Every child is a treasure, but who wants the "treasure" at home to become a "mama's baby"? Parents’ attitudes may induce children’s cheating and weakness, or they may also lead to children’s strength and courage. What is the difference between them?
A primary school campus, the tutor of Class A of the fifth year took maternity leave, and the substitute teacher gave a lot of homework. A male classmate complained loudly: "Oh, there is really a lot of homework! I have asked my mother to react!" Another female classmate said: "The pressure is a little more, but you can still finish it with concentration. And my dad said that this teacher is very fierce!"
If you are a parent in this class, what kind of guidance do you want to give your children?
The popular keyword for education recently must be "mama's baby". They are loved a lot, but their vitality, thinking ability, problem solving ability and enthusiasm for learning are not high. For a while, education values "self-esteem", but too much praise from parents makes children more vulnerable to the face of setbacks. Japanese parents are worried about being overly obedient to their children's nature and raising children with "support and procrastination" and are used to blame others and being passive and passive, so they will find it difficult to be independent in the future.
"Weak child phenomenon" comes from the fact that parents who grew up in a high-pressure and authoritarian environment have a high demand for love, but accidentally overcorrect them, respond to their children's requests, get rid of setbacks, mistakenly think that there will be no difficulties in the process of "happy learning", and do not encourage persistence, and the children will give up when they are unhappy. This leads to weak children without objective self-understanding, lack of courage to persevere in the face of challenges, and do not know how to reflect from failures, and neither learning nor challenge process is complete.
Changes in the view of education: the brain is very important, but the heart is the leader of the brain
0 The concept of education that advocates cognitive learning has been constantly being challenged recently. Research has found that if your child wants to be successful and happy in the future, the focus is not on how much knowledge is inserted when he is a child, but helping him build a sense of self-affirmation and create a positive and brave heart.
survey found that children who do not have confidence and self-affirmation have a high mother's baby index and are used to finding helpers when encountering difficulties; while "positive education" parents who give encouragement when they are frustrated and have a stable parent-child relationship are prone to raise optimistic and not afraid of difficulties.
The best-selling book "How Kids Success" author Paul. Paul Tough spent three years traveling all over the United States and found that to succeed, it is not just about paying attention to the learning of knowledge. The key is whether the child has the following personality traits: perseverance, self-control, enthusiasm, gratitude, curiosity, courage and self-confidence. These personality traits will encourage children to have vision, perseverance, and determination to implement plans.
At the same time, the Japanese education magazine "Nike Kids" has also got rid of the past priority of brain science and re-advocating that "the heart is the leader of the brain". It suggests that parents should first stabilize their children's hearts, give encouragement when loving their children and frustrations, so that their children can be able to withstand frustration and be firm, and that they can be more stable on the road to learning in the future.
Professor Zeng Duanzhen of the Department of Psychology and Consultation at Taipei University of Education believes that no matter how the school of education changes, cultivating children's courage and action, and laying the foundation for "how to learn the ability and attitude", it is definitely more important than what to learn.
Learning ability key: frustration resilience comes from a full sense of security
Positive and brave heart, which is optimistic, confident and strategic to complete the "learning". It not only focuses on learning results, but also can objectively understand yourself in the process, find countermeasures to face it, adjust your emotions after setbacks, and absorb nutrients from failure. This long list of abilities requires the foundation with soft power of optimism, confidence and courage.
study found that the braver the child with a sense of security, the better the early dependence relationship of the child, and in the future, regardless of cognitive ability, social ability and self-regulatory ability will be better. Zhou Yuru, assistant professor of the Department of Preschool Education at Hsinchu University of Education, analyzed that children with good dependence in the early stages can prevent brain stress and trauma, and are more resilient in the face of setbacks and have more self-control in their behavior. Children who are well dependent are more willing to explore outside and become independent earlier. On the contrary, children who are too sticky can explore outside later and explore less.In the past, I thought that congenital inheritance was immutable, but later I found that young mice with depression genetic genes were licked by healthy female mice. After several generations, the depression gene actually fell off. "It turns out that the acquired environment can turn back and change the influence of genes, and early dependence is the button to activate the gene switch," Zhou Yuru said.
"A child's IQ may be destined, but personality traits will always have the opportunity to be reshaped and adjusted," Paul. The reminder from Taff is very inspiring.
We all love children, but what kind of love will make children more determined and not become mother's baby?
positive education method: 4 ways to let children love themselves and accept themselves
1. Positive love makes children brave
0 Parents will strongly affect their children's self-evaluation and their interpretation of difficulties. If children know that their nature is accepted and hard to be seen, they will feel safe and at ease, and feel that it is safe to interact with others, seek help, and learn how to solve problems. Children are also willing to take appropriate risks to change themselves, face mistakes and failures positively, and will not focus too much on things that they cannot control, and can establish objective self-evaluation.
Unconditional love does not mean that children can do whatever they want, but that the accepted children are more willing to be self-disciplined and listen to the words of their parents and teachers with love and support. "The Power of Fragility" author Brianie. Brene Brown suggested that the attitude of acceptance should be especially applied to the "mistake handling" situation, explaining the "children themselves" and "their behavior" separately, so that they can reflect on themselves due to "crime" rather than "inferiority".
This year, Xiaowen (pseudonym), who had been to other institutions before entering the private Cixiner Shaojia in Taichung City, said that the institutions in the past were very strict. She did not trust others, felt that everyone was enemies, and she often had emotions. "Now the teacher will listen to me and understand my mood. When I was angry, I would use the teacher's method to remind myself to ignore the other person and talk to the "self in my heart", and make great progress in emotions."
2. Before loving children, you must love yourself first
Brennie. Brown said that parents often focus on the linear process of "understanding, execution and verification" in order to pursue a sense of security in upbringing and avoid the fragility and anxiety of "I am not good enough", which often makes parent-child relationships tense.
Li Chongjian, executive director of the Taiwan Youth Education Association, has tutored many families with dropouts and problematic dropouts. He quoted the Satir model and said that parents who play the accuser at home look strong on the outside but have deep injuries on the inside. However, parents do not love themselves first, but arm themselves with the inertia of accusation, and also pass on this bad model to their children.
"We hope that children love themselves and accept themselves. Can we also show vulnerability in front of them?" Brienie. Brown said, especially when the child saw that he was not keeping his word and making wrong decisions, "At that time, can we face ourselves or scold the child for being too old or young to vent his anxiety? If we ask the child to confess to being responsible for himself, can we do it?"
Li Chongjian reminded that if he had not accepted failure, he would not be able to accept winning; if he had not felt love, he could not pass on his love, so parents should forgive himself and love himself first, and often have profound conversations with his children.
3. Use the "air-shooting" thinking method to use
Zeppelin's empty-shooting video, which made many people exclaim that the familiar Taiwan looks like this. Air-shooting provides a completely different macro perspective to look at yourself. When children face learning challenges, in addition to companionship and encouragement, parents can guide them to do the "post-scheming" method, just like helping their learning process shoot an empty film, monitoring their status from an objective perspective at any time.
Wang Yizhong, director of the Psychological Therapy Institute of Wang Yizhong, explained that the post-scheme thinking of the air-pitch style helps children better grasp the complete process of learning and challenges. When the controllable components are high and the pressure is reduced, the actual cognitive performance will be more stable, and they will be closer to their usual level when completing tasks.
4. Use high-level praise to avoid "tug-and-legged education"
The key to parents accompanying their children to learn is to accompany them through a complete reading process: for example, how much is the test score in this section, how early is it to prepare, what is the current ability, the order of the subjects, and the allocation of time after class; if you insist on self-motivation, how to adjust the plan without catching up with it; how to face the score after the exam, and reflect on it from it. Zhou Yuru said that this process seems to be accompanying children to learn subjects, but in fact it is a high cognitive function of "learning how to learn", allowing children to constantly seek inward from outside exploration and learning, and have a deeper understanding of themselves.
"Mama's Baby" survey found that most parents praise their children when they perform well, but rarely or never encourage them when they are frustrated. When parents can accompany their children to make positive contributions from failure, it is not "I am stupid" but "not working hard enough this time", which will determine whether the child will actively respond to success or failure next time.
Zhou Yuru reminds that parents’ praise is too superficial and does not encourage mental investment. Children get a lot of "you are so great" when eating noodles with spoons, but what should be paid more attention to is that "not only are you willing to try it yourself, but you also pay attention not to fall out, and you will organize it yourself if you fall out." Parents should praise their children for their deeper skills, mental challenges, and more persistence and hard work.
Children with intrinsic motivation bring fun in their work because of their high degree of proficiency. When encountering difficulties, children with external motivation are more willing to persist in their efforts than children with external motivation. Therefore, parents should encourage and maintain their children's internal motivations and be careful not to "pull the back leg" education.
It’s like a puberty girl who watched a video inspired her ambition to protect animals in the future. She told her mother that she wanted to start from the community and find someone to organize activities together. Unexpectedly, her mother replied, “It’s great, college recommendations can be used to add points.” Girls are undergoing high-level, internal reward altruistic thinking that is important in adolescence, but are brought back to external reward self-interest thinking.
Life Photobook: Warm memories can give children the energy of life
Warm and beautiful childhood is a precious source of life energy for children. Zeng Duanzhen mentioned the "life photo book" in his book: Parents should provide more interactive and warm photos, these pictures will never fade in their children's lives, and therefore they feel that they are important in their parents' hearts. She often asked her child what she wanted to say to her mother after parent-child talks. The child's request was very simple: "Take me to McDonald's, make dumplings for me to eat, and go to the park to play together." After she delved into it, she suddenly realized that what the child longed for was to be with her parents wholeheartedly and see the relaxed and happy parents. But parents often miss the warm serve of their children, answering "I'm so fat and still eat McDonald's", "It's too troublesome to make dumplings", "You have to finish your homework before I will take you out to play", and pouring cold water on your children.
Cultivating a positive and brave heart is a long and complex process of cultivation. It cannot be promoted by a single teaching or a single event, but it must start with "let go". Brianie. Brown said that the most vulnerable but bravest thing for parents is to let their children face struggles and experience adversity, let them experience disappointment, deal with conflicts, and persevere to the end. Finally, more importantly, let them learn how to believe in themselves, maintain hope, and move forward with a positive and brave heart.
Education Story1
Nether Navigation Camp Team, the most feared one is that
0 At the end of August, 18 children took their own handmade canoe from scratch to the mouth of Tamsui River. As soon as I got off the water, the child was worried, "Will the boat sink?" Someone was so nervous that he was rowing and vomiting. After passing through the junction of the Tamsui River and Keelung River, the flow rate and depth are different, coupled with turbulent flow, mountain wind and one meter high side waves, the first ship finally capsized. However, "the boat capsizes, the child's heart will be open." It turns out that this is the situation that I fear the most. Wen Zhirong (first from right), the leader of the King of Navigation Camp and director of the Lingtou Villa Gospel Center, said that half of these children are highly caring teenagers, and most of them are forced to come, and their attitude doesn't matter. Wen Zhirong first gave this goal a high meaning, "You will become the youngest person in Taiwan who uses skin to build boats." He learns to build boats in a team-based way without pressure, and also requires them to make a contract to take responsibility for themselves.The children felt respected and valued, and gradually became devoted to their efforts and even rushed to work until 11 o'clock in the middle of the night. Finally, the children were moved to tears and found an unprecedented sense of self-affirmation.
Educational Story 2
Changqing Children's Chess Academy, learn to solve problems from each move
Teach children's Go for 18 years Shan Jiaping accompanied his children to practice how to face setbacks every day. Every move is training the ability to solve problems and cultivate concentration, perseverance and decisiveness. He found that some parents don’t give their children a chance to make mistakes. The chess piece is intercepted in the air, and the child is eaten by a piece, and the mother is furious and accused her. There is even a father in the fourth stage who only asks the child to come to class and not let him practice chess with his classmates, because "I just teach him the right thing!" Shan Jiaping believes that Go is not just teaching the child the ability to play chess, but also updating the child’s understanding of setbacks and objectively understands his weaknesses from "overturning the chess game" (referring to re-placing the chess game once and reviewing each other’s methods).
Education Story 3
Jiaxun's mother, riding a bicycle, swimming, and climbing a mountain to practice bravery
Liu Jiaxun (right) When she was a child, she had panting and her emotions fluctuated greatly. Although she often went hiking with her mother's friends, she couldn't walk on the mountain. When she was frustrated, she would knock on the road with her hiking pole and cry. The mistress Shi Jiaxun proposed the idea of going to the United States to participate in the Star Wars Expo. His parents took the opportunity to help him book three tasks to complete before the exhibition: bicycle round the island, swimming across the Sun Moon Lake and climbing the Jade Mountain. That's right, he was only a mistress that year. Zhong Mingfang, a mother who could not ride a bicycle, gritted her teeth and learned. She had just been around the island with Jiaxun's brother (left). In order to complete the task with Jiaxun, she went around the island again.
Mother, who was originally poor in sports, accompanied Jiaxun to ride a bicycle, practice swimming in the deeper swimming pool, and climbing mountains everywhere. Later, she really completed the first two items, and the typhoon didn't go to the day of climbing Yushan. As the growth of three children, Zhong Mingfang found that she often feared that the child would be injured and kept helping to get vaccinated. The child complained that his classmates made him angry, so she hurriedly comforted him, "Don't think like this" and helped him block a lot of setbacks. "In fact, depriving them of their wings, and having more life experience and failure may be good." Jiaxun was in the first year of the National First National Day this year, and he had a lot of emotional stability, and he also developed a fixed exercise habit of swimming and tennis.
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