot of white people ahead of them 'queuing'.
(Picture source: PHOTO COURTESY OF KEVIN KREIDER)
Later, Kreid stopped using these dating software and began to look for a partner in real life, and came into contact with more and more girls who like him.
He said, "I understand one thing, you must accept your identity, an Asian man. If you don't like yourself and don't love yourself, how can you expect others to accept it? "
"We always attract people who are similar to us now, or to think about becoming, if you always hold a negative and resentful attitude, you will only attract such people, and then you will slowly become such people. "
On the issue of marriage and love, Americans have always been prejudiced against Asian men. As Eddie Huang, the author of Fresh Off the Boat, said in an article in the New York Times last year, today's Asian men always carry the nerd who "masters technology and is naturally obedient" and "there will never be a chance to steal your girl within a thousand years", with one kind of label.
Hawaii, professor of communication and media studies at Brigham Young University, said that as early as the 19th century, Asian men were portrayed by most whites as "others" with less obvious masculinity.
1882, when the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 was passed, Asian immigrants were regarded as "human aliens" by whites. Chen Changhuang wrote in an academic paper in 1996 that this is partly due to their external image (most of them are thin and wearing silk coats), and another reason is that after the "gold rush", they mostly engaged in service-related jobs (such as chefs, dishwashers, and laundry workers).
Boris Karloff played a threatening Asian role in the 1932 film The Mask of Fu Manchu. (Picture source: ARCHIVE PHOTOS VIA GETTY IMAGES)
Later popular culture, the "stigma" of Asian men continued. Before the 1970s, the Asian male characters in American movies were either described as "yellow peril", killing others and ruthlessly occupying white women; or they were "harmless, a bit feminine" characters.
22 years later, the professor now told the Huffington Post that she believes that the charm of Asian men in Americans has improved . Now Korean music and TV series have attracted a large number of fans around the world. Many women like men like this, and many boys want to be such people. In general, this is a good sign.
Millennials may have grown up in the movies of Jackie Chan and Jet Li , but the impact these people have brought is more to fascinate Americans with kung fu than attract female fans. But now, Korean male stars have enriched the cultural symbol of Asian men to a certain extent.
psychological counselor Xiao Ye suggests men who feel frustrated in the dating market actively seeking positive, charming, and male characters with their own characteristics in movies and TV outside the United States. (We recommend Tony Leung 2001's movie "In the Mood for Love")
Stills of "In the Mood for Love", picture source: GETTY IMAGES VIA GETTY IMAGES
"In order to build your confidence in dating, I suggest Asian Americans look for male charm beyond the traditional Western definition and find their own masculinity and confidence."
Dude also said, don't define a man so easily.
"Although many people still have stereotypes about Asian men now, many ideas are deeply rooted in American culture, we still need to work hard to change, we need to discuss these things more openly, and we need to let others know us better."
This article is authorized to be published, By Brittany Wong, Lena, From This is the United States, WeChat html No. 5: MIGUO-1. welcomes friends circle, no reprints of without permission, INSIGHT Vision sincerely recommend
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