Yesterday, I gave a lecture in a group. At everyone's request, I posted a few application documents that I have revised.
Today, here, I will post one of the articles to share with you. If you like this practical document sharing and leave me a message, then I will post more articles like this in the future.
public account has been open for several months, and I am always afraid that my words will waste other people's time and pollute others' eyes. In recent years, there have been thousands of articles on the computer that have polished students with nearly ten thousand articles. If you like it, I can post some of them here.
It must be noted that this student's SAT score is about 1,800 points, or even less than (in the end I went to a school with about 40). Therefore, in the face of such standardized results, the focus of the teacher in the document polishing is to write out the core content, try to use simple sentences and small words, and put more effort into the readability of the article.
or even, it is necessary to make a big move on the overall structure.
Don’t be aware. For students with average SAT scores, the clerks should avoid using gorgeous rhetoric and complicated sentence patterns. Remember, at least the documents should be felt real for the admissions officer. If the writing style is gorgeous and your SAT score is average, it is easy to give people an impression that this article was not written by the applicant himself.
Therefore, for a student with poor SAT scores, the clerks deliberately retain some grammatical errors and traces of Chinese and English, which is very appropriate. At least, it seems real (of course there are different opinions, because it will make the admissions officer feel that the applicant is not attentive enough. However, my attitude is more inclined to go to the former).
So, as an excellent clerk, when you get a student's first draft, these issues must be considered seriously. Of course, I believe that an excellent clerk polishing teacher should understand the above.
You can read the first draft and then take a look at the manuscript I have polished for this student: the whole sentence structure is simple and the words are simple, but I still see a foodie, her eating world and her discovery in the eating world.
I positioned Gulp down the Town for the title of the article based on the content, which means "eat the next city". The ending rhyme of down and town is also considered eye-catching as the title.
made everyone laugh.
Student first draft:
Throughout my life, the most important thing for me is to eat.
Chinese food culture is profound and profound. At that time in China, my grandmother tried to cook various dishes for me every day, and I just kept enjoying the fruits and lived a life of eating.
After coming to the United States, the school arranged for me to have a host family in the United States. My mother is an authentic American, but she can cook food from various countries. Monday is Indian night, Tuesday is Chinese night, Wednesday is Mexico food, and Thursday is American dinner etc. After living for a year, I not only learned about the local American diet, but also tasted delicious food from other countries, which can be said to be a feast. During the process of appreciation and enjoyment, I gradually became interested in cookies. Every weekend, my mother and I would make various cupcakes according to the cooking books, and follow the instructions step by step. Finally, I saw beautiful cupcakes released one by one. At this time, my sense of accomplishment and joy were indescribable.
One day after returning to China during the summer vacation, I was alone at home, and suddenly I wanted to try cooking by myself. Checked the kitchen and found only a pack of chicken wings and a few green vegetables. There is not enough materials, this is a problem. Suddenly, I saw a few bottles of Coke in the corner: I often drank Coke when I was in the United States, so why not try to make a Coke chicken wing. If it is cooked directly with Coke, it will not taste good, but it will be too sweet. So I boiled the chicken wings in hot water until half-cooked, then took them out and dried. After the chicken wings cooled down, cut a few cuts to make the Coke taste easy. Then put the chicken wings into the pot, pour in cola and soy sauce and cook until the chicken wings are in it and the soup is filled.
Yesterday, I gave a lecture in a group. At everyone's request, I posted a few application documents that I have revised.
Today, here, I will post one of the articles to share with you. If you like this practical document sharing and leave me a message, then I will post more articles like this in the future.
public account has been open for several months, and I am always afraid that my words will waste other people's time and pollute others' eyes. In recent years, there have been thousands of articles on the computer that have polished students with nearly ten thousand articles. If you like it, I can post some of them here.
It must be noted that this student's SAT score is about 1,800 points, or even less than (in the end I went to a school with about 40). Therefore, in the face of such standardized results, the focus of the teacher in the document polishing is to write out the core content, try to use simple sentences and small words, and put more effort into the readability of the article.
or even, it is necessary to make a big move on the overall structure.
Don’t be aware. For students with average SAT scores, the clerks should avoid using gorgeous rhetoric and complicated sentence patterns. Remember, at least the documents should be felt real for the admissions officer. If the writing style is gorgeous and your SAT score is average, it is easy to give people an impression that this article was not written by the applicant himself.
Therefore, for a student with poor SAT scores, the clerks deliberately retain some grammatical errors and traces of Chinese and English, which is very appropriate. At least, it seems real (of course there are different opinions, because it will make the admissions officer feel that the applicant is not attentive enough. However, my attitude is more inclined to go to the former).
So, as an excellent clerk, when you get a student's first draft, these issues must be considered seriously. Of course, I believe that an excellent clerk polishing teacher should understand the above.
You can read the first draft and then take a look at the manuscript I have polished for this student: the whole sentence structure is simple and the words are simple, but I still see a foodie, her eating world and her discovery in the eating world.
I positioned Gulp down the Town for the title of the article based on the content, which means "eat the next city". The ending rhyme of down and town is also considered eye-catching as the title.
made everyone laugh.
Student first draft:
Throughout my life, the most important thing for me is to eat.
Chinese food culture is profound and profound. At that time in China, my grandmother tried to cook various dishes for me every day, and I just kept enjoying the fruits and lived a life of eating.
After coming to the United States, the school arranged for me to have a host family in the United States. My mother is an authentic American, but she can cook food from various countries. Monday is Indian night, Tuesday is Chinese night, Wednesday is Mexico food, and Thursday is American dinner etc. After living for a year, I not only learned about the local American diet, but also tasted delicious food from other countries, which can be said to be a feast. During the process of appreciation and enjoyment, I gradually became interested in cookies. Every weekend, my mother and I would make various cupcakes according to the cooking books, and follow the instructions step by step. Finally, I saw beautiful cupcakes released one by one. At this time, my sense of accomplishment and joy were indescribable.
One day after returning to China during the summer vacation, I was alone at home, and suddenly I wanted to try cooking by myself. Checked the kitchen and found only a pack of chicken wings and a few green vegetables. There is not enough materials, this is a problem. Suddenly, I saw a few bottles of Coke in the corner: I often drank Coke when I was in the United States, so why not try to make a Coke chicken wing. If it is cooked directly with Coke, it will not taste good, but it will be too sweet. So I boiled the chicken wings in hot water until half-cooked, then took them out and dried. After the chicken wings cooled down, cut a few cuts to make the Coke taste easy. Then put the chicken wings into the pot, pour in cola and soy sauce and cook until the chicken wings are in it and the soup is filled.
It’s my first time trying cooking, and I combined coke I usually drink in America and what I eat in China, I would say that it was the accomplishment in my life. During my study in US, I gradually developed my ardors for multi-cultural study. The dish I made was a combination of American and Chinese dishes.
When I was in China, Chinese history class has been a tough class for me. Reasoning the exam-orientedededucation, we have to memorize all the historicalevents happened: their year, main characters, origins and results. All the things teachers do is just asking us to height the key points and remember them. History really gave me big trouble in China.
Things start to change when I first time I walked in us history class in America. My history teacher Mr. Roe stood in front of the big map of United States. He pointed out a small spot in map: “This small place is Jamestown, where is the first permanent English settlement in the Americas.” Starting with the map,He talked about all the historical events happened there and how this small town had changed the history of United States. After a week’s study, he asked us to do a group project and make a timeline for things happened that period. While making the timeline, I did a lot of search and memorized both of the time and events spontaneously.
Teacher Zhang Yibing finalized:
Gulp Down the Town
I grow up in a traditional Chinese family. My grandma would cook for us daily. Probably because I was force fed at home, I have always been a picky eater. Brought up in the little town, I felt that the world was just as insipid as the rice I ate every day. The experience of food has been a part of my world for as long as I can remember, but only that of Chinese food.
In grade 10, when I came to America, I was lucky to have a host mom who loved to cook in every style possible. Chinese food, Japanese food, Mexican food; almost everything you would find on a menu could be Our next dinner. I savored different foods, and I quickly began to love the experience I had with each meal. A sense of happiness came over me when the bell struck for dinner time.
I loved my new experience with my host family and the world of food that they introduced to me, but over time I was not content. I set out to explore on my own, looking for exotic foods while traveling across America. I placed flags on my traveling map, and decided to make my way across the country, literally eating my way through each town one by one. I planned and spent my vacations roaming several cities and relishing local foods.
My first stop was Boston. I went to Newbury Street and stopped at “Georgetown cupcake”, whose cupcakes were the best. After an enjoyable “duck tour” around the city, I asked for a “Sunshine Vanilla”, and the sunshine of Boston was etched on my memory. Then I came to the famous “Doughnut Planet” at NYC. I was so content sitting by the window, with a strawberry syrup donut in hand. Outside, the busy New Yorkers were walking to their destinations; inside, the soft muffin gave me a kiss that I would never forget. Later, I came to Philadelphia. “Philly Cheesesteak” was the one that I loved with all my soul. The grilled beef steak was wrapped with cheese, niched itself in the freshly baked bread, a treatment for the stomach and mind.
One by one, the flags went down.
Day by day, I came to love the country more and more.
After each vacation traveling, I had a more extensive understanding of the specialties of that city, and the historic events found their way into my memory. When I returned to school for the new semester, my American History course was not intimidating, but interesting.
My history teacher Mr. Roe stood in front of the big map of the United States. He pointed out a small spot in map: “This small place is Philadelphia, the birthday of America”. He talked about the historical events that the small town had witnessed and how it had changed the history of United States. “In 1776, Founding Fathers of the United States signed the Declaration of Independence; in 1787, the Constitution.” I looked at the spot on his map, and I fondly recalled the flag that once stood there but recently went down with “Philly Cheesesteak”.
I gulped down all the historic events related to Philadelphia.
Now with a world map on the wall, I set my eyes on the little planet, on the little towns that seem to beckon me. I am burning with an urge to gulp down each town on the planet, to gulp down its food, and its culture.
Note: This article is reproduced from the WeChat public account of "Zhang Yibing Says"
If you have any related questions, you can consult the "eol examination training assistant" WeChat ID: kspxxzs123.
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