When discussing topic selection on Monday, he mentioned to the editor that there was a hot topic on the weekend still under discussion: Wu Xiubo incident and "Dafang Education". The editor's answer made people couldn't help but applaud his simple brain circuit: "Dafang Cult? Does it mean that there is a big house when going on a blind date?"
"Big House" certainly does not mean "big house", but "right wife" and "right wife". The believers of "big House Cult" refer to those who attack third parties from the standpoint of the wife. The trend of online lyrics has once again pushed this common phenomenon to the forefront of public opinion.
This discussion began with the Wu Xiubo incident, which was "drunk" due to the voice of screenwriter Liuliu .
screenshot from Liuliu’s Weibo.
Liuliu responded to netizens' comments under this Weibo post: "The two deserve to end up today..." "At that time, they were not clear about their views, and now they pretend to be pitiful. His daughter hurts her husband, even if it is over, right?" Since then, Liuliu also wrote an article to talk about the difference between "big breasts" and "miss". Simply put, the wife is sincerely for her husband, and the third party is money.
"Dafangshui" remarks are quite common in the contemporary marriage public opinion field in China - "missenger" does evil, and any evil consequences are borne by oneself; the interests of "master's wife" are inviolable, and fighting "missenger" is inherently legitimized. In the Wu Xiubo incident, it was even staged to the point where it ignored the law. The power relationship implicit in this popular discourse system is even more chilling, and it makes people want to ask, why are there still women who respect their "father's identity" today?
"big room"
Ancient Marriage and family system residue
Although monogamy has been implemented for many years, the term "first room" and "big room" is still common. Discourse is power, and the distribution of power behind the discourse of "big house" has an inseparable relationship with the ancient Chinese marriage and family system that brewed the word.
"History of Marriage in China", author: Wang Yanling , version: Shanghai People's Publishing House January 2001
According to Wang Yanling's "History of Marriage in China", the main forms of marriage in the era of Chinese matriarchal society were "mixed marriage" and " blood marriage ". "Miscellaneous marriage" is the most primitive form of marriage, that is, having sex at will without regard for blood relationships; "Blood marriage" means that brothers and sisters of the same generation can get married, but not between generations. Under the "Blood marriage" system, both men and women live a "polygamous" life.
Both forms of marriage can be found in myths and legends. "Desire the sky and conceive" reflects the miscellaneous marriage system; Fuxi and Nuwa are combined with brothers and sisters, reflecting the blood marriage system. The picture above is a picture of Fuxi and Nuwa, and the snake's tail symbolizes intercourse. Nuwa held the "rules" used to study the celestial calendar. One theory says that the establishment of early calendars is related to women's menstrual periods; Fuxi held the "rule" used to measure the land.
At the period when the matriarchal society gradually transitions to the patriarchal society, there is a marriage form of polygamy and polygamy, that is, "poly-couple". At this time, there are common situations where brothers share their wives and sisters share their husbands. Gradually, people discovered that long-term intermarriage within the clans made the offspring not healthy enough, so men needed to get their wives in other clans, and the way they obtained was to "grab" or "buy". There is usually only one wife obtained in this way, so there is a monogamous "dualization". The monogamy of "dualism" is completely without the equality of contemporary marriages. A woman is the property of her parents. After being "buyed" or "robbed" it is the property of her husband.
According to Wang Yanling's marriage history research, the budding and dualism of patriarchy emerge almost at the same time. The husband has wealth and needs a clear heir, so the wife must strictly observe chastity. The status of a husband is infinitely respected, as stated in "Yi Li": "The husband is the heaven of his son, and the husband is the heaven of his wife." In order to recognize the status of a husband, there is also a folk custom called "the family man system", that is, a woman will be driven out of the bed to work after giving birth, and the husband lies beside the baby pretending to be pregnant and accepts congratulations from his neighbors.
In the American drama "The Story of the Handmaid", when the handmaid, as a reproductive tool, the owner's wife will pretend to give birth at the same time. This production ceremony is similar to that of the production of the production.
In the slave society stage (Xia and Shang dynasties), polygamy was the privilege of a few slave owners.At this time, the shadow of matriarchal society had not been completely eliminated, and some women in the Shang Dynasty still had a high social status, such as female military strategists and wives. But after the establishment of the patriarchal system of the Zhou Dynasty, women completely lost the status they had in their matriarchal society. In order to stabilize the property inheritance system, marriages under the patriarchal system began to divide wives and concubines. Only the legitimate wife and son have the right to inherit. The status of the concubine is like a slave, and the family hierarchy order was formed. The requirements for women's chastity are gradually established.
The marriage customs of feudal society later evolved no matter how the status of women attached to men and their status gaps in wives and concubines had almost never changed. In ancient times, if a husband ignored the order of his wives and concubines, he would also violate the law. For example, the "Nine Laws of the Han Dynasty" stipulates that "disrupting the position of wives and concubines" is a crime. The Qing Dynasty law stipulates that "all those who regard their wives as concubines will be 100 sticks. If they are married and those who regard their wives as concubines will be 90 sticks and correct them."
So where does the division of "big house" and "second house" come from? This is related to the ancient architectural pattern. The "big house" is the wife who lives in it, and is mostly located on the east side of the mansion. "Two Houses" and "Three Houses" are concubines, but in the feudal period, the law would limit the number of concubines a man took. For example, in "Dream of Red Mansions", Jia Zheng , can only take two concubines according to status, so that the concubines can also have a distinction between status. "Second House" can be commensurate with "the sisters in the big house, and their status is slightly lower than that of the wife, such as marrying Jia Lian You Erjie ; the status of the aunt is much worse, such as Zhao 安六; the girl in the whole house has no title of concubine.
It can be seen that the historical background of the birth of words such as "big house" and "main wife" gives it a noble meaning. Under the marriage system of monogamous and multiple concubines, "big house" means orthodoxy, which means the power to control the concubine and housework. "big house" is also a defender of family stability and a symbol of order, which in turn strengthens the legitimacy of the status of "big house".
"Missary" and "scumbag"
The product of the failure of the modern marriage system?
" Knowing whether it should be green, fat, red, thin, " (2018) Stills.
In the recent popular TV series "Knowing whether it should be green, fat, red, thin, ", Yangzhou Tongzong Sheng Hong "popularizes concubines and destroys his wife" at home, allowing the concubines to take over the power of the housekeeper. This is very unlikely to happen in feudal society. In the context of ancient society, there is no such thing as "miss" and "scumbags". Some men are raising "outdoor rooms" (a woman who lives with men but has no status) outside, and will be considered a great humiliation by the family, but the status of the "outdoor rooms" is even lower than that of "concubines", and is not enough to compete with the "wife". "Wife" is not qualified to hold her husband "scum" accountable.
The so-called "third party" is the product of modern monogamy. It is generally believed that due to cultural influence, the probability of men cheating is higher than that of women, and the sayings of "miss three" and "scum boy" came into being. After the May Fourth Movement, the whole country advocated women's liberation and free love, and the Western marriage establishment system that broke through the traditional etiquette made some old people angry and said that "people's hearts are not the same." However, at that time, the concept of love, which was first in love, returned to the marriage of "equality" with the development of society. We need to helplessly admit that the family still has the production function first and emotional value followed. On the one hand, modern monogamy promoted the status of women, and on the other hand, it was also because it was more free. The system has planted the seeds for the instability of marriage.
If the feudal old man could live to this day, he might be so angry that he would be so angry that he would be glaring at the age of strict ethics, how could the "outdoor room" compete with his wife, or even drive away his wife to replace him? And under the modern marriage system everything has become possible. The "outdoor room" has a new name, the nicer one is called "lover", the averagely regular one is called "third party", and the ugly one is called "miss third party" and "second wife".
A popular view believes that the "third party" is the product of the failure of the modern marriage system. I remember when I was in college, I took a novel appreciation class, and the teacher said that you are all still young, so I still have fantasies about loyal love. However, when people reach middle age, cheating is a very normal desire.She cited Chekhov's short story " Woman with a puppy " as an example. Two ordinary people had an extramarital affair. Compared with the hypocritical society, their relationship is from the heart. The two of them experienced the taste of "love" for the first time, and were also worried about it -
They felt that their encounter seemed destined. They didn't understand why he had married a wife, and she had married a husband... They discussed for a long time and talked about how to get rid of this situation where they had to hide, deceive, separate, and could not meet for a long time. What should we do to liberate ourselves from this unbearable shackle?
"What should I do? What should I do?" he asked, hugging his head. "What should we do?"
"Missive: History, Myths and Interpretations of Female Third Party", author: Victoria Grefin, translator: Zhang Yan, version: China Friendship Publishing Company January 1, 2002
"Third Party" is a victim of the modern marriage system. The emergence of affair is because of problems in marriage - lack of communication and continuous quarrels, and lovers (and mostly mistresses) have become "scapegoats". This is the point that Victoria Grefin quoted in "Missive: History, Myths and Interpretations of Women's Third Parties". In the popular Japanese drama "Day Yan", which was a few years ago, we can also see traces of such views. Housewife Samoto Samoto and biology teacher Yuichiro Kitano were in an extramarital affair. Both of them had problems with their marriages. Later, the woman successfully divorced, and the man could not divorce because his wife was too strong... When I was watching the drama, I often saw similar messages on the Internet: "My views have been refreshed..." "Why am I moved by extramarital affair..."
In the Japanese drama "Dayside", Samoto Samoto and Kitano Yuichiro in "Hidden" in the Japanese drama "Hyuko" and Yuichiro Kitano.
However, supporters of the "third party original sin theory" insist on defending the stability of marriage, believing that works such as "Day Beauty" beautify extramarital affair and use "true love" to whitewash the love. They hate this value output of true love that ignores family ethics, and they hate to cover up their inner cowardice under the guise of pure love. Every role has no responsibility, neither the courage to divorce completely and be with your lover, nor the sense of responsibility to maintain family relationships and be responsible for your partner.
It is not difficult to see the contradiction between emotional freedom and stability in monogamous marriage. When problems arise, should we choose ourselves or responsibility. So rather than saying that the "third party" is the product of the "failure" of the modern marriage system, it is better to say that it is a witness to the "instability" of the free marriage system.
There are many reasons for unstable marriages. In addition to the demand for "love" mentioned above, there are many reasons that are bound to the word "interest". The latter is also the object of many film and television dramas, such as "The Temptation of Going Home" which has become the online emoji package material library today.
"The Temptation to Go Home" (2011) Stills. The male lead Hong Shixian is nicknamed "the freshest scumbag in history".
"Big Room" beats "Missive Three"
What is hidden behind the mentality of "the main room" as respected?
Under the discourse system of "Dafang Education", the products of the two marriage systems have had a positive impact: "Dafang" as a representative of the traditional order and a symbol of family stability, it launches an attack on the unstable factors born under the free marriage system representing the "third party". This attack also reflects the contradiction between freedom and stability within the modern marriage system.
It on the surface maintains the monogamy of modern marriage equality and safeguards the legitimate rights of the wife, but this is precisely the embodiment of the inequality between the wife and the husband.
If the status of both husband and wife is equal, then as the party at fault who destroys the marriage contract, the husband should be the direct responsible person. The wife should hold her accountable, rather than "calling to beat the mistress".Behind the words of "principal wife" and giving legitimate character to "miss" by any means is the result of the wife attaching her identity value to men - defending the position of "principal wife" and defending the husband who gives her "principal wife" is the wife's "natural duty"; no matter how "scam" the husband can only clean up at home, and cannot divorce and be cheap "miss"...
takes the identity of "principal wife" as the most respectful, and pursues the "miss". The female rights maintained by the "big house sect" style feminism are essentially given by men. Just like Zhen Huan's power is taking advantage of the emperor's power in "Knowing or Not Knowing or Not Knowing or Not" The concubine daughter tries her best to marry into a wealthy family and becomes the legitimate wife of the Earl's Mansion, and the status she gains is given by her husband... In these plays, women fight bravely and make every effort to make every move. If palace fighting dramas and home fighting dramas are restricted by history, showing the helplessness of women in society where men are superior to women and women are inferior; then in modern society where monogamy has long been realized, "palace fighting" and "home fighting" still staged dramas, and taking pride in achieving final victory and protecting husbands, does it mean that many people's spirits and thoughts still exist in ancient times?
When there is a problem with marriage, what the believers of the "Dafang Cult" reflect on is not the feelings themselves, but pointing the finger at the "third party" to maintain the stability of the marriage. This stability is a kind of hypocritical stability, a stability that is in harmony with one's appearance, and is at the expense of personal quality of life. There are too many examples of this in reality, such as "Cherish and cherish" couples.
corresponds to the attitude towards "miss three" and is the society's requirement for "big houses". "Big house" should have the style of "big house", be able to live in a house, retreat to mistresses, protect the husband, and maintain the dignity and dignity of the husband and wife when something happens to the husband.
"Detective" Author: (Italian) Alberto Moravia, translator: Shen Emei, Liu Xirong, version: Yilin Publishing House February 2014
Perhaps the existence of "Dafang Education" confirms the inextricable connection between the marriage system and the social and economic system. Women trap themselves in marriage, vent their anger by beating "miss three" but not fighting head-on with cheating men, and not facing their emotional difficulties directly. There is really too much helplessness - the responsibility of maintaining family stability and raising the next generation is on their shoulders. How can they leave as they wish? You can only settle for the second best, defeat the mistress and stabilize the marriage.
But contemporary women really have no other choice?
In the British drama "Doctor Foster", the heroine who discovered that her husband cheated on her also experienced a "fighting battle". She collected evidence, divided her property, and exposed everything in front of the parents of a third party. In the final scene of the first season, the heroine looks at her ex-husband and his newlywed wife and smiles relievedly; someone suddenly gets sick in the square, and the heroine, as a doctor, is busy going to treat her... The ending series of slow motion is not as good as many TV series, but it reflects a positive solution for modern women to face cheating - women's value has never been defined by men and can be obtained from the profession; the purpose of marriage is not to retain husbands and maintain stability.
. For those who hurt you, isn’t it a secondary harm to yourself after chasing you? Just like in the movie "The Lost Lover", the heroine directed and acted in a kidnapping case to punish the cheating male protagonist, and finally left her husband by her side, but she always lived a life of loving love in front of others and silent in private.
Stills from the American drama "Gone Girl 2014". The original Chinese translation of "The Lost Love" (Translator: Hu Fei; Version: CITIC Publishing House, June 2013).
Author: Rong Xiaosong; Editor: Xixi; Proofreader: Zhai Yongjun.
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