The reader wrote to me and said:
The husband is the only one in the family. When he was in love with me, he mentioned: I hope that after we get married, we can live with our parents-in-law. I am the second child at home, and my brother is five years older than me. Because my brother and sister-in-law lived with my parents after getting married and had a very harmonious relationship, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with living with my parents-in-law.
Mother-in-law is a man of good temper. Although she has never been to work in her life, she has almost taken care of housework. Even if I rush to do housework with my parents-in-law on Saturdays and Sundays, she would not let her go and say that you have finally had a rest, so just take the child to play.
My father-in-law is to . He makes more money than us, and his interpersonal relationships are wider than ours. My father-in-law is also very family-oriented, but there is only one thing that my father-in-law is not good: it is useless to scold his mother-in-law when she is drunk. Every time at this time, I would stand by my mother-in-law and fight with my father-in-law.
Last weekend, I took my son to the park to play. After I got home, I saw my mother-in-law sitting on the sofa with her head down. When talking to my mother-in-law, I found that my mother-in-law's eyes were red, and she seemed to have just cried. I saw bruises on my mother-in-law's left face. So I asked my mother-in-law what happened. At this time, my mother-in-law finally couldn't hold back. She first burst into tears, and then said that she was beaten by her father-in-law after she was drunk. Ask my mother-in-law, why did my father-in-law beat you? The mother-in-law said that unlike usual, in the face of her father-in-law's sarcasm, the mother-in-law said a few words. Let me ask again, where is my father-in-law now? My mother-in-law said, lying in the bedroom. He pushed open the bedroom door and asked his father-in-law, why did you hit your mother-in-law? My father-in-law said, do you care if I hit my wife? This sentence really angered me. I stepped forward and grabbed my father-in-law's neckline and slapped him twice. Then he said to him angrily, "Do you care if I hit my husband's father?"
After this incident happened, my father-in-law moved into his unit and told everyone that I was a vicious woman. My mother-in-law’s meaning: Let me go to my father-in-law to apologize and let my father-in-law go home early. The husband and mother-in-law agree. I would like to ask, do I have to surrender to my father-in-law in this matter?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Your father-in-law has indeed contributed to this family, only at the money level. But why is he so annoying? The answer is: The mouth is too poisonous, which makes it unpleasant to do your best. Although your mother-in-law has not made much contribution to this family at the financial level, your mother-in-law is also using her own labor to reduce the burden on other members of the family. This is obvious to all. For this reason, your father-in-law calls your mother-in-law useless and unfair to your mother-in-law (it is simply ignoring the fruits of your mother-in-law's labor). After your father-in-law beat your mother-in-law, you vented your anger for your mother-in-law and praised your behavior. But one code is one code, your father-in-law is your elder after all, and it is really wrong to slap your father-in-law in the face. You need to apologize to your father-in-law for this matter later.
You can look at the matter of apologizing to your father-in-law from another perspective: 1) You are very arrogant and unwilling to have a good experience with your father-in-law; 2) If your father-in-law lives in the unit for a long time, it will not be conducive to the stability of your in-laws' relationship. Just based on these two points, you should admit your father-in-law a mistake. Things in the world often show that one thing is reduced to another. Now, you have saved your father-in-law. You are just using an apology to find a way home for your father-in-law. I believe that he will never dare to easily act badly with your mother-in-law in his future life. Because your two slaps have already given your father-in-law a memory.
Because you belong to a new era, your attitude towards running a marriage is more inclined toward equality of men and women . In fact, there are too many women today who are unwilling to be full-time housewife. Four reasons: 1) Being a full-time housewife is not easy to go to work; 2) Being a full-time housewife is easy to get out of touch with society; 3) Being a full-time housewife often shows thankless results; 4) Being a full-time housewife is difficult to get respect from other members of the family. So the current marriage model has quietly broken the so-called male protagonist and female protagonists, but each rely on his ability to maximize the happiness of the family. However, there are still some women who have to become full-time housewives due to practical reasons. In this case, I hope that men can remember the hardships of raising children and handling housework.
Marriage is just a more cautious choice. Perhaps as the marriage life progresses, the social status between husband and wife will widen. Even so, don’t forget the scene when you get married: many men choose a woman who is not satisfied with and hold hands with their marriage because of their poor family. When you have achieved some achievements in your career, don’t forget your roots. Perhaps if your lover didn’t choose to marry you, you wouldn’t be able to work at all and you wouldn’t be as successful as you are today. After your career is successful, you do have more options in the field of love, but when you do things against your conscience, don’t forget that you will be retribution.
Although each of us is an independent individual, after we start a family with someone, both parties will be grasshoppers on the same rope, and we need to have the feeling of advancing and retreating together. Even if you have achieved some success in your career, you must maintain the minimum respect for your lover. There are always people in life who like to call their lovers in front of their children, relatives and friends, and feel that only in this way can they show their strength. In fact, to outsiders, this practice is a concrete manifestation of uneducated behavior. In this life, one must establish a correct outlook on life. Never end up becoming a clown in the eyes of others because of his misconduct.
Regarding human nature, everyone has commonalities: they always like people around you to be obedient to you, but don’t forget that others also have their own thoughts and ways of living. When others are not your shadow or your roundworm in your belly, there must be some differences in the way people behave. Perhaps the other party’s attitude towards doing things makes you feel a little uncomfortable, but you need to have the energy to think from the perspective of others. Especially between lovers, there should be an equal pattern of getting along with each other. Never give your lover high-frequency suppression. You should know that there will be resistance in places where there is oppression. Your lover’s resistance may be just a manifestation of normal emotions, and there is no need for you to be unhappy. I would like to ask: What would happen to you if your lover treats you the way you treat him?
Postscript:
The state of our desire for lovers: outstanding appearance, kind-heartedness, loyalty to marriage, filial to parents, being able to be on the same frequency as ourselves in many things, and making money is recognized by ourselves. However, not everyone can behave properly, which often leads to sighing: Every family has difficult sutras. More often, marriage conflicts are mainly reflected in the level of money gap and the level of infidelity of lovers to marriage. So much so that when many people of marriageable age choose their marriage partner, their parents value more: the other party’s family background.
In fact, my parents were also young. At that time, they did not have money first. However, in the management of their marriage life, they would find that in the marriage life where there was a small amount of money, there would be a lot of sadness for poor couples. There is a saying that says: When you are short of money, don’t talk about feelings or romance. First, solve the problem of having no worries about food and clothing. Perhaps, when people who have been young are middle-aged and face the preference of their children's marriage partners, they will also remind their children to be on the same page as money.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
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