If my experience is not superficial
, it is because my relationship with the characters and events is deep enough
If my text is not pale
, it is because life itself is rich and heavy enough
My ups and downs
My hardships
My joy and sorrow
Understanding and confusion
Foundation and limit
Both of them are born from this
So
They are beyond literature
"Half a Life" by Xu Xiao. The inner cover of book introduces the author: a contemporary writer and publisher. Graduated from the Chinese Department of Beijing Normal University. He was formerly the deputy editor-in-chief of Guangming Daily Publishing House and is currently the chief cultural editor of Caixin Media.
Such an introduction does not help me better understand the content in the book. After reading a complete book, I would rather introduce the author like this: a tenacious woman who has experienced a special era, has been cultured, has loved and has been loved.
I still know this book in Liu Yu's book. Liu Yu made the preface. Judging from the current fame, Liu Yu seems to be even more famous, but the depth of their thoughts is completely different. One person's words are after-dinner desserts. When you are fine, you look at Lele, while the other person's words may not be able to empathize with it, but they will still be moved slowly and try to understand, from the perspective of being both women, from the perspective of being both mothers, and from the perspective of being both lovers.
The book begins with three prefaces. The first is Liu Yu's "After the Banquet Episode", with no outstanding comments. The second is Goltai's "The Victory of the Weak", which is very in-depth, and the last is the author's preface.
In the preface, Goltai said, "A book of meaning that is so sad and so beautiful." , "What I call sadness refers to a person's longing for the lost happiness. This so-called longing can be said to be a feeling of longing. In that era when lies and clichés are living conditions, telling the truth is the breath of the soul. As long as the soul is its own, it is alive and needs to breathe."
The author said in the preface, "As a person, as a woman, as a mother, when you are facing difficulties in any role, how do you argue the legitimacy of living? As a participant in history and a witness to tragedy, how can you maintain your inner pride and tranquility?"
The first article in the main text is "May forever".
The author's husband died in May of a certain year. After countless cruel tortures, he left without saying a word.
The author tries to piece together little by little in the text, from the initial acquaintance to the subsequent experiences, to the final separation.
After reading this article, I feel that this is the deepest realm that a woman can understand her husband as a lover. Because of her words, we know that her husband is a respectable person, a person worthy of admiration, and a person worthy of his efforts to keep.
He left her endless regrets.
She envied the tacit understanding between him and his friends without having to speak through them, was jealous of his quiet relationship with his friends, and longed for his brotherly care for his friends.
"But we unconsciously hid tolerance and imposed perfection on each other, and always tormented each other from the beginning. We are both in pain but stubborn."
People's attraction is very subtle.
"He talks little, which makes people feel unfathomable." It all started with the touch of his cold and thoughtful look on a girl in the moment he looked back by chance.
"Everyone said he was a good person. When you were in trouble, you were the first to think of him.He has the habit of focusing on the other person with concentration. He listens to you as you finish your words, but is not in a hurry to draw conclusions..."
"The contradiction between ideals and reality always bothers him, making him actually heavier and lonely, and often feel overwhelmed and exhausted. ”
“If you are injured, there is no other way, just lick the wound clean and then stand up as if nothing happened. "
He demands himself this way and his wife the same way. She never coaxes or persuades her when she cries.
She feels wronged and blames him, "A man who loves others but does not love his wife and children is hypocritical. ", but she persuaded herself, " I admit that hypocrisy does not belong to him, his way is always unique, I appreciate this uniqueness, but fun is fun, and once I really face it, I cannot transcend it. Like most women, I hope the man I love is strong, deep and gentle and submissive. ”.
From the place where we met, we knew that his physical condition was in poor condition, but this did not prevent the author from forgetting that as long as he had him, he would have everything.
"Our hut is never deserted, and people often come to each other. " There are always parties at home, and friends like him. " I am very willing to buy wine and cook, and I am used to managing such parties. At this time, I feel happy. Maybe it is because I have too shallow understanding of happiness and have too low requirements, or because I am ignorant, I think this is the true happiness of a woman. "
Happiness is always too short, and disease is quickly damaging his health, taking away his life bit by bit. After lying in the hospital bed for more than three years, he was awake and had no physical obstacles, but he was weak and extremely painful.
busy with work, busy taking care of his young son, busy taking care of him, financial pressure, and life pressure, she did not complain at all. "Breaking the front teeth and swallowing it into his stomach is his specialty, and letting everyone go away and stay alone is his specialty. I feel wronged for him. Just because he is strong, should all the disasters fall on him alone?"
In the end, he did not say the words she always wanted.
"No one is deeper than him, the beauty of speechlessness, profoundness and wonder. For a person who regards silence as gold, it is better to say nothing than to say anything. May, for a woman full of expectations, will not be just a regret, but an eternal bottomless abyss. ”
“If time can go back, I am willing to use my enthusiasm in my twenties and my rationality in my forties to re-understand and love him. Even if he is sick for a long time, I am willing to stay in this position, do what I should do, and do what I can do. "
How many regrets do people need to bear in life before they can be settled? If you live, there will definitely be a next time tomorrow, and there will be opportunities and ways to make up for it. Time cannot dilute everything. Once a person who once occupied your life, if he lost it, there is nothing to replace it, which can be made up for it.
He will cover your life forever...
Meeting each other, luck or misfortune? I think it is still lucky. It is so difficult for a person to meet someone who makes him love each other in his life.
Thinking of Duras's words, "Love is not a vegetable or a meal, not a skin, but an immortal desire, a heroic dream in a tired life. ”.
I thought of a classmate’s words to his wife, “The words are always shallow, but how can the deep love be clear? ”.
The author missed her husband in the first long article, with eight words, grievance and willingness, and finally summed up his marriage with three words, "No regrets".
The second article "How long can you love someone?" describes a man named Yifan. He is the only opposite sex who can make her relax like a little girl. He is the opposite sex who understands, understands, and supports her the most, and the opposite sex who has the greatest influence on her.
In her words, She is his work. but there is no love.
It’s great to be friends, but being lovers always feels that something is missing. Yifan was in poor health. He died less than a month after giving birth. She summarized Yifan's encounter with two words, "lucky".
Don’t regret is a summary of the marriage relationship with your husband. Lucky is a summary of the relationship between friends of the opposite sex who have had a profound influence on her.
The former corresponds to responsibility and dedication. The latter corresponds to enjoyment and gain.
The author himself also talks about his selfishness and domineeringness. A relationship that makes a person unable to understand is definitely not what he wants most. What you want is always consistent.
Someone spoiled you as a child, thinking about you in every detail, afraid that you will face too much by yourself, but hesitate. Someone makes you become an adult, and you fall and stand up by yourself, knowing that one day you need to face a lot of things alone, but you are dissatisfied but firm.
Just like many men, they have the so-called machismoism, and women also correspond to the plot of little girls. When two people want to get along with each other equally and well, men must have a certain aspect that women lack and worship.
However, in reality, more men's power is based on being unwilling to be enterprising and self-righteous, thinking that women can be ashamed of their eyebrows and eyes. If you really do your best, how can a woman not want to be a little girl?
Although love is one thing, marriage is another.
What I see and think the best couple still knows how to respect and appreciate each other. Paying too much attention to the love elements in marriage will only constantly put forward higher unrealistic requirements for the other party and even the marriage.
Respect seems simple, but it stumps most couples. This has high requirements for both parties' character and cultivation, and these are more derived from nature.
In "Dream of Red Mansions", "When facing the crystal snow of the high-ranking scholars in the mountains, they will never forget the lonely forest of the fairy girl outside the world." Even if they are in line with each other, they will be unable to calm down.
Seek the complete destruction, unexpected obstacles.
ps: It is not easy to code. If you need to reprint, please indicate the source. Reading notes for Fanghua 1982
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